New page wikitext, after the edit (new_wikitext ) | '{{Short description|1994 comedy film by Peter Farrelly}}
{{About|the film|the animated series based on the film|Dumb and Dumber (TV series)}}
{{Use American English|date = September 2019}}
{{Use mdy dates|date=September 2019}}
{{Infobox film
| name = Dumb and Dumber
| image = dumbanddumber.jpg
| alt =
| caption = Theatrical release poster, parodying ''[[Forrest Gump]]''
| director = [[Peter Farrelly]]
| producer = {{Plainlist|
* [[Charles B. Wessler]]
* [[Brad Krevoy]]
* Steve Stabler
}}
| writer = {{Plainlist|
* Peter Farrelly
* [[Bobby Farrelly]]
* Bennett Yellin
}}
| starring = {{plainlist|
* [[Jim Carrey]]
* [[Jeff Daniels]]
* [[Lauren Holly]]
* [[Karen Duffy]]
* [[Mike Starr (actor)|Mike Starr]]
* [[Charles Rocket]]
* [[Teri Garr]]
}}<!--per poster block-->
| music = [[Todd Rundgren]]
| cinematography = [[Mark Irwin]]
| editing = [[Christopher Greenbury]]
| production_companies = {{plainlist|
* Katja Motion Picture Corporation<ref name="AFI"/>
* Krevoy/Stabler/Wessler Production<ref name="BFI">{{cite web|title=Dumb & Dumber (1994)|url=http://www.bfi.org.uk/films-tv-people/4ce2b7dbad9aa|website=[[British Film Institute]]|access-date=May 24, 2018}}</ref>
}}
| distributor = [[New Line Cinema]]<ref name="AFI">{{cite web|title=Dumb and Dumber (1994)|url=https://catalog.afi.com/Catalog/MovieDetails/59791|website=[[American Film Institute]]|access-date=May 24, 2018}}</ref>
| released = {{Film date|1994|12|16}}
| runtime = 106 minutes<ref name="AFI"/>
| country = [[United States]]
| language = English
| budget = $17 million<ref>[http://powergrid.thewrap.com/project/dumb-and-dumber Box Office Information for ''Dumb and Dumber''.] ''[[The Wrap]]''. Retrieved April 4, 2013.</ref>
| gross = $247.3 million<ref name="mojo">{{mojo title|dumbanddumber}}</ref>
}}
'''''Dumb and Dumber''''' is a 1994 American [[comedy film]] directed by [[Peter Farrelly]],<ref name="AFI"/><ref name="BFI"/> who co-wrote the screenplay with [[Bobby Farrelly]] and Bennett Yellin. Starring [[Jim Carrey]] and [[Jeff Daniels]], it tells the story of Lloyd Christmas (Carrey) and Harry Dunne (Daniels), two dumb but well-meaning friends from [[Providence, Rhode Island]], who set out on a cross-country trip to [[Aspen, Colorado]], to return a briefcase full of money to its owner, thinking it was abandoned as a mistake though it was actually left as [[ransom]] money. [[Lauren Holly]], [[Karen Duffy]], [[Mike Starr (actor)|Mike Starr]], [[Charles Rocket]], and [[Teri Garr]] play supporting roles.
The film was released on December 16, 1994. It grossed $247 million at the box office and has developed a [[cult following]] in the years after its release.<ref name="mojo" /><ref name="cult"/> The success of ''Dumb and Dumber'' launched the career of the Farrelly brothers and solidified Carrey's reputation as one of the most prominent actors of the 1990s.<ref>{{cite web|title=Jim Carrey Biography |url=http://www.thebiographychannel.co.uk/biographies/jim-carrey.html |publisher=Bio |access-date=August 23, 2013 |url-status=dead |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20130927104329/http://www.thebiographychannel.co.uk/biographies/jim-carrey.html |archive-date=September 27, 2013 }}</ref> The film also spawned an [[Dumb and Dumber (TV series)|animated TV series]], a [[Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd|2003 prequel]], and a [[Dumb and Dumber To|2014 sequel]].
==Plot==
<!-- Per WP:FILMPLOT, the plot summary should be 400-700 words. -->
Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne, two kind but dimwitted men, are best friends and roommates living in [[Providence, Rhode Island]]. Lloyd, a chip-toothed limousine driver, immediately falls in love when he meets Mary Swanson, a woman he is driving to the airport. She leaves a briefcase in the terminal. Lloyd retrieves the case and hopes to return it to her, unaware that it contains ransom money for her kidnapped husband, Bobby, and that she was supposed to leave it for her husband's captors, Joe "Mental" Mentalino and J. P. Shay. Her [[Aspen, Colorado|Aspen]]-bound plane has already departed, leading to Lloyd running through and falling out of the [[jetway]].
Fired from his job, Lloyd returns to his apartment and learns that Harry has also been fired from his dog-grooming job after delivering dogs late to a show and accidentally getting them dirty. Mental and Shay follow Lloyd home from the airport in pursuit of the briefcase. Mistaking the crooks for debt collectors, the duo flee the apartment and return later to find that Mental and Shay have ransacked the apartment and decapitated Harry's [[parakeet]]. Lloyd suggests they head to Aspen to find Mary and return the briefcase, hoping she can "plug them into the social pipeline". At first, Harry opposes the idea, but he eventually agrees and the duo leaves the next day.
Mental and Shay catch up to the duo at a motel that night. Posing as a hitchhiker, Mental is picked up by Harry and Lloyd while Shay secretly follows them. During a lunch stop, the duo prank Mental with [[chili pepper]]s in his burger, unaware that he has an [[ulcer]]. When Mental reacts adversely, they accidentally kill him with rat poison pills (which he planned to use on them) after mistaking it for his medication. Nearing Colorado, Lloyd takes a wrong turn while trying to stop Harry's snoring by plugging his nose at the fork between Aspen and [[Nebraska]] and ends up driving all night through Nebraska. Meanwhile, the police are waiting on the road to Colorado for them to show up, after finding out about Mental's death. Upon waking up and realizing Lloyd's mishap, Harry gives up on the journey and decides to walk home, but Lloyd later persuades him to continue after trading the van for a [[minibike]].
The two arrive in Aspen, but are unable to locate Mary. After a short scuffle over some gloves that night, the briefcase breaks open and they discover the money; they spend it on a hotel suite, clothes, and a car. They learn that Mary and her family are hosting a gala and prepare to attend. At the gala, Harry, attempting to lure Mary over to Lloyd, reluctantly agrees to go skiing with her the next day and lies to Lloyd that he got him a date. The next day, Lloyd finds out Harry lied to him after waiting all day for Mary at the hotel bar.
In retaliation, Lloyd pranks Harry by serving him a coffee laced with a potent dose of [[laxative]], causing Harry to spontaneously defecate in a broken toilet at Mary's house. Lloyd arrives at Mary's house and informs her that he has her briefcase. He takes her to the hotel, shows her the briefcase, and confesses his love after some initial struggle; she rejects him, as she is already married. Nicholas Andre, an old friend of the Swansons and the mastermind behind Bobby's kidnapping, arrives with Shay and, upon learning that Harry and Lloyd had spent all of the ransom money and replaced it with [[IOU]]s, takes Lloyd and Mary hostage, as well as Harry when he returns. An argument leads Nicholas to shoot Harry. Before Nicholas can kill them, an [[Federal Bureau of Investigation|FBI]] team led by Beth Jordan (whom Harry met earlier at a gas station and Lloyd met earlier at the bar) raids the suite and arrests him and Shay. Harry is revealed to be alive thanks to a bulletproof vest that was strapped on him earlier. Mary and Bobby are reunited.
The next day, Harry and Lloyd are seen walking home on foot because all their purchases were confiscated and their minibike has broken down. The two unintentionally decline the chance to be oil boys for a group of bikini girls, after which Harry tells Lloyd that they will get their "break" one day. Harry and Lloyd then play a friendly game of [[Tag (game)|tag]] as they walk back to Rhode Island.
==Cast==
{{div col begin}}
* [[Jim Carrey]] as Lloyd Christmas: A chip-toothed slacker who has been fired from several jobs. He has a crush on Mary Swanson, unaware that she is already married.
* [[Jeff Daniels]] as Harry Dunne: Lloyd's best friend and roommate. He has a crush on Mary too, but is also unaware that Mary has a husband.
* [[Lauren Holly]] as Mary Swanson: A wealthy but troubled heiress whose husband Bobby has been kidnapped. She was Harry and Lloyd's crush and both of them were unaware she was married.
* [[Karen Duffy]] as J.P. Shay: A henchwoman of Nicholas Andre.
* [[Mike Starr (actor)|Mike Starr]] as Joe "Mental" Mentalino: A henchman for Nicholas Andre. He has a [[Peptic ulcer disease|stomach ulcer]] and regularly takes medication for it.
* [[Charles Rocket]] as Nicholas Andre: A greedy, wealthy resident of [[Aspen, Colorado]] and the mastermind behind Bobby's kidnapping.
* [[Teri Garr]] as Helen Swanson: Mary's stepmother.
* [[Victoria Rowell]] as Beth Jordan (credited as "Athletic Beauty"): An FBI agent masquerading as a talkative young woman moving to [[Aspen, Colorado|Aspen]] to get away from her boyfriend.
* [[Cam Neely]] as Sea Bass: A hot-tempered [[trucker]] who gets into frequent confrontations with Lloyd and Harry on their way to Aspen. Their first encounter was at a [[Pennsylvania]] [[diner]].
* Joe Baker as Barnard
* [[Harland Williams]] as the [[Police officer|motorcycle police officer]]
* Brad Lockerman as Bobby Swanson: Mary's kidnapped husband
* [[Lin Shaye]] as Mrs. Margie Neugeboren (referred to by Harry as "Mrs. Noogieburger"): A dog owner and client of Harry's.
* Hank Brandt as Karl Swanson: Mary's father
* [[Felton Perry]] as Detective Dale
* [[Brady Bluhm]] as Billy: a blind and young boy who uses a wheelchair, to whom Lloyd sold some of his and Harry's belongings, including Harry's decapitated parakeet. He appears on ''[[A Current Affair (American TV program)|A Current Affair]]'' when Harry and Lloyd arrive in Aspen.
* [[Connie Sawyer]] as elderly lady
{{div col end}}
==Production==
The Farrelly Brothers had been trying for years to get their first movie made. Director Peter Farrelly's agent encouraged him to make a movie himself, alongside his brother Bobby.
The Farrelly Brothers didn't know who [[Jim Carrey]] was; they were only told that he was "The White Guy" on ''[[In Living Color]]''. Only after a screening of Carrey's first major acting role, ''[[Ace Ventura: Pet Detective]]'', did they realize they had struck gold. Based on the box-office success of Ace Ventura, Carrey was able to negotiate a salary of $7 million for this film.<ref name=Cameron-Wilson146>{{Cite book|last1=Cameron-Wilson|first1=James|last2=Speed|first2=F. Maurice|title=Film Review 1994-5|year=1994|publisher=Virgin Books|location=Great Britain|isbn=0-86369-842-5|page=146}}</ref>
[[Nicolas Cage]], who was proposed to be Carrey's co-star, tried to negotiate a $2 million increase in his fee but New Line decided against casting him and signed [[Jeff Daniels]] instead.<ref>{{cite magazine|magazine=[[Variety (magazine)|Variety]]|date=May 15, 1994|page=6|title=Cagey over budget}}</ref> Daniels was only paid around $50,000. [[New Line Cinema]] originally did not want Daniels in the film, as he was known only for his dramatic work at the time. However, the Farrellys and Carrey wanted Daniels for the part. Although New Line agreed to their demands, Daniels was offered the low salary in the hopes it would discourage him from signing on to the film. Daniels ultimately accepted the role, despite his agent reportedly dissuading him out of fears it would kill his career.<ref name="Triva">{{cite web |title=Jim Carrey Was Paid 140 Times More Than Jeff Daniels For Original 'Dumb And Dumber'|publisher=Business Insider |url=http://www.businessinsider.com/dumb-and-dumber-jim-carrey-jeff-daniels-paycheck-2014-11}}</ref>
[[Steve Martin]] and [[Martin Short]] both turned down the role of Lloyd.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.ew.com/article/2006/01/06/new-dumb-and-dumber-dvd-improvement|title=Is the new ''Dumb and Dumber'' DVD an improvement?|last=Katz|first=Paul|work=[[Entertainment Weekly]]|date=January 6, 2006|access-date=August 28, 2015}}</ref> According to [[Splitsider]], [[Gary Oldman]] and Cage were the original choices for Lloyd and Harry.<ref name=splitsider>{{cite web|last=Evans|first=Bradford|title=The Lost Roles of Dumb & Dumber|date=June 23, 2011|publisher=[[Splitsider]]|url=http://splitsider.com/2011/06/the-lost-roles-of-dumb-dumber/|access-date=September 21, 2016}}</ref> [[Chris Elliott]] and [[Rob Lowe]] were both also considered for the role of Harry.<ref name=splitsider/>
Carrey's chipped tooth is genuine, resulting from a fight with a classmate in his childhood, but he had since had it [[crown (dentistry)|capped]]. He simply had the crown temporarily removed from that tooth to portray Lloyd.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.ew.com/article/1995/02/03/jim-carreys-fake-tooth|title=Jim Carrey's fake tooth|last=Meyers|first=Kate|work=[[Entertainment Weekly]]|date=February 3, 1995|access-date=August 28, 2015}}</ref>
===Location===
Scenes taking place in Aspen were filmed in [[Breckenridge, Colorado]] and [[Park City, Utah]]. [[The Stanley Hotel]] in [[Estes Park, Colorado]] was transformed into the "Danbury Hotel" for the filming of the movie. The "Danbury Hotel" bar scene and staircase shot were the shots filmed there. The scenes filmed in the snow were shot at [[Copper Mountain (Colorado)|Copper Mountain Resort]], Colorado.<ref>[http://www.adventure-journal.com/2013/04/the-list-10-mountains-misrepresented-in-movies/ Adventure-Journal] {{webarchive|url=https://web.archive.org/web/20140902232347/http://www.adventure-journal.com/2013/04/the-list-10-mountains-misrepresented-in-movies/ |date=September 2, 2014 }}, Adventure-Journal 10 Mountains Misrepresented in Movies</ref>
Some of the external street scenes were filmed in [[Salt Lake City]], and the airport scene was filmed at [[Salt Lake City International Airport]].<ref>{{cite news|url=http://www.cityweekly.net/TheDailyFeed/archives/2014/11/12/when-utah-was-dumber-take-a-tour-of-utahs-most-iconic-dumb-and-dumber-shot-locations|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20141115160840/http://www.cityweekly.net/TheDailyFeed/archives/2014/11/12/when-utah-was-dumber-take-a-tour-of-utahs-most-iconic-dumb-and-dumber-shot-locations|url-status=dead|archive-date=November 15, 2014|title=When Utah Was Dumber: Take a tour of Utah's most iconic Dumb & Dumber shot locations|last=Wolf|first=Colin|work=[[Salt Lake City Weekly]]|date=November 12, 2014|access-date=April 12, 2016}}</ref>
Some scenes from the beginning of the film were shot on location in the [[Providence, Rhode Island]], metropolitan area, including shots of the skyline and [[The Big Blue Bug]]; scenes from the beginning of their road trip were shot in locations in [[Cumberland, Rhode Island]].<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.hot1063.com/2015/07/14/10-movies-you-might-not-know-were-filmed-in-rhode-island/|title=10 Movies You Might Not Know Were Filmed In Rhode Island|last=Zarrella|first=Mia|work=[[WWKX]]|date=July 14, 2015|access-date=April 12, 2016}}</ref>{{Better source needed|reason=This may have been copied from Wikipedia|date=April 2016}}
Parts of the film were also shot in [[Ogden, Utah]] and [[American Fork Canyon]].<ref>{{cite book|last1=D'Arc|first1=James V.|title=When Hollywood came to town: a history of moviemaking in Utah|date=2010|publisher=Gibbs Smith|location=Layton, Utah|isbn=9781423605874|edition=1st}}</ref>
==Soundtrack==
{{Infobox album
| name = Dumb and Dumber: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
| type = soundtrack
| artist = Various Artists
| cover =
| alt =
| released = November 22, 1994
| recorded =
| venue =
| studio =
| genre = [[Soundtrack]]
| length = 46:51
| label = [[RCA Records]]
| producer = Various Artists
| prev_title =
| prev_year =
| next_title =
| next_year =
| misc = {{Singles
| name = Dumb and Dumber: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
| type = soundtrack
| single1 = [[New Age Girl]]
| single1date = June 6, 1994
| single2 = [[The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead#Crash Test Dummies version|The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead]]
| single2date = January 1995
}}
}}
The original soundtrack to the film was released by [[RCA Records]] on November 22, 1994.<ref>Playlist as listed on the Compact Disc — retrieved on 8/12/13</ref> The soundtrack album's first single, "[[New Age Girl]]" by [[Deadeye Dick (band)|Deadeye Dick]], was a chart hit, reaching number 27 in the US, while the music video for the [[Crash Test Dummies]]' version of "[[The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead#Crash Test Dummies version|The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead]]" featured Jeff Daniels reprising his role of Harry.<ref name="vice d&d">{{cite web |last1=Matthews |first1=Cameron |title=That John Denver Was Full of Shit: A Definitive Guide to the 'Dumb and Dumber' Soundtrack |url=https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/rpzpbr/that-john-denver-was-full-of-shit-a-definitive-guide-to-the-dumb-and-dumber-soundtrack-1 |website=Vice |access-date=10 December 2019}}</ref>
The soundtrack album has generally seen positive reception from critics. Joe Bishop of ''[[Vice (magazine)|Vice]]'' named the album his favorite movie soundtrack, while the same site's Cameron Matthews described it as "a perfect slice of the mid-'90s sound: bubbly pop rock with jangly chords and just enough grit, or aka the thing you can give your kids when they one day ask you what the '90s were like."<ref name="vice d&d" /><ref name="vice d&d bishop">{{cite web |last1=Bishop |first1=Jeff |title=My Favorite Movie Soundtrack: 'Dumb And Dumber' |url=https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/rqazmr/dumb-and-dumber |website=Vice |access-date=10 December 2019}}</ref>
Though not present on the soundtrack, the film famously features Carrey and Daniels singing an [[a cappella]] version of "[[Mockingbird (Inez & Charlie Foxx song)|Mockingbird]]" to Mike Starr's character.<ref name="vice d&d" /> Also missing on the soundtrack is [[Apache Indian]]'s "[[Boom Shack-A-Lak]]," which accompanies the film's opening sequence, as well as several other songs appearing in the film.
[[Beck]] had been approached about including his song "[[Loser (Beck song)|Loser]]" on the soundtrack, but he refused. He recalled the process: "I remember getting a phone call one day. My manager said, 'There's a film. They want to use 'Loser' as the theme song.' There was a long pause, and he said, 'The name of the film is ''Dumb And Dumber''.' And I just remember: That sums up what the world thinks of me at this point. I tried to have fun with it, tried to not take it too serious. But at the same time, it was a little disheartening sometimes."<ref name="beck dumb and dumber">{{cite web |last1=Breihan |first1=Tom |title=Beck Discusses Failing To Get Aphex Twin To Produce Him In The '90s And Denying Dumb And Dumber "Loser" For Its Theme Song |url=https://www.stereogum.com/2065648/beck-discusses-failing-to-get-aphex-twin-to-produce-him-in-the-90s-and-denying-dumb-and-dumber-loser-for-its-theme-song/news/ |website=Stereogum |access-date=10 December 2019}}</ref>
==Reception==
===Critical response===
[[Rotten Tomatoes]], a review aggregator, reports that 68% of 53 surveyed critics gave the film a positive review; the average rating is 6.11/10. The site's consensus reads: "A relentlessly stupid comedy elevated by its main actors: Jim Carrey goes bonkers and Jeff Daniels carries himself admirably in an [[Against type|against-type]] performance."<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/dumb_and_dumber/ |title=Dumb and Dumber |website= [[Rotten Tomatoes]] |access-date=November 24, 2020}}</ref> On [[Metacritic]], which assigns a rating out of 100 to reviews from film critics, it has a score of 41 based on reviews from 14 critics, which indicates "mixed or average reviews".<ref>{{cite web|url= https://www.metacritic.com/movie/dumb-and-dumber |title=Critic Reviews for Dumb & Dumber |website= [[Metacritic]] |access-date= September 17, 2015 }}</ref> Audiences polled by [[CinemaScore]] gave the film an average grade of "B" on an A+ to F scale.<ref>{{Cite web|date=2018-12-20|title=Cinemascore :: Movie Title Search|url=https://www.cinemascore.com/publicsearch/index/title/|access-date=2020-07-28|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20181220122629/https://www.cinemascore.com/publicsearch/index/title/|archive-date=December 20, 2018}}</ref>
[[Roger Ebert]] gave the film two of four stars for the hit or miss comedic elements, but praised the performances of Carrey and Daniels, dubbing the former a "true original", and writing that the dead parakeet joke "made me laugh so loudly I embarrassed myself. I just couldn't stop."<ref>{{cite news| url=http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/19941216/REVIEWS/412160301/1023 | work=[[Chicago Sun-Times]] | title=Dumb And Dumber}}</ref> Stephen Holden of ''[[The New York Times]]'' called Carrey "the new [[Jerry Lewis]]",<ref>{{cite news|url=https://movies.nytimes.com/movie/review?_r=1&res=9C04E0D81438F935A25751C1A962958260&oref=slogin |archive-url=https://archive.today/20120711202252/http://movies.nytimes.com/movie/review?_r=1&res=9C04E0D81438F935A25751C1A962958260&oref=slogin |url-status=dead |archive-date=July 11, 2012 |work=[[The New York Times]] |first=Stephen |last=Holden |title=FILM REVIEW; Traveling on Half a Tank |date=December 16, 1994 }}</ref> and Peter Stack of the ''[[San Francisco Chronicle]]'' called it "riotous", "rib-splitting", and gave the film praise for being both a crude and slapstick comedy and a "smart comedy" at the same time.<ref>{{cite news| url=http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/1995/06/23/DD47140.DTL | work=[[San Francisco Chronicle]] | title=FILM REVIEW -- 'Dumb and Dumber' a Smart Comedy With Lowbrow Laughs | date=June 23, 1995}}</ref> Carrey was nominated for a [[Razzie Award]] for "Worst New Star".<ref>{{cite web|url=http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/movies/a30698/defending-dumb-and-dumber/|title=In Defense of the Stupid Brilliance of Dumb and Dumber|last=Reed|first=Ryan|work=[[Esquire (magazine)|Esquire]]|date=November 3, 2014|access-date=September 17, 2015}}</ref>
It has since become a [[cult film]].<ref name="cult">{{cite web|url=https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/movies/2014/11/16/dumb-and-dumber-box-office-winner/19131651/|title='Dumb and Dumber To' is top of box office class|last=Alexander|first=Brian|date=November 16, 2014|work=[[USA Today]]|access-date=August 28, 2015}}</ref>
=== Year-end lists ===
* 7th – David Stupich, ''[[The Milwaukee Journal]]''<ref>{{cite newspaper|last=Stupich|first=David|date=January 19, 1995|title=Even with gore, 'Pulp Fiction' was film experience of the year|newspaper=The Milwaukee Journal|page=3}}</ref>
* Worst films (not ranked) – Jeff Simon, ''[[The Buffalo News]]''<ref>{{cite web|last=Simon|first=Jeff|date=January 1, 1995|url=https://buffalonews.com/news/movies-once-more-with-feeling/article_b73e9a1a-9f60-5d7a-a05c-289243ba0483.html|title=Movies: Once More, with Feeling|work=[[The Buffalo News]]|access-date=July 19, 2020}}</ref>
* 2nd worst – Sean P. Means, ''[[The Salt Lake Tribune]]''<ref>{{cite newspaper|last=P. Means|first=Sean|date=January 1, 1995|title='Pulp and Circumstance' After the Rise of Quentin Tarantino, Hollywood Would Never Be the Same|newspaper=The Salt Lake Tribune|page=E1|edition=Final}}</ref>
* Top 10 worst (listed alphabetically, not ranked) – Mike Mayo, ''[[The Roanoke Times]]''<ref>{{cite newspaper|last=Mayo|first=Mike|date=December 30, 1994|title=The Hits and Misses at the Movies in '94|newspaper=The Roanoke Times|page=1|edition=Metro}}</ref>
* Dishonorable mention – Dan Craft, ''[[The Pantagraph]]''<ref>{{cite newspaper|last=Craft|first=Dan|date=December 30, 1994 |title=Success, Failure and a Lot of In-between; Movies '94|newspaper=[[The Pantagraph]]|page=B1}}</ref>
===Awards===
{{Anchor|Awards|Accolades}}
Although the film did not secure any major American film awards, it was successful at the [[1995 MTV Movie Awards]]. Carrey won for Best Comic Performance, Carrey and Holly (a couple who would later endure a short-lived marriage) won for Best Kiss, and Carrey and Daniels were nominated for Best On-Screen Duo.
In 2000, readers of ''[[Total Film]]'' magazine voted ''Dumb and Dumber'' the fifth greatest comedy film of all time.{{Citation needed|date=March 2011}}
The film ranks 445th on ''[[Empire Magazine]]''{{'}}s 2008 list of the 500 greatest movies of all time.<ref>{{cite web|url=https://www.empireonline.com/500/11.asp |title=Empire Features |publisher=Empireonline.com |access-date=August 27, 2011}}</ref>
===Box office===
The film opened at No. 1 in its opening weekend earning $16.4 million.<ref>{{cite web | url = https://deadline.com/2014/11/dumb-and-dumber-to-box-office-jim-carrey-jeff-daniels-1201283555/ | title = Can 'Dumb And Dumber To' Outwit Holdovers?: Box Office Preview | author = Scott Bowles | publisher = Deadline.com | date = November 13, 2014 | access-date = November 14, 2014}}</ref> It went on to gross $127,175,374 in the United States, and $247,275,374 worldwide, and topping the holiday season film gross.<ref>{{cite news| url=https://www.nytimes.com/1995/01/03/movies/dumb-and-dumber-tops-holiday-film-grosses.html | work=The New York Times | title='Dumb and Dumber' Tops Holiday Film Grosses | first=Bernard | last=Weinraub | date=January 3, 1995 | access-date=May 1, 2010}}</ref>
==Legacy==
{{Anchor|Sequels}}
===Animated series===
{{main|Dumb and Dumber (TV series)}}
In 1995, a [[Hanna-Barbera]]-produced animated series aired on [[American Broadcasting Company|ABC]], as part of its Saturday morning cartoon lineup; [[Matt Frewer]] provided the voice of Lloyd, while [[Bill Fagerbakke]] voiced Harry. In the cartoon, Harry and Lloyd have reacquired their van, now named "Otto". The cartoon also features a new character, Kitty, a female pet purple beaver who appears to be smarter than both men. The animated series was written by Bennett Yellin, co-writer of the film. The show was short-lived and was shelved after one season.{{citation needed|date=April 2012}}
===Prequel===
{{main|Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd}}
In 2003, a [[prequel]] was theatrically released, entitled ''[[Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd]]''. The film featured a cast and crew different from the previous film, and the Farrelly brothers had no involvement in the film's production. It was panned by critics, receiving a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>{{cite web|title=Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)|url= https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/dumb_and_dumberer_when_harry_met_lloyd/|website= [[Rotten Tomatoes]] |access-date=October 25, 2013}}</ref> It grossed approximately $39.2 million worldwide against a $19 million budget, as opposed to the original film's far greater $247 million worldwide gross against a $17 million budget.<ref>{{cite web|title=Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd|url=https://boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=dumbanddumberer.htm|publisher=Box Office Mojo|access-date=October 25, 2013}}</ref>
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This is the transcript for the 2001 film, Shrek.
Transcript
Shrek: "Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from the dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss." [Laughing] Like that's ever gonna happen.
[Paper Rustling, Toilet Flushes]
Shrek: What a load of--
[Toilet Door slams]
Shrek hops out his outhouse and his routine like taking a mud shower and farting in his pool.
[♪ All-Star By Smash Mouth Playing]
Steve Harwell: ♪ Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead. The years start comin', and they don't stop comin', fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin', didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with takin' the backstreets. You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder, you're bundled up now, but wait till you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ judging by the hole in the satellite picture. The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin, the water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire, how 'bout yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. Hey, now, you're an all-star. ♪
[Shouting]
Steve Harwell: ♪ Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪
[Belches]
Villagers: Go! Go!
[Record Scrating]
Steve Harwell: ♪ Go. Go. Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪
Villagers: Think it's in there? All right! Let's get it!
Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing could do to you?
Villager 2: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.
Shrek: [Laughs] Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres-- they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
Villager 3: No!
Shrek: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.
Villager 3: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
[Gasping]
Villager 3: Right.
[Roaring]
[Shouting]
[Roaring]
[Roaring Continues]
[Shouting Continues]
Shrek: [Whispers] This is the part where you run away.
[Gasping]
Shrek: [Laughs] [Laughing] And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." [Sighs]
Guard 1: All right. This one's full. Take it away!
[Gasps]
Guard 2: Move it along. Come on. Get up!
Captain of the Guards: Next!
Guard 3: Give me that! Your flying days are over.
Captain of the Guards: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next.
Guard 4: Get up!
Captain of the Guards: Twenty pieces.
Guard 5: Come on!
[Thudding]
Guard 6: Sit down there! Keep quiet!
Bear: [Crying] This cage is too small.
Donkey: Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
Old Lady: Oh, shut up!
Donkey: Oh!
Captain of the Guards: Next! What have you got?
Geppetto: This little wooden puppet.
Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
Captain of the Guards: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
Pinocchio: Father, please! Don't let them do this!
Captain of the Guards: Next.
Pinocchio: Help me!
Captain of the Guards: What have you got?
Old Lady: Well, I've got a talking donkey.
[Grunts]
Captain of the Guards: Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
Old Lady: Oh, go ahead, little fella.
Captain of the Guards: Well?
Old Lady: Oh, oh, he's just-- He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt--
Captain of the Guards: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
Old Lady: No, no, he talks! He does. [Moves Donkey’s lips] I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.
Captain of the Guards: Get her out of my sight.
Old Lady: No, no! I swear. Oh! He can talk!
Donkey: [Gasps] Hey, I can fly!
Peter Pan: He can fly!
Pigs: He can fly!
Captain of the Guards: He can talk!
Donkey: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking, donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Uh-oh.
Captain of the Guards: Seize him!
Guard 7: After him! He's getting away!
[Grunts, Gasps]
Guard 8: Get him! This way! Turn!
Captain of the Guards: You there. Ogre!
Shrek: Aye?
Captain of the Guards: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest, and transport you to a designated, resettlement facility.
Shrek: Oh, really? You and what army?
[Gasps, Whimpering]
Donkey: [Chuckles] Can I say somethin' to you? Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible!
Shrek: Are you talkin' to-- me? Whoa!
Donkey: Yes, I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you was great back there? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, then bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babies in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.
Shrek: Oh, that's great. Really.
Donkey: Man, it's good to be free.
Shrek: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
Donkey: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.
[Roaring]
Donkey: Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time-- [Mumbling] Then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day.
Shrek: Why are you following me?
Donkey: I'll tell you why. ♪ 'Cause I'm all alone. There's no one here beside me. My problems have all gone, there's no one to deride me. But you gotta have friends-- ♪
Shrek: Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.
Donkey: Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.
Shrek: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?
Donkey: Uh-- Really tall?
Shrek: No! I'm an ogre. You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you?
Donkey: Nope.
Shrek: Really?
Donkey: Really, really.
Shrek: Oh.
Donkey: Man, I like you. What's your name?
Shrek: Uh, Shrek.
Donkey: Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that?
Shrek: That would be my home.
Donkey: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
Shrek: I like my privacy.
Donkey: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. You know? Can I stay with you?
Shrek: Uh, what?
Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please?
Shrek: Of course!
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But, that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
Shrek: Okay! Okay! But one night only.
Donkey: Ah! Thank you!
Shrek: What are you-- No. No.
Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles.
Shrek: Oh!
Donkey: Where do, uh, I sleep?
Shrek: Outside!
Donkey: Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, I guess outside is best. [Sniffles] Here I go. Good night. [Sighs] I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself. Outside, I guess. You know. By myself. Outside. ♪ I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. ♪
[Bubbling]
[Sighs]
[Creaking]
Shrek: [Sighs] I thought I told you to stay outside?
Donkey: I am outside.
[Clattering]
[Clattering]
Mouse 1: Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?
Mouse 2: It's not home, but it'll do just fine.
Gorder: What a lovely bed.
Shrek: Got ya.
Gorder: [Sniffs] I found some cheese.
Shrek: Ow! [Grunts]
Gorder: Blah! Awful stuff.
Mouse 1: Is that you, Gorder?
Gorder: How did you know?
Shrek: Enough! What are you doing in my house? [Grunts] Hey!
[Snickers]
Shrek: Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.
Dwarf: Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.
Shrek: Huh? [Gasps]
Wolf: What?
Shrek: I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?
Wolf: Aah!
Shrek: Oh, no. No! No! Oh, no.
[Cackling]
[Cackling Continues]
Shrek: What?
Girl: Quit it. Don't push.
[Squeaking]
[Lows]
Shrek: What are you doing in my swamp? [Echoing] Swamp? Swamp? Swamp?
[Gasping]
Fairies: Oh, dear!
Dwarf: Whoa!
Shrek: All right, get out of here. All of you, move it. Come on. Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!
Dwarf: Quickly. Come on!
Shrek: No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.
Dwarf: Oh!
[Sighs]
Donkey: Hey, don’t look at me. I didn't invite them.
Pinocchio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
Shrek: What?
Pinocchio: We were forced to come here.
Shrek: By who?
Pig: Lord Farquaad. He huffed und he puffed und he... singed an eviction notice.
Shrek: [Sighs] All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is.
[Murmuring]
Donkey: Oh, I do. I know where he is.
Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?
Donkey: Me! Me!
Shrek: Anyone?
Donkey: Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!
Shrek: Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, and get you all off my land and back where you came from!
[Cheering]
[Twittering]
[Cheering Continues]
Shrek: Oh! You! You're comin' with me.
Donkey: All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! ♪ On the road again. ♪ Sing it with me, Shrek.
Dwarf: Hey. Oh, oh!
Donkey: ♪ I can't wait to get in the road again. ♪
Shrek: What did I say about singing?
Donkey: Can I whistle?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Can I hum it?
Shrek: All right, hum it.
♪♪ [Humming]
[Gurgling]
[Coughing]
Farquaad: That's enough! He's ready to talk.
[Coughing]
Farquaad: [Laughing] [Clears Throat] Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!
Gingy: You're a monster.
Farquaad: I'm not the monster here, you are! You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me, where are the others!?
Gingy: Eat me!
[Spits]
Farquaad: I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I'll--
Gingy: No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!
Farquaad: All right, then. Who's hiding them?
Gingy: Okay. I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingy: The muffin man.
Farquaad: Yes. I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?
Gingy: Well, she's married to the muffin man.
Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingy: The muffin man!
Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man.
[Door Opens]
Captain of the Guards: My lord! We found it.
Farquaad: Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
[Man Grunting]
[Gasping]
Gingy: Oh!
Farquaad: Magic Mirror.
Gingy: Don't tell him anything! No!
Farquaad: Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of all?
Mirror: Well, technically you're not a king.
Farquaad: Uh, Thelonius. You were saying?
Mirror: What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.
Farquaad: Go on.
Mirror: [Chuckles] So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! And last, but certainly not the least, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead, from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But, don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! So will it be, bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?
Guards: Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!
Farquaad: Three? One? [Shudders] Three?
Thelonius: Three! Pick number three, my lord!
Farquaad: Okay, okay, uh, number three!
Mirror: Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.
[♪ Escape By Rupert Holmes Playing]
Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you like piña coladas. And getting caught in the rain. ♪
Farquaad: Princess Fiona.
Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you're not into yoga. ♪
Farquaad: She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go--
Mirror: But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.
Farquaad: I'll do it.
Mirror: Yes, but after sunset.
Farquaad: Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.
Donkey: But that's it. That's it right there. That's Duloc. I told ya I'd find it.
Shrek: So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
Donkey: Uh-huh. That's the place.
Shrek: Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? [Laughs]
Donkey: [Groans] Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
Man: Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
Shrek: Hey, you!
[Screams]
Shrek: Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. I just-- I just--
[Whimpering]
[Sighs]
[Whimpering, Groans]
[Turnstile Clatters]
[Chuckles]
[Sighs]
♪♪ [Instrumental Music]
Shrek: It's quiet. Too quiet.
[Creaking]
Shrek: Where is everybody?
Donkey: Hey, look at this!
[Clattering, Whirring, Clicking]
[Clicking]
[Clicking Quickens]
Clockwork Chorus: ♪ Welcome to Duloc such a perfect town. Here was have some rules, let us lay them down. Don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine, Duloc is a perfect place. Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your... face. Duloc is, Duloc is, Duloc is a perfect place! ♪
[Camera Shutter Clicks]
[Whirring]
Donkey: Wow! Let's do that again!
Shrek: No. No. No, no, no! No.
[Trumpet Fanfare]
[Crowd Cheering]
Farquaad: Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land.
[Donkey Humming]
Farquaad: Today one of you shall prove himself--
Shrek: All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.
Donkey: Sorry about that.
[Cheering]
Farquaad: That champion shall have the honor-- no, no-- the privilege, to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona, from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place, and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.
[Cheering]
Farquaad: Let the tournament begin!
[Gasps]
Knight 1: Oh!
Farquaad: What is that?
[Gasping]
Farquaad: It's hideous!
Shrek: Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.
Donkey: Huh?
Farquaad: Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!
Knight 2: Get him!
Shrek: Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.
Woman: Go ahead! Get him!
Shrek: Can't we just settle this over a pint?
Knight 3: Kill the beast!
Shrek: No? All right then. Come on!
[♪ Bad Reputation By Joan Jett Playing]
Halfcocked: ♪ I don't give a damn about my reputation. You're living in the past, it's a new generation. ♪
Knight 4: Damn!
[Whinnying]
Halfcocked: ♪ A girl can do what she wants to do, and that's what I'm gonna do. And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. ♪
Donkey: Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Never said I wanted to improve my station. ♪
Shrek: Ah! [Laughs]
Halfcocked: ♪ And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun. ♪
Shrek: Yeah!
Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't have to please no one. ♪
Wrestling Fan: The chair! Give him the chair!
Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. Oh, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me. Not me. ♪
[Bell Dings]
[Cheering]
Shrek: [Laughs] Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!
[Shrek Laughs]
[Crowd Gasping, Murmuring]
Guard 9: Shall I give the order, sir?
Farquaad: No, I have a better idea. People of Duloc! I give you our champion!
Shrek: What?
Farquaad: Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest.
Shrek: Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp back.
Farquaad: Your swamp?
Shrek: Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures!
[Crowd Murmuring]
Farquaad: Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back.
Shrek: Exactly the way it was?
Farquaad: Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.
Shrek: And the squatters?
Farquaad: As good as gone.
Shrek: What kind of quest?
Donkey: Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon, and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?
Shrek: You know what? Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
Donkey: I don't get it, Shrek. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.
Shrek: Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village, and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
Donkey: Uh, no, not really, no.
Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
Donkey: Example?
Shrek: Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions.
Donkey: [Sniffs] They stink?
Shrek: Yes-- No!
Donkey: They make you cry?
Shrek: No!
Donkey: You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.
Shrek: No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. [Sighs]
Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. [Sniffs] You know, not everybody likes onions. Cakes! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
Shrek: I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres. Are not. Like cakes.
Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Hey, let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
Donkey: Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole dang planet.
Shrek: You know, I think preferred your humming.
Donkey: Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering.
[♪ I'm On My Way By The Proclaimers Playing]
The Proclaimers: ♪ I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And everything that you receive up yonder is what you give to me the day I wander, I'm on my way. I'm on my way. I'm on my way. ♪
Donkey: Ooh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything.
Shrek: Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. [Sniffs] It's brimstone. We must be getting close.
Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone either.
[Rumbling]
Shrek: Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. [Laughing]
Donkey: Shrek? Remember when you said ogres have layers?
Shrek: Oh, aye.
Donkey: Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.
Shrek: Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.
Donkey: You know what I mean.
Shrek: You can't tell me you're afraid of heights?
Donkey: No, I'm just a little uncomfortable being on a rickety over a boiling lake of lava!
Shrek: Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay. For emotional support. We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time.
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: Really, really.
Donkey: Okay, that makes me feel so much better.
Shrek: Just keep moving. And don't look down.
Donkey: Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. [Gasps] Shrek! I'm lookin' down! God, I can't do this! Just let me off right now. Please.
Shrek: But you're already halfway.
Donkey: But I know that half is safe!
Shrek: Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.
Donkey: Shrek, no! Wait!
Shrek: Donkey-- Let's have a dance then, shall we?
Donkey: Don't do that!
Shrek: Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this?
Donkey: Yes, that!
Shrek: This? This, do it. Okay.
Donkey: [Screams] No, Shrek! No! Stop it!
Shrek: You said do it. I'm doin' it.
Donkey: I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!
Shrek: That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.
Donkey: Cool. So, where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?
Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
Donkey: [Chuckles] I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
[Water Dripping]
[Wind Howling]
Donkey: [Donkey Whispering] You afraid?
Shrek: No, but-- Shh.
Donkey: Oh, good. Me neither. [Gasps] 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared, you know what I mean. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. [Gasps]
Shrek: Donkey, two things, okay? Shut... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs.
Donkey: Stairs? I thought I was lookin' for the princess.
Shrek: The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
Donkey: What makes it you think she'll be there?
Shrek: I read it in a book once.
Donkey: Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'.
[Creaking]
Donkey: I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right here. I'd step all over it.
Shrek: Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the--?
Donkey: Dragon! [Screams] [Gasps]
[Roars]
Shrek: Donkey, look out! [Screams]
[Screams]
[Whimpering]
Shrek: Got ya!
[Roars]
[Gasps]
Shrek: [Shouts] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [Screaming]
Donkey: [Gasps] Oh! Aah! Aah! [Gasping]
[Growls]
Donkey: No. Oh, no. No! [Screams] Oh, what large teeth you have.
[Growls]
Donkey: I mean, I mean, white sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're-- You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. 'Cause, you're just reeking a feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ooh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm, uh-- [Coughs] I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. Shrek! [Gasps] [Whimpering] No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
[Groans, Sighs]
♪♪ [Chorus Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]
♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]
Fiona: Oh! Oh!
Shrek in Armor: Wake up!
Fiona: What?
Shrek in Armor: Are you Princess Fiona?
Fiona: I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.
Shrek in Armor: Oh, that's nice. Now, let's go!
Fiona: But, wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?
Shrek in Amror: Yeah. Sorry, lady. There's no time.
Fiona: Hey, wait. What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet, out yonder window, and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
Shrek in Armor: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
Fiona: Mm-hmm. [Screams, Grunts] But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!
Shrek in Armor: I don't think so.
Fiona: Can I at least know the name of my champion?
Shrek: Um, Shrek.
Fiona: Sir Shrek. [Clears Throat] I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.
Shrek in Armor: Thanks.
[Roaring]
Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon?
Shrek in Armor: It's on my to-do list. Now, come on!
Fiona: [Screams] But this isn't right! You’re meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying! That's what all the other knights did!
Shrek in Armor: Yeah, right before they burst into flame!
Fiona: You know, that's not the point! Oh! Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there.
Shrek in Armor: Well, I have to save my ass.
Fiona: What kind of knight are you?
Shrek in Armor: One of the kind.
Donkey: Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. [Laughs] I don't to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this-- Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude-- Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or maybe his pen pals. 'Cause I'm the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards, and-- I'd really love to stay, but-- Hey, hey, hey! Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal ail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission to-- Wait. What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no! No! Oh!
[Growls]
[Roars]
[Roaring]
[Gasps]
Donkey: Hi, Princess!
Fiona: It talks!
Shrek in Armor: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!
Donkey: Shrek! [Screams] [Screaming]
Shrek: Oh!
[Thuds]
[Groans]
[Shrek Groans]
[Roars]
[Roars]
[Roaring]
[Roars]
Shrek in Armor: Okay, you two! Head for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. [Echoing] Run!
[Gasping]
[Screaming]
[Screams]
[Roars]
[Panting, Sighs]
[Whimpers]
[Roars]
[Roars, Whimpers]
[Dragon Growling In The Distance]
Fiona: You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. You're-- You're wonderful. You're... A little unorthodox, I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.
[Clears Throat]
Fiona: And where would be a brave knight be without his noble steed?
Donkey: All right, I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a noble steed.
Fiona: [Fiona Laughs] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
Shrek in Armor: Uh, no.
Fiona: Why not?
Shrek: I have helmet hair.
Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
Shrek in Armor: No, no, you wouldn't'st.
Fiona: But, how will you kiss me?
Shrek in Armor: What? That job wasn't in the job description.
Donkey: Maybe it's a perk.
Fiona: No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon, is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss.
Donkey: Hmm? With Shrek? You think-- Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is your true love?
Fiona: Well, yes.
[Laughing]
[Laughing]
Donkey: You think Shrek is your true love!
Fiona: What is so funny?
Shrek in Armor: Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?
Fiona: Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now-- Now remove your helmet.
Shrek in Amror: Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.
Fiona: Just take off the helmet.
Shrek in Amror: I'm not going to.
Fiona: Take it off.
Shrek in Amror: No!
Fiona: Now!
Shrek in Armor: Okay! Easy. As you command, Your Highness.
Fiona: You-- You're-- an ogre.
Shrek: Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.
Fiona: Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre.
Shrek: Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay. He's the one who wants to marry you.
Fiona: Then why didn't he come to rescue me?
Shrek: Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.
Fiona: But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some ogre and his pet.
Donkey: So much for noble steed.
Shrek: You're not making my job any easier.
Fiona: I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here.
Shrek: Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.
Fiona: You wouldn't dare. Put me down!
Shrek: Ya comin', Donkey?
Donkey: I'm right behind ya.
Fiona: Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! [Screams]
Donkey: Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right? But you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten?
Fiona: You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your-- Hey! [Sighs] The sooner we get to Duloc the better.
Donkey: Oh, yeah. You're gonna love it there, Princess? It's beautiful!
Fiona: And my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?
Shrek: Well, let me put this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's standards are in short supply. [Laughs]
Donkey: I don't know, Shrek. There are those who think little of him.
[Both Laughing]
Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
Shrek: Maybe. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow.
Fiona: Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?
Shrek: No, that'll take longer.
Fiona: But there's robbers in the woods.
Donkey: Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping is definitely startin' to sound good.
Shrek: Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest.
Fiona: I need to find somewhere to camp now!
[Bird Wings Fluttering]
Shrek: [Grunting] Hey! Over here.
Donkey: Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess.
Fiona: No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.
Shrek: Homey touches? Like what?
[Crashing]
Fiona: A door. Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.
Donkey: You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.
Fiona: I said, good night!
Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing?
Shrek: [Laughs] I just-- You know-- Oh, come on. I was just kidding.
[Fire Crackling]
Shrek: And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields.
Donkey: Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?
Shrek: The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.
Donkey: I know you're making this up.
Shrek: No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench.
Donkey: Man, that ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.
Shrek: Sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it.
Donkey: [Sighs] Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?
Shrek: Our swamp?
Donkey: You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.
Shrek: We? Donkey, there is no "we." There's no "our." There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land.
Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out.
Shrek: No. Do ya think?
Donkey: Are you hidin' something?
Shrek: Never mind, Donkey.
Donkey: Oh! This is another one of those onion things, isn't it?
Shrek: No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it-alone things.
Donkey: Why don't you want to talk about it?
Shrek: Why do you always want to?
Donkey: Why are you blocking?
Shrek: I'm not blocking.
Donkey: Yes, you are.
Shrek: Donkey, I'm warning you.
Donkey: Who you trying to keep out?
Shrek: Everyone! Okay?
Donkey: Now we're gettin' somewhere.
Shrek: Oh! For the love of Pete!
Donkey: What's your problem? What you got against the whole world?
Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" [Sighs] They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.
Donkey: You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre.
Shrek: Yeah, I know.
Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
Donkey: Okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?
Shrek: That's the moon.
Donkey: Oh, okay.
♪♪ [Orchestra]
♪♪ [Dulcimer]
Farquaad: Again. Show me again.
[Music Stops, Rewinds]
Farquaad: Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess.
Mirror: Hmph.
[Rewinds, Resumes]
Farquaad: Ah. Perfect. [Inhales]
[Snoring]
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]
♪♪ [Whistling]
♪♪ [Whistling Continues]
♪♪ [Vocalizes]
♪♪ [Whistles]
♪♪ [Vocalizes]
♪♪ [Whistles]
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Whistling]
♪♪ [Vocalizing, High-pitched]
♪♪ [Whistling, High-pitched]
♪♪ [Continues]
[Sizzling]
[Sniffs, Yawns]
Shrek: Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.
Donkey: Come on, baby. I said I like it.
Shrek: Donkey, wake up.
Donkey: Huh? What?
Shrek: Wake up.
Donkey: What?
Fiona: Good morning. How do you like your eggs?
Donkey: Good morning, Princess!
Shrek: What's all this about?
Fiona: We kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. After all, you did rescue me.
Shrek: Uh, thanks.
[Sniffs]
Fiona: Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.
[Belches]
Donkey: Shrek!
Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. [Laughs]
Donkey: Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.
[Belches]
Fiona: Thanks.
Donkey: She's as nasty as you are.
Shrek: [Laughs] You know, you're not exactly what I expected.
Fiona: Maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. [Vocalizing]
Monsieur Hood: La liberte! Hey!
Shrek: Princess?
[Laughs]
Fiona: What are you doing?
Monsieur Hood: Be still, cherie, for I am your savior! And I am rescuing you from this green [Kissing Sounds] beast.
Shrek: Hey! That's my princess. Go find your own!
Monsieur Hood: Please, monsters! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?
Fiona: Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are!
Monsieur Hood: Oh! Of course! How rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men! [Laughs]
♪♪ [Accordion]
Merry Men: ♪ Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo! ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ I steal from the rich and give to the needy. ♪
Man: ♪ He takes a wee percentage. ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels. Man, I'm good. ♪
Merry Men: ♪ What a guy, Monsieur Hood! ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ Break it down. I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid. ♪
Merry Men: ♪ What he's basically saying is he likes to get-- ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ Paid. ♪
Merry Men: ♪ So. ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad. ♪
Merry Men: ♪ That's bad. ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad. ♪
Merry Men: ♪ He's mad. He's really, really mad. ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart. Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start! ♪
[Tarzan Yell]
[Grunts, Groans]
[Karate Yell]
[Merry Men Gasping]
Fiona: [Panting] Man, that was annoying!
Man: Oh, you little--
[Karate Yell]
♪♪ [Accordion]
[Tarzan woman yell]
[Shouting, Groaning]
[Tarzan woman yells about 3 times]
[Groaning]
Fiona: [Chuckles] Um, shall we?
Shrek: Hold the phone.
[Grunts]
Shrek: Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?
Fiona: What?
Shrek: That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?
Fiona: Well-- [Chuckles] When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a-- There's an arrow in your butt!
Shrek: What? Oh, would you look at that?
Fiona: Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.
Donkey: Why? What's wrong?
Fiona: Shrek's hurt.
Donkey: Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.
Shrek: Donkey, I'm okay.
Donkey: Oh, you can't do this to me. I'm too young for you to die. Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich?
Fiona: Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns.
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Okay. I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die, Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!
Shrek: Donkey!
Donkey: Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.
Shrek: What are the flowers for?
Fiona: For getting rid of Donkey.
Shrek: Ah.
Fiona: Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.
Shrek: Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.
Fiona: I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
Shrek: No, it's tender. Now, hold on. What you're doing is the opposite of help.
Fiona: Don't move.
Shrek: Look, time out.
Fiona: Would you-- [Grunts] Okay. What do you propose we do?
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns.
Shrek: Ow!
Donkey: Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!
Shrek: Ow! Not good.
Fiona: Okay. Okay, I can nearly see the head.
[Grunts]
Fiona: It's just about--
Shrek: Ow! Ohh!
Donkey: Ahem.
Shrek: Nothing happened. We were just, uh--
Donkey: Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was as, okay.
Shrek: Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind! The princess here was just-- Ugh! Ow!
Donkey: Hey, what's that? [Nervous Chuckle] That's-- Is that blood? [Sighs]
[Bird Chirping]
[♪ My Beloved Monster By Eels Playing]
[Grunts]
Eels: ♪ My beloved monster and me. We go everywhere together. Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves, gets us through all kinds of weather. ♪
Donkey: Aah!
Eels: ♪ She will always be the only thing. That comes between me and the awful sting. That comes from living in the world that's so damn mean. ♪
[Croaks]
Eels: ♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh. ♪
Fiona: Hey!
Eels: ♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la. ♪
[Both Laughing]
Eels: La-la, la-la, la-la.
Shrek: There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.
Fiona: That's Duloc?
Donkey: Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really-- Ow!
Shrek: Um, I, uh-- I guess we better move one.
Fiona: Sure. But, Shrek? I'm-- I'm worried about Donkey.
[Blubbering]
Shrek: What?
Fiona: I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.
Donkey: What are you talking about? I'm fine.
Fiona: That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead.
Shrek: You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?
Fiona: I'll make you some tea.
Donkey: I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look. [Bones Crunch] Ow! See?
Shrek: Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.
Fiona: I'll get the firewood.
Donkey: Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug.
Fiona: Mmm. Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?
Shrek: Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.
Fiona: No kidding.
Shrek: Well, this is delicious. Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. [Chuckling]
Donkey: [Sighs] I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.
Shrek: [Gulps] Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare-- you name it.
Fiona: [Chuckles] I'd like that.
[Slurps, Laughs]
Donkey: ♪ See the pyramids along the Nile. ♪
Shrek: Um, Princess?
Donkey: ♪ Watch the sunrise from a tropical isle. ♪
Fiona: Yes, Shrek?
Shrek: I, um, I was wondering.
Donkey: ♪ Just remember, darling all the while. ♪
Shrek: Are you--
Donkey: You belong to me.
Shrek: [Sighs] Are you gonna eat that?
[Chuckles]
Donkey: Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.
Fiona: Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.
Shrek: What?
Donkey: Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you?
Fiona: Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.
Donkey: Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until-- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.
[Shrek Sighs]
Fiona: Good night.
Shrek: Good night.
[Door Creaks]
Donkey: Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.
Shrek: Oh, what are you talkin' about?
Donkey: I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. I know two were diggin' in each other. I could feel it.
Shrek: You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.
Donkey: Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel.
Shrek: I-- There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know-- and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't-- she's a princess, and I'm--
Donkey: An ogre?
Shrek: Yeah. An ogre.
Donkey: Hey, where you goin'?
Shrek: To get... more firewood. [Sighs]
Donkey: Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?
[Wings Fluttering]
Donkey: Princess?
[Creaking]
Donkey: [Gasps] It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.
[Screams]
Donkey: Aah!
Fiona: Oh, no!
Donkey: No, help!
Fiona: Shh!
Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
Fiona: No, it's okay. It's okay.
Donkey: What did you do with the princess?
Fiona: Donkey, I'm the princess.
Donkey: Aah!
Fiona: It's me, in this body.
Donkey: Oh, my God! You ate the princess! Can you hear me?
Fiona: Donkey!
Donkey: Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!
Fiona: No!
Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
Fiona: Shh.
Donkey: Shrek!
Fiona: This is me.
Donkey: [Muffled Mumbling] Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.
Fiona I'm ugly, okay?
Donkey: Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now--
Fiona: No. I-- I've been this way as long as I can remember.
Donkey: What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.
Fiona: It only happens when the sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm, until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form."
Donkey: Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
Fiona: It's a spell. [Sighs] When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow, before the sun sets and he sees me, like this. [Sobs]
Donkey: All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.
Fiona: But, Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look.
Donkey: Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?
Fiona: I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.
Donkey: But, you know, um, you're kind of an ogre, and Shrek-- well, you got a lot in common.
Fiona: Shrek?
Shrek: Princess, I-- Uh, how's going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and-- well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd-- uh, uh-- [Sighs] I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.
Fiona: I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.
[Deep Sigh]
Fiona: Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell.
Donkey: You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.
Fiona: No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.
Donkey: What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?
Fiona: Promise you won't tell. Promise!
Donkey: All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'.
[Door Opens]
[Snoring]
Fiona: I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want--
[Snoring]
Fiona: Shrek. Are you all right?
Shrek: Perfect! Never been better.
Fiona: I-- I don't-- There's something I have to tell you.
Shrek: You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night.
Fiona: You heard what I said?
Shrek: Every word.
Fiona: I thought you'd understand.
Shrek: Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?"
Fiona: But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.
Shrek: Yeah? Well, it does.
[Gasps, Sighs]
Shrek: Ah, right on time.
[Horse Whinnies]
Shrek: Princess, I've brought you a little something.
♪♪ [Fanfare]
Donkey: [Yawns] What'd I miss? What'd I miss? [Muffled] Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.
Farquaad: Princess Fiona.
Shrek: As promised. Now hand it over.
Farquaad: Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, ad agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have ever seen such a radiant beauty before. I am Lord Farquaad.
Fiona: Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying, a short, farewell.
Farquaad: That's so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings.
Fiona: No, you're right. It doesn't.
Farquaad: Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage.
[Gasps]
Farquaad: Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?
Fiona: Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make.
Farquaad: Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!
Fiona: No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets.
Farquaad: Oh, anxious, are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests!
Fiona: Fare-thee-well, ogre.
Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.
Shrek: Yeah? So what?
Donkey: Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night. She's--
Shrek: I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?
Donkey: Shrek, I-- I wanna go with you.
Shrek: I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!
Donkey: But I thought--
Shrek: Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong!
Donkey: Shrek.
[♪ Hallelujah By John Cale Playing]
John Cale: ♪ I heard there was a secret chord, that David played, and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music, do ya? It goes like this the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall the major lift. The baffled king composing hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. Baby, I've been here before, I know this room I've walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch, but love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's broken hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. And all I ever learned from love is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you. ♪
[Moaning]
John Cale: ♪ And it's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah. ♪
[Moaning]
John Cale: ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. ♪
[Thumping Sound]
Shrek: Donkey?
[Grunts]
Shrek: What are you doing?
Donkey: I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one.
Shrek: Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it.
Donkey: It is. Around your half. See, that's your half, and this is my half.
Shrek: Oh! Your half. Hmm.
Donkey: Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head.
Shrek: Back off!
Donkey: No, you back off.
Shrek: This is my swamp!
Donkey: Our swamp.
Shrek: Let go, Donkey!
Donkey: You let go.
Shrek: Stubborn jackass!
Donkey: Smelly ogre.
Shrek: Fine!
Donkey: Hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.
Shrek: Well, I'm through with you.
Donkey: Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.
Shrek: Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?
Donkey: Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!
Shrek: Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you, for stabbin' me in the back!
Donkey: Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings.
Shrek: Go away!
Donkey: There you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you.
Shrek: Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking.
Donkey: She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else.
Shrek: She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?
Donkey: Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right?
Shrek: Donkey!
Donkey: No!
Shrek: Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?
Donkey: Hmph.
Shrek: [Sighs] I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me?
Donkey: Hey, that's what friends are for, right?
Shrek: Right. Friends?
Donkey: Friends.
Shrek: So, um, what did Fiona say about me?
Donkey: What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?
Shrek: The wedding! We'll never make it in time.
Donkey: Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where there's a will, there's a way, and I have a way. [Whistles]
Shrek: Donkey?
[Donkey Laughing]
Donkey: I guess it's just an animal magnetism.
Shrek: [Laughing] Aw, come here, you.
Donkey: All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. [Donkey Laughing] Whoo!
[Bells Tolling]
[All Gasping]
Bishop: People of Duloc, we gather here today, to bear witness, to the union...
Fiona: Um-- of our now king--
Bishop: Excuse me.
Fiona: Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?
Farquaad: [Chuckling] Go on.
Donkey: Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you?
Shrek: What are you talking about?
Donkey: There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"
Shrek: I don't have time for this!
Donkey: Wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: You wanna hold her?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Please her?
Shrek: Yes!
Donkey: ♪ Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. ♪ The chicks love that romantic crap!
Shrek: All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?
Donkey: We gotta check it out.
[Donkey Grunting]
Bishop: And so, by the power vested in me...
Shrek: What do you see?
Donkey: The whole town's in there.
Bishop: ...I now pronounce you husband and wife...
Donkey: They're at the altar.
Bishop: ...king and queen.
Donkey: Mother Fletcher! He already said it.
Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete!
[Grunts]
Shrek: I object!
Fiona: Shrek?
[Gasps]
Farquaad: Oh, now what does he want?
[Crowd Clamoring]
Shrek: Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean.
Fiona: What are you doing here?
Farquaad: Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding--
Shrek: Fiona! I need to talk to you.
Fiona: Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me--
Shrek: But you can't marry him.
Fiona: And why not?
Shrek: Because-- Because he's just marrying you so he can be king.
Farquaad: Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.
Shrek: He's not your true love.
Fiona: And what do you know about true love?
Shrek: Well, I-- Uh-- I mean--
Farquaad: Oh, this is precious. [Chuckling] The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord.
[Crowd Laughing]
Farquaad: An ogre and a princess! [Laughing Continues]
Fiona: Shrek, is this true?
Farquaad: Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmm!
Fiona: "By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.
[Whimpers]
[Crowd Gasping]
Shrek: Well, uh, that explains a lot.
Farquaad: Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both!
Fiona: No, no! Shrek!
Farquaad: This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See?
Fiona: No, let go of me, Shrek!
Shrek: No!
Farquaad: Don't just stand there, you morons.
Shrek: Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!
Farquaad: I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you!
Fiona: No! Shrek!
Farquaad: And as for you, my wife,
Shrek: Fiona!
Farquaad: I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I am king!
[Whistles]
Farquaad: I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have-- Aaah! Aah!
Donkey: All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it.
[Dragon Roars]
Donkey: I'm a donkey on the edge!
[Belches]
Donkey: [Donkey Laughs] Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?
[Cheering]
Donkey: Go ahead, Shrek.
Shrek: Uh, Fiona?
Fiona: Yes, Shrek?
Shrek: I-- I love you.
Fiona: Really?
Shrek: Really, really.
Fiona: I love you too.
All: Aawww!
Fiona: "Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form." [Echoing] [Echoing Continues] "Take love's true from. Take love's true form."
Shrek: Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?
Fiona: Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
Shrek: But you are beautiful.
[Chuckles]
Donkey: I was hoping would be a happy ending.
[♪ I'm A Believer By Smash Mouth Playing]
Steve Harwell: ♪ I thought love was only true in fairy tales. ♪
All: Oy!
Steve Harwell: ♪ Meant for someone else but not for me. Love was out to get me, that's the way it seemed, disappointment haunted all my dreams. And then I saw her face. Now I'm a believer. And not a trace. Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. ♪
Choir: ♪ Ohh-ahh. ♪
Steve Harwell: ♪ I'm a believer I couldn't leaver her if I tried. ♪
Gingy: God bless us, every one.
Donkey: Come on, y'all! ♪ Then I saw her face. ♪ Ha-ha! ♪ Now I'm a believer. ♪ Listen! Not a trace. ♪ Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. Ooh-ahh. I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried. ♪
Mice: Ooh! Uh!
Donkey: ♪ Then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer! Hey! Not a trace. Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind. One more time! I'm in love. I'm a believer. Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey! Y'all sing it with me! I believe! I believe! People in the back! I believe! ♪
Smash Mouth: ♪ I'm a believer. ♪
Donkey: ♪ I believe. I believe. I believe! ♪ [Hysterical Laughing] Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
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10 comments
User avatar
LunarHD
·
5d
I sent this to my friend after she sent me the bee movie script.
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Xtradogeinary
·
4/22/2021
Donkey's last words: I cant breath
George Floyd's last words: I cant breath man
C O I N C I D E N C E ? ? ?
I T H I N K N O T
SimbaRaiiin
·
5/7/2021
Shut the fuck up.
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Dedfgfg
·
3/18/2021
This is half of the transcript!
User avatar
Em0lixik
·
3/27/2021
No?
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User avatar
The Strange Lion15
·
11/24/2020
Yeah bro someone put this a google classroom meet in the chat lol
John Sebastian Gamao
·
11/24/2020
Fuckin legend
Mylamp
·
1/12/2021
I was just about to do this with an account that looks like someone else in my class
SmallTay
·
4/15/2021
My friend did that
Write a reply
User avatar
7qzb
·
10/30/2020
Just incase this gets griefed:
{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.
But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only
be broken by love's first kiss.
She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing
dragon.
Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison,
but non prevailed.
She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest
tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.
{Laughing}
Like that's ever gonna happen.
{Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes}
What a load of -
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'
Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin'
Didn't make sense not to live for fun
Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
So much to do so much to see
So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets
You'll never know if you don't go
You'll never shine if you don't glow
Hey, now You're an all-star
Get your game on, go play
Hey, now You're a rock star
Get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shootin' stars break the mold
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
You're bundled up now but wait till you get older
But the meteor men beg to differ
Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin
The water's getting warm so you might as well swim
My world's on fire
How 'bout yours
That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored
Hey, now, you're an all-star
{Shouting}
Get your game on, go play
Hey, now You're a rock star
Get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shootin' stars break the mold
{Belches}
Go!
Go!
{Record Scratching}
Go. Go.Go.
Hey, now, you're an all-star
Get your game on, go play
Hey, now You're a rock star
Get the show on, get paid
And all that glitters is gold
Only shootin' stars break the mold
-Think it's in there?
-All right. Let's get it!
-Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?
-Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.
{Laughs}
-Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.
Now, ogres - - They're much worse.
They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
-No!
-They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!
Actually, it's quite good on toast.
-Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
{Gasping}
-Right.
{Roaring}
{Shouting}
{Roaring}
{Whispers} This is the part where you run away.
{Gasping}
{Laughs}
{Laughing} And stay out!
"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."
{Sighs}
{Man's voice} All right. This one's full.
-Take it away!
{Gasps}
-Move it along. Come on! Get up!
-Next!
-Give me that! Your fiying days are over.
That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
-Get up! Come on!
-Twenty pieces.
{Thudding}
-Sit down there!
-Keep quiet!
{Crying}
-This cage is too small.
-Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.
I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
-Oh, shut up.
-Oh!
-Next!
-What have you got?
-This little wooden puppet.
-I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
-Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
-Father, please! Don't let them do this!
-Help me!
-Next! What have you got?
-Well, I've got a talking donkey.
{Grunts}
-Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
-Oh, go ahead, little fella.
-Well?
-Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous.
He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - -
-That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
-No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.
I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.
-Get her out of my sight.
-No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
{Gasps}
-Hey! I can fly!
-He can fly!
-He can fly!
-He can talk!
-Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly
but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!
Oh-oh.
{Grunts}
-Seize him!
-After him! He's getting away!
{Grunts, Gasps}
{Man}
-Get him! This way! Turn!
-You there. Orge!
-Aye?
-By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under
arrest
and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility.
-Oh, really? You and what army?
{Gasps, Whimpering}
{Chuckles}
-Can I say something to you?
-Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here.
Incredible!
Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa!
-Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great
back here? Those guards!
They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They
was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made
me feel good to see that.
-Oh, that's great. Really.
-Man, it's good to be free.
-Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends?
Hmm?
-But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by
myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you.
You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit
out of anybody that crosses us.
{Roaring}
-Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that
don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you
definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks!
You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - -
{Mumbling}
Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my
butt that day.
-Why are you following me?
-I'll tell you why.
'Cause I'm all alone
There's no one here beside me
My promlems have all gone
There's no one to deride me
But you gotta heve friends - -
-Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.
-Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.
-Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?
-Uh - - Really tall?
-No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't
that bother you?
-Nope.
-Really?
-Really, really.
-Oh.
-Man, I like you. What's you name?
-Uh, Shrek.
-Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?
You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.
I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that.
Who'd want to live in place like that?
-That would be my home.
-Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a
decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I
like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.
-I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
-I like my privacy.
-You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I
hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them
a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.
-Can I stay with you?
-Uh, what?
-Can I stay with you, please?
-Of course!
-Really?
-No.
-Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to
be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta
stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
-Okay! Okay! But one night only.
-Ah! Thank you!
-What are you - - No! No!
-This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories,
and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.
-Oh!
-Where do, uh, I sleep?
-Outside!
-Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you
don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.
{Sniffles}
-Here I go.
-Good night.
{Sighs}
-I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside.
I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself,
outside.
I'm all alone
There's no one here beside me
{Bubbling}
{Sighs}
{Creaking}
{Sighs}
-I thought I told you to stay outside.
-I'm outside.
{Clattering}
-Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we
have?
-It's not home, but it'll do just fune.
-What a lovely bed.
-Got ya.
{Sniffs} I found some cheese.
-Ow! {Grunts}
-Blah! Awful stuff.
-Is that you, Gorder?
-How did you know?
-Enough! What are you doing in my house?
{Grunts}
-Hey!
{Snickers}
-Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.
-Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.
-Huh?
{Gusps}
{Male voice} What?
-I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I
have to do get a little privacy?
-Aah!
-Oh, no. No! No!
{Cackling}
-What?
-Quit it.
-Don't push.
{Squeaking}
{Lows}
- What are you doing in my swamp?
{Echoing}
Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!
{Gasping}
-Oh, dear!
-Whoa!
-All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go!
Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!
-Quickly. Come on!
-No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.
-Oh!
{Sighs}
-Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.
-Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
-What?
-We were forced to come here.
-By who?
-Lord Farquaad.
-He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice.
{Sighs}
-All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?
{Murmuring}
-Oh, I do. I know where he is.
-Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?
-Me! Me!
-Anyone?
-Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!
{Sighs}
-Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable.
Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy
Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came
from!
{Cheering}
{Twittering}
-Oh! You! You're comin' with me.
- All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two
stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!
-On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek.
-Hey. Oh, oh!
-I can't wait to get on the road again.
-What did I say about singing?
-Can I whistle?
-No.
-Can I hum it?
-All right, hum it.
{Humming}
{Grunts}
{Whimpering}
-That's enough. He's ready to talk.
{Coughing}
{Laughing}
{Clears throat}
-Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the
gingerbread man!
-You are a monster.
-I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy
tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the
others?
-Eat me!{Grunts}
-I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached
its end! Tell me or I'll - -
-No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.
-All right then. Who's hiding them?
-Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
-The muffin man?
-The muffin man.
-Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?
-Well, she's married to the muffin man.
-The muffin man?
-The muffin man!
-She's married to the muffin man.
{Door opens}
-My lord! We found it.
-Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
{Man grunting}
{Gasping}
-Oh!
-Magic mirror - -
-Don't tell him anything!
-No!
{Ginerbread man whispers}
-Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect
kingdom of them all?
-Well, technically you're not a king.
-Uh, Thelonius.
-You were saying?
-What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All
you have to do is marry a princess.
-Go on.
{Chuckles}
-So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to
meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette
number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away.
She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking
and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella.
-Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of
fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just
kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come
on. Give it up for Snow White!
-And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a
fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling
lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes
pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing,
Princess Fiona!
-So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or
bachelorette number three?
-Two! Two!
-Three! Three!
-Two! Two!
-Three!
-Three? One?
{Shudders} Three?
--Three! Pick number three, my lord!
-Okay, okay, uh, number three!
-Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.
If you like pina coladas
And getting caught in the rain
-Princess Fiona.
If you're not into yoga
-She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - -
-But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.
-I'll do it.
-Yes, but after sunset - -
-Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will
finally have the perfect king!
Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.
-But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd
find it.
-So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
-Uh-huh. That's the place.
-Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?
{Laughs}
{Groans}
-Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
-Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
-Hey, you!
{Screams}
-Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - -
{Whimpering}
{Sighs}
{Whimpering, Groans}
{Turnstile clatters}
{Chuckles}
{Sighs}
-It's quiet. Too quiet.
{Creaking}
-Where is everybody?
-Hey, look at this!
{Clattering, whirring, clicking}
Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town
Here we have some rules
Let us lay them down
Don't make waves, stay in line
And we'll get along fine
DuLoc is perfect place
Please keep off of the grass
Shine your shoes, wipe your... face
DuLoc is, DuLoc is
DuLoc is perfect ...... place
{Camera shutter clicks
{Whirring}
-Wow! Let's do that again!
-No. No. No, no, no! No.
{Trumpet fanfare}
{Crowd cheering}
-Brave knights.
-You are the best and brightest in all the land.
-Today one of you shall prove himself - -
-All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.
-Sorry about that.
{Cheering}
-That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go
forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the
dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first
runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae
die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.
{Cheering}
-Let the tournament begin!
{Gasps}
-Oh!
-What is that?
{Gasping}
-It's hideous!
-Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.
-Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named
champion! Have it him!
-Get him!
-Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.
-Go ahead! Get him!
-Can't we just settle this over a pint?
-Kill the beast!
-No? All right then. Come on!
I don't give a damn about my reputation
You're living in the past
It's a new generation
-Damn!
{Whinnying}
A girl can do what she wants to do
And that's what I'm gonna do
And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me
Me, me, me
-Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
Never said I wanted to improve my station
-Ah!
{Laughs}
And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun
-Yeah!
And I don't have to please no one
-The chair! Give him the chair!
And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me
Me, me, me
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me
{Bell dings}
{Cheering}
{Laughs}
-Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till
Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!
{Shrek laughs}
{Crowd gasping, murmuring}
-Shall I give the order, sir?
-No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!
-What?
-Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great
and noble quest.
-Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.
-Your swamp?
-Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures!
{Crowd murmuring}
-Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for
me, and I'll give you your swamp back.
-Exactly the way it was?
-Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.
-And the squatters?
-As good as gone.
-What kind of quest?
-Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a
princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only
don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place.
-Is that about right?
-Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
-I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on
him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make
your bread, the whole orge trip.
-Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and
put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and
drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
-Uh, no, not really, no.
-For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think.
-Example?
-Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions.
-{Sniffs} They stink?
-Yes - - No!
-They make you cry?
-No!
-You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little
white hairs.
-No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have
layers. You get it? We both have layers.
{Sighs}
-Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes
onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
-I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes.
-You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a
person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like
no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
-No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like
onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
-Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.
-You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or
something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start
slobbering.
I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh
I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh
And everything that you receive up yonder
Is what you give to me the day I wander
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
-Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?
-You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was
open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's
brimstone We must be getting close.
-Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I
know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone
neither.
{Rumbling}
-Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.
{Laughing}
-Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers?
-Oh, aye.
-Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have
layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.
-Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.
-You know what I mean.
-You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.
-I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over
a boiling like of lava!
-Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional
support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step
at a time.
-Really?
-Really, really.
-Okay, that makes me feel so much better.
-Just keep moving. And don't look down.
-Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on
moving. Don't look down.
{Gasps}
-Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off,
please!
-But you're already halfway.
-But I know that half is safe!
-Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.
-Shrek, no! Wait!
-Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me?
-Don't do that!
-Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?
-Oh, this?
-Yes, that!
-Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.
{Screams}
-No, Shrek! No! Stop it!
-You said do it! I'm doin' it.
-I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!
-That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.
-Cool.
-So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?
-Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
{Chuckles}
-I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
{Water dripping, wind howling}
-You afraid?
-No.
-But - -
- Shh.
-Oh, good. Me neither.
{Gasps}
-'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible
response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I
might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and
breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little
scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.
{Gasps}
-Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if
you can find any stairs.
-Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess.
-The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest
tower.
-What makes you think she'll be there?
-I read it in a book once.
-Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those
stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way
they're goin'.
{Creacing}
-I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with
me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a
step right here. I'd step all over it.
-Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - -
-Dragon!
{Screams}
{Gasps}
{Roars}
-Donkey, look out!
{Screams}
{Whimpering}
-Got ya!
{Roars}
{Gasps}
{Shouts}
-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
{Screaming}
{Gasps}
-Oh! Aah! Aah!
{Gasping}
{Crowls}
-No. Oh, no, No!
{Screams}
-Oh, what large teeth you have.
{Crowls}
-I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time
from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile
you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know
what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of
course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty.
What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh.
Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - -
(Coughs)
-I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna
blow smoke rings. Shrek!
{Gasps}
{Whimpering}
-No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
{Groans, Sighs}
{Vocalizing}
-Oh! Oh!
-Wake up!
-What?
-Are you Princess Fiona?
-I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.
-Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!
-But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be
a wonderful, romantic moment?
-Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.
-Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out
yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
-You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
-Mm-hmm.
{Screams, grunts}
-But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for
me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!
-I don't think so.
-Can I at least know the name of my champion?
-Um, Shrek.
-Sir Shrek.
{Cleans throat}
-I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.
-Thanks!
{Roaring}
-You didn't slay the dragon?
-It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
{Screams}
-But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn,
banner flying. That's what all the other knights did.
-Yeah, right before they burst into flame.
-That's not the point. Oh!
-Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there.
-Well, I have to save my ass.
-What kind of knight are you?
-One of a kind.
-Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to
know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned.
{Laughs}
-I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not
emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really
is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted
physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back
up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to
know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot,
but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - -
Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna
tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with
that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!
{Growls}
{Roaring}
{Gasps}
-Hi, Princess!
-It talks!
-Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.
{Screams}
{Screaming}
-Oh!
{Thuds}
{Groans}
{Roars}
{Roaring}
-Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon.
{Fchoing}
-Run!
{Gasping}
{Screaming}
{Roaring}
{Screams}
{Roars}
{Panting, sighs}
{Whimpers}
{Roars}
-You did it!
-You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful.
You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and
thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.
{Clears throat}
-And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?
-I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a
steed.
-The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
-Uh, no.
-Why not?
-I have helmet hair.
-Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
-No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.
-But how will you kiss me?
-What? That wasn't in the job description.
-Maybe it's a perk.
-No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in
a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then
they share true love's first kiss.
-Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you
true love?
-Well, yes.
{Laughing}
-You think Shrek is your true love!
-What is so funny?
-Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay?
-Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your
helmet.
-Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.
-Just take off the helmet.
-I'm not going to.
-Take ot off.
-No!
-Now!
-Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.
-You- - You're a- - an orge.
-Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.
-Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed
to be an orge.
{Sighs}
-Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the
one who wants to marry you.
-Then why didn't he come rescue me?
-Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.
-But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- -
his pet.
-So much for noble steed.
-You're not making my job any easier.
-I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad
that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right
here.
-Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.
-You wouldn't dare. Put me down!
-Ya comin', Donkey?
-I'm right behind ya.
-Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not
dignified! Put me down!
-Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you,
right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down
real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a
crisp and eaten?
-You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what
happens when you find your - - Hey!
{Sighs}
-The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.
-You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!
-And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?
-Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in
short supply.
{Laughs}
-I don't know. There are those who think little of him.
-Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never
measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
-Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the
"measuring" when you see him tomorrow.
-Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?
-No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.
-But there's robbers in the woods.
-Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good.
-Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this
forest.
-I need to find somewhere to camp now!
{Birds wings fluttering}
{Grunting}
-Hey! Over here.
-Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a
princess.
-No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.
-Homey touches? Like what?
{Crashing}
-A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.
-You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.
-I said good night!
-Shrek, What are you doing?
{Laughs}
-I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding.
{Fire cracking}
-And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over
three wheat fields. Right. Yeah.
-Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?
-The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look,
there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.
-I know you're making this up.
-No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away
from his stench.
-That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.
-You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm?
Forget it.
{Sighs}
-Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?
-Our swamp?
-You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.
-We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my
swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my
land.
-You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what
I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody
out.
-No, do ya think?
-Are you hidin' something?
-Never mind, Donkey.
-Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?
-No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things.
-Why don't you want to talk about it?
-Why do you want to talk about it?
-Why are you blocking?
-I'm not blocking.
-Oh, yes, you are.
-Donkey, I'm warning you.
-Who you trying to keep out?
-Everyone! Okay?
-Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.
-Oh! For the love of Pete!
-What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway?
-Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that
seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go.
"Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they
even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.
-You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big,
stupid, ugly orge.
-Yeah, I know.
-So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
-Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
-Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one
there?
-That's the moon.
-Oh, okay.
{Orchestra}
{Dulcimer}
-Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the
princess.
-Hmph.
-Ah. Perfect.
{Inhales}
{Snoring}
{Vocalizing}
{Whistling}
{Sizzling}
{Sniffs, yawns}
-Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.
--Come on, baby. I said I like it.
-Donkey, wake up.
-Huh? What?
-Wake up.
-What?
-Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?
-Good morning, Princess!
-What's all this about?
-You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to
make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.
-Uh, thanks.
{Sniffs}
-Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.
{Belches}
-Shrek!
-What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs}
-Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.
{Belches}
-Thanks.
-She's as nasty as you are.
-{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected.
-Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.
{Vocalizing}
-La liberte! Hey!
-Princess!
{Laughs}
-What are you doing?
-Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from
this green - -
{Kissing sounds}
-beast.
-Hey!
-That's my princess! Go find you own!
-Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?
-Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!
-Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry
Men.
{Laughs}
{Accordion}
Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.
I steal from the rich and give to the needy.
He takes a wee percentage,
But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels
Man, I'm good
What a guy, Monsieur Hood
Break it down
I like an honest fight
and a saucy little maid
What he's basically saying
is he likes to get - -
Paid
So
When an orge in the bush
grabs a lady by the tush
That's bad
That's bad
When a beauty's with a beast
it makes me awfully mad
He's mad
He's really, really mad
I'll take my blade and
ram it through your heart
Keep your eyes on me, boys
'cause I'm about to start
{Grunts, Groans}
{Karate Yell}
{Merry Men Gasping}
{Panting}
-Man, that was annoying!
-Oh, you little- -
{Karate Yell}
{Accordion}
{Shouting, groaning}
{Chuckles}
-Uh, shall we?
-Hold the phone.
{Grunts}
Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?
-What?
-That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?
-Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these
things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt!
-What? Oh, would you look at that?
-Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.
-Why? What's wrong?
-Shrek's hurt.
-Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.
-Donkey, I'm okay.
-You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep
you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the
Heimlich?
-Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and
find me a blue flower with red thorns.
-Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns.
Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!
-{Both} Donkey!
-Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.
-What are the flowers for?
-For getting rid of Donkey.
-Ah.
-Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.
-Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.
-I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
-No, it's tender.
-Now, hold on.
-What you're doing is the opposite of help.
-Don't move.
-Look, time out.
-Would you - -
{Grunts}
-Okay. What do you propose we do?
-Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red
thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue
flower, red thorns.
-Ow!
-Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!
-Ow! Not good.
-Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.
{Grunts}
-It's just about - -
-Ow! Ohh!
-Ahem.
-Nothing happend. We were just, uh - -
-Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?
-Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was
just- - Ugh!
-Ow!
-Hey, what's that?
{Nervous chickle}
-That's- - Is that blood?
{Sighs}
{Bird chirping}
{Grunts}
My beloved monster and me
We go everywhere together
Wearin' a raincoat
that has four sleeves
Gets us through all kinds of weather
-Aah!
She will always be the only thing
That comes between me and the awful sting
That comes from living in a world
that's so damn mean
{Croaks}
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
-Hey!
La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la
{Both laughing}
La-la, la-la, la-la
-There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.
-That's DuLoc?
-Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for
something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow!
-Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on.
-Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey.
{Blubbering}
-What?
-I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.
-What are you talking about? I'm fine.
-That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on
your back. Dead.
-You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?
-Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.
-I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and
when I turn my head like this, look,
{Bones crunch}
-Ow! See?
-Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.
-I'll get the firewood.
-Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any
toes! I think I need a hug.
-Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?
-Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.
-No kidding. Well, this is delicious.
-Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I
make a mean weedrat stew.
{Chuckling}
{Sighs}
-I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.
{Gulps}
-Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind
of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.
{Chuckles}
-I'd like that.
{Slurps, laughs}
See the pyramids along the Nile
-Um, Princess?
Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle
-Yes, Shrek?
-I, um, I was wondering.
Just remember, darling all the while
-Are you- -
You belong to me
{Sighs}
-Are you gonna eat that?
{Chuckles}
-Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.
-Sunset?
-Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.
-What?
-Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark,
aren't you?
-Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.
-Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until
- - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.
{Shrek sighs}
-Good night.
-Good night.
{Door creaks}
-Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.
-Oh, what are you talkin' about?
-I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts.
And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.
-You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.
-Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in
and tell her how you feel.
-I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that,
well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a
princess, and I'm - -
-An orge?
-Yeah. An orge.
-Hey, where you goin'?
-To get... move firewood.
{Sighs}
-Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?
{Wings fluttering}
-Princess?
{Creaking}
{Gasps}
-It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.
{Screams}
-Aah!
-Oh, no!
-No, help!
-Shh!
-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
-No, it's okay. It's okay.
-What did you do with the princess?
-Donkey, I'm the princess.
-Aah!
-It's me, in this body.
-Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me?
-Donkey!
-Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!
-No!
-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
-Shh.
-Shrek!
-This is me.
{Muffled mumbling}
-Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.
-I'm ugly, okay?
-Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats
was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - -
-No.
-I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember.
-What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.
-It's only happens when sun goes down.
"By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you
find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."
-Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
-It's a spell.
{Sighs}
-When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I
become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to
await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry
Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this.
{Sobs}
-All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not
that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look
like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.
-But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant
to look.
-Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?
-I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.
-But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you
got a lot in common.
-Shrek?
-Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for
me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's
pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might
like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh -
-
{Sighs}
-I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.
-I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I
mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?
"Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here
with Shrek.
{Gasps}
-My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.
{Deep sigh}
-Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only
way to break the spell.
-You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.
-No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.
-What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?
-Promise you won't tell. Promise!
-All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know
before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy.
-Look at my eye twitchin'.
{Door opens}
{Snoring}
-I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him.
-Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - -
{Snoring}
-Shrek. Are you all right?
-Perfect! Never been better.
-I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you.
-You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last
night.
-You heard what I said?
-Every word.
-I thought you'd understand.
-Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly
beast?"
-But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.
-Yeah? Well, it does.
{Gasps, sighs}
-Ah, right on time.
{Horse whinnies}
-Princess, I've brought you a little something.
{Fanfare}
{Yawns}
-What'd I miss? What'd I miss?
{Muffled}
-Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.
-Princess Fiona.
-As promised. Now hand it over.
-Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed.
-Take it and go before I change my mind.
-Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I
have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad.
-Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no.
{Snaps fingers}
-Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell.
-Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the
orge. It's not like it has feelings.
-No, you're right. It doesn't.
-Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in
marriage.
{Gasps}
-Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?
-Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - -
-Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!
-No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun
sets.
-Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's
so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest
list. Captain, round up some guests!
-Fare-thee-well, orge.
-Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.
-Yeah? So what?
-Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to
her last night, She's - -
-I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya?
Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?
-Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you.
-I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone!
My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless,
pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!
-But I thought - -
-Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong!
-Shrek.
I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya
It goes like this the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall the major lift
The baffled king composing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Baby, I've been here before
I know this room I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
And all I ever learned from love
Is how to shoot at someone
Who outdrew you
{Moaning}
And it's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
{Moaning}
Hallelujah, hallelujah
{Thumping sound}
-Donkey?
{Grunts}
-What are you doing?
-I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see
one.
-Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not
through it.
-It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half.
-Oh! Your half. Hmm.
-Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I
get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks
like your head.
-Back off!
-No, you back off.
-This is my swamp!
-Our swamp.
-Let go, Donkey!
-You let go.
-Stubborn jackass!
-Smelly orge.
-Fine!
-Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.
-Well, I'm through with you.
-Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess
what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are
mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do!
You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.
-Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?
-Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!
-Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in
the back!
-Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your
own feelings.
-Go away!
-There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she
ever do was like you, maybe even love you.
-Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of
you talking.
-She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody
else.
-She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?
-Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me.
Right? Right?
-Donkey!
-No!
-Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?
{Sighs}
-I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you
forgive me?
-Hey, that's what friends are for, right?
-Right. Friends?
-Friends.
-So, um, what did Fiona say about me?
-What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?
-The wedding! We'll never make it in time.
-Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I
have a way.
{Whistles}
-Donkey?
-I guess it's just my animal magnetism.
{Laughing}
-Aw, come here, you.
-All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass.
All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install
the seat belts yet.
-Whoo!
{Bells tolling}
{All gasping}
-People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union....
-Um-
-of our new king - -
-Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?
{Chuckling}
-Go on.
-Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about
that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't
you?
-What are you talking about?
-There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak
now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"
-I don't have time for this!
-Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this
woman, don't you?
-Yes.
-You wanna hold her?
-Yes.
-Please her?
-Yes!
-Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that
romantic crap!
-All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?
-We gotta check it out.
-And so, by the power vested in me,
-What do you see?
-The whole town's in there.
-I now pronounce you husband and wife,
-They're at the altar.
-king and queen.
-Mother Fletcher! He already said it.
-Oh, for the love of Pete!
{Grunts}
-I object!
-Shrek?
{Gasps}
-Oh, now what does he want?
-Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all.
Very clean.
-What are you doing here?
-Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but
showing up uninvited to a wedding - -
-Fiona! I need to talk to you.
-Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll
excuse me - -
-But you can't marry him.
-And why not?
-Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king.
-Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.
-He's not your true love.
-And what do you know about true love?
-Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -
-Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess!
Oh, good Lord.
{Crowd laughting}
-An orge and a princess!
-Shrek, is this true?
-Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away
from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm!
-"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.
{Whimpers}
{Crown gasping}
-Well, uh, that explains a lot.
-Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of
my sight now! Get them! Get them both!
-No, no!
-Shrek!
-This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that
makes me king! See? See?
-No, let go of me! Shrek!
-No!
-Don't just stand there, you morons.
-Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!
-I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and
quartered!
-You'll beg for death to save you!
-No, Shrek!
-And as for you, my wife,
-Fiona!
-I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!
-I'm king!
{Whistles}
-I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah!
-Aah!
-All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to
use it.
{Roars}
-I'm a donkey on the edge!
{Belches}
-Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?
{Cheering}
-Go ahead, Shrek.
-Uh, Fiona?
-Yes, Shrek?
-I - - I love you.
-Really?
-Really, really.
- I love you too.
-Aawww!
-"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true
form."
-"Take love's true form. Take love's true form."
-Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?
-Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
-But you ARE beautiful.
{Chuckles}
-I was hoping this would be a happy ending.
I thought love was only true in fairy tales
Oy!
Meant for someone else but not for me
Love was out to get me
That's the way it seemed
Disappointment haunted all my dreams
And then I saw her face
Now I'm a believer and not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I'm in love
Ooh-aah
I'm a believer I couldn't leave her
If I tried
-God bless us, every one.
Come on, y'all!
Then I saw her face
Ha-ha
Now I'm a believer
Listen!
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I'm in love
Ooh-aah
I'm a believer
I couldn't leave her if I tried
-Ooh!
-Uh!
Then I saw her face
Now I'm a believer
Hey!
Not a trace
Uhh! Yeah.
Of doubt in my mind
-One more time!
I'm in love
I'm a believer
Come on!
I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe,
I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey
Y'all sing it with me!
I
Believe
I believe
People in the back!
I believe
I'm a believer
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
{Hysterical laughing}
-Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh.
-I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
I believe in self-assertion
Destiny or a slight diversion
Now it seems I've got my head on straight
I'm a freak an apparition
Seems I've made the right decision
To try to turn back now it might be too late
Now I want to stay home today
Don't wanna go out
If anyone comes to play
Gonna get thrown out
I wanna stay home today
Don't want no company
No way
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I wanna be a millionaire someday
But know what it feels like to give it away
Watch me march to the beat of my own drum
And it's off to the moon and then back again
Same old day Same situation
My happiness rears back as if to say
I wanna stay home today
Don't wanna go out
If anyone comes to play
Gonna get thrown out
I wanna stay home today
Don't want no company
No way
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home.........
I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes
My heart skips a beat
Girl, I feel so alive
Please tell me, baby, if all this is true
'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you
Oh-oh-oh
Makes me wanna dance
Oh-oh-oh
It's a new romance
Oh-oh-oh
I look into your eyes
Oh-oh-oh
The best years of our lives
When we first met
I could hardly believe
The things that would happen
and we could achieve
So let's be together
for all of our time
Oh, girl, I'm so thankful
that you are still mine
You always consider me
like an ugly duckling
And treat me like a Nostradamus
was why I had to get my shine on
I break a little something
to keep my mind on
'Cause you had my mind gone
Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh
Turn the lights on, Come on, baby
Let's just rewind the song
'Cause all I want to do is
make the rest years the best years
All night long
Oh-oh-oh
Makes me wanna dance
Makes me wanna dance
Oh-oh-oh
It's a new romance
It's a new romance
Oh-oh-oh
I look into your eyes
Oh, yeah, yeah
I look into your eyes
Oh-oh-oh
The best years of our lives
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..............
Everything looks bright
Standing in your light
Everything feels right
What's left is out of sight
What's a girl to do
I'm telling you
You're on my mind
I wanna be with you
'Cause when you're
standin' next to me
It's like wow
And all your kisses
seem to set me free
It's like wow
And when we touch
it's such a rush
I can't get enough
It's like- - It's like
Ooh-ooh
Hey, what
It's like wow
Ooh-ooh, hey
Hey, yeah
It's like wow
Everything is looking
right now, right now
It's like wow
And I got this feeling
This feeling
it's just like wow
It's just like wow
You are all I'm thinking of.
Like wow
Everything feels right
Everything feels right
Like wow
Everything looks bright
All my senses are right
Like wow
Everything feels right
Baby, baby, baby
the way I'm feeling you
Is like wow
There is something
that I see
In the way
you look at me
There's a smile
There's a truth
In your eyes
What an unexpected way
On this unexpected day
Could it be
This is where I belong
It is you I have loved
All long
There's no more mystery
It is finally clear to me
You're the home
my heart's searched for
So long
It is you I have loved
All long
Whoa, over and over
I'm filled with emotion
As I look
Into your perfect face
READ MORE
Hiliebye
·
11/3/2020
You made me crash whan i tried to copy paste on youtube
Write a reply
BillyBoay324523523
·
10/25/2020
Hmm the last thing donkey said was I can't breathe..........
User avatar
7qzb
·
10/30/2020
Lol nice
Write a reply
Pr0d1t4ph0b14
·
10/19/2020
this really helped because i'm coding the entire shrek movie using scratch.mit.edu
Write a reply
User avatar
Scrooge Kamazi McDuck
·
6/6/2020
My Opinion
Shrek: STUBBORN DONKEY KONG
Donkey: SMELLY OGRE
Shrek:FINE
User avatar
Gva0210
·
4/4/2021
What's a donkey kong?
Noobsauce69
·
5/7/2021
How the hell do you not know donkeykong
Write a reply
User avatar
TazerProductions
·
6/6/2020
holy bible version 2
Write a reply
User avatar
Karatemaster2006
·
7/10/2018
That's commitment
(Edited by FANDOMbot)
Write a reply
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==References==
{{Reflist}}
==External links==
{{wikiquote}}
* {{Official website}}
* {{IMDb title|0109686}}
{{Dumb and Dumber}}
{{Farrelly brothers}}
{{Authority control}}
{{DEFAULTSORT:Dumb And Dumber}}
[[Category:Dumb and Dumber (franchise)]]
[[Category:1990s buddy comedy films]]
[[Category:1990s comedy road movies]]
[[Category:1990s screwball comedy films]]
[[Category:1994 comedy films]]
[[Category:1994 directorial debut films]]
[[Category:1994 films]]
[[Category:American films]]
[[Category:American buddy comedy films]]
[[Category:American comedy road movies]]
[[Category:American screwball comedy films]]
[[Category:American slapstick comedy films]]
[[Category:English-language films]]
[[Category:Fictional film duos]]
[[Category:Films adapted into television shows]]
[[Category:Films directed by Peter Farrelly]]
[[Category:Films set in Colorado]]
[[Category:Films set in Rhode Island]]
[[Category:Films shot in Colorado]]
[[Category:Films shot in Rhode Island]]
[[Category:Films shot in Salt Lake City]]
[[Category:Films about kidnapping]]
[[Category:Films shot in Utah]]
[[Category:Films with screenplays by the Farrelly brothers]]
[[Category:New Line Cinema films]]' |
Unified diff of changes made by edit (edit_diff ) | '@@ -176,9 +176,4658 @@
In 2003, a [[prequel]] was theatrically released, entitled ''[[Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd]]''. The film featured a cast and crew different from the previous film, and the Farrelly brothers had no involvement in the film's production. It was panned by critics, receiving a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.<ref>{{cite web|title=Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)|url= https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/dumb_and_dumberer_when_harry_met_lloyd/|website= [[Rotten Tomatoes]] |access-date=October 25, 2013}}</ref> It grossed approximately $39.2 million worldwide against a $19 million budget, as opposed to the original film's far greater $247 million worldwide gross against a $17 million budget.<ref>{{cite web|title=Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd|url=https://boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=dumbanddumberer.htm|publisher=Box Office Mojo|access-date=October 25, 2013}}</ref>
-===Sequel===
-{{main|Dumb and Dumber To}}
-In October 2011, the Farrelly brothers confirmed that they would make a [[sequel]] to ''Dumb and Dumber''.<ref>{{cite web|last=Fleming Jr.|first=Mike|title=Peter And Bobby Farrelly Plan More 'Dumb And Dumber' For Jim Carrey & Jeff Daniels|url=https://www.deadline.com/2011/10/peter-and-bobby-farrelly-plan-more-dumb-and-dumber-for-jim-carrey-and-jeff-daniels/|publisher=Deadline|access-date=November 7, 2013}}</ref> The sequel, titled ''[[Dumb and Dumber To]]'', was shot in the fall of 2013. Carrey and Daniels returned to lead the film, and Bobby and Peter Farrelly returned to direct along with original screenwriter Bennett Yellin, and actors reprising their roles from the first film include [[Brady Bluhm]], who played Billy in (Apartment) 4C, and [[Cam Neely]], who played Sea Bass. ''Dumb and Dumber To'' was released on November 14, 2014.<ref>{{cite news|title='Dumb And Dumber To' Release Date Set For Nov. 14, 2014|url=https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/19/dumb-and-dumber-to-release-date_n_4301763.html?ncid=txtlnkusaolp00000592|publisher=Huffington Post|access-date=November 19, 2013|first=Ryan|last=Kristobak|date=November 19, 2013}}</ref> Compared to the original film, ''Dumb and Dumber To'' was met with generally negative reviews from critics, although it did well commercially.
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+This is the transcript for the 2001 film, Shrek.
-''Dumb and Dumber To'' was not released by [[Warner Bros. Pictures]] (who now owns New Line Cinema), but rather by [[Universal Pictures]].<ref>{{cite web|last=Fleming Jr.|first=Mike|title=TOLDJA! 'Dumb And Dumber To' Proves No-Brainer For Universal; Studio Locks Deal For Farrellys, Jim Carrey, Jeff Daniels Pic|url=https://www.deadline.com/2013/06/toldja-dumb-and-dumber-to-proves-no-brainer-for-universal-studio-locks-deal-for-farrellys-jim-carrey-jeff-daniels/|publisher=Deadline|access-date=January 13, 2014}}</ref> Despite having no involvement in the film, however, New Line was still given studio credit from Universal.<ref>{{cite web |last=Goldberg |first=Matt |url=https://collider.com/dumb-and-dumber-2-poster/ |title=New Poster for DUMB AND DUMBER TO; First Trailer Premieres Tonight |publisher=Collider.com |access-date=June 17, 2014}}</ref><ref>{{cite web |url=https://collider.com/wp-content/uploads/dumb-and-dumber-to-poster2.jpg |title=Dumb and Dumber To Poster |publisher=Collider.com |access-date=June 17, 2014}}</ref>
+Transcript
+Shrek: "Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from the dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss." [Laughing] Like that's ever gonna happen.
+[Paper Rustling, Toilet Flushes]
+Shrek: What a load of--
+[Toilet Door slams]
+Shrek hops out his outhouse and his routine like taking a mud shower and farting in his pool.
+[♪ All-Star By Smash Mouth Playing]
+Steve Harwell: ♪ Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead. The years start comin', and they don't stop comin', fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin', didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with takin' the backstreets. You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder, you're bundled up now, but wait till you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ judging by the hole in the satellite picture. The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin, the water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire, how 'bout yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. Hey, now, you're an all-star. ♪
+[Shouting]
+Steve Harwell: ♪ Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪
+[Belches]
+Villagers: Go! Go!
+[Record Scrating]
+Steve Harwell: ♪ Go. Go. Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪
+Villagers: Think it's in there? All right! Let's get it!
+Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing could do to you?
+Villager 2: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.
+Shrek: [Laughs] Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres-- they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
+Villager 3: No!
+Shrek: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.
+Villager 3: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
+[Gasping]
+Villager 3: Right.
+[Roaring]
+[Shouting]
+[Roaring]
+[Roaring Continues]
+[Shouting Continues]
+Shrek: [Whispers] This is the part where you run away.
+[Gasping]
+Shrek: [Laughs] [Laughing] And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." [Sighs]
+Guard 1: All right. This one's full. Take it away!
+[Gasps]
+Guard 2: Move it along. Come on. Get up!
+Captain of the Guards: Next!
+Guard 3: Give me that! Your flying days are over.
+Captain of the Guards: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next.
+Guard 4: Get up!
+Captain of the Guards: Twenty pieces.
+Guard 5: Come on!
+[Thudding]
+Guard 6: Sit down there! Keep quiet!
+Bear: [Crying] This cage is too small.
+Donkey: Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
+Old Lady: Oh, shut up!
+Donkey: Oh!
+Captain of the Guards: Next! What have you got?
+Geppetto: This little wooden puppet.
+Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
+Captain of the Guards: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
+Pinocchio: Father, please! Don't let them do this!
+Captain of the Guards: Next.
+Pinocchio: Help me!
+Captain of the Guards: What have you got?
+Old Lady: Well, I've got a talking donkey.
+[Grunts]
+Captain of the Guards: Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
+Old Lady: Oh, go ahead, little fella.
+Captain of the Guards: Well?
+Old Lady: Oh, oh, he's just-- He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt--
+Captain of the Guards: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
+Old Lady: No, no, he talks! He does. [Moves Donkey’s lips] I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.
+Captain of the Guards: Get her out of my sight.
+Old Lady: No, no! I swear. Oh! He can talk!
+Donkey: [Gasps] Hey, I can fly!
+Peter Pan: He can fly!
+Pigs: He can fly!
+Captain of the Guards: He can talk!
+Donkey: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking, donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Uh-oh.
+Captain of the Guards: Seize him!
+Guard 7: After him! He's getting away!
+[Grunts, Gasps]
+Guard 8: Get him! This way! Turn!
+Captain of the Guards: You there. Ogre!
+Shrek: Aye?
+Captain of the Guards: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest, and transport you to a designated, resettlement facility.
+Shrek: Oh, really? You and what army?
+[Gasps, Whimpering]
+Donkey: [Chuckles] Can I say somethin' to you? Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible!
+Shrek: Are you talkin' to-- me? Whoa!
+Donkey: Yes, I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you was great back there? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, then bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babies in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.
+Shrek: Oh, that's great. Really.
+Donkey: Man, it's good to be free.
+Shrek: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
+Donkey: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.
+[Roaring]
+Donkey: Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time-- [Mumbling] Then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day.
+Shrek: Why are you following me?
+Donkey: I'll tell you why. ♪ 'Cause I'm all alone. There's no one here beside me. My problems have all gone, there's no one to deride me. But you gotta have friends-- ♪
+Shrek: Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.
+Donkey: Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.
+Shrek: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?
+Donkey: Uh-- Really tall?
+Shrek: No! I'm an ogre. You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you?
+Donkey: Nope.
+Shrek: Really?
+Donkey: Really, really.
+Shrek: Oh.
+Donkey: Man, I like you. What's your name?
+Shrek: Uh, Shrek.
+Donkey: Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that?
+Shrek: That would be my home.
+Donkey: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
+Shrek: I like my privacy.
+Donkey: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. You know? Can I stay with you?
+Shrek: Uh, what?
+Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please?
+Shrek: Of course!
+Donkey: Really?
+Shrek: No.
+Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But, that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
+Shrek: Okay! Okay! But one night only.
+Donkey: Ah! Thank you!
+Shrek: What are you-- No. No.
+Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles.
+Shrek: Oh!
+Donkey: Where do, uh, I sleep?
+Shrek: Outside!
+Donkey: Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, I guess outside is best. [Sniffles] Here I go. Good night. [Sighs] I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself. Outside, I guess. You know. By myself. Outside. ♪ I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. ♪
+[Bubbling]
+[Sighs]
+[Creaking]
+Shrek: [Sighs] I thought I told you to stay outside?
+Donkey: I am outside.
+[Clattering]
+[Clattering]
+Mouse 1: Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?
+Mouse 2: It's not home, but it'll do just fine.
+Gorder: What a lovely bed.
+Shrek: Got ya.
+Gorder: [Sniffs] I found some cheese.
+Shrek: Ow! [Grunts]
+Gorder: Blah! Awful stuff.
+Mouse 1: Is that you, Gorder?
+Gorder: How did you know?
+Shrek: Enough! What are you doing in my house? [Grunts] Hey!
+[Snickers]
+Shrek: Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.
+Dwarf: Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.
+Shrek: Huh? [Gasps]
+Wolf: What?
+Shrek: I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?
+Wolf: Aah!
+Shrek: Oh, no. No! No! Oh, no.
+[Cackling]
+[Cackling Continues]
+Shrek: What?
+Girl: Quit it. Don't push.
+[Squeaking]
+[Lows]
+Shrek: What are you doing in my swamp? [Echoing] Swamp? Swamp? Swamp?
+[Gasping]
+Fairies: Oh, dear!
+Dwarf: Whoa!
+Shrek: All right, get out of here. All of you, move it. Come on. Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!
+Dwarf: Quickly. Come on!
+Shrek: No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.
+Dwarf: Oh!
+[Sighs]
+Donkey: Hey, don’t look at me. I didn't invite them.
+Pinocchio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
+Shrek: What?
+Pinocchio: We were forced to come here.
+Shrek: By who?
+Pig: Lord Farquaad. He huffed und he puffed und he... singed an eviction notice.
+Shrek: [Sighs] All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is.
+[Murmuring]
+Donkey: Oh, I do. I know where he is.
+Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?
+Donkey: Me! Me!
+Shrek: Anyone?
+Donkey: Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!
+Shrek: Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, and get you all off my land and back where you came from!
+[Cheering]
+[Twittering]
+[Cheering Continues]
+Shrek: Oh! You! You're comin' with me.
+Donkey: All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! ♪ On the road again. ♪ Sing it with me, Shrek.
+Dwarf: Hey. Oh, oh!
+Donkey: ♪ I can't wait to get in the road again. ♪
+Shrek: What did I say about singing?
+Donkey: Can I whistle?
+Shrek: No.
+Donkey: Can I hum it?
+Shrek: All right, hum it.
+♪♪ [Humming]
+[Gurgling]
+[Coughing]
+Farquaad: That's enough! He's ready to talk.
+[Coughing]
+Farquaad: [Laughing] [Clears Throat] Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!
+Gingy: You're a monster.
+Farquaad: I'm not the monster here, you are! You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me, where are the others!?
+Gingy: Eat me!
+[Spits]
+Farquaad: I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I'll--
+Gingy: No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!
+Farquaad: All right, then. Who's hiding them?
+Gingy: Okay. I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
+Farquaad: The muffin man?
+Gingy: The muffin man.
+Farquaad: Yes. I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?
+Gingy: Well, she's married to the muffin man.
+Farquaad: The muffin man?
+Gingy: The muffin man!
+Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man.
+[Door Opens]
+Captain of the Guards: My lord! We found it.
+Farquaad: Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
+[Man Grunting]
+[Gasping]
+Gingy: Oh!
+Farquaad: Magic Mirror.
+Gingy: Don't tell him anything! No!
+Farquaad: Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of all?
+Mirror: Well, technically you're not a king.
+Farquaad: Uh, Thelonius. You were saying?
+Mirror: What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.
+Farquaad: Go on.
+Mirror: [Chuckles] So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! And last, but certainly not the least, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead, from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But, don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! So will it be, bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?
+Guards: Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!
+Farquaad: Three? One? [Shudders] Three?
+Thelonius: Three! Pick number three, my lord!
+Farquaad: Okay, okay, uh, number three!
+Mirror: Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.
+[♪ Escape By Rupert Holmes Playing]
+Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you like piña coladas. And getting caught in the rain. ♪
+Farquaad: Princess Fiona.
+Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you're not into yoga. ♪
+Farquaad: She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go--
+Mirror: But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.
+Farquaad: I'll do it.
+Mirror: Yes, but after sunset.
+Farquaad: Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.
+Donkey: But that's it. That's it right there. That's Duloc. I told ya I'd find it.
+Shrek: So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
+Donkey: Uh-huh. That's the place.
+Shrek: Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? [Laughs]
+Donkey: [Groans] Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
+Man: Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
+Shrek: Hey, you!
+[Screams]
+Shrek: Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. I just-- I just--
+[Whimpering]
+[Sighs]
+[Whimpering, Groans]
+[Turnstile Clatters]
+[Chuckles]
+[Sighs]
+♪♪ [Instrumental Music]
+Shrek: It's quiet. Too quiet.
+[Creaking]
+Shrek: Where is everybody?
+Donkey: Hey, look at this!
+[Clattering, Whirring, Clicking]
+[Clicking]
+[Clicking Quickens]
+Clockwork Chorus: ♪ Welcome to Duloc such a perfect town. Here was have some rules, let us lay them down. Don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine, Duloc is a perfect place. Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your... face. Duloc is, Duloc is, Duloc is a perfect place! ♪
+[Camera Shutter Clicks]
+[Whirring]
+Donkey: Wow! Let's do that again!
+Shrek: No. No. No, no, no! No.
+[Trumpet Fanfare]
+[Crowd Cheering]
+Farquaad: Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land.
+[Donkey Humming]
+Farquaad: Today one of you shall prove himself--
+Shrek: All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.
+Donkey: Sorry about that.
+[Cheering]
+Farquaad: That champion shall have the honor-- no, no-- the privilege, to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona, from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place, and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.
+[Cheering]
+Farquaad: Let the tournament begin!
+[Gasps]
+Knight 1: Oh!
+Farquaad: What is that?
+[Gasping]
+Farquaad: It's hideous!
+Shrek: Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.
+Donkey: Huh?
+Farquaad: Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!
+Knight 2: Get him!
+Shrek: Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.
+Woman: Go ahead! Get him!
+Shrek: Can't we just settle this over a pint?
+Knight 3: Kill the beast!
+Shrek: No? All right then. Come on!
+[♪ Bad Reputation By Joan Jett Playing]
+Halfcocked: ♪ I don't give a damn about my reputation. You're living in the past, it's a new generation. ♪
+Knight 4: Damn!
+[Whinnying]
+Halfcocked: ♪ A girl can do what she wants to do, and that's what I'm gonna do. And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. ♪
+Donkey: Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
+Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Never said I wanted to improve my station. ♪
+Shrek: Ah! [Laughs]
+Halfcocked: ♪ And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun. ♪
+Shrek: Yeah!
+Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't have to please no one. ♪
+Wrestling Fan: The chair! Give him the chair!
+Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. Oh, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me. Not me. ♪
+[Bell Dings]
+[Cheering]
+Shrek: [Laughs] Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!
+[Shrek Laughs]
+[Crowd Gasping, Murmuring]
+Guard 9: Shall I give the order, sir?
+Farquaad: No, I have a better idea. People of Duloc! I give you our champion!
+Shrek: What?
+Farquaad: Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest.
+Shrek: Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp back.
+Farquaad: Your swamp?
+Shrek: Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures!
+[Crowd Murmuring]
+Farquaad: Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back.
+Shrek: Exactly the way it was?
+Farquaad: Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.
+Shrek: And the squatters?
+Farquaad: As good as gone.
+Shrek: What kind of quest?
+Donkey: Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon, and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?
+Shrek: You know what? Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
+Donkey: I don't get it, Shrek. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.
+Shrek: Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village, and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
+Donkey: Uh, no, not really, no.
+Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
+Donkey: Example?
+Shrek: Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions.
+Donkey: [Sniffs] They stink?
+Shrek: Yes-- No!
+Donkey: They make you cry?
+Shrek: No!
+Donkey: You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.
+Shrek: No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. [Sighs]
+Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. [Sniffs] You know, not everybody likes onions. Cakes! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
+Shrek: I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres. Are not. Like cakes.
+Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Hey, let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
+Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
+Donkey: Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole dang planet.
+Shrek: You know, I think preferred your humming.
+Donkey: Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering.
+[♪ I'm On My Way By The Proclaimers Playing]
+The Proclaimers: ♪ I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And everything that you receive up yonder is what you give to me the day I wander, I'm on my way. I'm on my way. I'm on my way. ♪
+Donkey: Ooh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything.
+Shrek: Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. [Sniffs] It's brimstone. We must be getting close.
+Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone either.
+[Rumbling]
+Shrek: Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. [Laughing]
+Donkey: Shrek? Remember when you said ogres have layers?
+Shrek: Oh, aye.
+Donkey: Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.
+Shrek: Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.
+Donkey: You know what I mean.
+Shrek: You can't tell me you're afraid of heights?
+Donkey: No, I'm just a little uncomfortable being on a rickety over a boiling lake of lava!
+Shrek: Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay. For emotional support. We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time.
+Donkey: Really?
+Shrek: Really, really.
+Donkey: Okay, that makes me feel so much better.
+Shrek: Just keep moving. And don't look down.
+Donkey: Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. [Gasps] Shrek! I'm lookin' down! God, I can't do this! Just let me off right now. Please.
+Shrek: But you're already halfway.
+Donkey: But I know that half is safe!
+Shrek: Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.
+Donkey: Shrek, no! Wait!
+Shrek: Donkey-- Let's have a dance then, shall we?
+Donkey: Don't do that!
+Shrek: Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this?
+Donkey: Yes, that!
+Shrek: This? This, do it. Okay.
+Donkey: [Screams] No, Shrek! No! Stop it!
+Shrek: You said do it. I'm doin' it.
+Donkey: I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!
+Shrek: That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.
+Donkey: Cool. So, where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?
+Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
+Donkey: [Chuckles] I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
+[Water Dripping]
+[Wind Howling]
+Donkey: [Donkey Whispering] You afraid?
+Shrek: No, but-- Shh.
+Donkey: Oh, good. Me neither. [Gasps] 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared, you know what I mean. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. [Gasps]
+Shrek: Donkey, two things, okay? Shut... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs.
+Donkey: Stairs? I thought I was lookin' for the princess.
+Shrek: The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
+Donkey: What makes it you think she'll be there?
+Shrek: I read it in a book once.
+Donkey: Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'.
+[Creaking]
+Donkey: I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right here. I'd step all over it.
+Shrek: Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the--?
+Donkey: Dragon! [Screams] [Gasps]
+[Roars]
+Shrek: Donkey, look out! [Screams]
+[Screams]
+[Whimpering]
+Shrek: Got ya!
+[Roars]
+[Gasps]
+Shrek: [Shouts] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [Screaming]
+Donkey: [Gasps] Oh! Aah! Aah! [Gasping]
+[Growls]
+Donkey: No. Oh, no. No! [Screams] Oh, what large teeth you have.
+[Growls]
+Donkey: I mean, I mean, white sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're-- You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. 'Cause, you're just reeking a feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ooh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm, uh-- [Coughs] I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. Shrek! [Gasps] [Whimpering] No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
+[Groans, Sighs]
+♪♪ [Chorus Vocalizing]
+♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]
+♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]
+Fiona: Oh! Oh!
+Shrek in Armor: Wake up!
+Fiona: What?
+Shrek in Armor: Are you Princess Fiona?
+Fiona: I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.
+Shrek in Armor: Oh, that's nice. Now, let's go!
+Fiona: But, wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?
+Shrek in Amror: Yeah. Sorry, lady. There's no time.
+Fiona: Hey, wait. What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet, out yonder window, and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
+Shrek in Armor: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
+Fiona: Mm-hmm. [Screams, Grunts] But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!
+Shrek in Armor: I don't think so.
+Fiona: Can I at least know the name of my champion?
+Shrek: Um, Shrek.
+Fiona: Sir Shrek. [Clears Throat] I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.
+Shrek in Armor: Thanks.
+[Roaring]
+Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon?
+Shrek in Armor: It's on my to-do list. Now, come on!
+Fiona: [Screams] But this isn't right! You’re meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying! That's what all the other knights did!
+Shrek in Armor: Yeah, right before they burst into flame!
+Fiona: You know, that's not the point! Oh! Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there.
+Shrek in Armor: Well, I have to save my ass.
+Fiona: What kind of knight are you?
+Shrek in Armor: One of the kind.
+Donkey: Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. [Laughs] I don't to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this-- Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude-- Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or maybe his pen pals. 'Cause I'm the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards, and-- I'd really love to stay, but-- Hey, hey, hey! Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal ail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission to-- Wait. What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no! No! Oh!
+[Growls]
+[Roars]
+[Roaring]
+[Gasps]
+Donkey: Hi, Princess!
+Fiona: It talks!
+Shrek in Armor: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!
+Donkey: Shrek! [Screams] [Screaming]
+Shrek: Oh!
+[Thuds]
+[Groans]
+[Shrek Groans]
+[Roars]
+[Roars]
+[Roaring]
+[Roars]
+Shrek in Armor: Okay, you two! Head for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. [Echoing] Run!
+[Gasping]
+[Screaming]
+[Screams]
+[Roars]
+[Panting, Sighs]
+[Whimpers]
+[Roars]
+[Roars, Whimpers]
+[Dragon Growling In The Distance]
+Fiona: You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. You're-- You're wonderful. You're... A little unorthodox, I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.
+[Clears Throat]
+Fiona: And where would be a brave knight be without his noble steed?
+Donkey: All right, I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a noble steed.
+Fiona: [Fiona Laughs] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
+Shrek in Armor: Uh, no.
+Fiona: Why not?
+Shrek: I have helmet hair.
+Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
+Shrek in Armor: No, no, you wouldn't'st.
+Fiona: But, how will you kiss me?
+Shrek in Armor: What? That job wasn't in the job description.
+Donkey: Maybe it's a perk.
+Fiona: No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon, is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss.
+Donkey: Hmm? With Shrek? You think-- Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is your true love?
+Fiona: Well, yes.
+[Laughing]
+[Laughing]
+Donkey: You think Shrek is your true love!
+Fiona: What is so funny?
+Shrek in Armor: Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?
+Fiona: Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now-- Now remove your helmet.
+Shrek in Amror: Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.
+Fiona: Just take off the helmet.
+Shrek in Amror: I'm not going to.
+Fiona: Take it off.
+Shrek in Amror: No!
+Fiona: Now!
+Shrek in Armor: Okay! Easy. As you command, Your Highness.
+Fiona: You-- You're-- an ogre.
+Shrek: Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.
+Fiona: Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre.
+Shrek: Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay. He's the one who wants to marry you.
+Fiona: Then why didn't he come to rescue me?
+Shrek: Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.
+Fiona: But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some ogre and his pet.
+Donkey: So much for noble steed.
+Shrek: You're not making my job any easier.
+Fiona: I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here.
+Shrek: Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.
+Fiona: You wouldn't dare. Put me down!
+Shrek: Ya comin', Donkey?
+Donkey: I'm right behind ya.
+Fiona: Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! [Screams]
+Donkey: Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right? But you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten?
+Fiona: You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your-- Hey! [Sighs] The sooner we get to Duloc the better.
+Donkey: Oh, yeah. You're gonna love it there, Princess? It's beautiful!
+Fiona: And my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?
+Shrek: Well, let me put this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's standards are in short supply. [Laughs]
+Donkey: I don't know, Shrek. There are those who think little of him.
+[Both Laughing]
+Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
+Shrek: Maybe. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow.
+Fiona: Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?
+Shrek: No, that'll take longer.
+Fiona: But there's robbers in the woods.
+Donkey: Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping is definitely startin' to sound good.
+Shrek: Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest.
+Fiona: I need to find somewhere to camp now!
+[Bird Wings Fluttering]
+Shrek: [Grunting] Hey! Over here.
+Donkey: Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess.
+Fiona: No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.
+Shrek: Homey touches? Like what?
+[Crashing]
+Fiona: A door. Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.
+Donkey: You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.
+Fiona: I said, good night!
+Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing?
+Shrek: [Laughs] I just-- You know-- Oh, come on. I was just kidding.
+[Fire Crackling]
+Shrek: And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields.
+Donkey: Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?
+Shrek: The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.
+Donkey: I know you're making this up.
+Shrek: No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench.
+Donkey: Man, that ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.
+Shrek: Sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it.
+Donkey: [Sighs] Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?
+Shrek: Our swamp?
+Donkey: You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.
+Shrek: We? Donkey, there is no "we." There's no "our." There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land.
+Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out.
+Shrek: No. Do ya think?
+Donkey: Are you hidin' something?
+Shrek: Never mind, Donkey.
+Donkey: Oh! This is another one of those onion things, isn't it?
+Shrek: No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it-alone things.
+Donkey: Why don't you want to talk about it?
+Shrek: Why do you always want to?
+Donkey: Why are you blocking?
+Shrek: I'm not blocking.
+Donkey: Yes, you are.
+Shrek: Donkey, I'm warning you.
+Donkey: Who you trying to keep out?
+Shrek: Everyone! Okay?
+Donkey: Now we're gettin' somewhere.
+Shrek: Oh! For the love of Pete!
+Donkey: What's your problem? What you got against the whole world?
+Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" [Sighs] They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.
+Donkey: You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre.
+Shrek: Yeah, I know.
+Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
+Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
+Donkey: Okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?
+Shrek: That's the moon.
+Donkey: Oh, okay.
+♪♪ [Orchestra]
+♪♪ [Dulcimer]
+Farquaad: Again. Show me again.
+[Music Stops, Rewinds]
+Farquaad: Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess.
+Mirror: Hmph.
+[Rewinds, Resumes]
+Farquaad: Ah. Perfect. [Inhales]
+[Snoring]
+♪♪ [Vocalizing]
+♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]
+♪♪ [Whistling]
+♪♪ [Whistling Continues]
+♪♪ [Vocalizes]
+♪♪ [Whistles]
+♪♪ [Vocalizes]
+♪♪ [Whistles]
+♪♪ [Vocalizing]
+♪♪ [Whistling]
+♪♪ [Vocalizing, High-pitched]
+♪♪ [Whistling, High-pitched]
+♪♪ [Continues]
+[Sizzling]
+[Sniffs, Yawns]
+Shrek: Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.
+Donkey: Come on, baby. I said I like it.
+Shrek: Donkey, wake up.
+Donkey: Huh? What?
+Shrek: Wake up.
+Donkey: What?
+Fiona: Good morning. How do you like your eggs?
+Donkey: Good morning, Princess!
+Shrek: What's all this about?
+Fiona: We kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. After all, you did rescue me.
+Shrek: Uh, thanks.
+[Sniffs]
+Fiona: Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.
+[Belches]
+Donkey: Shrek!
+Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. [Laughs]
+Donkey: Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.
+[Belches]
+Fiona: Thanks.
+Donkey: She's as nasty as you are.
+Shrek: [Laughs] You know, you're not exactly what I expected.
+Fiona: Maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. [Vocalizing]
+Monsieur Hood: La liberte! Hey!
+Shrek: Princess?
+[Laughs]
+Fiona: What are you doing?
+Monsieur Hood: Be still, cherie, for I am your savior! And I am rescuing you from this green [Kissing Sounds] beast.
+Shrek: Hey! That's my princess. Go find your own!
+Monsieur Hood: Please, monsters! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?
+Fiona: Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are!
+Monsieur Hood: Oh! Of course! How rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men! [Laughs]
+♪♪ [Accordion]
+Merry Men: ♪ Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo! ♪
+Monsieur Hood: ♪ I steal from the rich and give to the needy. ♪
+Man: ♪ He takes a wee percentage. ♪
+Monsieur Hood: ♪ But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels. Man, I'm good. ♪
+Merry Men: ♪ What a guy, Monsieur Hood! ♪
+Monsieur Hood: ♪ Break it down. I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid. ♪
+Merry Men: ♪ What he's basically saying is he likes to get-- ♪
+Monsieur Hood: ♪ Paid. ♪
+Merry Men: ♪ So. ♪
+Monsieur Hood: ♪ When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad. ♪
+Merry Men: ♪ That's bad. ♪
+Monsieur Hood: ♪ When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad. ♪
+Merry Men: ♪ He's mad. He's really, really mad. ♪
+Monsieur Hood: ♪ I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart. Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start! ♪
+[Tarzan Yell]
+[Grunts, Groans]
+[Karate Yell]
+[Merry Men Gasping]
+Fiona: [Panting] Man, that was annoying!
+Man: Oh, you little--
+[Karate Yell]
+♪♪ [Accordion]
+[Tarzan woman yell]
+[Shouting, Groaning]
+[Tarzan woman yells about 3 times]
+[Groaning]
+Fiona: [Chuckles] Um, shall we?
+Shrek: Hold the phone.
+[Grunts]
+Shrek: Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?
+Fiona: What?
+Shrek: That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?
+Fiona: Well-- [Chuckles] When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a-- There's an arrow in your butt!
+Shrek: What? Oh, would you look at that?
+Fiona: Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.
+Donkey: Why? What's wrong?
+Fiona: Shrek's hurt.
+Donkey: Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.
+Shrek: Donkey, I'm okay.
+Donkey: Oh, you can't do this to me. I'm too young for you to die. Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich?
+Fiona: Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns.
+Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Okay. I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die, Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!
+Shrek: Donkey!
+Donkey: Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.
+Shrek: What are the flowers for?
+Fiona: For getting rid of Donkey.
+Shrek: Ah.
+Fiona: Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.
+Shrek: Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.
+Fiona: I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
+Shrek: No, it's tender. Now, hold on. What you're doing is the opposite of help.
+Fiona: Don't move.
+Shrek: Look, time out.
+Fiona: Would you-- [Grunts] Okay. What do you propose we do?
+Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns.
+Shrek: Ow!
+Donkey: Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!
+Shrek: Ow! Not good.
+Fiona: Okay. Okay, I can nearly see the head.
+[Grunts]
+Fiona: It's just about--
+Shrek: Ow! Ohh!
+Donkey: Ahem.
+Shrek: Nothing happened. We were just, uh--
+Donkey: Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was as, okay.
+Shrek: Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind! The princess here was just-- Ugh! Ow!
+Donkey: Hey, what's that? [Nervous Chuckle] That's-- Is that blood? [Sighs]
+[Bird Chirping]
+[♪ My Beloved Monster By Eels Playing]
+[Grunts]
+Eels: ♪ My beloved monster and me. We go everywhere together. Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves, gets us through all kinds of weather. ♪
+Donkey: Aah!
+Eels: ♪ She will always be the only thing. That comes between me and the awful sting. That comes from living in the world that's so damn mean. ♪
+[Croaks]
+Eels: ♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh. ♪
+Fiona: Hey!
+Eels: ♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la. ♪
+[Both Laughing]
+Eels: La-la, la-la, la-la.
+Shrek: There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.
+Fiona: That's Duloc?
+Donkey: Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really-- Ow!
+Shrek: Um, I, uh-- I guess we better move one.
+Fiona: Sure. But, Shrek? I'm-- I'm worried about Donkey.
+[Blubbering]
+Shrek: What?
+Fiona: I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.
+Donkey: What are you talking about? I'm fine.
+Fiona: That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead.
+Shrek: You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?
+Fiona: I'll make you some tea.
+Donkey: I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look. [Bones Crunch] Ow! See?
+Shrek: Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.
+Fiona: I'll get the firewood.
+Donkey: Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug.
+Fiona: Mmm. Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?
+Shrek: Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.
+Fiona: No kidding.
+Shrek: Well, this is delicious. Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. [Chuckling]
+Donkey: [Sighs] I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.
+Shrek: [Gulps] Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare-- you name it.
+Fiona: [Chuckles] I'd like that.
+[Slurps, Laughs]
+Donkey: ♪ See the pyramids along the Nile. ♪
+Shrek: Um, Princess?
+Donkey: ♪ Watch the sunrise from a tropical isle. ♪
+Fiona: Yes, Shrek?
+Shrek: I, um, I was wondering.
+Donkey: ♪ Just remember, darling all the while. ♪
+Shrek: Are you--
+Donkey: You belong to me.
+Shrek: [Sighs] Are you gonna eat that?
+[Chuckles]
+Donkey: Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.
+Fiona: Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.
+Shrek: What?
+Donkey: Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you?
+Fiona: Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.
+Donkey: Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until-- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.
+[Shrek Sighs]
+Fiona: Good night.
+Shrek: Good night.
+[Door Creaks]
+Donkey: Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.
+Shrek: Oh, what are you talkin' about?
+Donkey: I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. I know two were diggin' in each other. I could feel it.
+Shrek: You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.
+Donkey: Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel.
+Shrek: I-- There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know-- and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't-- she's a princess, and I'm--
+Donkey: An ogre?
+Shrek: Yeah. An ogre.
+Donkey: Hey, where you goin'?
+Shrek: To get... more firewood. [Sighs]
+Donkey: Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?
+[Wings Fluttering]
+Donkey: Princess?
+[Creaking]
+Donkey: [Gasps] It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.
+[Screams]
+Donkey: Aah!
+Fiona: Oh, no!
+Donkey: No, help!
+Fiona: Shh!
+Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
+Fiona: No, it's okay. It's okay.
+Donkey: What did you do with the princess?
+Fiona: Donkey, I'm the princess.
+Donkey: Aah!
+Fiona: It's me, in this body.
+Donkey: Oh, my God! You ate the princess! Can you hear me?
+Fiona: Donkey!
+Donkey: Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!
+Fiona: No!
+Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
+Fiona: Shh.
+Donkey: Shrek!
+Fiona: This is me.
+Donkey: [Muffled Mumbling] Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.
+Fiona I'm ugly, okay?
+Donkey: Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now--
+Fiona: No. I-- I've been this way as long as I can remember.
+Donkey: What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.
+Fiona: It only happens when the sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm, until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form."
+Donkey: Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
+Fiona: It's a spell. [Sighs] When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow, before the sun sets and he sees me, like this. [Sobs]
+Donkey: All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.
+Fiona: But, Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look.
+Donkey: Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?
+Fiona: I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.
+Donkey: But, you know, um, you're kind of an ogre, and Shrek-- well, you got a lot in common.
+Fiona: Shrek?
+Shrek: Princess, I-- Uh, how's going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and-- well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd-- uh, uh-- [Sighs] I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.
+Fiona: I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.
+[Deep Sigh]
+Fiona: Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell.
+Donkey: You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.
+Fiona: No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.
+Donkey: What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?
+Fiona: Promise you won't tell. Promise!
+Donkey: All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'.
+[Door Opens]
+[Snoring]
+Fiona: I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want--
+[Snoring]
+Fiona: Shrek. Are you all right?
+Shrek: Perfect! Never been better.
+Fiona: I-- I don't-- There's something I have to tell you.
+Shrek: You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night.
+Fiona: You heard what I said?
+Shrek: Every word.
+Fiona: I thought you'd understand.
+Shrek: Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?"
+Fiona: But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.
+Shrek: Yeah? Well, it does.
+[Gasps, Sighs]
+Shrek: Ah, right on time.
+[Horse Whinnies]
+Shrek: Princess, I've brought you a little something.
+♪♪ [Fanfare]
+Donkey: [Yawns] What'd I miss? What'd I miss? [Muffled] Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.
+Farquaad: Princess Fiona.
+Shrek: As promised. Now hand it over.
+Farquaad: Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, ad agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have ever seen such a radiant beauty before. I am Lord Farquaad.
+Fiona: Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying, a short, farewell.
+Farquaad: That's so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings.
+Fiona: No, you're right. It doesn't.
+Farquaad: Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage.
+[Gasps]
+Farquaad: Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?
+Fiona: Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make.
+Farquaad: Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!
+Fiona: No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets.
+Farquaad: Oh, anxious, are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests!
+Fiona: Fare-thee-well, ogre.
+Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.
+Shrek: Yeah? So what?
+Donkey: Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night. She's--
+Shrek: I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?
+Donkey: Shrek, I-- I wanna go with you.
+Shrek: I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!
+Donkey: But I thought--
+Shrek: Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong!
+Donkey: Shrek.
+[♪ Hallelujah By John Cale Playing]
+John Cale: ♪ I heard there was a secret chord, that David played, and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music, do ya? It goes like this the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall the major lift. The baffled king composing hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. Baby, I've been here before, I know this room I've walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch, but love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's broken hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. And all I ever learned from love is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you. ♪
+[Moaning]
+John Cale: ♪ And it's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah. ♪
+[Moaning]
+John Cale: ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. ♪
+[Thumping Sound]
+Shrek: Donkey?
+[Grunts]
+Shrek: What are you doing?
+Donkey: I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one.
+Shrek: Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it.
+Donkey: It is. Around your half. See, that's your half, and this is my half.
+Shrek: Oh! Your half. Hmm.
+Donkey: Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head.
+Shrek: Back off!
+Donkey: No, you back off.
+Shrek: This is my swamp!
+Donkey: Our swamp.
+Shrek: Let go, Donkey!
+Donkey: You let go.
+Shrek: Stubborn jackass!
+Donkey: Smelly ogre.
+Shrek: Fine!
+Donkey: Hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.
+Shrek: Well, I'm through with you.
+Donkey: Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.
+Shrek: Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?
+Donkey: Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!
+Shrek: Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you, for stabbin' me in the back!
+Donkey: Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings.
+Shrek: Go away!
+Donkey: There you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you.
+Shrek: Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking.
+Donkey: She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else.
+Shrek: She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?
+Donkey: Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right?
+Shrek: Donkey!
+Donkey: No!
+Shrek: Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?
+Donkey: Hmph.
+Shrek: [Sighs] I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me?
+Donkey: Hey, that's what friends are for, right?
+Shrek: Right. Friends?
+Donkey: Friends.
+Shrek: So, um, what did Fiona say about me?
+Donkey: What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?
+Shrek: The wedding! We'll never make it in time.
+Donkey: Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where there's a will, there's a way, and I have a way. [Whistles]
+Shrek: Donkey?
+[Donkey Laughing]
+Donkey: I guess it's just an animal magnetism.
+Shrek: [Laughing] Aw, come here, you.
+Donkey: All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. [Donkey Laughing] Whoo!
+[Bells Tolling]
+[All Gasping]
+Bishop: People of Duloc, we gather here today, to bear witness, to the union...
+Fiona: Um-- of our now king--
+Bishop: Excuse me.
+Fiona: Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?
+Farquaad: [Chuckling] Go on.
+Donkey: Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you?
+Shrek: What are you talking about?
+Donkey: There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"
+Shrek: I don't have time for this!
+Donkey: Wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you?
+Shrek: Yes.
+Donkey: You wanna hold her?
+Shrek: Yes.
+Donkey: Please her?
+Shrek: Yes!
+Donkey: ♪ Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. ♪ The chicks love that romantic crap!
+Shrek: All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?
+Donkey: We gotta check it out.
+[Donkey Grunting]
+Bishop: And so, by the power vested in me...
+Shrek: What do you see?
+Donkey: The whole town's in there.
+Bishop: ...I now pronounce you husband and wife...
+Donkey: They're at the altar.
+Bishop: ...king and queen.
+Donkey: Mother Fletcher! He already said it.
+Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete!
+[Grunts]
+Shrek: I object!
+Fiona: Shrek?
+[Gasps]
+Farquaad: Oh, now what does he want?
+[Crowd Clamoring]
+Shrek: Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean.
+Fiona: What are you doing here?
+Farquaad: Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding--
+Shrek: Fiona! I need to talk to you.
+Fiona: Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me--
+Shrek: But you can't marry him.
+Fiona: And why not?
+Shrek: Because-- Because he's just marrying you so he can be king.
+Farquaad: Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.
+Shrek: He's not your true love.
+Fiona: And what do you know about true love?
+Shrek: Well, I-- Uh-- I mean--
+Farquaad: Oh, this is precious. [Chuckling] The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord.
+[Crowd Laughing]
+Farquaad: An ogre and a princess! [Laughing Continues]
+Fiona: Shrek, is this true?
+Farquaad: Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmm!
+Fiona: "By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.
+[Whimpers]
+[Crowd Gasping]
+Shrek: Well, uh, that explains a lot.
+Farquaad: Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both!
+Fiona: No, no! Shrek!
+Farquaad: This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See?
+Fiona: No, let go of me, Shrek!
+Shrek: No!
+Farquaad: Don't just stand there, you morons.
+Shrek: Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!
+Farquaad: I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you!
+Fiona: No! Shrek!
+Farquaad: And as for you, my wife,
+Shrek: Fiona!
+Farquaad: I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I am king!
+[Whistles]
+Farquaad: I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have-- Aaah! Aah!
+Donkey: All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it.
+[Dragon Roars]
+Donkey: I'm a donkey on the edge!
+[Belches]
+Donkey: [Donkey Laughs] Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?
+[Cheering]
+Donkey: Go ahead, Shrek.
+Shrek: Uh, Fiona?
+Fiona: Yes, Shrek?
+Shrek: I-- I love you.
+Fiona: Really?
+Shrek: Really, really.
+Fiona: I love you too.
+All: Aawww!
+Fiona: "Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form." [Echoing] [Echoing Continues] "Take love's true from. Take love's true form."
+Shrek: Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?
+Fiona: Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
+Shrek: But you are beautiful.
+[Chuckles]
+Donkey: I was hoping would be a happy ending.
+[♪ I'm A Believer By Smash Mouth Playing]
+Steve Harwell: ♪ I thought love was only true in fairy tales. ♪
+All: Oy!
+Steve Harwell: ♪ Meant for someone else but not for me. Love was out to get me, that's the way it seemed, disappointment haunted all my dreams. And then I saw her face. Now I'm a believer. And not a trace. Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. ♪
+Choir: ♪ Ohh-ahh. ♪
+Steve Harwell: ♪ I'm a believer I couldn't leaver her if I tried. ♪
+Gingy: God bless us, every one.
+Donkey: Come on, y'all! ♪ Then I saw her face. ♪ Ha-ha! ♪ Now I'm a believer. ♪ Listen! Not a trace. ♪ Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. Ooh-ahh. I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried. ♪
+Mice: Ooh! Uh!
+Donkey: ♪ Then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer! Hey! Not a trace. Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind. One more time! I'm in love. I'm a believer. Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey! Y'all sing it with me! I believe! I believe! People in the back! I believe! ♪
+Smash Mouth: ♪ I'm a believer. ♪
+Donkey: ♪ I believe. I believe. I believe! ♪ [Hysterical Laughing] Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
+Categories:
+TranscriptsShrekMovies
+Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.
+Add a comment about Shrek (film)/Transcript
+10 comments
+
+User avatar
+LunarHD
+·
+5d
+I sent this to my friend after she sent me the bee movie script.
+
+Write a reply
+Xtradogeinary
+·
+4/22/2021
+Donkey's last words: I cant breath
+
+George Floyd's last words: I cant breath man
+
+
+
+C O I N C I D E N C E ? ? ?
+
+
+
+I T H I N K N O T
+
+SimbaRaiiin
+·
+5/7/2021
+Shut the fuck up.
+
+Write a reply
+Dedfgfg
+·
+3/18/2021
+This is half of the transcript!
+
+User avatar
+Em0lixik
+·
+3/27/2021
+No?
+
+Write a reply
+User avatar
+The Strange Lion15
+·
+11/24/2020
+Yeah bro someone put this a google classroom meet in the chat lol
+
+John Sebastian Gamao
+·
+11/24/2020
+Fuckin legend
+
+Mylamp
+·
+1/12/2021
+I was just about to do this with an account that looks like someone else in my class
+
+SmallTay
+·
+4/15/2021
+My friend did that
+
+
+
+Write a reply
+User avatar
+7qzb
+·
+10/30/2020
+Just incase this gets griefed:
+
+{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.
+
+But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only
+
+be broken by love's first kiss.
+
+She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing
+
+dragon.
+
+Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison,
+
+but non prevailed.
+
+She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest
+
+tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.
+
+{Laughing}
+
+Like that's ever gonna happen.
+
+{Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes}
+
+What a load of -
+
+
+
+Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
+
+I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
+
+She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
+
+In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
+
+The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'
+
+Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin'
+
+Didn't make sense not to live for fun
+
+Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
+
+So much to do so much to see
+
+So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets
+
+You'll never know if you don't go
+
+You'll never shine if you don't glow
+
+Hey, now You're an all-star
+
+Get your game on, go play
+
+Hey, now You're a rock star
+
+Get the show on, get paid
+
+And all that glitters is gold
+
+Only shootin' stars break the mold
+
+It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
+
+You're bundled up now but wait till you get older
+
+But the meteor men beg to differ
+
+Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
+
+The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin
+
+The water's getting warm so you might as well swim
+
+My world's on fire
+
+How 'bout yours
+
+That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored
+
+Hey, now, you're an all-star
+
+{Shouting}
+
+Get your game on, go play
+
+Hey, now You're a rock star
+
+Get the show on, get paid
+
+And all that glitters is gold
+
+Only shootin' stars break the mold
+
+{Belches}
+
+Go!
+
+Go!
+
+{Record Scratching}
+
+Go. Go.Go.
+
+Hey, now, you're an all-star
+
+Get your game on, go play
+
+Hey, now You're a rock star
+
+Get the show on, get paid
+
+And all that glitters is gold
+
+Only shootin' stars break the mold
+
+
+
+-Think it's in there?
+
+-All right. Let's get it!
+
+-Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?
+
+-Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.
+
+{Laughs}
+
+-Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.
+
+Now, ogres - - They're much worse.
+
+They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
+
+-No!
+
+-They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!
+
+Actually, it's quite good on toast.
+
+-Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
+
+{Gasping}
+
+-Right.
+
+{Roaring}
+
+{Shouting}
+
+{Roaring}
+
+{Whispers} This is the part where you run away.
+
+{Gasping}
+
+{Laughs}
+
+{Laughing} And stay out!
+
+"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."
+
+{Sighs}
+
+{Man's voice} All right. This one's full.
+
+-Take it away!
+
+{Gasps}
+
+-Move it along. Come on! Get up!
+
+-Next!
+
+-Give me that! Your fiying days are over.
+
+That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
+
+-Get up! Come on!
+
+-Twenty pieces.
+
+{Thudding}
+
+-Sit down there!
+
+-Keep quiet!
+
+{Crying}
+
+-This cage is too small.
+
+-Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.
+
+I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
+
+-Oh, shut up.
+
+-Oh!
+
+-Next!
+
+-What have you got?
+
+-This little wooden puppet.
+
+-I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
+
+-Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
+
+-Father, please! Don't let them do this!
+
+-Help me!
+
+-Next! What have you got?
+
+-Well, I've got a talking donkey.
+
+{Grunts}
+
+-Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
+
+-Oh, go ahead, little fella.
+
+-Well?
+
+-Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous.
+
+He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - -
+
+-That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
+
+-No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.
+
+I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.
+
+-Get her out of my sight.
+
+-No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
+
+{Gasps}
+
+-Hey! I can fly!
+
+-He can fly!
+
+-He can fly!
+
+-He can talk!
+
+-Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.
+
+You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly
+
+but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!
+
+Oh-oh.
+
+{Grunts}
+
+-Seize him!
+
+-After him! He's getting away!
+
+{Grunts, Gasps}
+
+{Man}
+
+-Get him! This way! Turn!
+
+-You there. Orge!
+
+-Aye?
+
+-By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under
+
+arrest
+
+and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility.
+
+-Oh, really? You and what army?
+
+{Gasps, Whimpering}
+
+{Chuckles}
+
+-Can I say something to you?
+
+-Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here.
+
+Incredible!
+
+Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa!
+
+-Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great
+
+back here? Those guards!
+
+They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They
+
+was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made
+
+me feel good to see that.
+
+-Oh, that's great. Really.
+
+-Man, it's good to be free.
+
+-Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends?
+
+Hmm?
+
+-But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by
+
+myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you.
+
+You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit
+
+out of anybody that crosses us.
+
+{Roaring}
+
+-Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that
+
+don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you
+
+definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks!
+
+You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - -
+
+{Mumbling}
+
+Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my
+
+butt that day.
+
+-Why are you following me?
+
+-I'll tell you why.
+
+
+
+'Cause I'm all alone
+
+There's no one here beside me
+
+My promlems have all gone
+
+There's no one to deride me
+
+But you gotta heve friends - -
+
+
+
+-Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.
+
+-Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.
+
+-Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?
+
+-Uh - - Really tall?
+
+-No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't
+
+that bother you?
+
+-Nope.
+
+-Really?
+
+-Really, really.
+
+-Oh.
+
+-Man, I like you. What's you name?
+
+-Uh, Shrek.
+
+-Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?
+
+You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.
+
+I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that.
+
+Who'd want to live in place like that?
+
+-That would be my home.
+
+-Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a
+
+decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I
+
+like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.
+
+-I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
+
+-I like my privacy.
+
+-You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I
+
+hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them
+
+a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.
+
+-Can I stay with you?
+
+-Uh, what?
+
+-Can I stay with you, please?
+
+-Of course!
+
+-Really?
+
+-No.
+
+-Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to
+
+be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta
+
+stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
+
+-Okay! Okay! But one night only.
+
+-Ah! Thank you!
+
+-What are you - - No! No!
+
+-This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories,
+
+and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.
+
+-Oh!
+
+-Where do, uh, I sleep?
+
+-Outside!
+
+-Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you
+
+don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.
+
+{Sniffles}
+
+-Here I go.
+
+-Good night.
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside.
+
+I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself,
+
+outside.
+
+
+
+I'm all alone
+
+There's no one here beside me
+
+{Bubbling}
+
+{Sighs}
+
+{Creaking}
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-I thought I told you to stay outside.
+
+-I'm outside.
+
+{Clattering}
+
+-Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we
+
+have?
+
+-It's not home, but it'll do just fune.
+
+-What a lovely bed.
+
+-Got ya.
+
+{Sniffs} I found some cheese.
+
+-Ow! {Grunts}
+
+-Blah! Awful stuff.
+
+-Is that you, Gorder?
+
+-How did you know?
+
+-Enough! What are you doing in my house?
+
+{Grunts}
+
+-Hey!
+
+{Snickers}
+
+-Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.
+
+-Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.
+
+-Huh?
+
+{Gusps}
+
+{Male voice} What?
+
+-I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I
+
+have to do get a little privacy?
+
+-Aah!
+
+-Oh, no. No! No!
+
+{Cackling}
+
+-What?
+
+-Quit it.
+
+-Don't push.
+
+{Squeaking}
+
+{Lows}
+
+- What are you doing in my swamp?
+
+{Echoing}
+
+Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!
+
+{Gasping}
+
+-Oh, dear!
+
+-Whoa!
+
+-All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go!
+
+Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!
+
+-Quickly. Come on!
+
+-No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.
+
+-Oh!
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.
+
+-Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
+
+-What?
+
+-We were forced to come here.
+
+-By who?
+
+-Lord Farquaad.
+
+-He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice.
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?
+
+{Murmuring}
+
+-Oh, I do. I know where he is.
+
+-Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?
+
+-Me! Me!
+
+-Anyone?
+
+-Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable.
+
+Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy
+
+Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came
+
+from!
+
+{Cheering}
+
+{Twittering}
+
+-Oh! You! You're comin' with me.
+
+- All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two
+
+stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!
+
+-On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek.
+
+-Hey. Oh, oh!
+
+-I can't wait to get on the road again.
+
+-What did I say about singing?
+
+-Can I whistle?
+
+-No.
+
+-Can I hum it?
+
+-All right, hum it.
+
+{Humming}
+
+
+
+{Grunts}
+
+{Whimpering}
+
+-That's enough. He's ready to talk.
+
+{Coughing}
+
+{Laughing}
+
+{Clears throat}
+
+-Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the
+
+gingerbread man!
+
+-You are a monster.
+
+-I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy
+
+tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the
+
+others?
+
+-Eat me!{Grunts}
+
+-I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached
+
+its end! Tell me or I'll - -
+
+-No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.
+
+-All right then. Who's hiding them?
+
+-Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
+
+-The muffin man?
+
+-The muffin man.
+
+-Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?
+
+-Well, she's married to the muffin man.
+
+-The muffin man?
+
+-The muffin man!
+
+-She's married to the muffin man.
+
+{Door opens}
+
+-My lord! We found it.
+
+-Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
+
+{Man grunting}
+
+{Gasping}
+
+-Oh!
+
+-Magic mirror - -
+
+-Don't tell him anything!
+
+-No!
+
+{Ginerbread man whispers}
+
+-Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect
+
+kingdom of them all?
+
+-Well, technically you're not a king.
+
+-Uh, Thelonius.
+
+-You were saying?
+
+-What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All
+
+you have to do is marry a princess.
+
+-Go on.
+
+{Chuckles}
+
+-So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to
+
+meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette
+
+number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away.
+
+She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking
+
+and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella.
+
+-Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of
+
+fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just
+
+kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come
+
+on. Give it up for Snow White!
+
+-And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a
+
+fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling
+
+lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes
+
+pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing,
+
+Princess Fiona!
+
+-So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or
+
+bachelorette number three?
+
+-Two! Two!
+
+-Three! Three!
+
+-Two! Two!
+
+-Three!
+
+-Three? One?
+
+{Shudders} Three?
+
+--Three! Pick number three, my lord!
+
+-Okay, okay, uh, number three!
+
+-Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.
+
+
+
+If you like pina coladas
+
+And getting caught in the rain
+
+
+
+-Princess Fiona.
+
+
+
+If you're not into yoga
+
+
+
+-She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - -
+
+-But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.
+
+-I'll do it.
+
+-Yes, but after sunset - -
+
+-Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will
+
+finally have the perfect king!
+
+Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.
+
+
+
+-But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd
+
+find it.
+
+-So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
+
+-Uh-huh. That's the place.
+
+-Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?
+
+{Laughs}
+
+{Groans}
+
+-Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
+
+-Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
+
+-Hey, you!
+
+{Screams}
+
+-Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - -
+
+{Whimpering}
+
+{Sighs}
+
+{Whimpering, Groans}
+
+{Turnstile clatters}
+
+{Chuckles}
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-It's quiet. Too quiet.
+
+{Creaking}
+
+-Where is everybody?
+
+-Hey, look at this!
+
+{Clattering, whirring, clicking}
+
+Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town
+
+Here we have some rules
+
+Let us lay them down
+
+Don't make waves, stay in line
+
+And we'll get along fine
+
+DuLoc is perfect place
+
+Please keep off of the grass
+
+Shine your shoes, wipe your... face
+
+DuLoc is, DuLoc is
+
+DuLoc is perfect ...... place
+
+{Camera shutter clicks
+
+{Whirring}
+
+-Wow! Let's do that again!
+
+-No. No. No, no, no! No.
+
+{Trumpet fanfare}
+
+{Crowd cheering}
+
+-Brave knights.
+
+-You are the best and brightest in all the land.
+
+-Today one of you shall prove himself - -
+
+-All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.
+
+-Sorry about that.
+
+{Cheering}
+
+-That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go
+
+forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the
+
+dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first
+
+runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae
+
+die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.
+
+{Cheering}
+
+-Let the tournament begin!
+
+{Gasps}
+
+-Oh!
+
+-What is that?
+
+{Gasping}
+
+-It's hideous!
+
+-Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.
+
+-Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named
+
+champion! Have it him!
+
+-Get him!
+
+-Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.
+
+-Go ahead! Get him!
+
+-Can't we just settle this over a pint?
+
+-Kill the beast!
+
+-No? All right then. Come on!
+
+
+
+I don't give a damn about my reputation
+
+You're living in the past
+
+It's a new generation
+
+
+
+-Damn!
+
+{Whinnying}
+
+
+
+A girl can do what she wants to do
+
+And that's what I'm gonna do
+
+And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
+
+Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me
+
+Me, me, me
+
+
+
+-Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
+
+
+
+And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
+
+Never said I wanted to improve my station
+
+
+
+-Ah!
+
+{Laughs}
+
+
+
+And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun
+
+
+
+-Yeah!
+
+
+
+And I don't have to please no one
+
+
+
+-The chair! Give him the chair!
+
+
+
+And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
+
+Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me
+
+Me, me, me
+
+Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me
+
+{Bell dings}
+
+{Cheering}
+
+{Laughs}
+
+-Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till
+
+Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!
+
+{Shrek laughs}
+
+{Crowd gasping, murmuring}
+
+-Shall I give the order, sir?
+
+-No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!
+
+-What?
+
+-Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great
+
+and noble quest.
+
+-Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.
+
+-Your swamp?
+
+-Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures!
+
+{Crowd murmuring}
+
+-Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for
+
+me, and I'll give you your swamp back.
+
+-Exactly the way it was?
+
+-Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.
+
+-And the squatters?
+
+-As good as gone.
+
+-What kind of quest?
+
+-Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a
+
+princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only
+
+don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place.
+
+-Is that about right?
+
+-Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
+
+-I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on
+
+him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make
+
+your bread, the whole orge trip.
+
+-Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and
+
+put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and
+
+drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
+
+-Uh, no, not really, no.
+
+-For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think.
+
+-Example?
+
+-Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions.
+
+-{Sniffs} They stink?
+
+-Yes - - No!
+
+-They make you cry?
+
+-No!
+
+-You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little
+
+white hairs.
+
+-No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have
+
+layers. You get it? We both have layers.
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes
+
+onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
+
+-I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes.
+
+-You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a
+
+person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like
+
+no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
+
+-No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like
+
+onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
+
+-Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.
+
+-You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or
+
+something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start
+
+slobbering.
+
+
+
+I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
+
+Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh
+
+I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
+
+Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh
+
+And everything that you receive up yonder
+
+Is what you give to me the day I wander
+
+I'm on my way
+
+I'm on my way
+
+I'm on my way
+
+
+
+-Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?
+
+-You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was
+
+open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's
+
+brimstone We must be getting close.
+
+-Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I
+
+know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone
+
+neither.
+
+{Rumbling}
+
+-Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.
+
+{Laughing}
+
+-Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers?
+
+-Oh, aye.
+
+-Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have
+
+layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.
+
+-Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.
+
+-You know what I mean.
+
+-You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.
+
+-I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over
+
+a boiling like of lava!
+
+-Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional
+
+support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step
+
+at a time.
+
+-Really?
+
+-Really, really.
+
+-Okay, that makes me feel so much better.
+
+-Just keep moving. And don't look down.
+
+-Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on
+
+moving. Don't look down.
+
+{Gasps}
+
+-Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off,
+
+please!
+
+-But you're already halfway.
+
+-But I know that half is safe!
+
+-Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.
+
+-Shrek, no! Wait!
+
+-Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me?
+
+-Don't do that!
+
+-Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?
+
+-Oh, this?
+
+-Yes, that!
+
+-Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.
+
+{Screams}
+
+-No, Shrek! No! Stop it!
+
+-You said do it! I'm doin' it.
+
+-I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!
+
+-That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.
+
+-Cool.
+
+-So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?
+
+-Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
+
+{Chuckles}
+
+-I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
+
+{Water dripping, wind howling}
+
+-You afraid?
+
+-No.
+
+-But - -
+
+- Shh.
+
+-Oh, good. Me neither.
+
+{Gasps}
+
+-'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible
+
+response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I
+
+might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and
+
+breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little
+
+scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.
+
+{Gasps}
+
+-Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if
+
+you can find any stairs.
+
+-Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess.
+
+-The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest
+
+tower.
+
+-What makes you think she'll be there?
+
+-I read it in a book once.
+
+-Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those
+
+stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way
+
+they're goin'.
+
+{Creacing}
+
+-I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with
+
+me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a
+
+step right here. I'd step all over it.
+
+-Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - -
+
+-Dragon!
+
+{Screams}
+
+{Gasps}
+
+{Roars}
+
+-Donkey, look out!
+
+{Screams}
+
+{Whimpering}
+
+-Got ya!
+
+{Roars}
+
+{Gasps}
+
+{Shouts}
+
+-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
+
+{Screaming}
+
+{Gasps}
+
+-Oh! Aah! Aah!
+
+{Gasping}
+
+{Crowls}
+
+-No. Oh, no, No!
+
+{Screams}
+
+-Oh, what large teeth you have.
+
+{Crowls}
+
+-I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time
+
+from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile
+
+you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know
+
+what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of
+
+course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty.
+
+What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh.
+
+Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - -
+
+(Coughs)
+
+-I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna
+
+blow smoke rings. Shrek!
+
+{Gasps}
+
+{Whimpering}
+
+-No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
+
+{Groans, Sighs}
+
+{Vocalizing}
+
+-Oh! Oh!
+
+-Wake up!
+
+-What?
+
+-Are you Princess Fiona?
+
+-I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.
+
+-Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!
+
+-But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be
+
+a wonderful, romantic moment?
+
+-Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.
+
+-Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out
+
+yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
+
+-You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
+
+-Mm-hmm.
+
+{Screams, grunts}
+
+-But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for
+
+me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!
+
+-I don't think so.
+
+-Can I at least know the name of my champion?
+
+-Um, Shrek.
+
+-Sir Shrek.
+
+{Cleans throat}
+
+-I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.
+
+-Thanks!
+
+{Roaring}
+
+-You didn't slay the dragon?
+
+-It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
+
+{Screams}
+
+-But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn,
+
+banner flying. That's what all the other knights did.
+
+-Yeah, right before they burst into flame.
+
+-That's not the point. Oh!
+
+-Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there.
+
+-Well, I have to save my ass.
+
+-What kind of knight are you?
+
+-One of a kind.
+
+-Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to
+
+know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned.
+
+{Laughs}
+
+-I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not
+
+emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really
+
+is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted
+
+physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back
+
+up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to
+
+know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot,
+
+but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - -
+
+Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna
+
+tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with
+
+that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!
+
+{Growls}
+
+{Roaring}
+
+{Gasps}
+
+-Hi, Princess!
+
+-It talks!
+
+-Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.
+
+{Screams}
+
+{Screaming}
+
+-Oh!
+
+{Thuds}
+
+{Groans}
+
+{Roars}
+
+{Roaring}
+
+-Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon.
+
+{Fchoing}
+
+-Run!
+
+{Gasping}
+
+{Screaming}
+
+{Roaring}
+
+{Screams}
+
+{Roars}
+
+{Panting, sighs}
+
+{Whimpers}
+
+{Roars}
+
+-You did it!
+
+-You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful.
+
+You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and
+
+thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.
+
+{Clears throat}
+
+-And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?
+
+-I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a
+
+steed.
+
+-The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
+
+-Uh, no.
+
+-Why not?
+
+-I have helmet hair.
+
+-Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
+
+-No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.
+
+-But how will you kiss me?
+
+-What? That wasn't in the job description.
+
+-Maybe it's a perk.
+
+-No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in
+
+a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then
+
+they share true love's first kiss.
+
+-Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you
+
+true love?
+
+-Well, yes.
+
+{Laughing}
+
+-You think Shrek is your true love!
+
+-What is so funny?
+
+-Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay?
+
+-Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your
+
+helmet.
+
+-Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.
+
+-Just take off the helmet.
+
+-I'm not going to.
+
+-Take ot off.
+
+-No!
+
+-Now!
+
+-Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.
+
+-You- - You're a- - an orge.
+
+-Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.
+
+-Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed
+
+to be an orge.
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the
+
+one who wants to marry you.
+
+-Then why didn't he come rescue me?
+
+-Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.
+
+-But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- -
+
+his pet.
+
+-So much for noble steed.
+
+-You're not making my job any easier.
+
+-I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad
+
+that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right
+
+here.
+
+-Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.
+
+-You wouldn't dare. Put me down!
+
+-Ya comin', Donkey?
+
+-I'm right behind ya.
+
+-Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not
+
+dignified! Put me down!
+
+-Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you,
+
+right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down
+
+real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a
+
+crisp and eaten?
+
+-You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what
+
+happens when you find your - - Hey!
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.
+
+-You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!
+
+-And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?
+
+-Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in
+
+short supply.
+
+{Laughs}
+
+-I don't know. There are those who think little of him.
+
+-Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never
+
+measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
+
+-Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the
+
+"measuring" when you see him tomorrow.
+
+-Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?
+
+-No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.
+
+-But there's robbers in the woods.
+
+-Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good.
+
+-Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this
+
+forest.
+
+-I need to find somewhere to camp now!
+
+{Birds wings fluttering}
+
+{Grunting}
+
+-Hey! Over here.
+
+-Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a
+
+princess.
+
+-No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.
+
+-Homey touches? Like what?
+
+{Crashing}
+
+-A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.
+
+-You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.
+
+-I said good night!
+
+-Shrek, What are you doing?
+
+{Laughs}
+
+-I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding.
+
+{Fire cracking}
+
+-And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over
+
+three wheat fields. Right. Yeah.
+
+-Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?
+
+-The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look,
+
+there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.
+
+-I know you're making this up.
+
+-No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away
+
+from his stench.
+
+-That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.
+
+-You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm?
+
+Forget it.
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?
+
+-Our swamp?
+
+-You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.
+
+-We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my
+
+swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my
+
+land.
+
+-You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what
+
+I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody
+
+out.
+
+-No, do ya think?
+
+-Are you hidin' something?
+
+-Never mind, Donkey.
+
+-Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?
+
+-No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things.
+
+-Why don't you want to talk about it?
+
+-Why do you want to talk about it?
+
+-Why are you blocking?
+
+-I'm not blocking.
+
+-Oh, yes, you are.
+
+-Donkey, I'm warning you.
+
+-Who you trying to keep out?
+
+-Everyone! Okay?
+
+-Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.
+
+-Oh! For the love of Pete!
+
+-What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway?
+
+-Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that
+
+seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go.
+
+"Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they
+
+even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.
+
+-You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big,
+
+stupid, ugly orge.
+
+-Yeah, I know.
+
+-So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
+
+-Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
+
+-Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one
+
+there?
+
+-That's the moon.
+
+-Oh, okay.
+
+
+
+{Orchestra}
+
+{Dulcimer}
+
+-Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the
+
+princess.
+
+-Hmph.
+
+-Ah. Perfect.
+
+{Inhales}
+
+
+
+{Snoring}
+
+{Vocalizing}
+
+{Whistling}
+
+{Sizzling}
+
+{Sniffs, yawns}
+
+-Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.
+
+--Come on, baby. I said I like it.
+
+-Donkey, wake up.
+
+-Huh? What?
+
+-Wake up.
+
+-What?
+
+-Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?
+
+-Good morning, Princess!
+
+-What's all this about?
+
+-You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to
+
+make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.
+
+-Uh, thanks.
+
+{Sniffs}
+
+-Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.
+
+{Belches}
+
+-Shrek!
+
+-What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs}
+
+-Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.
+
+{Belches}
+
+-Thanks.
+
+-She's as nasty as you are.
+
+-{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected.
+
+-Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.
+
+{Vocalizing}
+
+
+
+-La liberte! Hey!
+
+-Princess!
+
+{Laughs}
+
+-What are you doing?
+
+-Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from
+
+this green - -
+
+{Kissing sounds}
+
+-beast.
+
+-Hey!
+
+-That's my princess! Go find you own!
+
+-Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?
+
+-Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!
+
+-Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry
+
+Men.
+
+{Laughs}
+
+
+
+{Accordion}
+
+Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.
+
+I steal from the rich and give to the needy.
+
+He takes a wee percentage,
+
+But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels
+
+Man, I'm good
+
+What a guy, Monsieur Hood
+
+Break it down
+
+I like an honest fight
+
+and a saucy little maid
+
+What he's basically saying
+
+is he likes to get - -
+
+Paid
+
+So
+
+When an orge in the bush
+
+grabs a lady by the tush
+
+That's bad
+
+That's bad
+
+When a beauty's with a beast
+
+it makes me awfully mad
+
+He's mad
+
+He's really, really mad
+
+I'll take my blade and
+
+ram it through your heart
+
+Keep your eyes on me, boys
+
+'cause I'm about to start
+
+
+
+{Grunts, Groans}
+
+{Karate Yell}
+
+{Merry Men Gasping}
+
+{Panting}
+
+-Man, that was annoying!
+
+-Oh, you little- -
+
+{Karate Yell}
+
+{Accordion}
+
+{Shouting, groaning}
+
+{Chuckles}
+
+-Uh, shall we?
+
+-Hold the phone.
+
+{Grunts}
+
+Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?
+
+-What?
+
+-That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?
+
+-Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these
+
+things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt!
+
+-What? Oh, would you look at that?
+
+-Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.
+
+-Why? What's wrong?
+
+-Shrek's hurt.
+
+-Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.
+
+-Donkey, I'm okay.
+
+-You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep
+
+you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the
+
+Heimlich?
+
+-Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and
+
+find me a blue flower with red thorns.
+
+-Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns.
+
+Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!
+
+-{Both} Donkey!
+
+-Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.
+
+-What are the flowers for?
+
+-For getting rid of Donkey.
+
+-Ah.
+
+-Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.
+
+-Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.
+
+-I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
+
+-No, it's tender.
+
+-Now, hold on.
+
+-What you're doing is the opposite of help.
+
+-Don't move.
+
+-Look, time out.
+
+-Would you - -
+
+{Grunts}
+
+-Okay. What do you propose we do?
+
+-Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red
+
+thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue
+
+flower, red thorns.
+
+-Ow!
+
+-Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!
+
+-Ow! Not good.
+
+-Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.
+
+{Grunts}
+
+-It's just about - -
+
+-Ow! Ohh!
+
+-Ahem.
+
+-Nothing happend. We were just, uh - -
+
+-Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?
+
+-Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was
+
+just- - Ugh!
+
+-Ow!
+
+-Hey, what's that?
+
+{Nervous chickle}
+
+-That's- - Is that blood?
+
+{Sighs}
+
+{Bird chirping}
+
+{Grunts}
+
+
+
+My beloved monster and me
+
+We go everywhere together
+
+Wearin' a raincoat
+
+that has four sleeves
+
+Gets us through all kinds of weather
+
+
+
+-Aah!
+
+
+
+She will always be the only thing
+
+That comes between me and the awful sting
+
+That comes from living in a world
+
+that's so damn mean
+
+{Croaks}
+
+Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
+
+-Hey!
+
+La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la
+
+{Both laughing}
+
+La-la, la-la, la-la
+
+
+
+-There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.
+
+-That's DuLoc?
+
+-Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for
+
+something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow!
+
+-Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on.
+
+-Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey.
+
+{Blubbering}
+
+-What?
+
+-I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.
+
+-What are you talking about? I'm fine.
+
+-That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on
+
+your back. Dead.
+
+-You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?
+
+-Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.
+
+-I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and
+
+when I turn my head like this, look,
+
+{Bones crunch}
+
+-Ow! See?
+
+-Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.
+
+-I'll get the firewood.
+
+-Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any
+
+toes! I think I need a hug.
+
+
+
+-Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?
+
+-Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.
+
+-No kidding. Well, this is delicious.
+
+-Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I
+
+make a mean weedrat stew.
+
+{Chuckling}
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.
+
+{Gulps}
+
+-Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind
+
+of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.
+
+{Chuckles}
+
+-I'd like that.
+
+{Slurps, laughs}
+
+
+
+See the pyramids along the Nile
+
+
+
+-Um, Princess?
+
+
+
+Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle
+
+
+
+-Yes, Shrek?
+
+-I, um, I was wondering.
+
+
+
+Just remember, darling all the while
+
+
+
+-Are you- -
+
+
+
+You belong to me
+
+
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-Are you gonna eat that?
+
+{Chuckles}
+
+-Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.
+
+-Sunset?
+
+-Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.
+
+-What?
+
+-Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark,
+
+aren't you?
+
+-Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.
+
+-Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until
+
+- - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.
+
+{Shrek sighs}
+
+ -Good night.
+
+ -Good night.
+
+{Door creaks}
+
+-Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.
+
+-Oh, what are you talkin' about?
+
+-I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts.
+
+And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.
+
+-You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.
+
+-Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in
+
+and tell her how you feel.
+
+-I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that,
+
+well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a
+
+princess, and I'm - -
+
+-An orge?
+
+-Yeah. An orge.
+
+-Hey, where you goin'?
+
+-To get... move firewood.
+
+{Sighs}
+
+
+
+-Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?
+
+{Wings fluttering}
+
+-Princess?
+
+{Creaking}
+
+{Gasps}
+
+-It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.
+
+{Screams}
+
+-Aah!
+
+-Oh, no!
+
+-No, help!
+
+-Shh!
+
+-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
+
+-No, it's okay. It's okay.
+
+-What did you do with the princess?
+
+-Donkey, I'm the princess.
+
+-Aah!
+
+-It's me, in this body.
+
+-Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me?
+
+-Donkey!
+
+-Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!
+
+-No!
+
+-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
+
+-Shh.
+
+-Shrek!
+
+-This is me.
+
+{Muffled mumbling}
+
+-Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.
+
+-I'm ugly, okay?
+
+-Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats
+
+was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - -
+
+-No.
+
+-I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember.
+
+-What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.
+
+-It's only happens when sun goes down.
+
+"By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you
+
+find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."
+
+-Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
+
+-It's a spell.
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I
+
+become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to
+
+await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry
+
+Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this.
+
+{Sobs}
+
+-All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not
+
+that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look
+
+like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.
+
+-But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant
+
+to look.
+
+-Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?
+
+-I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.
+
+-But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you
+
+got a lot in common.
+
+-Shrek?
+
+
+
+-Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for
+
+me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's
+
+pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might
+
+like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh -
+
+-
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.
+
+-I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I
+
+mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?
+
+"Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here
+
+with Shrek.
+
+{Gasps}
+
+-My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.
+
+{Deep sigh}
+
+-Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only
+
+way to break the spell.
+
+-You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.
+
+-No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.
+
+-What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?
+
+-Promise you won't tell. Promise!
+
+-All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know
+
+before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy.
+
+-Look at my eye twitchin'.
+
+{Door opens}
+
+{Snoring}
+
+-I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him.
+
+-Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - -
+
+{Snoring}
+
+-Shrek. Are you all right?
+
+-Perfect! Never been better.
+
+-I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you.
+
+-You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last
+
+night.
+
+-You heard what I said?
+
+-Every word.
+
+-I thought you'd understand.
+
+-Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly
+
+beast?"
+
+-But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.
+
+-Yeah? Well, it does.
+
+{Gasps, sighs}
+
+-Ah, right on time.
+
+{Horse whinnies}
+
+-Princess, I've brought you a little something.
+
+{Fanfare}
+
+{Yawns}
+
+-What'd I miss? What'd I miss?
+
+{Muffled}
+
+-Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.
+
+-Princess Fiona.
+
+-As promised. Now hand it over.
+
+-Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed.
+
+-Take it and go before I change my mind.
+
+-Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I
+
+have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad.
+
+-Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no.
+
+{Snaps fingers}
+
+-Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell.
+
+-Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the
+
+orge. It's not like it has feelings.
+
+-No, you're right. It doesn't.
+
+-Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in
+
+marriage.
+
+{Gasps}
+
+-Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?
+
+-Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - -
+
+-Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!
+
+-No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun
+
+sets.
+
+-Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's
+
+so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest
+
+list. Captain, round up some guests!
+
+-Fare-thee-well, orge.
+
+-Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.
+
+-Yeah? So what?
+
+-Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to
+
+her last night, She's - -
+
+-I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya?
+
+Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?
+
+-Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you.
+
+-I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone!
+
+My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless,
+
+pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!
+
+-But I thought - -
+
+-Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong!
+
+-Shrek.
+
+
+
+I heard there was a secret chord
+
+That David played and it pleased the Lord
+
+But you don't really care for music, do ya
+
+It goes like this the fourth, the fifth
+
+The minor fall the major lift
+
+The baffled king composing hallelujah
+
+Hallelujah, hallelujah
+
+Baby, I've been here before
+
+I know this room I've walked this floor
+
+I used to live alone before I knew you
+
+I've seen your flag on the marble arch
+
+But love is not a victory march
+
+It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
+
+Hallelujah, hallelujah
+
+And all I ever learned from love
+
+Is how to shoot at someone
+
+Who outdrew you
+
+{Moaning}
+
+And it's not a cry you can hear at night
+
+It's not somebody who's seen the light
+
+It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
+
+{Moaning}
+
+Hallelujah, hallelujah
+
+
+
+{Thumping sound}
+
+-Donkey?
+
+{Grunts}
+
+-What are you doing?
+
+-I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see
+
+one.
+
+-Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not
+
+through it.
+
+-It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half.
+
+-Oh! Your half. Hmm.
+
+-Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I
+
+get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks
+
+like your head.
+
+-Back off!
+
+-No, you back off.
+
+-This is my swamp!
+
+-Our swamp.
+
+-Let go, Donkey!
+
+-You let go.
+
+-Stubborn jackass!
+
+-Smelly orge.
+
+-Fine!
+
+-Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.
+
+-Well, I'm through with you.
+
+-Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess
+
+what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are
+
+mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do!
+
+You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.
+
+-Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?
+
+-Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!
+
+-Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in
+
+the back!
+
+-Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your
+
+own feelings.
+
+-Go away!
+
+-There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she
+
+ever do was like you, maybe even love you.
+
+-Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of
+
+you talking.
+
+-She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody
+
+else.
+
+-She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?
+
+-Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me.
+
+Right? Right?
+
+-Donkey!
+
+-No!
+
+-Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?
+
+{Sighs}
+
+-I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you
+
+forgive me?
+
+-Hey, that's what friends are for, right?
+
+-Right. Friends?
+
+-Friends.
+
+-So, um, what did Fiona say about me?
+
+-What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?
+
+-The wedding! We'll never make it in time.
+
+-Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I
+
+have a way.
+
+{Whistles}
+
+-Donkey?
+
+-I guess it's just my animal magnetism.
+
+{Laughing}
+
+-Aw, come here, you.
+
+-All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass.
+
+All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install
+
+the seat belts yet.
+
+-Whoo!
+
+{Bells tolling}
+
+{All gasping}
+
+-People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union....
+
+-Um-
+
+-of our new king - -
+
+-Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?
+
+{Chuckling}
+
+-Go on.
+
+-Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about
+
+that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't
+
+you?
+
+-What are you talking about?
+
+-There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak
+
+now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"
+
+-I don't have time for this!
+
+-Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this
+
+woman, don't you?
+
+-Yes.
+
+-You wanna hold her?
+
+-Yes.
+
+-Please her?
+
+-Yes!
+
+-Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that
+
+romantic crap!
+
+-All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?
+
+-We gotta check it out.
+
+
+
+-And so, by the power vested in me,
+
+-What do you see?
+
+-The whole town's in there.
+
+-I now pronounce you husband and wife,
+
+-They're at the altar.
+
+-king and queen.
+
+-Mother Fletcher! He already said it.
+
+-Oh, for the love of Pete!
+
+{Grunts}
+
+-I object!
+
+-Shrek?
+
+{Gasps}
+
+-Oh, now what does he want?
+
+-Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all.
+
+Very clean.
+
+-What are you doing here?
+
+-Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but
+
+showing up uninvited to a wedding - -
+
+-Fiona! I need to talk to you.
+
+-Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll
+
+excuse me - -
+
+-But you can't marry him.
+
+-And why not?
+
+-Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king.
+
+-Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.
+
+-He's not your true love.
+
+-And what do you know about true love?
+
+-Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -
+
+-Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess!
+
+Oh, good Lord.
+
+{Crowd laughting}
+
+-An orge and a princess!
+
+-Shrek, is this true?
+
+-Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away
+
+from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm!
+
+-"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.
+
+{Whimpers}
+
+{Crown gasping}
+
+-Well, uh, that explains a lot.
+
+-Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of
+
+my sight now! Get them! Get them both!
+
+-No, no!
+
+-Shrek!
+
+-This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that
+
+makes me king! See? See?
+
+-No, let go of me! Shrek!
+
+-No!
+
+-Don't just stand there, you morons.
+
+-Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!
+
+-I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and
+
+quartered!
+
+-You'll beg for death to save you!
+
+-No, Shrek!
+
+-And as for you, my wife,
+
+-Fiona!
+
+-I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!
+
+-I'm king!
+
+{Whistles}
+
+-I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah!
+
+-Aah!
+
+-All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to
+
+use it.
+
+{Roars}
+
+-I'm a donkey on the edge!
+
+{Belches}
+
+-Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?
+
+{Cheering}
+
+-Go ahead, Shrek.
+
+-Uh, Fiona?
+
+-Yes, Shrek?
+
+-I - - I love you.
+
+-Really?
+
+-Really, really.
+
+- I love you too.
+
+-Aawww!
+
+-"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true
+
+form."
+
+-"Take love's true form. Take love's true form."
+
+-Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?
+
+-Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
+
+-But you ARE beautiful.
+
+{Chuckles}
+
+-I was hoping this would be a happy ending.
+
+
+
+I thought love was only true in fairy tales
+
+Oy!
+
+Meant for someone else but not for me
+
+Love was out to get me
+
+That's the way it seemed
+
+Disappointment haunted all my dreams
+
+And then I saw her face
+
+Now I'm a believer and not a trace
+
+Of doubt in my mind
+
+I'm in love
+
+Ooh-aah
+
+I'm a believer I couldn't leave her
+
+If I tried
+
+
+
+-God bless us, every one.
+
+
+
+Come on, y'all!
+
+Then I saw her face
+
+Ha-ha
+
+Now I'm a believer
+
+Listen!
+
+Not a trace
+
+Of doubt in my mind
+
+I'm in love
+
+Ooh-aah
+
+I'm a believer
+
+I couldn't leave her if I tried
+
+-Ooh!
+
+-Uh!
+
+Then I saw her face
+
+Now I'm a believer
+
+Hey!
+
+Not a trace
+
+Uhh! Yeah.
+
+Of doubt in my mind
+
+
+
+-One more time!
+
+I'm in love
+
+I'm a believer
+
+Come on!
+
+I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe,
+
+I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey
+
+Y'all sing it with me!
+
+I
+
+Believe
+
+I believe
+
+People in the back!
+
+I believe
+
+I'm a believer
+
+I believe
+
+I believe
+
+I believe
+
+I believe
+
+{Hysterical laughing}
+
+-Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh.
+
+-I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
+
+
+
+I believe in self-assertion
+
+Destiny or a slight diversion
+
+Now it seems I've got my head on straight
+
+I'm a freak an apparition
+
+Seems I've made the right decision
+
+To try to turn back now it might be too late
+
+
+
+Now I want to stay home today
+
+Don't wanna go out
+
+If anyone comes to play
+
+Gonna get thrown out
+
+I wanna stay home today
+
+Don't want no company
+
+No way
+
+Yeah, yeah, yeah
+
+
+
+I wanna be a millionaire someday
+
+But know what it feels like to give it away
+
+Watch me march to the beat of my own drum
+
+And it's off to the moon and then back again
+
+Same old day Same situation
+
+My happiness rears back as if to say
+
+
+
+I wanna stay home today
+
+Don't wanna go out
+
+If anyone comes to play
+
+Gonna get thrown out
+
+I wanna stay home today
+
+Don't want no company
+
+No way
+
+Yeah, yeah, yeah
+
+
+
+I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home.........
+
+
+
+
+
+I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes
+
+My heart skips a beat
+
+Girl, I feel so alive
+
+Please tell me, baby, if all this is true
+
+'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you
+
+Oh-oh-oh
+
+Makes me wanna dance
+
+Oh-oh-oh
+
+It's a new romance
+
+Oh-oh-oh
+
+I look into your eyes
+
+Oh-oh-oh
+
+The best years of our lives
+
+When we first met
+
+I could hardly believe
+
+The things that would happen
+
+and we could achieve
+
+So let's be together
+
+for all of our time
+
+Oh, girl, I'm so thankful
+
+that you are still mine
+
+You always consider me
+
+like an ugly duckling
+
+And treat me like a Nostradamus
+
+was why I had to get my shine on
+
+I break a little something
+
+to keep my mind on
+
+'Cause you had my mind gone
+
+Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh
+
+Turn the lights on, Come on, baby
+
+Let's just rewind the song
+
+'Cause all I want to do is
+
+make the rest years the best years
+
+All night long
+
+
+
+Oh-oh-oh
+
+Makes me wanna dance
+
+Makes me wanna dance
+
+Oh-oh-oh
+
+It's a new romance
+
+It's a new romance
+
+Oh-oh-oh
+
+I look into your eyes
+
+Oh, yeah, yeah
+
+I look into your eyes
+
+Oh-oh-oh
+
+The best years of our lives
+
+Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..............
+
+
+
+
+
+Everything looks bright
+
+Standing in your light
+
+Everything feels right
+
+What's left is out of sight
+
+What's a girl to do
+
+I'm telling you
+
+You're on my mind
+
+I wanna be with you
+
+'Cause when you're
+
+standin' next to me
+
+It's like wow
+
+And all your kisses
+
+seem to set me free
+
+It's like wow
+
+And when we touch
+
+it's such a rush
+
+I can't get enough
+
+It's like- - It's like
+
+Ooh-ooh
+
+Hey, what
+
+It's like wow
+
+Ooh-ooh, hey
+
+Hey, yeah
+
+It's like wow
+
+Everything is looking
+
+right now, right now
+
+It's like wow
+
+And I got this feeling
+
+This feeling
+
+it's just like wow
+
+It's just like wow
+
+You are all I'm thinking of.
+
+Like wow
+
+Everything feels right
+
+Everything feels right
+
+Like wow
+
+Everything looks bright
+
+All my senses are right
+
+Like wow
+
+Everything feels right
+
+Baby, baby, baby
+
+the way I'm feeling you
+
+Is like wow
+
+
+
+There is something
+
+that I see
+
+In the way
+
+you look at me
+
+There's a smile
+
+There's a truth
+
+In your eyes
+
+What an unexpected way
+
+On this unexpected day
+
+Could it be
+
+This is where I belong
+
+It is you I have loved
+
+All long
+
+There's no more mystery
+
+It is finally clear to me
+
+You're the home
+
+my heart's searched for
+
+So long
+
+It is you I have loved
+
+All long
+
+Whoa, over and over
+
+I'm filled with emotion
+
+As I look
+
+Into your perfect face
+READ MORE
+Hiliebye
+·
+11/3/2020
+You made me crash whan i tried to copy paste on youtube
+
+Write a reply
+BillyBoay324523523
+·
+10/25/2020
+Hmm the last thing donkey said was I can't breathe..........
+
+User avatar
+7qzb
+·
+10/30/2020
+Lol nice
+
+Write a reply
+Pr0d1t4ph0b14
+·
+10/19/2020
+this really helped because i'm coding the entire shrek movie using scratch.mit.edu
+
+Write a reply
+User avatar
+Scrooge Kamazi McDuck
+·
+6/6/2020
+My Opinion
+Shrek: STUBBORN DONKEY KONG
+Donkey: SMELLY OGRE
+Shrek:FINE
+
+User avatar
+Gva0210
+·
+4/4/2021
+What's a donkey kong?
+
+Noobsauce69
+·
+5/7/2021
+How the hell do you not know donkeykong
+
+Write a reply
+User avatar
+TazerProductions
+·
+6/6/2020
+holy bible version 2
+
+Write a reply
+User avatar
+Karatemaster2006
+·
+7/10/2018
+That's commitment
+
+(Edited by FANDOMbot)
+Write a reply
+Recent Wiki Activity
+Vanessa Marshall
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+Popular Pages
+
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==References==
' |
Lines added in edit (added_lines ) | [
0 => 'GAMES',
1 => 'MOVIES',
2 => 'TV',
3 => 'VIDEO',
4 => 'WIKIS',
5 => 'Search',
6 => 'START A WIKI',
7 => 'Join FanLab, our private online community to share your opinion on the games, movies, and Fandoms you love! Sign up here',
8 => 'Shrek Wiki',
9 => 'Shrek Wiki',
10 => '1,018',
11 => 'PAGES',
12 => 'ADD NEW PAGE',
13 => 'MEDIA',
14 => 'CHARACTERS',
15 => 'ACTORS',
16 => 'COMMUNITY',
17 => 'EXPLORE',
18 => 'DISCUSS',
19 => 'in:',
20 => 'Transcripts, Shrek, Movies',
21 => 'Shrek (film)/Transcript',
22 => '< Shrek (film)',
23 => 'VIEW SOURCE',
24 => ' COMMENTS (10) ',
25 => 'SHARE',
26 => 'This is the transcript for the 2001 film, Shrek.',
27 => 'Transcript',
28 => 'Shrek: "Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from the dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss." [Laughing] Like that's ever gonna happen.',
29 => '[Paper Rustling, Toilet Flushes]',
30 => 'Shrek: What a load of--',
31 => '[Toilet Door slams]',
32 => 'Shrek hops out his outhouse and his routine like taking a mud shower and farting in his pool.',
33 => '[♪ All-Star By Smash Mouth Playing]',
34 => 'Steve Harwell: ♪ Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead. The years start comin', and they don't stop comin', fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin', didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with takin' the backstreets. You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder, you're bundled up now, but wait till you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ judging by the hole in the satellite picture. The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin, the water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire, how 'bout yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. Hey, now, you're an all-star. ♪',
35 => '[Shouting]',
36 => 'Steve Harwell: ♪ Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪',
37 => '[Belches]',
38 => 'Villagers: Go! Go!',
39 => '[Record Scrating]',
40 => 'Steve Harwell: ♪ Go. Go. Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪',
41 => 'Villagers: Think it's in there? All right! Let's get it!',
42 => 'Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing could do to you?',
43 => 'Villager 2: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.',
44 => 'Shrek: [Laughs] Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres-- they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.',
45 => 'Villager 3: No!',
46 => 'Shrek: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.',
47 => 'Villager 3: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!',
48 => '[Gasping]',
49 => 'Villager 3: Right.',
50 => '[Roaring]',
51 => '[Shouting]',
52 => '[Roaring]',
53 => '[Roaring Continues]',
54 => '[Shouting Continues]',
55 => 'Shrek: [Whispers] This is the part where you run away.',
56 => '[Gasping]',
57 => 'Shrek: [Laughs] [Laughing] And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." [Sighs]',
58 => 'Guard 1: All right. This one's full. Take it away!',
59 => '[Gasps]',
60 => 'Guard 2: Move it along. Come on. Get up!',
61 => 'Captain of the Guards: Next!',
62 => 'Guard 3: Give me that! Your flying days are over.',
63 => 'Captain of the Guards: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next.',
64 => 'Guard 4: Get up!',
65 => 'Captain of the Guards: Twenty pieces.',
66 => 'Guard 5: Come on!',
67 => '[Thudding]',
68 => 'Guard 6: Sit down there! Keep quiet!',
69 => 'Bear: [Crying] This cage is too small.',
70 => 'Donkey: Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!',
71 => 'Old Lady: Oh, shut up!',
72 => 'Donkey: Oh!',
73 => 'Captain of the Guards: Next! What have you got?',
74 => 'Geppetto: This little wooden puppet.',
75 => 'Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.',
76 => 'Captain of the Guards: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.',
77 => 'Pinocchio: Father, please! Don't let them do this!',
78 => 'Captain of the Guards: Next.',
79 => 'Pinocchio: Help me!',
80 => 'Captain of the Guards: What have you got?',
81 => 'Old Lady: Well, I've got a talking donkey.',
82 => '[Grunts]',
83 => 'Captain of the Guards: Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.',
84 => 'Old Lady: Oh, go ahead, little fella.',
85 => 'Captain of the Guards: Well?',
86 => 'Old Lady: Oh, oh, he's just-- He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt--',
87 => 'Captain of the Guards: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!',
88 => 'Old Lady: No, no, he talks! He does. [Moves Donkey’s lips] I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.',
89 => 'Captain of the Guards: Get her out of my sight.',
90 => 'Old Lady: No, no! I swear. Oh! He can talk!',
91 => 'Donkey: [Gasps] Hey, I can fly!',
92 => 'Peter Pan: He can fly!',
93 => 'Pigs: He can fly!',
94 => 'Captain of the Guards: He can talk!',
95 => 'Donkey: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking, donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Uh-oh.',
96 => 'Captain of the Guards: Seize him!',
97 => 'Guard 7: After him! He's getting away!',
98 => '[Grunts, Gasps]',
99 => 'Guard 8: Get him! This way! Turn!',
100 => 'Captain of the Guards: You there. Ogre!',
101 => 'Shrek: Aye?',
102 => 'Captain of the Guards: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest, and transport you to a designated, resettlement facility.',
103 => 'Shrek: Oh, really? You and what army?',
104 => '[Gasps, Whimpering]',
105 => 'Donkey: [Chuckles] Can I say somethin' to you? Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible!',
106 => 'Shrek: Are you talkin' to-- me? Whoa!',
107 => 'Donkey: Yes, I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you was great back there? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, then bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babies in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.',
108 => 'Shrek: Oh, that's great. Really.',
109 => 'Donkey: Man, it's good to be free.',
110 => 'Shrek: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?',
111 => 'Donkey: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.',
112 => '[Roaring]',
113 => 'Donkey: Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time-- [Mumbling] Then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day.',
114 => 'Shrek: Why are you following me?',
115 => 'Donkey: I'll tell you why. ♪ 'Cause I'm all alone. There's no one here beside me. My problems have all gone, there's no one to deride me. But you gotta have friends-- ♪',
116 => 'Shrek: Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.',
117 => 'Donkey: Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.',
118 => 'Shrek: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?',
119 => 'Donkey: Uh-- Really tall?',
120 => 'Shrek: No! I'm an ogre. You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you?',
121 => 'Donkey: Nope.',
122 => 'Shrek: Really?',
123 => 'Donkey: Really, really.',
124 => 'Shrek: Oh.',
125 => 'Donkey: Man, I like you. What's your name?',
126 => 'Shrek: Uh, Shrek.',
127 => 'Donkey: Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that?',
128 => 'Shrek: That would be my home.',
129 => 'Donkey: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you?',
130 => 'Shrek: I like my privacy.',
131 => 'Donkey: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. You know? Can I stay with you?',
132 => 'Shrek: Uh, what?',
133 => 'Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please?',
134 => 'Shrek: Of course!',
135 => 'Donkey: Really?',
136 => 'Shrek: No.',
137 => 'Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But, that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!',
138 => 'Shrek: Okay! Okay! But one night only.',
139 => 'Donkey: Ah! Thank you!',
140 => 'Shrek: What are you-- No. No.',
141 => 'Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles.',
142 => 'Shrek: Oh!',
143 => 'Donkey: Where do, uh, I sleep?',
144 => 'Shrek: Outside!',
145 => 'Donkey: Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, I guess outside is best. [Sniffles] Here I go. Good night. [Sighs] I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself. Outside, I guess. You know. By myself. Outside. ♪ I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. ♪',
146 => '[Bubbling]',
147 => '[Sighs]',
148 => '[Creaking]',
149 => 'Shrek: [Sighs] I thought I told you to stay outside?',
150 => 'Donkey: I am outside.',
151 => '[Clattering]',
152 => '[Clattering]',
153 => 'Mouse 1: Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?',
154 => 'Mouse 2: It's not home, but it'll do just fine.',
155 => 'Gorder: What a lovely bed.',
156 => 'Shrek: Got ya.',
157 => 'Gorder: [Sniffs] I found some cheese.',
158 => 'Shrek: Ow! [Grunts]',
159 => 'Gorder: Blah! Awful stuff.',
160 => 'Mouse 1: Is that you, Gorder?',
161 => 'Gorder: How did you know?',
162 => 'Shrek: Enough! What are you doing in my house? [Grunts] Hey!',
163 => '[Snickers]',
164 => 'Shrek: Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.',
165 => 'Dwarf: Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.',
166 => 'Shrek: Huh? [Gasps]',
167 => 'Wolf: What?',
168 => 'Shrek: I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?',
169 => 'Wolf: Aah!',
170 => 'Shrek: Oh, no. No! No! Oh, no.',
171 => '[Cackling]',
172 => '[Cackling Continues]',
173 => 'Shrek: What?',
174 => 'Girl: Quit it. Don't push.',
175 => '[Squeaking]',
176 => '[Lows]',
177 => 'Shrek: What are you doing in my swamp? [Echoing] Swamp? Swamp? Swamp?',
178 => '[Gasping]',
179 => 'Fairies: Oh, dear!',
180 => 'Dwarf: Whoa!',
181 => 'Shrek: All right, get out of here. All of you, move it. Come on. Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!',
182 => 'Dwarf: Quickly. Come on!',
183 => 'Shrek: No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.',
184 => 'Dwarf: Oh!',
185 => '[Sighs]',
186 => 'Donkey: Hey, don’t look at me. I didn't invite them.',
187 => 'Pinocchio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us.',
188 => 'Shrek: What?',
189 => 'Pinocchio: We were forced to come here.',
190 => 'Shrek: By who?',
191 => 'Pig: Lord Farquaad. He huffed und he puffed und he... singed an eviction notice.',
192 => 'Shrek: [Sighs] All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is.',
193 => '[Murmuring]',
194 => 'Donkey: Oh, I do. I know where he is.',
195 => 'Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?',
196 => 'Donkey: Me! Me!',
197 => 'Shrek: Anyone?',
198 => 'Donkey: Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!',
199 => 'Shrek: Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, and get you all off my land and back where you came from!',
200 => '[Cheering]',
201 => '[Twittering]',
202 => '[Cheering Continues]',
203 => 'Shrek: Oh! You! You're comin' with me.',
204 => 'Donkey: All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! ♪ On the road again. ♪ Sing it with me, Shrek.',
205 => 'Dwarf: Hey. Oh, oh!',
206 => 'Donkey: ♪ I can't wait to get in the road again. ♪',
207 => 'Shrek: What did I say about singing?',
208 => 'Donkey: Can I whistle?',
209 => 'Shrek: No.',
210 => 'Donkey: Can I hum it?',
211 => 'Shrek: All right, hum it.',
212 => '♪♪ [Humming]',
213 => '[Gurgling]',
214 => '[Coughing]',
215 => 'Farquaad: That's enough! He's ready to talk.',
216 => '[Coughing]',
217 => 'Farquaad: [Laughing] [Clears Throat] Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!',
218 => 'Gingy: You're a monster.',
219 => 'Farquaad: I'm not the monster here, you are! You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me, where are the others!?',
220 => 'Gingy: Eat me!',
221 => '[Spits]',
222 => 'Farquaad: I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I'll--',
223 => 'Gingy: No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!',
224 => 'Farquaad: All right, then. Who's hiding them?',
225 => 'Gingy: Okay. I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?',
226 => 'Farquaad: The muffin man?',
227 => 'Gingy: The muffin man.',
228 => 'Farquaad: Yes. I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?',
229 => 'Gingy: Well, she's married to the muffin man.',
230 => 'Farquaad: The muffin man?',
231 => 'Gingy: The muffin man!',
232 => 'Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man.',
233 => '[Door Opens]',
234 => 'Captain of the Guards: My lord! We found it.',
235 => 'Farquaad: Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.',
236 => '[Man Grunting]',
237 => '[Gasping]',
238 => 'Gingy: Oh!',
239 => 'Farquaad: Magic Mirror.',
240 => 'Gingy: Don't tell him anything! No!',
241 => 'Farquaad: Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of all?',
242 => 'Mirror: Well, technically you're not a king.',
243 => 'Farquaad: Uh, Thelonius. You were saying?',
244 => 'Mirror: What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.',
245 => 'Farquaad: Go on.',
246 => 'Mirror: [Chuckles] So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! And last, but certainly not the least, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead, from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But, don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! So will it be, bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?',
247 => 'Guards: Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!',
248 => 'Farquaad: Three? One? [Shudders] Three?',
249 => 'Thelonius: Three! Pick number three, my lord!',
250 => 'Farquaad: Okay, okay, uh, number three!',
251 => 'Mirror: Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.',
252 => '[♪ Escape By Rupert Holmes Playing]',
253 => 'Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you like piña coladas. And getting caught in the rain. ♪',
254 => 'Farquaad: Princess Fiona.',
255 => 'Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you're not into yoga. ♪',
256 => 'Farquaad: She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go--',
257 => 'Mirror: But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.',
258 => 'Farquaad: I'll do it.',
259 => 'Mirror: Yes, but after sunset.',
260 => 'Farquaad: Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.',
261 => 'Donkey: But that's it. That's it right there. That's Duloc. I told ya I'd find it.',
262 => 'Shrek: So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.',
263 => 'Donkey: Uh-huh. That's the place.',
264 => 'Shrek: Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? [Laughs]',
265 => 'Donkey: [Groans] Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.',
266 => 'Man: Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.',
267 => 'Shrek: Hey, you!',
268 => '[Screams]',
269 => 'Shrek: Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. I just-- I just--',
270 => '[Whimpering]',
271 => '[Sighs]',
272 => '[Whimpering, Groans]',
273 => '[Turnstile Clatters]',
274 => '[Chuckles]',
275 => '[Sighs]',
276 => '♪♪ [Instrumental Music]',
277 => 'Shrek: It's quiet. Too quiet.',
278 => '[Creaking]',
279 => 'Shrek: Where is everybody?',
280 => 'Donkey: Hey, look at this!',
281 => '[Clattering, Whirring, Clicking]',
282 => '[Clicking]',
283 => '[Clicking Quickens]',
284 => 'Clockwork Chorus: ♪ Welcome to Duloc such a perfect town. Here was have some rules, let us lay them down. Don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine, Duloc is a perfect place. Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your... face. Duloc is, Duloc is, Duloc is a perfect place! ♪',
285 => '[Camera Shutter Clicks]',
286 => '[Whirring]',
287 => 'Donkey: Wow! Let's do that again!',
288 => 'Shrek: No. No. No, no, no! No.',
289 => '[Trumpet Fanfare]',
290 => '[Crowd Cheering]',
291 => 'Farquaad: Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land.',
292 => '[Donkey Humming]',
293 => 'Farquaad: Today one of you shall prove himself--',
294 => 'Shrek: All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.',
295 => 'Donkey: Sorry about that.',
296 => '[Cheering]',
297 => 'Farquaad: That champion shall have the honor-- no, no-- the privilege, to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona, from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place, and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.',
298 => '[Cheering]',
299 => 'Farquaad: Let the tournament begin!',
300 => '[Gasps]',
301 => 'Knight 1: Oh!',
302 => 'Farquaad: What is that?',
303 => '[Gasping]',
304 => 'Farquaad: It's hideous!',
305 => 'Shrek: Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.',
306 => 'Donkey: Huh?',
307 => 'Farquaad: Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!',
308 => 'Knight 2: Get him!',
309 => 'Shrek: Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.',
310 => 'Woman: Go ahead! Get him!',
311 => 'Shrek: Can't we just settle this over a pint?',
312 => 'Knight 3: Kill the beast!',
313 => 'Shrek: No? All right then. Come on!',
314 => '[♪ Bad Reputation By Joan Jett Playing]',
315 => 'Halfcocked: ♪ I don't give a damn about my reputation. You're living in the past, it's a new generation. ♪',
316 => 'Knight 4: Damn!',
317 => '[Whinnying]',
318 => 'Halfcocked: ♪ A girl can do what she wants to do, and that's what I'm gonna do. And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. ♪',
319 => 'Donkey: Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!',
320 => 'Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Never said I wanted to improve my station. ♪',
321 => 'Shrek: Ah! [Laughs]',
322 => 'Halfcocked: ♪ And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun. ♪',
323 => 'Shrek: Yeah!',
324 => 'Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't have to please no one. ♪',
325 => 'Wrestling Fan: The chair! Give him the chair!',
326 => 'Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. Oh, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me. Not me. ♪',
327 => '[Bell Dings]',
328 => '[Cheering]',
329 => 'Shrek: [Laughs] Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!',
330 => '[Shrek Laughs]',
331 => '[Crowd Gasping, Murmuring]',
332 => 'Guard 9: Shall I give the order, sir?',
333 => 'Farquaad: No, I have a better idea. People of Duloc! I give you our champion!',
334 => 'Shrek: What?',
335 => 'Farquaad: Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest.',
336 => 'Shrek: Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp back.',
337 => 'Farquaad: Your swamp?',
338 => 'Shrek: Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures!',
339 => '[Crowd Murmuring]',
340 => 'Farquaad: Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back.',
341 => 'Shrek: Exactly the way it was?',
342 => 'Farquaad: Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.',
343 => 'Shrek: And the squatters?',
344 => 'Farquaad: As good as gone.',
345 => 'Shrek: What kind of quest?',
346 => 'Donkey: Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon, and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?',
347 => 'Shrek: You know what? Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.',
348 => 'Donkey: I don't get it, Shrek. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.',
349 => 'Shrek: Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village, and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?',
350 => 'Donkey: Uh, no, not really, no.',
351 => 'Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.',
352 => 'Donkey: Example?',
353 => 'Shrek: Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions.',
354 => 'Donkey: [Sniffs] They stink?',
355 => 'Shrek: Yes-- No!',
356 => 'Donkey: They make you cry?',
357 => 'Shrek: No!',
358 => 'Donkey: You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.',
359 => 'Shrek: No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. [Sighs]',
360 => 'Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. [Sniffs] You know, not everybody likes onions. Cakes! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.',
361 => 'Shrek: I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres. Are not. Like cakes.',
362 => 'Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Hey, let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.',
363 => 'Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.',
364 => 'Donkey: Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole dang planet.',
365 => 'Shrek: You know, I think preferred your humming.',
366 => 'Donkey: Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering.',
367 => '[♪ I'm On My Way By The Proclaimers Playing]',
368 => 'The Proclaimers: ♪ I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And everything that you receive up yonder is what you give to me the day I wander, I'm on my way. I'm on my way. I'm on my way. ♪',
369 => 'Donkey: Ooh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything.',
370 => 'Shrek: Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. [Sniffs] It's brimstone. We must be getting close.',
371 => 'Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone either.',
372 => '[Rumbling]',
373 => 'Shrek: Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. [Laughing]',
374 => 'Donkey: Shrek? Remember when you said ogres have layers?',
375 => 'Shrek: Oh, aye.',
376 => 'Donkey: Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.',
377 => 'Shrek: Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.',
378 => 'Donkey: You know what I mean.',
379 => 'Shrek: You can't tell me you're afraid of heights?',
380 => 'Donkey: No, I'm just a little uncomfortable being on a rickety over a boiling lake of lava!',
381 => 'Shrek: Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay. For emotional support. We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time.',
382 => 'Donkey: Really?',
383 => 'Shrek: Really, really.',
384 => 'Donkey: Okay, that makes me feel so much better.',
385 => 'Shrek: Just keep moving. And don't look down.',
386 => 'Donkey: Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. [Gasps] Shrek! I'm lookin' down! God, I can't do this! Just let me off right now. Please.',
387 => 'Shrek: But you're already halfway.',
388 => 'Donkey: But I know that half is safe!',
389 => 'Shrek: Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.',
390 => 'Donkey: Shrek, no! Wait!',
391 => 'Shrek: Donkey-- Let's have a dance then, shall we?',
392 => 'Donkey: Don't do that!',
393 => 'Shrek: Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this?',
394 => 'Donkey: Yes, that!',
395 => 'Shrek: This? This, do it. Okay.',
396 => 'Donkey: [Screams] No, Shrek! No! Stop it!',
397 => 'Shrek: You said do it. I'm doin' it.',
398 => 'Donkey: I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!',
399 => 'Shrek: That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.',
400 => 'Donkey: Cool. So, where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?',
401 => 'Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.',
402 => 'Donkey: [Chuckles] I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.',
403 => '[Water Dripping]',
404 => '[Wind Howling]',
405 => 'Donkey: [Donkey Whispering] You afraid?',
406 => 'Shrek: No, but-- Shh.',
407 => 'Donkey: Oh, good. Me neither. [Gasps] 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared, you know what I mean. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. [Gasps]',
408 => 'Shrek: Donkey, two things, okay? Shut... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs.',
409 => 'Donkey: Stairs? I thought I was lookin' for the princess.',
410 => 'Shrek: The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.',
411 => 'Donkey: What makes it you think she'll be there?',
412 => 'Shrek: I read it in a book once.',
413 => 'Donkey: Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'.',
414 => '[Creaking]',
415 => 'Donkey: I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right here. I'd step all over it.',
416 => 'Shrek: Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the--?',
417 => 'Donkey: Dragon! [Screams] [Gasps]',
418 => '[Roars]',
419 => 'Shrek: Donkey, look out! [Screams]',
420 => '[Screams]',
421 => '[Whimpering]',
422 => 'Shrek: Got ya!',
423 => '[Roars]',
424 => '[Gasps]',
425 => 'Shrek: [Shouts] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [Screaming]',
426 => 'Donkey: [Gasps] Oh! Aah! Aah! [Gasping]',
427 => '[Growls]',
428 => 'Donkey: No. Oh, no. No! [Screams] Oh, what large teeth you have.',
429 => '[Growls]',
430 => 'Donkey: I mean, I mean, white sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're-- You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. 'Cause, you're just reeking a feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ooh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm, uh-- [Coughs] I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. Shrek! [Gasps] [Whimpering] No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!',
431 => '[Groans, Sighs]',
432 => '♪♪ [Chorus Vocalizing]',
433 => '♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]',
434 => '♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]',
435 => 'Fiona: Oh! Oh!',
436 => 'Shrek in Armor: Wake up!',
437 => 'Fiona: What?',
438 => 'Shrek in Armor: Are you Princess Fiona?',
439 => 'Fiona: I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.',
440 => 'Shrek in Armor: Oh, that's nice. Now, let's go!',
441 => 'Fiona: But, wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?',
442 => 'Shrek in Amror: Yeah. Sorry, lady. There's no time.',
443 => 'Fiona: Hey, wait. What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet, out yonder window, and down a rope onto your valiant steed.',
444 => 'Shrek in Armor: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?',
445 => 'Fiona: Mm-hmm. [Screams, Grunts] But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!',
446 => 'Shrek in Armor: I don't think so.',
447 => 'Fiona: Can I at least know the name of my champion?',
448 => 'Shrek: Um, Shrek.',
449 => 'Fiona: Sir Shrek. [Clears Throat] I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.',
450 => 'Shrek in Armor: Thanks.',
451 => '[Roaring]',
452 => 'Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon?',
453 => 'Shrek in Armor: It's on my to-do list. Now, come on!',
454 => 'Fiona: [Screams] But this isn't right! You’re meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying! That's what all the other knights did!',
455 => 'Shrek in Armor: Yeah, right before they burst into flame!',
456 => 'Fiona: You know, that's not the point! Oh! Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there.',
457 => 'Shrek in Armor: Well, I have to save my ass.',
458 => 'Fiona: What kind of knight are you?',
459 => 'Shrek in Armor: One of the kind.',
460 => 'Donkey: Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. [Laughs] I don't to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this-- Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude-- Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or maybe his pen pals. 'Cause I'm the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards, and-- I'd really love to stay, but-- Hey, hey, hey! Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal ail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission to-- Wait. What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no! No! Oh!',
461 => '[Growls]',
462 => '[Roars]',
463 => '[Roaring]',
464 => '[Gasps]',
465 => 'Donkey: Hi, Princess!',
466 => 'Fiona: It talks!',
467 => 'Shrek in Armor: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!',
468 => 'Donkey: Shrek! [Screams] [Screaming]',
469 => 'Shrek: Oh!',
470 => '[Thuds]',
471 => '[Groans]',
472 => '[Shrek Groans]',
473 => '[Roars]',
474 => '[Roars]',
475 => '[Roaring]',
476 => '[Roars]',
477 => 'Shrek in Armor: Okay, you two! Head for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. [Echoing] Run!',
478 => '[Gasping]',
479 => '[Screaming]',
480 => '[Screams]',
481 => '[Roars]',
482 => '[Panting, Sighs]',
483 => '[Whimpers]',
484 => '[Roars]',
485 => '[Roars, Whimpers]',
486 => '[Dragon Growling In The Distance]',
487 => 'Fiona: You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. You're-- You're wonderful. You're... A little unorthodox, I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.',
488 => '[Clears Throat]',
489 => 'Fiona: And where would be a brave knight be without his noble steed?',
490 => 'Donkey: All right, I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a noble steed.',
491 => 'Fiona: [Fiona Laughs] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.',
492 => 'Shrek in Armor: Uh, no.',
493 => 'Fiona: Why not?',
494 => 'Shrek: I have helmet hair.',
495 => 'Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.',
496 => 'Shrek in Armor: No, no, you wouldn't'st.',
497 => 'Fiona: But, how will you kiss me?',
498 => 'Shrek in Armor: What? That job wasn't in the job description.',
499 => 'Donkey: Maybe it's a perk.',
500 => 'Fiona: No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon, is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss.',
501 => 'Donkey: Hmm? With Shrek? You think-- Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is your true love?',
502 => 'Fiona: Well, yes.',
503 => '[Laughing]',
504 => '[Laughing]',
505 => 'Donkey: You think Shrek is your true love!',
506 => 'Fiona: What is so funny?',
507 => 'Shrek in Armor: Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?',
508 => 'Fiona: Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now-- Now remove your helmet.',
509 => 'Shrek in Amror: Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.',
510 => 'Fiona: Just take off the helmet.',
511 => 'Shrek in Amror: I'm not going to.',
512 => 'Fiona: Take it off.',
513 => 'Shrek in Amror: No!',
514 => 'Fiona: Now!',
515 => 'Shrek in Armor: Okay! Easy. As you command, Your Highness.',
516 => 'Fiona: You-- You're-- an ogre.',
517 => 'Shrek: Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.',
518 => 'Fiona: Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre.',
519 => 'Shrek: Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay. He's the one who wants to marry you.',
520 => 'Fiona: Then why didn't he come to rescue me?',
521 => 'Shrek: Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.',
522 => 'Fiona: But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some ogre and his pet.',
523 => 'Donkey: So much for noble steed.',
524 => 'Shrek: You're not making my job any easier.',
525 => 'Fiona: I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here.',
526 => 'Shrek: Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.',
527 => 'Fiona: You wouldn't dare. Put me down!',
528 => 'Shrek: Ya comin', Donkey?',
529 => 'Donkey: I'm right behind ya.',
530 => 'Fiona: Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! [Screams]',
531 => 'Donkey: Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right? But you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten?',
532 => 'Fiona: You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your-- Hey! [Sighs] The sooner we get to Duloc the better.',
533 => 'Donkey: Oh, yeah. You're gonna love it there, Princess? It's beautiful!',
534 => 'Fiona: And my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?',
535 => 'Shrek: Well, let me put this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's standards are in short supply. [Laughs]',
536 => 'Donkey: I don't know, Shrek. There are those who think little of him.',
537 => '[Both Laughing]',
538 => 'Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.',
539 => 'Shrek: Maybe. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow.',
540 => 'Fiona: Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?',
541 => 'Shrek: No, that'll take longer.',
542 => 'Fiona: But there's robbers in the woods.',
543 => 'Donkey: Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping is definitely startin' to sound good.',
544 => 'Shrek: Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest.',
545 => 'Fiona: I need to find somewhere to camp now!',
546 => '[Bird Wings Fluttering]',
547 => 'Shrek: [Grunting] Hey! Over here.',
548 => 'Donkey: Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess.',
549 => 'Fiona: No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.',
550 => 'Shrek: Homey touches? Like what?',
551 => '[Crashing]',
552 => 'Fiona: A door. Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.',
553 => 'Donkey: You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.',
554 => 'Fiona: I said, good night!',
555 => 'Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing?',
556 => 'Shrek: [Laughs] I just-- You know-- Oh, come on. I was just kidding.',
557 => '[Fire Crackling]',
558 => 'Shrek: And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields.',
559 => 'Donkey: Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?',
560 => 'Shrek: The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.',
561 => 'Donkey: I know you're making this up.',
562 => 'Shrek: No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench.',
563 => 'Donkey: Man, that ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.',
564 => 'Shrek: Sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it.',
565 => 'Donkey: [Sighs] Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?',
566 => 'Shrek: Our swamp?',
567 => 'Donkey: You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.',
568 => 'Shrek: We? Donkey, there is no "we." There's no "our." There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land.',
569 => 'Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out.',
570 => 'Shrek: No. Do ya think?',
571 => 'Donkey: Are you hidin' something?',
572 => 'Shrek: Never mind, Donkey.',
573 => 'Donkey: Oh! This is another one of those onion things, isn't it?',
574 => 'Shrek: No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it-alone things.',
575 => 'Donkey: Why don't you want to talk about it?',
576 => 'Shrek: Why do you always want to?',
577 => 'Donkey: Why are you blocking?',
578 => 'Shrek: I'm not blocking.',
579 => 'Donkey: Yes, you are.',
580 => 'Shrek: Donkey, I'm warning you.',
581 => 'Donkey: Who you trying to keep out?',
582 => 'Shrek: Everyone! Okay?',
583 => 'Donkey: Now we're gettin' somewhere.',
584 => 'Shrek: Oh! For the love of Pete!',
585 => 'Donkey: What's your problem? What you got against the whole world?',
586 => 'Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" [Sighs] They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.',
587 => 'Donkey: You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre.',
588 => 'Shrek: Yeah, I know.',
589 => 'Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?',
590 => 'Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.',
591 => 'Donkey: Okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?',
592 => 'Shrek: That's the moon.',
593 => 'Donkey: Oh, okay.',
594 => '♪♪ [Orchestra]',
595 => '♪♪ [Dulcimer]',
596 => 'Farquaad: Again. Show me again.',
597 => '[Music Stops, Rewinds]',
598 => 'Farquaad: Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess.',
599 => 'Mirror: Hmph.',
600 => '[Rewinds, Resumes]',
601 => 'Farquaad: Ah. Perfect. [Inhales]',
602 => '[Snoring]',
603 => '♪♪ [Vocalizing]',
604 => '♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]',
605 => '♪♪ [Whistling]',
606 => '♪♪ [Whistling Continues]',
607 => '♪♪ [Vocalizes]',
608 => '♪♪ [Whistles]',
609 => '♪♪ [Vocalizes]',
610 => '♪♪ [Whistles]',
611 => '♪♪ [Vocalizing]',
612 => '♪♪ [Whistling]',
613 => '♪♪ [Vocalizing, High-pitched]',
614 => '♪♪ [Whistling, High-pitched]',
615 => '♪♪ [Continues]',
616 => '[Sizzling]',
617 => '[Sniffs, Yawns]',
618 => 'Shrek: Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.',
619 => 'Donkey: Come on, baby. I said I like it.',
620 => 'Shrek: Donkey, wake up.',
621 => 'Donkey: Huh? What?',
622 => 'Shrek: Wake up.',
623 => 'Donkey: What?',
624 => 'Fiona: Good morning. How do you like your eggs?',
625 => 'Donkey: Good morning, Princess!',
626 => 'Shrek: What's all this about?',
627 => 'Fiona: We kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. After all, you did rescue me.',
628 => 'Shrek: Uh, thanks.',
629 => '[Sniffs]',
630 => 'Fiona: Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.',
631 => '[Belches]',
632 => 'Donkey: Shrek!',
633 => 'Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. [Laughs]',
634 => 'Donkey: Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.',
635 => '[Belches]',
636 => 'Fiona: Thanks.',
637 => 'Donkey: She's as nasty as you are.',
638 => 'Shrek: [Laughs] You know, you're not exactly what I expected.',
639 => 'Fiona: Maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. [Vocalizing]',
640 => 'Monsieur Hood: La liberte! Hey!',
641 => 'Shrek: Princess?',
642 => '[Laughs]',
643 => 'Fiona: What are you doing?',
644 => 'Monsieur Hood: Be still, cherie, for I am your savior! And I am rescuing you from this green [Kissing Sounds] beast.',
645 => 'Shrek: Hey! That's my princess. Go find your own!',
646 => 'Monsieur Hood: Please, monsters! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?',
647 => 'Fiona: Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are!',
648 => 'Monsieur Hood: Oh! Of course! How rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men! [Laughs]',
649 => '♪♪ [Accordion]',
650 => 'Merry Men: ♪ Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo! ♪',
651 => 'Monsieur Hood: ♪ I steal from the rich and give to the needy. ♪',
652 => 'Man: ♪ He takes a wee percentage. ♪',
653 => 'Monsieur Hood: ♪ But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels. Man, I'm good. ♪',
654 => 'Merry Men: ♪ What a guy, Monsieur Hood! ♪',
655 => 'Monsieur Hood: ♪ Break it down. I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid. ♪',
656 => 'Merry Men: ♪ What he's basically saying is he likes to get-- ♪',
657 => 'Monsieur Hood: ♪ Paid. ♪',
658 => 'Merry Men: ♪ So. ♪',
659 => 'Monsieur Hood: ♪ When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad. ♪',
660 => 'Merry Men: ♪ That's bad. ♪',
661 => 'Monsieur Hood: ♪ When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad. ♪',
662 => 'Merry Men: ♪ He's mad. He's really, really mad. ♪',
663 => 'Monsieur Hood: ♪ I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart. Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start! ♪',
664 => '[Tarzan Yell]',
665 => '[Grunts, Groans]',
666 => '[Karate Yell]',
667 => '[Merry Men Gasping]',
668 => 'Fiona: [Panting] Man, that was annoying!',
669 => 'Man: Oh, you little--',
670 => '[Karate Yell]',
671 => '♪♪ [Accordion]',
672 => '[Tarzan woman yell]',
673 => '[Shouting, Groaning]',
674 => '[Tarzan woman yells about 3 times]',
675 => '[Groaning]',
676 => 'Fiona: [Chuckles] Um, shall we?',
677 => 'Shrek: Hold the phone.',
678 => '[Grunts]',
679 => 'Shrek: Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?',
680 => 'Fiona: What?',
681 => 'Shrek: That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?',
682 => 'Fiona: Well-- [Chuckles] When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a-- There's an arrow in your butt!',
683 => 'Shrek: What? Oh, would you look at that?',
684 => 'Fiona: Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.',
685 => 'Donkey: Why? What's wrong?',
686 => 'Fiona: Shrek's hurt.',
687 => 'Donkey: Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.',
688 => 'Shrek: Donkey, I'm okay.',
689 => 'Donkey: Oh, you can't do this to me. I'm too young for you to die. Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich?',
690 => 'Fiona: Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns.',
691 => 'Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Okay. I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die, Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!',
692 => 'Shrek: Donkey!',
693 => 'Donkey: Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.',
694 => 'Shrek: What are the flowers for?',
695 => 'Fiona: For getting rid of Donkey.',
696 => 'Shrek: Ah.',
697 => 'Fiona: Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.',
698 => 'Shrek: Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.',
699 => 'Fiona: I'm sorry, but it has to come out.',
700 => 'Shrek: No, it's tender. Now, hold on. What you're doing is the opposite of help.',
701 => 'Fiona: Don't move.',
702 => 'Shrek: Look, time out.',
703 => 'Fiona: Would you-- [Grunts] Okay. What do you propose we do?',
704 => 'Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns.',
705 => 'Shrek: Ow!',
706 => 'Donkey: Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!',
707 => 'Shrek: Ow! Not good.',
708 => 'Fiona: Okay. Okay, I can nearly see the head.',
709 => '[Grunts]',
710 => 'Fiona: It's just about--',
711 => 'Shrek: Ow! Ohh!',
712 => 'Donkey: Ahem.',
713 => 'Shrek: Nothing happened. We were just, uh--',
714 => 'Donkey: Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was as, okay.',
715 => 'Shrek: Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind! The princess here was just-- Ugh! Ow!',
716 => 'Donkey: Hey, what's that? [Nervous Chuckle] That's-- Is that blood? [Sighs]',
717 => '[Bird Chirping]',
718 => '[♪ My Beloved Monster By Eels Playing]',
719 => '[Grunts]',
720 => 'Eels: ♪ My beloved monster and me. We go everywhere together. Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves, gets us through all kinds of weather. ♪',
721 => 'Donkey: Aah!',
722 => 'Eels: ♪ She will always be the only thing. That comes between me and the awful sting. That comes from living in the world that's so damn mean. ♪',
723 => '[Croaks]',
724 => 'Eels: ♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh. ♪',
725 => 'Fiona: Hey!',
726 => 'Eels: ♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la. ♪',
727 => '[Both Laughing]',
728 => 'Eels: La-la, la-la, la-la.',
729 => 'Shrek: There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.',
730 => 'Fiona: That's Duloc?',
731 => 'Donkey: Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really-- Ow!',
732 => 'Shrek: Um, I, uh-- I guess we better move one.',
733 => 'Fiona: Sure. But, Shrek? I'm-- I'm worried about Donkey.',
734 => '[Blubbering]',
735 => 'Shrek: What?',
736 => 'Fiona: I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.',
737 => 'Donkey: What are you talking about? I'm fine.',
738 => 'Fiona: That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead.',
739 => 'Shrek: You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?',
740 => 'Fiona: I'll make you some tea.',
741 => 'Donkey: I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look. [Bones Crunch] Ow! See?',
742 => 'Shrek: Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.',
743 => 'Fiona: I'll get the firewood.',
744 => 'Donkey: Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug.',
745 => 'Fiona: Mmm. Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?',
746 => 'Shrek: Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.',
747 => 'Fiona: No kidding.',
748 => 'Shrek: Well, this is delicious. Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. [Chuckling]',
749 => 'Donkey: [Sighs] I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.',
750 => 'Shrek: [Gulps] Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare-- you name it.',
751 => 'Fiona: [Chuckles] I'd like that.',
752 => '[Slurps, Laughs]',
753 => 'Donkey: ♪ See the pyramids along the Nile. ♪',
754 => 'Shrek: Um, Princess?',
755 => 'Donkey: ♪ Watch the sunrise from a tropical isle. ♪',
756 => 'Fiona: Yes, Shrek?',
757 => 'Shrek: I, um, I was wondering.',
758 => 'Donkey: ♪ Just remember, darling all the while. ♪',
759 => 'Shrek: Are you--',
760 => 'Donkey: You belong to me.',
761 => 'Shrek: [Sighs] Are you gonna eat that?',
762 => '[Chuckles]',
763 => 'Donkey: Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.',
764 => 'Fiona: Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.',
765 => 'Shrek: What?',
766 => 'Donkey: Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you?',
767 => 'Fiona: Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.',
768 => 'Donkey: Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until-- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.',
769 => '[Shrek Sighs]',
770 => 'Fiona: Good night.',
771 => 'Shrek: Good night.',
772 => '[Door Creaks]',
773 => 'Donkey: Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.',
774 => 'Shrek: Oh, what are you talkin' about?',
775 => 'Donkey: I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. I know two were diggin' in each other. I could feel it.',
776 => 'Shrek: You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.',
777 => 'Donkey: Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel.',
778 => 'Shrek: I-- There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know-- and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't-- she's a princess, and I'm--',
779 => 'Donkey: An ogre?',
780 => 'Shrek: Yeah. An ogre.',
781 => 'Donkey: Hey, where you goin'?',
782 => 'Shrek: To get... more firewood. [Sighs]',
783 => 'Donkey: Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?',
784 => '[Wings Fluttering]',
785 => 'Donkey: Princess?',
786 => '[Creaking]',
787 => 'Donkey: [Gasps] It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.',
788 => '[Screams]',
789 => 'Donkey: Aah!',
790 => 'Fiona: Oh, no!',
791 => 'Donkey: No, help!',
792 => 'Fiona: Shh!',
793 => 'Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!',
794 => 'Fiona: No, it's okay. It's okay.',
795 => 'Donkey: What did you do with the princess?',
796 => 'Fiona: Donkey, I'm the princess.',
797 => 'Donkey: Aah!',
798 => 'Fiona: It's me, in this body.',
799 => 'Donkey: Oh, my God! You ate the princess! Can you hear me?',
800 => 'Fiona: Donkey!',
801 => 'Donkey: Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!',
802 => 'Fiona: No!',
803 => 'Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!',
804 => 'Fiona: Shh.',
805 => 'Donkey: Shrek!',
806 => 'Fiona: This is me.',
807 => 'Donkey: [Muffled Mumbling] Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.',
808 => 'Fiona I'm ugly, okay?',
809 => 'Donkey: Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now--',
810 => 'Fiona: No. I-- I've been this way as long as I can remember.',
811 => 'Donkey: What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.',
812 => 'Fiona: It only happens when the sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm, until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form."',
813 => 'Donkey: Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.',
814 => 'Fiona: It's a spell. [Sighs] When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow, before the sun sets and he sees me, like this. [Sobs]',
815 => 'Donkey: All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.',
816 => 'Fiona: But, Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look.',
817 => 'Donkey: Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?',
818 => 'Fiona: I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.',
819 => 'Donkey: But, you know, um, you're kind of an ogre, and Shrek-- well, you got a lot in common.',
820 => 'Fiona: Shrek?',
821 => 'Shrek: Princess, I-- Uh, how's going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and-- well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd-- uh, uh-- [Sighs] I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.',
822 => 'Fiona: I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.',
823 => '[Deep Sigh]',
824 => 'Fiona: Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell.',
825 => 'Donkey: You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.',
826 => 'Fiona: No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.',
827 => 'Donkey: What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?',
828 => 'Fiona: Promise you won't tell. Promise!',
829 => 'Donkey: All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'.',
830 => '[Door Opens]',
831 => '[Snoring]',
832 => 'Fiona: I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want--',
833 => '[Snoring]',
834 => 'Fiona: Shrek. Are you all right?',
835 => 'Shrek: Perfect! Never been better.',
836 => 'Fiona: I-- I don't-- There's something I have to tell you.',
837 => 'Shrek: You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night.',
838 => 'Fiona: You heard what I said?',
839 => 'Shrek: Every word.',
840 => 'Fiona: I thought you'd understand.',
841 => 'Shrek: Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?"',
842 => 'Fiona: But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.',
843 => 'Shrek: Yeah? Well, it does.',
844 => '[Gasps, Sighs]',
845 => 'Shrek: Ah, right on time.',
846 => '[Horse Whinnies]',
847 => 'Shrek: Princess, I've brought you a little something.',
848 => '♪♪ [Fanfare]',
849 => 'Donkey: [Yawns] What'd I miss? What'd I miss? [Muffled] Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.',
850 => 'Farquaad: Princess Fiona.',
851 => 'Shrek: As promised. Now hand it over.',
852 => 'Farquaad: Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, ad agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have ever seen such a radiant beauty before. I am Lord Farquaad.',
853 => 'Fiona: Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying, a short, farewell.',
854 => 'Farquaad: That's so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings.',
855 => 'Fiona: No, you're right. It doesn't.',
856 => 'Farquaad: Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage.',
857 => '[Gasps]',
858 => 'Farquaad: Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?',
859 => 'Fiona: Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make.',
860 => 'Farquaad: Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!',
861 => 'Fiona: No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets.',
862 => 'Farquaad: Oh, anxious, are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests!',
863 => 'Fiona: Fare-thee-well, ogre.',
864 => 'Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.',
865 => 'Shrek: Yeah? So what?',
866 => 'Donkey: Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night. She's--',
867 => 'Shrek: I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?',
868 => 'Donkey: Shrek, I-- I wanna go with you.',
869 => 'Shrek: I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!',
870 => 'Donkey: But I thought--',
871 => 'Shrek: Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong!',
872 => 'Donkey: Shrek.',
873 => '[♪ Hallelujah By John Cale Playing]',
874 => 'John Cale: ♪ I heard there was a secret chord, that David played, and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music, do ya? It goes like this the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall the major lift. The baffled king composing hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. Baby, I've been here before, I know this room I've walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch, but love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's broken hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. And all I ever learned from love is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you. ♪',
875 => '[Moaning]',
876 => 'John Cale: ♪ And it's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah. ♪',
877 => '[Moaning]',
878 => 'John Cale: ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. ♪',
879 => '[Thumping Sound]',
880 => 'Shrek: Donkey?',
881 => '[Grunts]',
882 => 'Shrek: What are you doing?',
883 => 'Donkey: I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one.',
884 => 'Shrek: Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it.',
885 => 'Donkey: It is. Around your half. See, that's your half, and this is my half.',
886 => 'Shrek: Oh! Your half. Hmm.',
887 => 'Donkey: Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head.',
888 => 'Shrek: Back off!',
889 => 'Donkey: No, you back off.',
890 => 'Shrek: This is my swamp!',
891 => 'Donkey: Our swamp.',
892 => 'Shrek: Let go, Donkey!',
893 => 'Donkey: You let go.',
894 => 'Shrek: Stubborn jackass!',
895 => 'Donkey: Smelly ogre.',
896 => 'Shrek: Fine!',
897 => 'Donkey: Hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.',
898 => 'Shrek: Well, I'm through with you.',
899 => 'Donkey: Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.',
900 => 'Shrek: Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?',
901 => 'Donkey: Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!',
902 => 'Shrek: Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you, for stabbin' me in the back!',
903 => 'Donkey: Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings.',
904 => 'Shrek: Go away!',
905 => 'Donkey: There you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you.',
906 => 'Shrek: Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking.',
907 => 'Donkey: She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else.',
908 => 'Shrek: She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?',
909 => 'Donkey: Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right?',
910 => 'Shrek: Donkey!',
911 => 'Donkey: No!',
912 => 'Shrek: Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?',
913 => 'Donkey: Hmph.',
914 => 'Shrek: [Sighs] I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me?',
915 => 'Donkey: Hey, that's what friends are for, right?',
916 => 'Shrek: Right. Friends?',
917 => 'Donkey: Friends.',
918 => 'Shrek: So, um, what did Fiona say about me?',
919 => 'Donkey: What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?',
920 => 'Shrek: The wedding! We'll never make it in time.',
921 => 'Donkey: Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where there's a will, there's a way, and I have a way. [Whistles]',
922 => 'Shrek: Donkey?',
923 => '[Donkey Laughing]',
924 => 'Donkey: I guess it's just an animal magnetism.',
925 => 'Shrek: [Laughing] Aw, come here, you.',
926 => 'Donkey: All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. [Donkey Laughing] Whoo!',
927 => '[Bells Tolling]',
928 => '[All Gasping]',
929 => 'Bishop: People of Duloc, we gather here today, to bear witness, to the union...',
930 => 'Fiona: Um-- of our now king--',
931 => 'Bishop: Excuse me.',
932 => 'Fiona: Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?',
933 => 'Farquaad: [Chuckling] Go on.',
934 => 'Donkey: Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you?',
935 => 'Shrek: What are you talking about?',
936 => 'Donkey: There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"',
937 => 'Shrek: I don't have time for this!',
938 => 'Donkey: Wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you?',
939 => 'Shrek: Yes.',
940 => 'Donkey: You wanna hold her?',
941 => 'Shrek: Yes.',
942 => 'Donkey: Please her?',
943 => 'Shrek: Yes!',
944 => 'Donkey: ♪ Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. ♪ The chicks love that romantic crap!',
945 => 'Shrek: All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?',
946 => 'Donkey: We gotta check it out.',
947 => '[Donkey Grunting]',
948 => 'Bishop: And so, by the power vested in me...',
949 => 'Shrek: What do you see?',
950 => 'Donkey: The whole town's in there.',
951 => 'Bishop: ...I now pronounce you husband and wife...',
952 => 'Donkey: They're at the altar.',
953 => 'Bishop: ...king and queen.',
954 => 'Donkey: Mother Fletcher! He already said it.',
955 => 'Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete!',
956 => '[Grunts]',
957 => 'Shrek: I object!',
958 => 'Fiona: Shrek?',
959 => '[Gasps]',
960 => 'Farquaad: Oh, now what does he want?',
961 => '[Crowd Clamoring]',
962 => 'Shrek: Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean.',
963 => 'Fiona: What are you doing here?',
964 => 'Farquaad: Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding--',
965 => 'Shrek: Fiona! I need to talk to you.',
966 => 'Fiona: Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me--',
967 => 'Shrek: But you can't marry him.',
968 => 'Fiona: And why not?',
969 => 'Shrek: Because-- Because he's just marrying you so he can be king.',
970 => 'Farquaad: Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.',
971 => 'Shrek: He's not your true love.',
972 => 'Fiona: And what do you know about true love?',
973 => 'Shrek: Well, I-- Uh-- I mean--',
974 => 'Farquaad: Oh, this is precious. [Chuckling] The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord.',
975 => '[Crowd Laughing]',
976 => 'Farquaad: An ogre and a princess! [Laughing Continues]',
977 => 'Fiona: Shrek, is this true?',
978 => 'Farquaad: Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmm!',
979 => 'Fiona: "By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.',
980 => '[Whimpers]',
981 => '[Crowd Gasping]',
982 => 'Shrek: Well, uh, that explains a lot.',
983 => 'Farquaad: Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both!',
984 => 'Fiona: No, no! Shrek!',
985 => 'Farquaad: This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See?',
986 => 'Fiona: No, let go of me, Shrek!',
987 => 'Shrek: No!',
988 => 'Farquaad: Don't just stand there, you morons.',
989 => 'Shrek: Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!',
990 => 'Farquaad: I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you!',
991 => 'Fiona: No! Shrek!',
992 => 'Farquaad: And as for you, my wife,',
993 => 'Shrek: Fiona!',
994 => 'Farquaad: I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I am king!',
995 => '[Whistles]',
996 => 'Farquaad: I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have-- Aaah! Aah!',
997 => 'Donkey: All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it.',
998 => '[Dragon Roars]',
999 => 'Donkey: I'm a donkey on the edge!',
1000 => '[Belches]',
1001 => 'Donkey: [Donkey Laughs] Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?',
1002 => '[Cheering]',
1003 => 'Donkey: Go ahead, Shrek.',
1004 => 'Shrek: Uh, Fiona?',
1005 => 'Fiona: Yes, Shrek?',
1006 => 'Shrek: I-- I love you.',
1007 => 'Fiona: Really?',
1008 => 'Shrek: Really, really.',
1009 => 'Fiona: I love you too.',
1010 => 'All: Aawww!',
1011 => 'Fiona: "Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form." [Echoing] [Echoing Continues] "Take love's true from. Take love's true form."',
1012 => 'Shrek: Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?',
1013 => 'Fiona: Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.',
1014 => 'Shrek: But you are beautiful.',
1015 => '[Chuckles]',
1016 => 'Donkey: I was hoping would be a happy ending.',
1017 => '[♪ I'm A Believer By Smash Mouth Playing]',
1018 => 'Steve Harwell: ♪ I thought love was only true in fairy tales. ♪',
1019 => 'All: Oy!',
1020 => 'Steve Harwell: ♪ Meant for someone else but not for me. Love was out to get me, that's the way it seemed, disappointment haunted all my dreams. And then I saw her face. Now I'm a believer. And not a trace. Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. ♪',
1021 => 'Choir: ♪ Ohh-ahh. ♪',
1022 => 'Steve Harwell: ♪ I'm a believer I couldn't leaver her if I tried. ♪',
1023 => 'Gingy: God bless us, every one.',
1024 => 'Donkey: Come on, y'all! ♪ Then I saw her face. ♪ Ha-ha! ♪ Now I'm a believer. ♪ Listen! Not a trace. ♪ Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. Ooh-ahh. I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried. ♪',
1025 => 'Mice: Ooh! Uh!',
1026 => 'Donkey: ♪ Then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer! Hey! Not a trace. Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind. One more time! I'm in love. I'm a believer. Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey! Y'all sing it with me! I believe! I believe! People in the back! I believe! ♪',
1027 => 'Smash Mouth: ♪ I'm a believer. ♪',
1028 => 'Donkey: ♪ I believe. I believe. I believe! ♪ [Hysterical Laughing] Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.',
1029 => 'Categories:',
1030 => 'TranscriptsShrekMovies',
1031 => 'Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.',
1032 => 'Add a comment about Shrek (film)/Transcript',
1033 => '10 comments',
1034 => '',
1035 => 'User avatar',
1036 => 'LunarHD',
1037 => '·',
1038 => '5d',
1039 => 'I sent this to my friend after she sent me the bee movie script.',
1040 => '',
1041 => 'Write a reply',
1042 => 'Xtradogeinary',
1043 => '·',
1044 => '4/22/2021',
1045 => 'Donkey's last words: I cant breath',
1046 => '',
1047 => 'George Floyd's last words: I cant breath man',
1048 => '',
1049 => '',
1050 => '',
1051 => 'C O I N C I D E N C E ? ? ?',
1052 => '',
1053 => '',
1054 => '',
1055 => 'I T H I N K N O T',
1056 => '',
1057 => 'SimbaRaiiin',
1058 => '·',
1059 => '5/7/2021',
1060 => 'Shut the fuck up.',
1061 => '',
1062 => 'Write a reply',
1063 => 'Dedfgfg',
1064 => '·',
1065 => '3/18/2021',
1066 => 'This is half of the transcript!',
1067 => '',
1068 => 'User avatar',
1069 => 'Em0lixik',
1070 => '·',
1071 => '3/27/2021',
1072 => 'No?',
1073 => '',
1074 => 'Write a reply',
1075 => 'User avatar',
1076 => 'The Strange Lion15',
1077 => '·',
1078 => '11/24/2020',
1079 => 'Yeah bro someone put this a google classroom meet in the chat lol ',
1080 => '',
1081 => 'John Sebastian Gamao',
1082 => '·',
1083 => '11/24/2020',
1084 => 'Fuckin legend',
1085 => '',
1086 => 'Mylamp',
1087 => '·',
1088 => '1/12/2021',
1089 => 'I was just about to do this with an account that looks like someone else in my class',
1090 => '',
1091 => 'SmallTay',
1092 => '·',
1093 => '4/15/2021',
1094 => 'My friend did that',
1095 => '',
1096 => '',
1097 => '',
1098 => 'Write a reply',
1099 => 'User avatar',
1100 => '7qzb',
1101 => '·',
1102 => '10/30/2020',
1103 => 'Just incase this gets griefed:',
1104 => '',
1105 => '{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.',
1106 => '',
1107 => 'But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only ',
1108 => '',
1109 => 'be broken by love's first kiss.',
1110 => '',
1111 => 'She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing ',
1112 => '',
1113 => 'dragon.',
1114 => '',
1115 => 'Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, ',
1116 => '',
1117 => 'but non prevailed.',
1118 => '',
1119 => 'She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest ',
1120 => '',
1121 => 'tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.',
1122 => '',
1123 => '{Laughing} ',
1124 => '',
1125 => 'Like that's ever gonna happen.',
1126 => '',
1127 => '{Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes}',
1128 => '',
1129 => 'What a load of - ',
1130 => '',
1131 => '',
1132 => '',
1133 => 'Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me',
1134 => '',
1135 => 'I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed',
1136 => '',
1137 => 'She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb',
1138 => '',
1139 => 'In the shape of an "L" on her forehead',
1140 => '',
1141 => 'The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'',
1142 => '',
1143 => 'Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin'',
1144 => '',
1145 => 'Didn't make sense not to live for fun',
1146 => '',
1147 => 'Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb',
1148 => '',
1149 => 'So much to do so much to see',
1150 => '',
1151 => 'So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets',
1152 => '',
1153 => 'You'll never know if you don't go',
1154 => '',
1155 => 'You'll never shine if you don't glow',
1156 => '',
1157 => 'Hey, now You're an all-star',
1158 => '',
1159 => 'Get your game on, go play',
1160 => '',
1161 => 'Hey, now You're a rock star',
1162 => '',
1163 => 'Get the show on, get paid',
1164 => '',
1165 => 'And all that glitters is gold',
1166 => '',
1167 => 'Only shootin' stars break the mold',
1168 => '',
1169 => 'It's a cool place and they say it gets colder',
1170 => '',
1171 => 'You're bundled up now but wait till you get older',
1172 => '',
1173 => 'But the meteor men beg to differ',
1174 => '',
1175 => 'Judging by the hole in the satellite picture',
1176 => '',
1177 => 'The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin',
1178 => '',
1179 => 'The water's getting warm so you might as well swim',
1180 => '',
1181 => 'My world's on fire',
1182 => '',
1183 => 'How 'bout yours',
1184 => '',
1185 => 'That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored',
1186 => '',
1187 => 'Hey, now, you're an all-star',
1188 => '',
1189 => '{Shouting}',
1190 => '',
1191 => 'Get your game on, go play',
1192 => '',
1193 => 'Hey, now You're a rock star',
1194 => '',
1195 => 'Get the show on, get paid',
1196 => '',
1197 => 'And all that glitters is gold',
1198 => '',
1199 => 'Only shootin' stars break the mold',
1200 => '',
1201 => '{Belches}',
1202 => '',
1203 => 'Go!',
1204 => '',
1205 => 'Go!',
1206 => '',
1207 => '{Record Scratching}',
1208 => '',
1209 => 'Go. Go.Go.',
1210 => '',
1211 => 'Hey, now, you're an all-star',
1212 => '',
1213 => 'Get your game on, go play',
1214 => '',
1215 => 'Hey, now You're a rock star',
1216 => '',
1217 => 'Get the show on, get paid',
1218 => '',
1219 => 'And all that glitters is gold',
1220 => '',
1221 => 'Only shootin' stars break the mold',
1222 => '',
1223 => '',
1224 => '',
1225 => '-Think it's in there?',
1226 => '',
1227 => '-All right. Let's get it!',
1228 => '',
1229 => '-Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?',
1230 => '',
1231 => '-Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.',
1232 => '',
1233 => '{Laughs}',
1234 => '',
1235 => '-Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.',
1236 => '',
1237 => 'Now, ogres - - They're much worse.',
1238 => '',
1239 => 'They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.',
1240 => '',
1241 => '-No!',
1242 => '',
1243 => '-They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!',
1244 => '',
1245 => 'Actually, it's quite good on toast.',
1246 => '',
1247 => '-Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!',
1248 => '',
1249 => '{Gasping}',
1250 => '',
1251 => '-Right.',
1252 => '',
1253 => '{Roaring}',
1254 => '',
1255 => '{Shouting}',
1256 => '',
1257 => '{Roaring}',
1258 => '',
1259 => '{Whispers} This is the part where you run away.',
1260 => '',
1261 => '{Gasping}',
1262 => '',
1263 => '{Laughs}',
1264 => '',
1265 => '{Laughing} And stay out!',
1266 => '',
1267 => '"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."',
1268 => '',
1269 => '{Sighs}',
1270 => '',
1271 => '{Man's voice} All right. This one's full.',
1272 => '',
1273 => '-Take it away!',
1274 => '',
1275 => '{Gasps}',
1276 => '',
1277 => '-Move it along. Come on! Get up!',
1278 => '',
1279 => '-Next!',
1280 => '',
1281 => '-Give me that! Your fiying days are over.',
1282 => '',
1283 => 'That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!',
1284 => '',
1285 => '-Get up! Come on!',
1286 => '',
1287 => '-Twenty pieces.',
1288 => '',
1289 => '{Thudding}',
1290 => '',
1291 => '-Sit down there!',
1292 => '',
1293 => '-Keep quiet!',
1294 => '',
1295 => '{Crying}',
1296 => '',
1297 => '-This cage is too small.',
1298 => '',
1299 => '-Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.',
1300 => '',
1301 => 'I can change. Please! Give me another chance!',
1302 => '',
1303 => '-Oh, shut up.',
1304 => '',
1305 => '-Oh!',
1306 => '',
1307 => '-Next!',
1308 => '',
1309 => '-What have you got?',
1310 => '',
1311 => '-This little wooden puppet.',
1312 => '',
1313 => '-I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.',
1314 => '',
1315 => '-Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.',
1316 => '',
1317 => '-Father, please! Don't let them do this!',
1318 => '',
1319 => '-Help me!',
1320 => '',
1321 => '-Next! What have you got?',
1322 => '',
1323 => '-Well, I've got a talking donkey.',
1324 => '',
1325 => '{Grunts}',
1326 => '',
1327 => '-Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.',
1328 => '',
1329 => '-Oh, go ahead, little fella.',
1330 => '',
1331 => '-Well?',
1332 => '',
1333 => '-Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous.',
1334 => '',
1335 => 'He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - -',
1336 => '',
1337 => '-That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!',
1338 => '',
1339 => '-No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.',
1340 => '',
1341 => 'I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.',
1342 => '',
1343 => '-Get her out of my sight.',
1344 => '',
1345 => '-No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!',
1346 => '',
1347 => '{Gasps}',
1348 => '',
1349 => '-Hey! I can fly!',
1350 => '',
1351 => '-He can fly!',
1352 => '',
1353 => '-He can fly!',
1354 => '',
1355 => '-He can talk!',
1356 => '',
1357 => '-Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.',
1358 => '',
1359 => 'You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly',
1360 => '',
1361 => 'but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!',
1362 => '',
1363 => 'Oh-oh.',
1364 => '',
1365 => '{Grunts}',
1366 => '',
1367 => '-Seize him!',
1368 => '',
1369 => '-After him! He's getting away!',
1370 => '',
1371 => '{Grunts, Gasps}',
1372 => '',
1373 => '{Man}',
1374 => '',
1375 => '-Get him! This way! Turn!',
1376 => '',
1377 => '-You there. Orge!',
1378 => '',
1379 => '-Aye?',
1380 => '',
1381 => '-By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under ',
1382 => '',
1383 => 'arrest',
1384 => '',
1385 => 'and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility.',
1386 => '',
1387 => '-Oh, really? You and what army?',
1388 => '',
1389 => '{Gasps, Whimpering}',
1390 => '',
1391 => '{Chuckles}',
1392 => '',
1393 => '-Can I say something to you?',
1394 => '',
1395 => '-Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here. ',
1396 => '',
1397 => 'Incredible!',
1398 => '',
1399 => 'Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa!',
1400 => '',
1401 => '-Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great ',
1402 => '',
1403 => 'back here? Those guards!',
1404 => '',
1405 => 'They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They ',
1406 => '',
1407 => 'was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made ',
1408 => '',
1409 => 'me feel good to see that.',
1410 => '',
1411 => '-Oh, that's great. Really.',
1412 => '',
1413 => '-Man, it's good to be free.',
1414 => '',
1415 => '-Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? ',
1416 => '',
1417 => 'Hmm?',
1418 => '',
1419 => '-But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by ',
1420 => '',
1421 => 'myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. ',
1422 => '',
1423 => 'You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit ',
1424 => '',
1425 => 'out of anybody that crosses us.',
1426 => '',
1427 => '{Roaring}',
1428 => '',
1429 => '-Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that ',
1430 => '',
1431 => 'don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you ',
1432 => '',
1433 => 'definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks!',
1434 => '',
1435 => 'You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - - ',
1436 => '',
1437 => '{Mumbling}',
1438 => '',
1439 => 'Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my ',
1440 => '',
1441 => 'butt that day.',
1442 => '',
1443 => '-Why are you following me?',
1444 => '',
1445 => '-I'll tell you why. ',
1446 => '',
1447 => '',
1448 => '',
1449 => ''Cause I'm all alone',
1450 => '',
1451 => 'There's no one here beside me',
1452 => '',
1453 => 'My promlems have all gone',
1454 => '',
1455 => 'There's no one to deride me',
1456 => '',
1457 => 'But you gotta heve friends - - ',
1458 => '',
1459 => '',
1460 => '',
1461 => '-Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.',
1462 => '',
1463 => '-Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.',
1464 => '',
1465 => '-Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?',
1466 => '',
1467 => '-Uh - - Really tall?',
1468 => '',
1469 => '-No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't ',
1470 => '',
1471 => 'that bother you?',
1472 => '',
1473 => '-Nope.',
1474 => '',
1475 => '-Really?',
1476 => '',
1477 => '-Really, really.',
1478 => '',
1479 => '-Oh.',
1480 => '',
1481 => '-Man, I like you. What's you name?',
1482 => '',
1483 => '-Uh, Shrek.',
1484 => '',
1485 => '-Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?',
1486 => '',
1487 => 'You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.',
1488 => '',
1489 => 'I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. ',
1490 => '',
1491 => 'Who'd want to live in place like that?',
1492 => '',
1493 => '-That would be my home.',
1494 => '',
1495 => '-Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a ',
1496 => '',
1497 => 'decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I ',
1498 => '',
1499 => 'like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.',
1500 => '',
1501 => '-I guess you don't entertain much, do you?',
1502 => '',
1503 => '-I like my privacy.',
1504 => '',
1505 => '-You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I ',
1506 => '',
1507 => 'hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them ',
1508 => '',
1509 => 'a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.',
1510 => '',
1511 => '-Can I stay with you?',
1512 => '',
1513 => '-Uh, what?',
1514 => '',
1515 => '-Can I stay with you, please?',
1516 => '',
1517 => '-Of course!',
1518 => '',
1519 => '-Really?',
1520 => '',
1521 => '-No.',
1522 => '',
1523 => '-Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to ',
1524 => '',
1525 => 'be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta ',
1526 => '',
1527 => 'stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!',
1528 => '',
1529 => '-Okay! Okay! But one night only.',
1530 => '',
1531 => '-Ah! Thank you!',
1532 => '',
1533 => '-What are you - - No! No!',
1534 => '',
1535 => '-This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, ',
1536 => '',
1537 => 'and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.',
1538 => '',
1539 => '-Oh!',
1540 => '',
1541 => '-Where do, uh, I sleep?',
1542 => '',
1543 => '-Outside!',
1544 => '',
1545 => '-Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you ',
1546 => '',
1547 => 'don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.',
1548 => '',
1549 => '{Sniffles}',
1550 => '',
1551 => '-Here I go.',
1552 => '',
1553 => '-Good night.',
1554 => '',
1555 => '{Sighs}',
1556 => '',
1557 => '-I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. ',
1558 => '',
1559 => 'I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself, ',
1560 => '',
1561 => 'outside.',
1562 => '',
1563 => '',
1564 => '',
1565 => 'I'm all alone',
1566 => '',
1567 => 'There's no one here beside me',
1568 => '',
1569 => '{Bubbling}',
1570 => '',
1571 => '{Sighs}',
1572 => '',
1573 => '{Creaking}',
1574 => '',
1575 => '{Sighs}',
1576 => '',
1577 => '-I thought I told you to stay outside.',
1578 => '',
1579 => '-I'm outside.',
1580 => '',
1581 => '{Clattering}',
1582 => '',
1583 => '-Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we ',
1584 => '',
1585 => 'have? ',
1586 => '',
1587 => '-It's not home, but it'll do just fune.',
1588 => '',
1589 => '-What a lovely bed.',
1590 => '',
1591 => '-Got ya.',
1592 => '',
1593 => '{Sniffs} I found some cheese.',
1594 => '',
1595 => '-Ow! {Grunts}',
1596 => '',
1597 => '-Blah! Awful stuff.',
1598 => '',
1599 => '-Is that you, Gorder?',
1600 => '',
1601 => '-How did you know?',
1602 => '',
1603 => '-Enough! What are you doing in my house?',
1604 => '',
1605 => '{Grunts}',
1606 => '',
1607 => '-Hey!',
1608 => '',
1609 => '{Snickers}',
1610 => '',
1611 => '-Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.',
1612 => '',
1613 => '-Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.',
1614 => '',
1615 => '-Huh?',
1616 => '',
1617 => '{Gusps}',
1618 => '',
1619 => '{Male voice} What?',
1620 => '',
1621 => '-I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I ',
1622 => '',
1623 => 'have to do get a little privacy?',
1624 => '',
1625 => '-Aah!',
1626 => '',
1627 => '-Oh, no. No! No!',
1628 => '',
1629 => '{Cackling}',
1630 => '',
1631 => '-What?',
1632 => '',
1633 => '-Quit it.',
1634 => '',
1635 => '-Don't push.',
1636 => '',
1637 => '{Squeaking}',
1638 => '',
1639 => '{Lows}',
1640 => '',
1641 => '- What are you doing in my swamp?',
1642 => '',
1643 => '{Echoing}',
1644 => '',
1645 => 'Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!',
1646 => '',
1647 => '{Gasping}',
1648 => '',
1649 => '-Oh, dear!',
1650 => '',
1651 => '-Whoa!',
1652 => '',
1653 => '-All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go! ',
1654 => '',
1655 => 'Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!',
1656 => '',
1657 => '-Quickly. Come on!',
1658 => '',
1659 => '-No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.',
1660 => '',
1661 => '-Oh!',
1662 => '',
1663 => '{Sighs}',
1664 => '',
1665 => '-Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.',
1666 => '',
1667 => '-Oh, gosh, no one invited us.',
1668 => '',
1669 => '-What?',
1670 => '',
1671 => '-We were forced to come here.',
1672 => '',
1673 => '-By who?',
1674 => '',
1675 => '-Lord Farquaad.',
1676 => '',
1677 => '-He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice.',
1678 => '',
1679 => '{Sighs}',
1680 => '',
1681 => '-All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?',
1682 => '',
1683 => '{Murmuring}',
1684 => '',
1685 => '-Oh, I do. I know where he is.',
1686 => '',
1687 => '-Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?',
1688 => '',
1689 => '-Me! Me!',
1690 => '',
1691 => '-Anyone?',
1692 => '',
1693 => '-Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!',
1694 => '',
1695 => '{Sighs}',
1696 => '',
1697 => '-Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. ',
1698 => '',
1699 => 'Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy ',
1700 => '',
1701 => 'Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came ',
1702 => '',
1703 => 'from!',
1704 => '',
1705 => '{Cheering}',
1706 => '',
1707 => '{Twittering}',
1708 => '',
1709 => '-Oh! You! You're comin' with me.',
1710 => '',
1711 => '- All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two ',
1712 => '',
1713 => 'stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!',
1714 => '',
1715 => '-On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek.',
1716 => '',
1717 => '-Hey. Oh, oh!',
1718 => '',
1719 => '-I can't wait to get on the road again.',
1720 => '',
1721 => '-What did I say about singing?',
1722 => '',
1723 => '-Can I whistle?',
1724 => '',
1725 => '-No.',
1726 => '',
1727 => '-Can I hum it?',
1728 => '',
1729 => '-All right, hum it.',
1730 => '',
1731 => '{Humming}',
1732 => '',
1733 => '',
1734 => '',
1735 => '{Grunts}',
1736 => '',
1737 => '{Whimpering}',
1738 => '',
1739 => '-That's enough. He's ready to talk.',
1740 => '',
1741 => '{Coughing}',
1742 => '',
1743 => '{Laughing}',
1744 => '',
1745 => '{Clears throat}',
1746 => '',
1747 => '-Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the ',
1748 => '',
1749 => 'gingerbread man!',
1750 => '',
1751 => '-You are a monster.',
1752 => '',
1753 => '-I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy ',
1754 => '',
1755 => 'tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the ',
1756 => '',
1757 => 'others?',
1758 => '',
1759 => '-Eat me!{Grunts}',
1760 => '',
1761 => '-I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached ',
1762 => '',
1763 => 'its end! Tell me or I'll - -',
1764 => '',
1765 => '-No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.',
1766 => '',
1767 => '-All right then. Who's hiding them?',
1768 => '',
1769 => '-Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?',
1770 => '',
1771 => '-The muffin man?',
1772 => '',
1773 => '-The muffin man.',
1774 => '',
1775 => '-Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?',
1776 => '',
1777 => '-Well, she's married to the muffin man.',
1778 => '',
1779 => '-The muffin man?',
1780 => '',
1781 => '-The muffin man!',
1782 => '',
1783 => '-She's married to the muffin man.',
1784 => '',
1785 => '{Door opens}',
1786 => '',
1787 => '-My lord! We found it.',
1788 => '',
1789 => '-Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.',
1790 => '',
1791 => '{Man grunting}',
1792 => '',
1793 => '{Gasping}',
1794 => '',
1795 => '-Oh!',
1796 => '',
1797 => '-Magic mirror - - ',
1798 => '',
1799 => '-Don't tell him anything!',
1800 => '',
1801 => '-No!',
1802 => '',
1803 => '{Ginerbread man whispers}',
1804 => '',
1805 => '-Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect ',
1806 => '',
1807 => 'kingdom of them all?',
1808 => '',
1809 => '-Well, technically you're not a king.',
1810 => '',
1811 => '-Uh, Thelonius.',
1812 => '',
1813 => '-You were saying?',
1814 => '',
1815 => '-What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All ',
1816 => '',
1817 => 'you have to do is marry a princess.',
1818 => '',
1819 => '-Go on.',
1820 => '',
1821 => '{Chuckles}',
1822 => '',
1823 => '-So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to ',
1824 => '',
1825 => 'meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette ',
1826 => '',
1827 => 'number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. ',
1828 => '',
1829 => 'She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking ',
1830 => '',
1831 => 'and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella.',
1832 => '',
1833 => '-Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of ',
1834 => '',
1835 => 'fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just ',
1836 => '',
1837 => 'kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come ',
1838 => '',
1839 => 'on. Give it up for Snow White!',
1840 => '',
1841 => '-And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a ',
1842 => '',
1843 => 'fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling ',
1844 => '',
1845 => 'lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes ',
1846 => '',
1847 => 'pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, ',
1848 => '',
1849 => 'Princess Fiona!',
1850 => '',
1851 => '-So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or ',
1852 => '',
1853 => 'bachelorette number three?',
1854 => '',
1855 => '-Two! Two!',
1856 => '',
1857 => '-Three! Three!',
1858 => '',
1859 => '-Two! Two!',
1860 => '',
1861 => '-Three! ',
1862 => '',
1863 => '-Three? One?',
1864 => '',
1865 => '{Shudders} Three?',
1866 => '',
1867 => '--Three! Pick number three, my lord!',
1868 => '',
1869 => '-Okay, okay, uh, number three!',
1870 => '',
1871 => '-Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.',
1872 => '',
1873 => '',
1874 => '',
1875 => 'If you like pina coladas',
1876 => '',
1877 => 'And getting caught in the rain',
1878 => '',
1879 => '',
1880 => '',
1881 => '-Princess Fiona.',
1882 => '',
1883 => '',
1884 => '',
1885 => 'If you're not into yoga',
1886 => '',
1887 => '',
1888 => '',
1889 => '-She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - - ',
1890 => '',
1891 => '-But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.',
1892 => '',
1893 => '-I'll do it.',
1894 => '',
1895 => '-Yes, but after sunset - -',
1896 => '',
1897 => '-Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will ',
1898 => '',
1899 => 'finally have the perfect king!',
1900 => '',
1901 => 'Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.',
1902 => '',
1903 => '',
1904 => '',
1905 => '-But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd ',
1906 => '',
1907 => 'find it.',
1908 => '',
1909 => '-So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.',
1910 => '',
1911 => '-Uh-huh. That's the place.',
1912 => '',
1913 => '-Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?',
1914 => '',
1915 => '{Laughs}',
1916 => '',
1917 => '{Groans}',
1918 => '',
1919 => '-Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.',
1920 => '',
1921 => '-Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.',
1922 => '',
1923 => '-Hey, you!',
1924 => '',
1925 => '{Screams}',
1926 => '',
1927 => '-Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - -',
1928 => '',
1929 => '{Whimpering}',
1930 => '',
1931 => '{Sighs}',
1932 => '',
1933 => '{Whimpering, Groans}',
1934 => '',
1935 => '{Turnstile clatters}',
1936 => '',
1937 => '{Chuckles}',
1938 => '',
1939 => '{Sighs}',
1940 => '',
1941 => '-It's quiet. Too quiet.',
1942 => '',
1943 => '{Creaking}',
1944 => '',
1945 => '-Where is everybody?',
1946 => '',
1947 => '-Hey, look at this!',
1948 => '',
1949 => '{Clattering, whirring, clicking}',
1950 => '',
1951 => 'Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town',
1952 => '',
1953 => 'Here we have some rules',
1954 => '',
1955 => 'Let us lay them down',
1956 => '',
1957 => 'Don't make waves, stay in line',
1958 => '',
1959 => 'And we'll get along fine',
1960 => '',
1961 => 'DuLoc is perfect place',
1962 => '',
1963 => 'Please keep off of the grass',
1964 => '',
1965 => 'Shine your shoes, wipe your... face',
1966 => '',
1967 => 'DuLoc is, DuLoc is',
1968 => '',
1969 => 'DuLoc is perfect ...... place',
1970 => '',
1971 => '{Camera shutter clicks',
1972 => '',
1973 => '{Whirring}',
1974 => '',
1975 => '-Wow! Let's do that again!',
1976 => '',
1977 => '-No. No. No, no, no! No.',
1978 => '',
1979 => '{Trumpet fanfare}',
1980 => '',
1981 => '{Crowd cheering}',
1982 => '',
1983 => '-Brave knights.',
1984 => '',
1985 => '-You are the best and brightest in all the land.',
1986 => '',
1987 => '-Today one of you shall prove himself - -',
1988 => '',
1989 => '-All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.',
1990 => '',
1991 => '-Sorry about that.',
1992 => '',
1993 => '{Cheering}',
1994 => '',
1995 => '-That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go ',
1996 => '',
1997 => 'forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the ',
1998 => '',
1999 => 'dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first ',
2000 => '',
2001 => 'runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae ',
2002 => '',
2003 => 'die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.',
2004 => '',
2005 => '{Cheering}',
2006 => '',
2007 => '-Let the tournament begin!',
2008 => '',
2009 => '{Gasps}',
2010 => '',
2011 => '-Oh!',
2012 => '',
2013 => '-What is that?',
2014 => '',
2015 => '{Gasping}',
2016 => '',
2017 => '-It's hideous!',
2018 => '',
2019 => '-Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.',
2020 => '',
2021 => '-Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named ',
2022 => '',
2023 => 'champion! Have it him!',
2024 => '',
2025 => '-Get him!',
2026 => '',
2027 => '-Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.',
2028 => '',
2029 => '-Go ahead! Get him!',
2030 => '',
2031 => '-Can't we just settle this over a pint?',
2032 => '',
2033 => '-Kill the beast!',
2034 => '',
2035 => '-No? All right then. Come on!',
2036 => '',
2037 => '',
2038 => '',
2039 => 'I don't give a damn about my reputation',
2040 => '',
2041 => 'You're living in the past ',
2042 => '',
2043 => 'It's a new generation',
2044 => '',
2045 => '',
2046 => '',
2047 => '-Damn!',
2048 => '',
2049 => '{Whinnying}',
2050 => '',
2051 => '',
2052 => '',
2053 => 'A girl can do what she wants to do',
2054 => '',
2055 => 'And that's what I'm gonna do',
2056 => '',
2057 => 'And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation',
2058 => '',
2059 => 'Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me',
2060 => '',
2061 => 'Me, me, me',
2062 => '',
2063 => '',
2064 => '',
2065 => '-Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!',
2066 => '',
2067 => '',
2068 => '',
2069 => 'And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation',
2070 => '',
2071 => 'Never said I wanted to improve my station',
2072 => '',
2073 => '',
2074 => '',
2075 => '-Ah!',
2076 => '',
2077 => '{Laughs}',
2078 => '',
2079 => '',
2080 => '',
2081 => 'And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun',
2082 => '',
2083 => '',
2084 => '',
2085 => '-Yeah!',
2086 => '',
2087 => '',
2088 => '',
2089 => 'And I don't have to please no one',
2090 => '',
2091 => '',
2092 => '',
2093 => '-The chair! Give him the chair!',
2094 => '',
2095 => '',
2096 => '',
2097 => 'And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation',
2098 => '',
2099 => 'Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me',
2100 => '',
2101 => 'Me, me, me',
2102 => '',
2103 => 'Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me',
2104 => '',
2105 => '{Bell dings}',
2106 => '',
2107 => '{Cheering}',
2108 => '',
2109 => '{Laughs}',
2110 => '',
2111 => '-Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till ',
2112 => '',
2113 => 'Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!',
2114 => '',
2115 => '{Shrek laughs}',
2116 => '',
2117 => '{Crowd gasping, murmuring}',
2118 => '',
2119 => '-Shall I give the order, sir?',
2120 => '',
2121 => '-No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!',
2122 => '',
2123 => '-What?',
2124 => '',
2125 => '-Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great ',
2126 => '',
2127 => 'and noble quest.',
2128 => '',
2129 => '-Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.',
2130 => '',
2131 => '-Your swamp?',
2132 => '',
2133 => '-Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures!',
2134 => '',
2135 => '{Crowd murmuring}',
2136 => '',
2137 => '-Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for ',
2138 => '',
2139 => 'me, and I'll give you your swamp back.',
2140 => '',
2141 => '-Exactly the way it was?',
2142 => '',
2143 => '-Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.',
2144 => '',
2145 => '-And the squatters?',
2146 => '',
2147 => '-As good as gone.',
2148 => '',
2149 => '-What kind of quest?',
2150 => '',
2151 => '-Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a ',
2152 => '',
2153 => 'princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only ',
2154 => '',
2155 => 'don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place.',
2156 => '',
2157 => '-Is that about right?',
2158 => '',
2159 => '-Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.',
2160 => '',
2161 => '-I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on ',
2162 => '',
2163 => 'him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make ',
2164 => '',
2165 => 'your bread, the whole orge trip.',
2166 => '',
2167 => '-Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and ',
2168 => '',
2169 => 'put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and ',
2170 => '',
2171 => 'drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?',
2172 => '',
2173 => '-Uh, no, not really, no.',
2174 => '',
2175 => '-For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think.',
2176 => '',
2177 => '-Example?',
2178 => '',
2179 => '-Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions.',
2180 => '',
2181 => '-{Sniffs} They stink?',
2182 => '',
2183 => '-Yes - - No!',
2184 => '',
2185 => '-They make you cry?',
2186 => '',
2187 => '-No!',
2188 => '',
2189 => '-You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little ',
2190 => '',
2191 => 'white hairs.',
2192 => '',
2193 => '-No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have ',
2194 => '',
2195 => 'layers. You get it? We both have layers. ',
2196 => '',
2197 => '{Sighs}',
2198 => '',
2199 => '-Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes ',
2200 => '',
2201 => 'onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.',
2202 => '',
2203 => '-I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes.',
2204 => '',
2205 => '-You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a ',
2206 => '',
2207 => 'person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like ',
2208 => '',
2209 => 'no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.',
2210 => '',
2211 => '-No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like ',
2212 => '',
2213 => 'onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.',
2214 => '',
2215 => '-Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.',
2216 => '',
2217 => '-You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or ',
2218 => '',
2219 => 'something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start ',
2220 => '',
2221 => 'slobbering.',
2222 => '',
2223 => '',
2224 => '',
2225 => 'I'm on my way from misery to happiness today',
2226 => '',
2227 => 'Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh',
2228 => '',
2229 => 'I'm on my way from misery to happiness today',
2230 => '',
2231 => 'Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh',
2232 => '',
2233 => 'And everything that you receive up yonder',
2234 => '',
2235 => 'Is what you give to me the day I wander',
2236 => '',
2237 => 'I'm on my way ',
2238 => '',
2239 => 'I'm on my way ',
2240 => '',
2241 => 'I'm on my way ',
2242 => '',
2243 => '',
2244 => '',
2245 => '-Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?',
2246 => '',
2247 => '-You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was ',
2248 => '',
2249 => 'open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's ',
2250 => '',
2251 => 'brimstone We must be getting close.',
2252 => '',
2253 => '-Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I ',
2254 => '',
2255 => 'know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone ',
2256 => '',
2257 => 'neither.',
2258 => '',
2259 => '{Rumbling}',
2260 => '',
2261 => '-Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.',
2262 => '',
2263 => '{Laughing}',
2264 => '',
2265 => '-Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers?',
2266 => '',
2267 => '-Oh, aye.',
2268 => '',
2269 => '-Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have ',
2270 => '',
2271 => 'layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.',
2272 => '',
2273 => '-Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.',
2274 => '',
2275 => '-You know what I mean.',
2276 => '',
2277 => '-You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.',
2278 => '',
2279 => '-I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over ',
2280 => '',
2281 => 'a boiling like of lava!',
2282 => '',
2283 => '-Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional ',
2284 => '',
2285 => 'support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step ',
2286 => '',
2287 => 'at a time.',
2288 => '',
2289 => '-Really?',
2290 => '',
2291 => '-Really, really.',
2292 => '',
2293 => '-Okay, that makes me feel so much better.',
2294 => '',
2295 => '-Just keep moving. And don't look down.',
2296 => '',
2297 => '-Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on ',
2298 => '',
2299 => 'moving. Don't look down.',
2300 => '',
2301 => '{Gasps}',
2302 => '',
2303 => '-Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off, ',
2304 => '',
2305 => 'please! ',
2306 => '',
2307 => '-But you're already halfway.',
2308 => '',
2309 => '-But I know that half is safe!',
2310 => '',
2311 => '-Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.',
2312 => '',
2313 => '-Shrek, no! Wait!',
2314 => '',
2315 => '-Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me?',
2316 => '',
2317 => '-Don't do that!',
2318 => '',
2319 => '-Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?',
2320 => '',
2321 => '-Oh, this?',
2322 => '',
2323 => '-Yes, that!',
2324 => '',
2325 => '-Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.',
2326 => '',
2327 => '{Screams}',
2328 => '',
2329 => '-No, Shrek! No! Stop it!',
2330 => '',
2331 => '-You said do it! I'm doin' it.',
2332 => '',
2333 => '-I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!',
2334 => '',
2335 => '-That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.',
2336 => '',
2337 => '-Cool.',
2338 => '',
2339 => '-So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?',
2340 => '',
2341 => '-Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.',
2342 => '',
2343 => '{Chuckles}',
2344 => '',
2345 => '-I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.',
2346 => '',
2347 => '{Water dripping, wind howling}',
2348 => '',
2349 => '-You afraid?',
2350 => '',
2351 => '-No.',
2352 => '',
2353 => '-But - -',
2354 => '',
2355 => '- Shh.',
2356 => '',
2357 => '-Oh, good. Me neither.',
2358 => '',
2359 => '{Gasps}',
2360 => '',
2361 => '-'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible ',
2362 => '',
2363 => 'response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I ',
2364 => '',
2365 => 'might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and ',
2366 => '',
2367 => 'breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little ',
2368 => '',
2369 => 'scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.',
2370 => '',
2371 => '{Gasps}',
2372 => '',
2373 => '-Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if ',
2374 => '',
2375 => 'you can find any stairs.',
2376 => '',
2377 => '-Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess.',
2378 => '',
2379 => '-The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest ',
2380 => '',
2381 => 'tower.',
2382 => '',
2383 => '-What makes you think she'll be there?',
2384 => '',
2385 => '-I read it in a book once.',
2386 => '',
2387 => '-Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those ',
2388 => '',
2389 => 'stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way ',
2390 => '',
2391 => 'they're goin'.',
2392 => '',
2393 => '{Creacing}',
2394 => '',
2395 => '-I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with ',
2396 => '',
2397 => 'me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a ',
2398 => '',
2399 => 'step right here. I'd step all over it.',
2400 => '',
2401 => '-Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - - ',
2402 => '',
2403 => '-Dragon!',
2404 => '',
2405 => '{Screams}',
2406 => '',
2407 => '{Gasps}',
2408 => '',
2409 => '{Roars}',
2410 => '',
2411 => '-Donkey, look out!',
2412 => '',
2413 => '{Screams}',
2414 => '',
2415 => '{Whimpering}',
2416 => '',
2417 => '-Got ya!',
2418 => '',
2419 => '{Roars}',
2420 => '',
2421 => '{Gasps}',
2422 => '',
2423 => '{Shouts}',
2424 => '',
2425 => '-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!',
2426 => '',
2427 => '{Screaming}',
2428 => '',
2429 => '{Gasps}',
2430 => '',
2431 => '-Oh! Aah! Aah!',
2432 => '',
2433 => '{Gasping}',
2434 => '',
2435 => '{Crowls}',
2436 => '',
2437 => '-No. Oh, no, No!',
2438 => '',
2439 => '{Screams}',
2440 => '',
2441 => '-Oh, what large teeth you have.',
2442 => '',
2443 => '{Crowls}',
2444 => '',
2445 => '-I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time ',
2446 => '',
2447 => 'from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile ',
2448 => '',
2449 => 'you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know ',
2450 => '',
2451 => 'what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of ',
2452 => '',
2453 => 'course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty. ',
2454 => '',
2455 => 'What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh. ',
2456 => '',
2457 => 'Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - - ',
2458 => '',
2459 => '(Coughs)',
2460 => '',
2461 => '-I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna ',
2462 => '',
2463 => 'blow smoke rings. Shrek!',
2464 => '',
2465 => '{Gasps}',
2466 => '',
2467 => '{Whimpering}',
2468 => '',
2469 => '-No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!',
2470 => '',
2471 => '{Groans, Sighs}',
2472 => '',
2473 => '{Vocalizing}',
2474 => '',
2475 => '-Oh! Oh!',
2476 => '',
2477 => '-Wake up!',
2478 => '',
2479 => '-What?',
2480 => '',
2481 => '-Are you Princess Fiona?',
2482 => '',
2483 => '-I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.',
2484 => '',
2485 => '-Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!',
2486 => '',
2487 => '-But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be ',
2488 => '',
2489 => 'a wonderful, romantic moment?',
2490 => '',
2491 => '-Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.',
2492 => '',
2493 => '-Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out ',
2494 => '',
2495 => 'yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.',
2496 => '',
2497 => '-You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?',
2498 => '',
2499 => '-Mm-hmm.',
2500 => '',
2501 => '{Screams, grunts}',
2502 => '',
2503 => '-But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for ',
2504 => '',
2505 => 'me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!',
2506 => '',
2507 => '-I don't think so.',
2508 => '',
2509 => '-Can I at least know the name of my champion?',
2510 => '',
2511 => '-Um, Shrek.',
2512 => '',
2513 => '-Sir Shrek.',
2514 => '',
2515 => '{Cleans throat}',
2516 => '',
2517 => '-I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.',
2518 => '',
2519 => '-Thanks!',
2520 => '',
2521 => '{Roaring}',
2522 => '',
2523 => '-You didn't slay the dragon?',
2524 => '',
2525 => '-It's on my to-do list. Now come on!',
2526 => '',
2527 => '{Screams}',
2528 => '',
2529 => '-But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn, ',
2530 => '',
2531 => 'banner flying. That's what all the other knights did.',
2532 => '',
2533 => '-Yeah, right before they burst into flame.',
2534 => '',
2535 => '-That's not the point. Oh!',
2536 => '',
2537 => '-Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there.',
2538 => '',
2539 => '-Well, I have to save my ass.',
2540 => '',
2541 => '-What kind of knight are you?',
2542 => '',
2543 => '-One of a kind.',
2544 => '',
2545 => '-Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to ',
2546 => '',
2547 => 'know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned. ',
2548 => '',
2549 => '{Laughs}',
2550 => '',
2551 => '-I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not ',
2552 => '',
2553 => 'emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really ',
2554 => '',
2555 => 'is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted ',
2556 => '',
2557 => 'physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back ',
2558 => '',
2559 => 'up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to ',
2560 => '',
2561 => 'know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot, ',
2562 => '',
2563 => 'but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - - ',
2564 => '',
2565 => 'Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna ',
2566 => '',
2567 => 'tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with ',
2568 => '',
2569 => 'that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!',
2570 => '',
2571 => '{Growls}',
2572 => '',
2573 => '{Roaring}',
2574 => '',
2575 => '{Gasps}',
2576 => '',
2577 => '-Hi, Princess!',
2578 => '',
2579 => '-It talks!',
2580 => '',
2581 => '-Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.',
2582 => '',
2583 => '{Screams}',
2584 => '',
2585 => '{Screaming}',
2586 => '',
2587 => '-Oh!',
2588 => '',
2589 => '{Thuds}',
2590 => '',
2591 => '{Groans}',
2592 => '',
2593 => '{Roars}',
2594 => '',
2595 => '{Roaring}',
2596 => '',
2597 => '-Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon.',
2598 => '',
2599 => '{Fchoing}',
2600 => '',
2601 => '-Run!',
2602 => '',
2603 => '{Gasping}',
2604 => '',
2605 => '{Screaming}',
2606 => '',
2607 => '{Roaring}',
2608 => '',
2609 => '{Screams}',
2610 => '',
2611 => '{Roars}',
2612 => '',
2613 => '{Panting, sighs}',
2614 => '',
2615 => '{Whimpers}',
2616 => '',
2617 => '{Roars}',
2618 => '',
2619 => '-You did it!',
2620 => '',
2621 => '-You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful. ',
2622 => '',
2623 => 'You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and ',
2624 => '',
2625 => 'thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt. ',
2626 => '',
2627 => '{Clears throat}',
2628 => '',
2629 => '-And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?',
2630 => '',
2631 => '-I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a ',
2632 => '',
2633 => 'steed.',
2634 => '',
2635 => '-The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.',
2636 => '',
2637 => '-Uh, no.',
2638 => '',
2639 => '-Why not?',
2640 => '',
2641 => '-I have helmet hair.',
2642 => '',
2643 => '-Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.',
2644 => '',
2645 => '-No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.',
2646 => '',
2647 => '-But how will you kiss me?',
2648 => '',
2649 => '-What? That wasn't in the job description.',
2650 => '',
2651 => '-Maybe it's a perk.',
2652 => '',
2653 => '-No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in ',
2654 => '',
2655 => 'a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then ',
2656 => '',
2657 => 'they share true love's first kiss.',
2658 => '',
2659 => '-Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you ',
2660 => '',
2661 => 'true love?',
2662 => '',
2663 => '-Well, yes.',
2664 => '',
2665 => '{Laughing}',
2666 => '',
2667 => '-You think Shrek is your true love!',
2668 => '',
2669 => '-What is so funny?',
2670 => '',
2671 => '-Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay?',
2672 => '',
2673 => '-Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your ',
2674 => '',
2675 => 'helmet.',
2676 => '',
2677 => '-Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.',
2678 => '',
2679 => '-Just take off the helmet.',
2680 => '',
2681 => '-I'm not going to.',
2682 => '',
2683 => '-Take ot off.',
2684 => '',
2685 => '-No!',
2686 => '',
2687 => '-Now!',
2688 => '',
2689 => '-Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.',
2690 => '',
2691 => '-You- - You're a- - an orge.',
2692 => '',
2693 => '-Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.',
2694 => '',
2695 => '-Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed ',
2696 => '',
2697 => 'to be an orge.',
2698 => '',
2699 => '{Sighs}',
2700 => '',
2701 => '-Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the ',
2702 => '',
2703 => 'one who wants to marry you.',
2704 => '',
2705 => '-Then why didn't he come rescue me?',
2706 => '',
2707 => '-Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.',
2708 => '',
2709 => '-But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- - ',
2710 => '',
2711 => 'his pet.',
2712 => '',
2713 => '-So much for noble steed.',
2714 => '',
2715 => '-You're not making my job any easier.',
2716 => '',
2717 => '-I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad ',
2718 => '',
2719 => 'that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right ',
2720 => '',
2721 => 'here.',
2722 => '',
2723 => '-Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.',
2724 => '',
2725 => '-You wouldn't dare. Put me down!',
2726 => '',
2727 => '-Ya comin', Donkey?',
2728 => '',
2729 => '-I'm right behind ya.',
2730 => '',
2731 => '-Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not ',
2732 => '',
2733 => 'dignified! Put me down!',
2734 => '',
2735 => '-Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, ',
2736 => '',
2737 => 'right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down ',
2738 => '',
2739 => 'real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a ',
2740 => '',
2741 => 'crisp and eaten?',
2742 => '',
2743 => '-You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what ',
2744 => '',
2745 => 'happens when you find your - - Hey!',
2746 => '',
2747 => '{Sighs}',
2748 => '',
2749 => '-The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.',
2750 => '',
2751 => '-You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!',
2752 => '',
2753 => '-And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?',
2754 => '',
2755 => '-Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in ',
2756 => '',
2757 => 'short supply.',
2758 => '',
2759 => '{Laughs}',
2760 => '',
2761 => '-I don't know. There are those who think little of him.',
2762 => '',
2763 => '-Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never ',
2764 => '',
2765 => 'measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.',
2766 => '',
2767 => '-Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the ',
2768 => '',
2769 => '"measuring" when you see him tomorrow.',
2770 => '',
2771 => '-Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?',
2772 => '',
2773 => '-No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.',
2774 => '',
2775 => '-But there's robbers in the woods.',
2776 => '',
2777 => '-Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good.',
2778 => '',
2779 => '-Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this ',
2780 => '',
2781 => 'forest.',
2782 => '',
2783 => '-I need to find somewhere to camp now!',
2784 => '',
2785 => '{Birds wings fluttering}',
2786 => '',
2787 => '{Grunting}',
2788 => '',
2789 => '-Hey! Over here.',
2790 => '',
2791 => '-Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a ',
2792 => '',
2793 => 'princess.',
2794 => '',
2795 => '-No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.',
2796 => '',
2797 => '-Homey touches? Like what?',
2798 => '',
2799 => '{Crashing}',
2800 => '',
2801 => '-A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.',
2802 => '',
2803 => '-You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.',
2804 => '',
2805 => '-I said good night!',
2806 => '',
2807 => '-Shrek, What are you doing?',
2808 => '',
2809 => '{Laughs}',
2810 => '',
2811 => '-I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding.',
2812 => '',
2813 => '{Fire cracking}',
2814 => '',
2815 => '-And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over ',
2816 => '',
2817 => 'three wheat fields. Right. Yeah.',
2818 => '',
2819 => '-Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?',
2820 => '',
2821 => '-The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, ',
2822 => '',
2823 => 'there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.',
2824 => '',
2825 => '-I know you're making this up.',
2826 => '',
2827 => '-No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away ',
2828 => '',
2829 => 'from his stench.',
2830 => '',
2831 => '-That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.',
2832 => '',
2833 => '-You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? ',
2834 => '',
2835 => 'Forget it.',
2836 => '',
2837 => '{Sighs}',
2838 => '',
2839 => '-Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?',
2840 => '',
2841 => '-Our swamp?',
2842 => '',
2843 => '-You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.',
2844 => '',
2845 => '-We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my ',
2846 => '',
2847 => 'swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my ',
2848 => '',
2849 => 'land.',
2850 => '',
2851 => '-You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what ',
2852 => '',
2853 => 'I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody ',
2854 => '',
2855 => 'out.',
2856 => '',
2857 => '-No, do ya think?',
2858 => '',
2859 => '-Are you hidin' something?',
2860 => '',
2861 => '-Never mind, Donkey.',
2862 => '',
2863 => '-Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?',
2864 => '',
2865 => '-No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things.',
2866 => '',
2867 => '-Why don't you want to talk about it?',
2868 => '',
2869 => '-Why do you want to talk about it?',
2870 => '',
2871 => '-Why are you blocking?',
2872 => '',
2873 => '-I'm not blocking.',
2874 => '',
2875 => '-Oh, yes, you are.',
2876 => '',
2877 => '-Donkey, I'm warning you.',
2878 => '',
2879 => '-Who you trying to keep out?',
2880 => '',
2881 => '-Everyone! Okay?',
2882 => '',
2883 => '-Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.',
2884 => '',
2885 => '-Oh! For the love of Pete!',
2886 => '',
2887 => '-What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway?',
2888 => '',
2889 => '-Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that ',
2890 => '',
2891 => 'seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go. ',
2892 => '',
2893 => '"Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they ',
2894 => '',
2895 => 'even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.',
2896 => '',
2897 => '-You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, ',
2898 => '',
2899 => 'stupid, ugly orge.',
2900 => '',
2901 => '-Yeah, I know.',
2902 => '',
2903 => '-So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?',
2904 => '',
2905 => '-Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.',
2906 => '',
2907 => '-Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one ',
2908 => '',
2909 => 'there?',
2910 => '',
2911 => '-That's the moon.',
2912 => '',
2913 => '-Oh, okay.',
2914 => '',
2915 => '',
2916 => '',
2917 => '{Orchestra}',
2918 => '',
2919 => '{Dulcimer}',
2920 => '',
2921 => '-Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the ',
2922 => '',
2923 => 'princess.',
2924 => '',
2925 => '-Hmph.',
2926 => '',
2927 => '-Ah. Perfect.',
2928 => '',
2929 => '{Inhales}',
2930 => '',
2931 => '',
2932 => '',
2933 => '{Snoring}',
2934 => '',
2935 => '{Vocalizing}',
2936 => '',
2937 => '{Whistling}',
2938 => '',
2939 => '{Sizzling}',
2940 => '',
2941 => '{Sniffs, yawns}',
2942 => '',
2943 => '-Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.',
2944 => '',
2945 => '--Come on, baby. I said I like it.',
2946 => '',
2947 => '-Donkey, wake up.',
2948 => '',
2949 => '-Huh? What?',
2950 => '',
2951 => '-Wake up.',
2952 => '',
2953 => '-What?',
2954 => '',
2955 => '-Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?',
2956 => '',
2957 => '-Good morning, Princess!',
2958 => '',
2959 => '-What's all this about?',
2960 => '',
2961 => '-You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to ',
2962 => '',
2963 => 'make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.',
2964 => '',
2965 => '-Uh, thanks.',
2966 => '',
2967 => '{Sniffs}',
2968 => '',
2969 => '-Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.',
2970 => '',
2971 => '{Belches}',
2972 => '',
2973 => '-Shrek!',
2974 => '',
2975 => '-What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs}',
2976 => '',
2977 => '-Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.',
2978 => '',
2979 => '{Belches}',
2980 => '',
2981 => '-Thanks.',
2982 => '',
2983 => '-She's as nasty as you are.',
2984 => '',
2985 => '-{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected.',
2986 => '',
2987 => '-Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.',
2988 => '',
2989 => '{Vocalizing}',
2990 => '',
2991 => '',
2992 => '',
2993 => '-La liberte! Hey!',
2994 => '',
2995 => '-Princess!',
2996 => '',
2997 => '{Laughs}',
2998 => '',
2999 => '-What are you doing?',
3000 => '',
3001 => '-Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from ',
3002 => '',
3003 => 'this green - -',
3004 => '',
3005 => '{Kissing sounds}',
3006 => '',
3007 => '-beast.',
3008 => '',
3009 => '-Hey!',
3010 => '',
3011 => '-That's my princess! Go find you own!',
3012 => '',
3013 => '-Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?',
3014 => '',
3015 => '-Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!',
3016 => '',
3017 => '-Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry ',
3018 => '',
3019 => 'Men. ',
3020 => '',
3021 => '{Laughs}',
3022 => '',
3023 => '',
3024 => '',
3025 => '{Accordion}',
3026 => '',
3027 => 'Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.',
3028 => '',
3029 => 'I steal from the rich and give to the needy.',
3030 => '',
3031 => 'He takes a wee percentage, ',
3032 => '',
3033 => 'But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels',
3034 => '',
3035 => 'Man, I'm good',
3036 => '',
3037 => 'What a guy, Monsieur Hood',
3038 => '',
3039 => 'Break it down',
3040 => '',
3041 => 'I like an honest fight',
3042 => '',
3043 => 'and a saucy little maid',
3044 => '',
3045 => 'What he's basically saying',
3046 => '',
3047 => 'is he likes to get - - ',
3048 => '',
3049 => 'Paid',
3050 => '',
3051 => 'So',
3052 => '',
3053 => 'When an orge in the bush',
3054 => '',
3055 => 'grabs a lady by the tush',
3056 => '',
3057 => 'That's bad',
3058 => '',
3059 => 'That's bad',
3060 => '',
3061 => 'When a beauty's with a beast',
3062 => '',
3063 => 'it makes me awfully mad',
3064 => '',
3065 => 'He's mad',
3066 => '',
3067 => 'He's really, really mad',
3068 => '',
3069 => 'I'll take my blade and',
3070 => '',
3071 => 'ram it through your heart',
3072 => '',
3073 => 'Keep your eyes on me, boys',
3074 => '',
3075 => ''cause I'm about to start',
3076 => '',
3077 => '',
3078 => '',
3079 => '{Grunts, Groans}',
3080 => '',
3081 => '{Karate Yell}',
3082 => '',
3083 => '{Merry Men Gasping}',
3084 => '',
3085 => '{Panting}',
3086 => '',
3087 => '-Man, that was annoying!',
3088 => '',
3089 => '-Oh, you little- - ',
3090 => '',
3091 => '{Karate Yell}',
3092 => '',
3093 => '{Accordion}',
3094 => '',
3095 => '{Shouting, groaning}',
3096 => '',
3097 => '{Chuckles}',
3098 => '',
3099 => '-Uh, shall we?',
3100 => '',
3101 => '-Hold the phone.',
3102 => '',
3103 => '{Grunts}',
3104 => '',
3105 => 'Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?',
3106 => '',
3107 => '-What?',
3108 => '',
3109 => '-That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?',
3110 => '',
3111 => '-Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these ',
3112 => '',
3113 => 'things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt!',
3114 => '',
3115 => '-What? Oh, would you look at that?',
3116 => '',
3117 => '-Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.',
3118 => '',
3119 => '-Why? What's wrong?',
3120 => '',
3121 => '-Shrek's hurt.',
3122 => '',
3123 => '-Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.',
3124 => '',
3125 => '-Donkey, I'm okay.',
3126 => '',
3127 => '-You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep ',
3128 => '',
3129 => 'you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the ',
3130 => '',
3131 => 'Heimlich?',
3132 => '',
3133 => '-Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and ',
3134 => '',
3135 => 'find me a blue flower with red thorns.',
3136 => '',
3137 => '-Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. ',
3138 => '',
3139 => 'Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!',
3140 => '',
3141 => '-{Both} Donkey!',
3142 => '',
3143 => '-Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.',
3144 => '',
3145 => '-What are the flowers for?',
3146 => '',
3147 => '-For getting rid of Donkey.',
3148 => '',
3149 => '-Ah.',
3150 => '',
3151 => '-Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.',
3152 => '',
3153 => '-Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.',
3154 => '',
3155 => '-I'm sorry, but it has to come out.',
3156 => '',
3157 => '-No, it's tender.',
3158 => '',
3159 => '-Now, hold on.',
3160 => '',
3161 => '-What you're doing is the opposite of help.',
3162 => '',
3163 => '-Don't move.',
3164 => '',
3165 => '-Look, time out.',
3166 => '',
3167 => '-Would you - - ',
3168 => '',
3169 => '{Grunts}',
3170 => '',
3171 => '-Okay. What do you propose we do?',
3172 => '',
3173 => '-Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red ',
3174 => '',
3175 => 'thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue ',
3176 => '',
3177 => 'flower, red thorns.',
3178 => '',
3179 => '-Ow!',
3180 => '',
3181 => '-Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!',
3182 => '',
3183 => '-Ow! Not good.',
3184 => '',
3185 => '-Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.',
3186 => '',
3187 => '{Grunts}',
3188 => '',
3189 => '-It's just about - - ',
3190 => '',
3191 => '-Ow! Ohh!',
3192 => '',
3193 => '-Ahem.',
3194 => '',
3195 => '-Nothing happend. We were just, uh - - ',
3196 => '',
3197 => '-Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?',
3198 => '',
3199 => '-Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was ',
3200 => '',
3201 => 'just- - Ugh! ',
3202 => '',
3203 => '-Ow!',
3204 => '',
3205 => '-Hey, what's that?',
3206 => '',
3207 => '{Nervous chickle}',
3208 => '',
3209 => '-That's- - Is that blood?',
3210 => '',
3211 => '{Sighs}',
3212 => '',
3213 => '{Bird chirping}',
3214 => '',
3215 => '{Grunts}',
3216 => '',
3217 => '',
3218 => '',
3219 => 'My beloved monster and me',
3220 => '',
3221 => 'We go everywhere together',
3222 => '',
3223 => 'Wearin' a raincoat',
3224 => '',
3225 => 'that has four sleeves',
3226 => '',
3227 => 'Gets us through all kinds of weather',
3228 => '',
3229 => '',
3230 => '',
3231 => '-Aah!',
3232 => '',
3233 => '',
3234 => '',
3235 => 'She will always be the only thing',
3236 => '',
3237 => 'That comes between me and the awful sting',
3238 => '',
3239 => 'That comes from living in a world',
3240 => '',
3241 => 'that's so damn mean',
3242 => '',
3243 => '{Croaks}',
3244 => '',
3245 => 'Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh',
3246 => '',
3247 => '-Hey!',
3248 => '',
3249 => 'La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la',
3250 => '',
3251 => '{Both laughing}',
3252 => '',
3253 => 'La-la, la-la, la-la',
3254 => '',
3255 => '',
3256 => '',
3257 => '-There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.',
3258 => '',
3259 => '-That's DuLoc?',
3260 => '',
3261 => '-Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for ',
3262 => '',
3263 => 'something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow!',
3264 => '',
3265 => '-Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on.',
3266 => '',
3267 => '-Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey.',
3268 => '',
3269 => '{Blubbering}',
3270 => '',
3271 => '-What?',
3272 => '',
3273 => '-I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good. ',
3274 => '',
3275 => '-What are you talking about? I'm fine.',
3276 => '',
3277 => '-That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on ',
3278 => '',
3279 => 'your back. Dead.',
3280 => '',
3281 => '-You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?',
3282 => '',
3283 => '-Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.',
3284 => '',
3285 => '-I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and ',
3286 => '',
3287 => 'when I turn my head like this, look, ',
3288 => '',
3289 => '{Bones crunch}',
3290 => '',
3291 => '-Ow! See?',
3292 => '',
3293 => '-Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.',
3294 => '',
3295 => '-I'll get the firewood.',
3296 => '',
3297 => '-Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any ',
3298 => '',
3299 => 'toes! I think I need a hug.',
3300 => '',
3301 => '',
3302 => '',
3303 => '-Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?',
3304 => '',
3305 => '-Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.',
3306 => '',
3307 => '-No kidding. Well, this is delicious.',
3308 => '',
3309 => '-Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I ',
3310 => '',
3311 => 'make a mean weedrat stew.',
3312 => '',
3313 => '{Chuckling}',
3314 => '',
3315 => '{Sighs}',
3316 => '',
3317 => '-I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.',
3318 => '',
3319 => '{Gulps}',
3320 => '',
3321 => '-Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind ',
3322 => '',
3323 => 'of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.',
3324 => '',
3325 => '{Chuckles}',
3326 => '',
3327 => '-I'd like that.',
3328 => '',
3329 => '{Slurps, laughs}',
3330 => '',
3331 => '',
3332 => '',
3333 => 'See the pyramids along the Nile',
3334 => '',
3335 => '',
3336 => '',
3337 => '-Um, Princess?',
3338 => '',
3339 => '',
3340 => '',
3341 => 'Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle',
3342 => '',
3343 => '',
3344 => '',
3345 => '-Yes, Shrek?',
3346 => '',
3347 => '-I, um, I was wondering.',
3348 => '',
3349 => '',
3350 => '',
3351 => 'Just remember, darling all the while',
3352 => '',
3353 => '',
3354 => '',
3355 => '-Are you- - ',
3356 => '',
3357 => '',
3358 => '',
3359 => 'You belong to me',
3360 => '',
3361 => '',
3362 => '',
3363 => '{Sighs} ',
3364 => '',
3365 => '-Are you gonna eat that?',
3366 => '',
3367 => '{Chuckles}',
3368 => '',
3369 => '-Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.',
3370 => '',
3371 => '-Sunset?',
3372 => '',
3373 => '-Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.',
3374 => '',
3375 => '-What?',
3376 => '',
3377 => '-Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, ',
3378 => '',
3379 => 'aren't you?',
3380 => '',
3381 => '-Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.',
3382 => '',
3383 => '-Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until ',
3384 => '',
3385 => '- - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.',
3386 => '',
3387 => '{Shrek sighs}',
3388 => '',
3389 => ' -Good night.',
3390 => '',
3391 => ' -Good night.',
3392 => '',
3393 => '{Door creaks}',
3394 => '',
3395 => '-Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.',
3396 => '',
3397 => '-Oh, what are you talkin' about?',
3398 => '',
3399 => '-I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. ',
3400 => '',
3401 => 'And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.',
3402 => '',
3403 => '-You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.',
3404 => '',
3405 => '-Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in ',
3406 => '',
3407 => 'and tell her how you feel.',
3408 => '',
3409 => '-I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, ',
3410 => '',
3411 => 'well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a ',
3412 => '',
3413 => 'princess, and I'm - - ',
3414 => '',
3415 => '-An orge?',
3416 => '',
3417 => '-Yeah. An orge.',
3418 => '',
3419 => '-Hey, where you goin'?',
3420 => '',
3421 => '-To get... move firewood.',
3422 => '',
3423 => '{Sighs} ',
3424 => '',
3425 => '',
3426 => '',
3427 => '-Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?',
3428 => '',
3429 => '{Wings fluttering}',
3430 => '',
3431 => '-Princess?',
3432 => '',
3433 => '{Creaking}',
3434 => '',
3435 => '{Gasps}',
3436 => '',
3437 => '-It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.',
3438 => '',
3439 => '{Screams}',
3440 => '',
3441 => '-Aah!',
3442 => '',
3443 => '-Oh, no!',
3444 => '',
3445 => '-No, help!',
3446 => '',
3447 => '-Shh!',
3448 => '',
3449 => '-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!',
3450 => '',
3451 => '-No, it's okay. It's okay.',
3452 => '',
3453 => '-What did you do with the princess?',
3454 => '',
3455 => '-Donkey, I'm the princess.',
3456 => '',
3457 => '-Aah!',
3458 => '',
3459 => '-It's me, in this body.',
3460 => '',
3461 => '-Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me?',
3462 => '',
3463 => '-Donkey!',
3464 => '',
3465 => '-Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!',
3466 => '',
3467 => '-No!',
3468 => '',
3469 => '-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!',
3470 => '',
3471 => '-Shh.',
3472 => '',
3473 => '-Shrek!',
3474 => '',
3475 => '-This is me.',
3476 => '',
3477 => '{Muffled mumbling}',
3478 => '',
3479 => '-Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.',
3480 => '',
3481 => '-I'm ugly, okay?',
3482 => '',
3483 => '-Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats ',
3484 => '',
3485 => 'was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - - ',
3486 => '',
3487 => '-No.',
3488 => '',
3489 => '-I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember.',
3490 => '',
3491 => '-What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.',
3492 => '',
3493 => '-It's only happens when sun goes down.',
3494 => '',
3495 => '"By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you ',
3496 => '',
3497 => 'find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."',
3498 => '',
3499 => '-Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.',
3500 => '',
3501 => '-It's a spell.',
3502 => '',
3503 => '{Sighs} ',
3504 => '',
3505 => '-When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I ',
3506 => '',
3507 => 'become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to ',
3508 => '',
3509 => 'await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry ',
3510 => '',
3511 => 'Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this.',
3512 => '',
3513 => '{Sobs}',
3514 => '',
3515 => '-All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not ',
3516 => '',
3517 => 'that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look ',
3518 => '',
3519 => 'like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.',
3520 => '',
3521 => '-But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant ',
3522 => '',
3523 => 'to look.',
3524 => '',
3525 => '-Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?',
3526 => '',
3527 => '-I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.',
3528 => '',
3529 => '-But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you ',
3530 => '',
3531 => 'got a lot in common.',
3532 => '',
3533 => '-Shrek?',
3534 => '',
3535 => '',
3536 => '',
3537 => '-Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for ',
3538 => '',
3539 => 'me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's ',
3540 => '',
3541 => 'pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might ',
3542 => '',
3543 => 'like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh - ',
3544 => '',
3545 => '- ',
3546 => '',
3547 => '{Sighs}',
3548 => '',
3549 => '-I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.',
3550 => '',
3551 => '-I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I ',
3552 => '',
3553 => 'mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? ',
3554 => '',
3555 => '"Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here ',
3556 => '',
3557 => 'with Shrek.',
3558 => '',
3559 => '{Gasps}',
3560 => '',
3561 => '-My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.',
3562 => '',
3563 => '{Deep sigh}',
3564 => '',
3565 => '-Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only ',
3566 => '',
3567 => 'way to break the spell.',
3568 => '',
3569 => '-You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.',
3570 => '',
3571 => '-No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.',
3572 => '',
3573 => '-What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?',
3574 => '',
3575 => '-Promise you won't tell. Promise!',
3576 => '',
3577 => '-All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know ',
3578 => '',
3579 => 'before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy.',
3580 => '',
3581 => '-Look at my eye twitchin'.',
3582 => '',
3583 => '{Door opens}',
3584 => '',
3585 => '{Snoring}',
3586 => '',
3587 => '-I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. ',
3588 => '',
3589 => '-Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - - ',
3590 => '',
3591 => '{Snoring}',
3592 => '',
3593 => '-Shrek. Are you all right?',
3594 => '',
3595 => '-Perfect! Never been better.',
3596 => '',
3597 => '-I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you.',
3598 => '',
3599 => '-You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last ',
3600 => '',
3601 => 'night.',
3602 => '',
3603 => '-You heard what I said?',
3604 => '',
3605 => '-Every word.',
3606 => '',
3607 => '-I thought you'd understand.',
3608 => '',
3609 => '-Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly ',
3610 => '',
3611 => 'beast?" ',
3612 => '',
3613 => '-But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.',
3614 => '',
3615 => '-Yeah? Well, it does.',
3616 => '',
3617 => '{Gasps, sighs}',
3618 => '',
3619 => '-Ah, right on time.',
3620 => '',
3621 => '{Horse whinnies}',
3622 => '',
3623 => '-Princess, I've brought you a little something.',
3624 => '',
3625 => '{Fanfare}',
3626 => '',
3627 => '{Yawns}',
3628 => '',
3629 => '-What'd I miss? What'd I miss?',
3630 => '',
3631 => '{Muffled}',
3632 => '',
3633 => '-Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.',
3634 => '',
3635 => '-Princess Fiona.',
3636 => '',
3637 => '-As promised. Now hand it over.',
3638 => '',
3639 => '-Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed.',
3640 => '',
3641 => '-Take it and go before I change my mind.',
3642 => '',
3643 => '-Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I ',
3644 => '',
3645 => 'have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad.',
3646 => '',
3647 => '-Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no.',
3648 => '',
3649 => '{Snaps fingers}',
3650 => '',
3651 => '-Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell.',
3652 => '',
3653 => '-Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ',
3654 => '',
3655 => 'orge. It's not like it has feelings.',
3656 => '',
3657 => '-No, you're right. It doesn't.',
3658 => '',
3659 => '-Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in ',
3660 => '',
3661 => 'marriage.',
3662 => '',
3663 => '{Gasps}',
3664 => '',
3665 => '-Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?',
3666 => '',
3667 => '-Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - - ',
3668 => '',
3669 => '-Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!',
3670 => '',
3671 => '-No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun ',
3672 => '',
3673 => 'sets.',
3674 => '',
3675 => '-Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's ',
3676 => '',
3677 => 'so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest ',
3678 => '',
3679 => 'list. Captain, round up some guests!',
3680 => '',
3681 => '-Fare-thee-well, orge.',
3682 => '',
3683 => '-Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.',
3684 => '',
3685 => '-Yeah? So what?',
3686 => '',
3687 => '-Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to ',
3688 => '',
3689 => 'her last night, She's - - ',
3690 => '',
3691 => '-I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? ',
3692 => '',
3693 => 'Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?',
3694 => '',
3695 => '-Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you.',
3696 => '',
3697 => '-I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! ',
3698 => '',
3699 => 'My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, ',
3700 => '',
3701 => 'pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!',
3702 => '',
3703 => '-But I thought - - ',
3704 => '',
3705 => '-Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong!',
3706 => '',
3707 => '-Shrek.',
3708 => '',
3709 => '',
3710 => '',
3711 => 'I heard there was a secret chord',
3712 => '',
3713 => 'That David played and it pleased the Lord',
3714 => '',
3715 => 'But you don't really care for music, do ya',
3716 => '',
3717 => 'It goes like this the fourth, the fifth',
3718 => '',
3719 => 'The minor fall the major lift',
3720 => '',
3721 => 'The baffled king composing hallelujah',
3722 => '',
3723 => 'Hallelujah, hallelujah',
3724 => '',
3725 => 'Baby, I've been here before',
3726 => '',
3727 => 'I know this room I've walked this floor',
3728 => '',
3729 => 'I used to live alone before I knew you',
3730 => '',
3731 => 'I've seen your flag on the marble arch',
3732 => '',
3733 => 'But love is not a victory march',
3734 => '',
3735 => 'It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah',
3736 => '',
3737 => 'Hallelujah, hallelujah',
3738 => '',
3739 => 'And all I ever learned from love',
3740 => '',
3741 => 'Is how to shoot at someone',
3742 => '',
3743 => 'Who outdrew you',
3744 => '',
3745 => '{Moaning}',
3746 => '',
3747 => 'And it's not a cry you can hear at night',
3748 => '',
3749 => 'It's not somebody who's seen the light',
3750 => '',
3751 => 'It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah',
3752 => '',
3753 => '{Moaning}',
3754 => '',
3755 => 'Hallelujah, hallelujah',
3756 => '',
3757 => '',
3758 => '',
3759 => '{Thumping sound}',
3760 => '',
3761 => '-Donkey?',
3762 => '',
3763 => '{Grunts}',
3764 => '',
3765 => '-What are you doing?',
3766 => '',
3767 => '-I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see ',
3768 => '',
3769 => 'one.',
3770 => '',
3771 => '-Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not ',
3772 => '',
3773 => 'through it.',
3774 => '',
3775 => '-It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half.',
3776 => '',
3777 => '-Oh! Your half. Hmm.',
3778 => '',
3779 => '-Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I ',
3780 => '',
3781 => 'get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks ',
3782 => '',
3783 => 'like your head.',
3784 => '',
3785 => '-Back off!',
3786 => '',
3787 => '-No, you back off.',
3788 => '',
3789 => '-This is my swamp!',
3790 => '',
3791 => '-Our swamp.',
3792 => '',
3793 => '-Let go, Donkey!',
3794 => '',
3795 => '-You let go.',
3796 => '',
3797 => '-Stubborn jackass!',
3798 => '',
3799 => '-Smelly orge.',
3800 => '',
3801 => '-Fine!',
3802 => '',
3803 => '-Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.',
3804 => '',
3805 => '-Well, I'm through with you.',
3806 => '',
3807 => '-Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess ',
3808 => '',
3809 => 'what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are ',
3810 => '',
3811 => 'mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! ',
3812 => '',
3813 => 'You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.',
3814 => '',
3815 => '-Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?',
3816 => '',
3817 => '-Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!',
3818 => '',
3819 => '-Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in ',
3820 => '',
3821 => 'the back!',
3822 => '',
3823 => '-Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your ',
3824 => '',
3825 => 'own feelings.',
3826 => '',
3827 => '-Go away!',
3828 => '',
3829 => '-There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ',
3830 => '',
3831 => 'ever do was like you, maybe even love you.',
3832 => '',
3833 => '-Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of ',
3834 => '',
3835 => 'you talking. ',
3836 => '',
3837 => '-She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody ',
3838 => '',
3839 => 'else.',
3840 => '',
3841 => '-She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?',
3842 => '',
3843 => '-Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. ',
3844 => '',
3845 => 'Right? Right?',
3846 => '',
3847 => '-Donkey!',
3848 => '',
3849 => '-No!',
3850 => '',
3851 => '-Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?',
3852 => '',
3853 => '{Sighs}',
3854 => '',
3855 => '-I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you ',
3856 => '',
3857 => 'forgive me?',
3858 => '',
3859 => '-Hey, that's what friends are for, right?',
3860 => '',
3861 => '-Right. Friends?',
3862 => '',
3863 => '-Friends.',
3864 => '',
3865 => '-So, um, what did Fiona say about me?',
3866 => '',
3867 => '-What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?',
3868 => '',
3869 => '-The wedding! We'll never make it in time.',
3870 => '',
3871 => '-Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I ',
3872 => '',
3873 => 'have a way.',
3874 => '',
3875 => '{Whistles}',
3876 => '',
3877 => '-Donkey?',
3878 => '',
3879 => '-I guess it's just my animal magnetism.',
3880 => '',
3881 => '{Laughing}',
3882 => '',
3883 => '-Aw, come here, you.',
3884 => '',
3885 => '-All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. ',
3886 => '',
3887 => 'All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install ',
3888 => '',
3889 => 'the seat belts yet.',
3890 => '',
3891 => '-Whoo!',
3892 => '',
3893 => '{Bells tolling}',
3894 => '',
3895 => '{All gasping}',
3896 => '',
3897 => '-People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union....',
3898 => '',
3899 => '-Um-',
3900 => '',
3901 => '-of our new king - -',
3902 => '',
3903 => '-Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?',
3904 => '',
3905 => '{Chuckling}',
3906 => '',
3907 => '-Go on.',
3908 => '',
3909 => '-Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about ',
3910 => '',
3911 => 'that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't ',
3912 => '',
3913 => 'you?',
3914 => '',
3915 => '-What are you talking about?',
3916 => '',
3917 => '-There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak ',
3918 => '',
3919 => 'now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"',
3920 => '',
3921 => '-I don't have time for this!',
3922 => '',
3923 => '-Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this ',
3924 => '',
3925 => 'woman, don't you?',
3926 => '',
3927 => '-Yes.',
3928 => '',
3929 => '-You wanna hold her?',
3930 => '',
3931 => '-Yes.',
3932 => '',
3933 => '-Please her?',
3934 => '',
3935 => '-Yes!',
3936 => '',
3937 => '-Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that ',
3938 => '',
3939 => 'romantic crap!',
3940 => '',
3941 => '-All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?',
3942 => '',
3943 => '-We gotta check it out.',
3944 => '',
3945 => '',
3946 => '',
3947 => '-And so, by the power vested in me, ',
3948 => '',
3949 => '-What do you see?',
3950 => '',
3951 => '-The whole town's in there.',
3952 => '',
3953 => '-I now pronounce you husband and wife,',
3954 => '',
3955 => '-They're at the altar.',
3956 => '',
3957 => '-king and queen.',
3958 => '',
3959 => '-Mother Fletcher! He already said it.',
3960 => '',
3961 => '-Oh, for the love of Pete!',
3962 => '',
3963 => '{Grunts}',
3964 => '',
3965 => '-I object!',
3966 => '',
3967 => '-Shrek?',
3968 => '',
3969 => '{Gasps}',
3970 => '',
3971 => '-Oh, now what does he want?',
3972 => '',
3973 => '-Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all. ',
3974 => '',
3975 => 'Very clean.',
3976 => '',
3977 => '-What are you doing here?',
3978 => '',
3979 => '-Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but ',
3980 => '',
3981 => 'showing up uninvited to a wedding - -',
3982 => '',
3983 => '-Fiona! I need to talk to you.',
3984 => '',
3985 => '-Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll ',
3986 => '',
3987 => 'excuse me - - ',
3988 => '',
3989 => '-But you can't marry him.',
3990 => '',
3991 => '-And why not?',
3992 => '',
3993 => '-Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king.',
3994 => '',
3995 => '-Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.',
3996 => '',
3997 => '-He's not your true love.',
3998 => '',
3999 => '-And what do you know about true love?',
4000 => '',
4001 => '-Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - - ',
4002 => '',
4003 => '-Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess! ',
4004 => '',
4005 => 'Oh, good Lord.',
4006 => '',
4007 => '{Crowd laughting}',
4008 => '',
4009 => '-An orge and a princess!',
4010 => '',
4011 => '-Shrek, is this true?',
4012 => '',
4013 => '-Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away ',
4014 => '',
4015 => 'from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm!',
4016 => '',
4017 => '-"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.',
4018 => '',
4019 => '{Whimpers}',
4020 => '',
4021 => '{Crown gasping}',
4022 => '',
4023 => '-Well, uh, that explains a lot.',
4024 => '',
4025 => '-Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of ',
4026 => '',
4027 => 'my sight now! Get them! Get them both!',
4028 => '',
4029 => '-No, no!',
4030 => '',
4031 => '-Shrek!',
4032 => '',
4033 => '-This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that ',
4034 => '',
4035 => 'makes me king! See? See?',
4036 => '',
4037 => '-No, let go of me! Shrek!',
4038 => '',
4039 => '-No!',
4040 => '',
4041 => '-Don't just stand there, you morons.',
4042 => '',
4043 => '-Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh! ',
4044 => '',
4045 => '-I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and ',
4046 => '',
4047 => 'quartered!',
4048 => '',
4049 => '-You'll beg for death to save you!',
4050 => '',
4051 => '-No, Shrek!',
4052 => '',
4053 => '-And as for you, my wife,',
4054 => '',
4055 => '-Fiona!',
4056 => '',
4057 => '-I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!',
4058 => '',
4059 => '-I'm king!',
4060 => '',
4061 => '{Whistles}',
4062 => '',
4063 => '-I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah!',
4064 => '',
4065 => '-Aah!',
4066 => '',
4067 => '-All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to ',
4068 => '',
4069 => 'use it.',
4070 => '',
4071 => '{Roars}',
4072 => '',
4073 => '-I'm a donkey on the edge!',
4074 => '',
4075 => '{Belches}',
4076 => '',
4077 => '-Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?',
4078 => '',
4079 => '{Cheering}',
4080 => '',
4081 => '-Go ahead, Shrek.',
4082 => '',
4083 => '-Uh, Fiona?',
4084 => '',
4085 => '-Yes, Shrek?',
4086 => '',
4087 => '-I - - I love you.',
4088 => '',
4089 => '-Really?',
4090 => '',
4091 => '-Really, really.',
4092 => '',
4093 => '- I love you too.',
4094 => '',
4095 => '-Aawww!',
4096 => '',
4097 => '-"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true ',
4098 => '',
4099 => 'form."',
4100 => '',
4101 => '-"Take love's true form. Take love's true form."',
4102 => '',
4103 => '-Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?',
4104 => '',
4105 => '-Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.',
4106 => '',
4107 => '-But you ARE beautiful.',
4108 => '',
4109 => '{Chuckles}',
4110 => '',
4111 => '-I was hoping this would be a happy ending.',
4112 => '',
4113 => '',
4114 => '',
4115 => 'I thought love was only true in fairy tales',
4116 => '',
4117 => 'Oy!',
4118 => '',
4119 => 'Meant for someone else but not for me',
4120 => '',
4121 => 'Love was out to get me',
4122 => '',
4123 => 'That's the way it seemed',
4124 => '',
4125 => 'Disappointment haunted all my dreams',
4126 => '',
4127 => 'And then I saw her face',
4128 => '',
4129 => 'Now I'm a believer and not a trace',
4130 => '',
4131 => 'Of doubt in my mind',
4132 => '',
4133 => 'I'm in love',
4134 => '',
4135 => 'Ooh-aah',
4136 => '',
4137 => 'I'm a believer I couldn't leave her',
4138 => '',
4139 => 'If I tried',
4140 => '',
4141 => '',
4142 => '',
4143 => '-God bless us, every one.',
4144 => '',
4145 => '',
4146 => '',
4147 => 'Come on, y'all!',
4148 => '',
4149 => 'Then I saw her face',
4150 => '',
4151 => 'Ha-ha',
4152 => '',
4153 => 'Now I'm a believer ',
4154 => '',
4155 => 'Listen!',
4156 => '',
4157 => 'Not a trace',
4158 => '',
4159 => 'Of doubt in my mind',
4160 => '',
4161 => 'I'm in love',
4162 => '',
4163 => 'Ooh-aah',
4164 => '',
4165 => 'I'm a believer ',
4166 => '',
4167 => 'I couldn't leave her if I tried',
4168 => '',
4169 => '-Ooh!',
4170 => '',
4171 => '-Uh!',
4172 => '',
4173 => 'Then I saw her face',
4174 => '',
4175 => 'Now I'm a believer ',
4176 => '',
4177 => 'Hey!',
4178 => '',
4179 => 'Not a trace',
4180 => '',
4181 => 'Uhh! Yeah.',
4182 => '',
4183 => 'Of doubt in my mind',
4184 => '',
4185 => '',
4186 => '',
4187 => '-One more time!',
4188 => '',
4189 => 'I'm in love',
4190 => '',
4191 => 'I'm a believer ',
4192 => '',
4193 => 'Come on!',
4194 => '',
4195 => 'I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, ',
4196 => '',
4197 => 'I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey',
4198 => '',
4199 => 'Y'all sing it with me!',
4200 => '',
4201 => 'I',
4202 => '',
4203 => 'Believe',
4204 => '',
4205 => 'I believe',
4206 => '',
4207 => 'People in the back!',
4208 => '',
4209 => 'I believe',
4210 => '',
4211 => 'I'm a believer ',
4212 => '',
4213 => 'I believe',
4214 => '',
4215 => 'I believe',
4216 => '',
4217 => 'I believe',
4218 => '',
4219 => 'I believe',
4220 => '',
4221 => '{Hysterical laughing}',
4222 => '',
4223 => '-Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh.',
4224 => '',
4225 => '-I can't breathe. I can't breathe. ',
4226 => '',
4227 => '',
4228 => '',
4229 => 'I believe in self-assertion',
4230 => '',
4231 => 'Destiny or a slight diversion',
4232 => '',
4233 => 'Now it seems I've got my head on straight',
4234 => '',
4235 => 'I'm a freak an apparition',
4236 => '',
4237 => 'Seems I've made the right decision',
4238 => '',
4239 => 'To try to turn back now it might be too late',
4240 => '',
4241 => '',
4242 => '',
4243 => 'Now I want to stay home today',
4244 => '',
4245 => 'Don't wanna go out',
4246 => '',
4247 => 'If anyone comes to play',
4248 => '',
4249 => 'Gonna get thrown out',
4250 => '',
4251 => 'I wanna stay home today',
4252 => '',
4253 => 'Don't want no company',
4254 => '',
4255 => 'No way',
4256 => '',
4257 => 'Yeah, yeah, yeah',
4258 => '',
4259 => '',
4260 => '',
4261 => 'I wanna be a millionaire someday',
4262 => '',
4263 => 'But know what it feels like to give it away',
4264 => '',
4265 => 'Watch me march to the beat of my own drum',
4266 => '',
4267 => 'And it's off to the moon and then back again',
4268 => '',
4269 => 'Same old day Same situation',
4270 => '',
4271 => 'My happiness rears back as if to say',
4272 => '',
4273 => '',
4274 => '',
4275 => 'I wanna stay home today',
4276 => '',
4277 => 'Don't wanna go out',
4278 => '',
4279 => 'If anyone comes to play',
4280 => '',
4281 => 'Gonna get thrown out',
4282 => '',
4283 => 'I wanna stay home today',
4284 => '',
4285 => 'Don't want no company',
4286 => '',
4287 => 'No way',
4288 => '',
4289 => 'Yeah, yeah, yeah',
4290 => '',
4291 => '',
4292 => '',
4293 => 'I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home.........',
4294 => '',
4295 => '',
4296 => '',
4297 => '',
4298 => '',
4299 => 'I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes',
4300 => '',
4301 => 'My heart skips a beat',
4302 => '',
4303 => 'Girl, I feel so alive',
4304 => '',
4305 => 'Please tell me, baby, if all this is true',
4306 => '',
4307 => ''Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you',
4308 => '',
4309 => 'Oh-oh-oh',
4310 => '',
4311 => 'Makes me wanna dance',
4312 => '',
4313 => 'Oh-oh-oh',
4314 => '',
4315 => 'It's a new romance',
4316 => '',
4317 => 'Oh-oh-oh',
4318 => '',
4319 => 'I look into your eyes',
4320 => '',
4321 => 'Oh-oh-oh',
4322 => '',
4323 => 'The best years of our lives',
4324 => '',
4325 => 'When we first met',
4326 => '',
4327 => 'I could hardly believe',
4328 => '',
4329 => 'The things that would happen ',
4330 => '',
4331 => 'and we could achieve',
4332 => '',
4333 => 'So let's be together',
4334 => '',
4335 => 'for all of our time',
4336 => '',
4337 => 'Oh, girl, I'm so thankful',
4338 => '',
4339 => 'that you are still mine',
4340 => '',
4341 => 'You always consider me',
4342 => '',
4343 => 'like an ugly duckling',
4344 => '',
4345 => 'And treat me like a Nostradamus',
4346 => '',
4347 => 'was why I had to get my shine on',
4348 => '',
4349 => 'I break a little something',
4350 => '',
4351 => 'to keep my mind on',
4352 => '',
4353 => ''Cause you had my mind gone',
4354 => '',
4355 => 'Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh',
4356 => '',
4357 => 'Turn the lights on, Come on, baby',
4358 => '',
4359 => 'Let's just rewind the song',
4360 => '',
4361 => ''Cause all I want to do is ',
4362 => '',
4363 => 'make the rest years the best years',
4364 => '',
4365 => 'All night long',
4366 => '',
4367 => '',
4368 => '',
4369 => 'Oh-oh-oh',
4370 => '',
4371 => 'Makes me wanna dance',
4372 => '',
4373 => 'Makes me wanna dance',
4374 => '',
4375 => 'Oh-oh-oh',
4376 => '',
4377 => 'It's a new romance',
4378 => '',
4379 => 'It's a new romance',
4380 => '',
4381 => 'Oh-oh-oh',
4382 => '',
4383 => 'I look into your eyes',
4384 => '',
4385 => 'Oh, yeah, yeah',
4386 => '',
4387 => 'I look into your eyes',
4388 => '',
4389 => 'Oh-oh-oh',
4390 => '',
4391 => 'The best years of our lives',
4392 => '',
4393 => 'Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..............',
4394 => '',
4395 => '',
4396 => '',
4397 => '',
4398 => '',
4399 => 'Everything looks bright',
4400 => '',
4401 => 'Standing in your light',
4402 => '',
4403 => 'Everything feels right',
4404 => '',
4405 => 'What's left is out of sight',
4406 => '',
4407 => 'What's a girl to do ',
4408 => '',
4409 => 'I'm telling you',
4410 => '',
4411 => 'You're on my mind',
4412 => '',
4413 => 'I wanna be with you',
4414 => '',
4415 => ''Cause when you're',
4416 => '',
4417 => 'standin' next to me',
4418 => '',
4419 => 'It's like wow',
4420 => '',
4421 => 'And all your kisses',
4422 => '',
4423 => 'seem to set me free',
4424 => '',
4425 => 'It's like wow',
4426 => '',
4427 => 'And when we touch',
4428 => '',
4429 => 'it's such a rush',
4430 => '',
4431 => 'I can't get enough',
4432 => '',
4433 => 'It's like- - It's like',
4434 => '',
4435 => 'Ooh-ooh',
4436 => '',
4437 => 'Hey, what',
4438 => '',
4439 => 'It's like wow',
4440 => '',
4441 => 'Ooh-ooh, hey',
4442 => '',
4443 => 'Hey, yeah',
4444 => '',
4445 => 'It's like wow',
4446 => '',
4447 => 'Everything is looking',
4448 => '',
4449 => 'right now, right now',
4450 => '',
4451 => 'It's like wow',
4452 => '',
4453 => 'And I got this feeling',
4454 => '',
4455 => 'This feeling ',
4456 => '',
4457 => 'it's just like wow',
4458 => '',
4459 => 'It's just like wow',
4460 => '',
4461 => 'You are all I'm thinking of.',
4462 => '',
4463 => 'Like wow',
4464 => '',
4465 => 'Everything feels right',
4466 => '',
4467 => 'Everything feels right',
4468 => '',
4469 => 'Like wow',
4470 => '',
4471 => 'Everything looks bright',
4472 => '',
4473 => 'All my senses are right',
4474 => '',
4475 => 'Like wow',
4476 => '',
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4479 => 'Baby, baby, baby',
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4482 => '',
4483 => 'Is like wow',
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4491 => 'In the way ',
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4524 => '',
4525 => 'All long',
4526 => '',
4527 => 'Whoa, over and over',
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Parsed HTML source of the new revision (new_html ) | '<div class="mw-parser-output"><div class="shortdescription nomobile noexcerpt noprint searchaux" style="display:none">1994 comedy film by Peter Farrelly</div>
<div role="note" class="hatnote navigation-not-searchable">This article is about the film. For the animated series based on the film, see <a href="/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumber_(TV_series)" title="Dumb and Dumber (TV series)">Dumb and Dumber (TV series)</a>.</div>
<p class="mw-empty-elt">
</p>
<table class="infobox vevent" style="font-size:90%;"><tbody><tr><th colspan="2" class="infobox-above summary" style="font-size:110%;font-style:italic;">Dumb and Dumber</th></tr><tr><td colspan="2" class="infobox-image"><a href="/wiki/File:Dumbanddumber.jpg" class="image"><img alt="Dumbanddumber.jpg" src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/6/64/Dumbanddumber.jpg/220px-Dumbanddumber.jpg" decoding="async" width="220" height="336" class="thumbborder" srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/64/Dumbanddumber.jpg 1.5x" data-file-width="255" data-file-height="389" /></a><div class="infobox-caption" style="font-size:95%;padding:0.35em 0.35em 0.25em;line-height:1.25em;">Theatrical release poster, parodying <i><a href="/wiki/Forrest_Gump" title="Forrest Gump">Forrest Gump</a></i></div></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;">Directed by</th><td class="infobox-data"><a href="/wiki/Peter_Farrelly" title="Peter Farrelly">Peter Farrelly</a></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;">Produced by</th><td class="infobox-data"><div class="plainlist">
<ul><li><a href="/wiki/Charles_B._Wessler" title="Charles B. Wessler">Charles B. Wessler</a></li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Brad_Krevoy" title="Brad Krevoy">Brad Krevoy</a></li>
<li>Steve Stabler</li></ul>
</div></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;">Written by</th><td class="infobox-data"><div class="plainlist">
<ul><li>Peter Farrelly</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Bobby_Farrelly" title="Bobby Farrelly">Bobby Farrelly</a></li>
<li>Bennett Yellin</li></ul>
</div></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;">Starring</th><td class="infobox-data"><div class="plainlist">
<ul><li><a href="/wiki/Jim_Carrey" title="Jim Carrey">Jim Carrey</a></li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Jeff_Daniels" title="Jeff Daniels">Jeff Daniels</a></li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Lauren_Holly" title="Lauren Holly">Lauren Holly</a></li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Karen_Duffy" title="Karen Duffy">Karen Duffy</a></li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Mike_Starr_(actor)" title="Mike Starr (actor)">Mike Starr</a></li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Charles_Rocket" title="Charles Rocket">Charles Rocket</a></li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Teri_Garr" title="Teri Garr">Teri Garr</a></li></ul>
</div></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;">Music by</th><td class="infobox-data"><a href="/wiki/Todd_Rundgren" title="Todd Rundgren">Todd Rundgren</a></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;">Cinematography</th><td class="infobox-data"><a href="/wiki/Mark_Irwin" title="Mark Irwin">Mark Irwin</a></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;">Edited by</th><td class="infobox-data"><a href="/wiki/Christopher_Greenbury" title="Christopher Greenbury">Christopher Greenbury</a></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;"><div style="display:inline-block; padding:0.1em 0;line-height:1.2em;">Production<br />companies </div></th><td class="infobox-data"><div style="vertical-align:middle;"><div class="plainlist">
<ul><li>Katja Motion Picture Corporation<sup id="cite_ref-AFI_1-0" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-AFI-1">[1]</a></sup></li>
<li>Krevoy/Stabler/Wessler Production<sup id="cite_ref-BFI_2-0" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-BFI-2">[2]</a></sup></li></ul>
</div></div></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;">Distributed by</th><td class="infobox-data"><a href="/wiki/New_Line_Cinema" title="New Line Cinema">New Line Cinema</a><sup id="cite_ref-AFI_1-1" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-AFI-1">[1]</a></sup></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;"><div style="display:inline-block; padding:0.1em 0;line-height:1.2em;white-space:normal;">Release date</div></th><td class="infobox-data"><div class="plainlist">
<ul><li>December 16, 1994<span style="display:none"> (<span class="bday dtstart published updated">1994-12-16</span>)</span></li></ul>
</div></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;"><div style="display:inline-block; padding:0.1em 0;line-height:1.2em;white-space:normal;">Running time</div></th><td class="infobox-data">106 minutes<sup id="cite_ref-AFI_1-2" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-AFI-1">[1]</a></sup></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;">Country</th><td class="infobox-data"><a href="/wiki/United_States" title="United States">United States</a></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;">Language</th><td class="infobox-data">English</td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;">Budget</th><td class="infobox-data">$17 million<sup id="cite_ref-3" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-3">[3]</a></sup></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label" style="white-space:nowrap;padding-right:0.65em;">Box office</th><td class="infobox-data">$247.3 million<sup id="cite_ref-mojo_4-0" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-mojo-4">[4]</a></sup></td></tr></tbody></table>
<p><i><b>Dumb and Dumber</b></i> is a 1994 American <a href="/wiki/Comedy_film" title="Comedy film">comedy film</a> directed by <a href="/wiki/Peter_Farrelly" title="Peter Farrelly">Peter Farrelly</a>,<sup id="cite_ref-AFI_1-3" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-AFI-1">[1]</a></sup><sup id="cite_ref-BFI_2-1" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-BFI-2">[2]</a></sup> who co-wrote the screenplay with <a href="/wiki/Bobby_Farrelly" title="Bobby Farrelly">Bobby Farrelly</a> and Bennett Yellin. Starring <a href="/wiki/Jim_Carrey" title="Jim Carrey">Jim Carrey</a> and <a href="/wiki/Jeff_Daniels" title="Jeff Daniels">Jeff Daniels</a>, it tells the story of Lloyd Christmas (Carrey) and Harry Dunne (Daniels), two dumb but well-meaning friends from <a href="/wiki/Providence,_Rhode_Island" title="Providence, Rhode Island">Providence, Rhode Island</a>, who set out on a cross-country trip to <a href="/wiki/Aspen,_Colorado" title="Aspen, Colorado">Aspen, Colorado</a>, to return a briefcase full of money to its owner, thinking it was abandoned as a mistake though it was actually left as <a href="/wiki/Ransom" title="Ransom">ransom</a> money. <a href="/wiki/Lauren_Holly" title="Lauren Holly">Lauren Holly</a>, <a href="/wiki/Karen_Duffy" title="Karen Duffy">Karen Duffy</a>, <a href="/wiki/Mike_Starr_(actor)" title="Mike Starr (actor)">Mike Starr</a>, <a href="/wiki/Charles_Rocket" title="Charles Rocket">Charles Rocket</a>, and <a href="/wiki/Teri_Garr" title="Teri Garr">Teri Garr</a> play supporting roles.
</p><p>The film was released on December 16, 1994. It grossed $247 million at the box office and has developed a <a href="/wiki/Cult_following" title="Cult following">cult following</a> in the years after its release.<sup id="cite_ref-mojo_4-1" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-mojo-4">[4]</a></sup><sup id="cite_ref-cult_5-0" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-cult-5">[5]</a></sup> The success of <i>Dumb and Dumber</i> launched the career of the Farrelly brothers and solidified Carrey's reputation as one of the most prominent actors of the 1990s.<sup id="cite_ref-6" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-6">[6]</a></sup> The film also spawned an <a href="/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumber_(TV_series)" title="Dumb and Dumber (TV series)">animated TV series</a>, a <a href="/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumberer:_When_Harry_Met_Lloyd" title="Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd">2003 prequel</a>, and a <a href="/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumber_To" title="Dumb and Dumber To">2014 sequel</a>.
</p>
<div id="toc" class="toc" role="navigation" aria-labelledby="mw-toc-heading"><input type="checkbox" role="button" id="toctogglecheckbox" class="toctogglecheckbox" style="display:none" /><div class="toctitle" lang="en" dir="ltr"><h2 id="mw-toc-heading">Contents</h2><span class="toctogglespan"><label class="toctogglelabel" for="toctogglecheckbox"></label></span></div>
<ul>
<li class="toclevel-1 tocsection-1"><a href="#Plot"><span class="tocnumber">1</span> <span class="toctext">Plot</span></a></li>
<li class="toclevel-1 tocsection-2"><a href="#Cast"><span class="tocnumber">2</span> <span class="toctext">Cast</span></a></li>
<li class="toclevel-1 tocsection-3"><a href="#Production"><span class="tocnumber">3</span> <span class="toctext">Production</span></a>
<ul>
<li class="toclevel-2 tocsection-4"><a href="#Location"><span class="tocnumber">3.1</span> <span class="toctext">Location</span></a></li>
</ul>
</li>
<li class="toclevel-1 tocsection-5"><a href="#Soundtrack"><span class="tocnumber">4</span> <span class="toctext">Soundtrack</span></a></li>
<li class="toclevel-1 tocsection-6"><a href="#Reception"><span class="tocnumber">5</span> <span class="toctext">Reception</span></a>
<ul>
<li class="toclevel-2 tocsection-7"><a href="#Critical_response"><span class="tocnumber">5.1</span> <span class="toctext">Critical response</span></a></li>
<li class="toclevel-2 tocsection-8"><a href="#Year-end_lists"><span class="tocnumber">5.2</span> <span class="toctext">Year-end lists</span></a></li>
<li class="toclevel-2 tocsection-9"><a href="#Awards"><span class="tocnumber">5.3</span> <span class="toctext">Awards</span></a></li>
<li class="toclevel-2 tocsection-10"><a href="#Box_office"><span class="tocnumber">5.4</span> <span class="toctext">Box office</span></a></li>
</ul>
</li>
<li class="toclevel-1 tocsection-11"><a href="#Legacy"><span class="tocnumber">6</span> <span class="toctext">Legacy</span></a>
<ul>
<li class="toclevel-2 tocsection-12"><a href="#Animated_series"><span class="tocnumber">6.1</span> <span class="toctext">Animated series</span></a></li>
<li class="toclevel-2 tocsection-13"><a href="#Prequel"><span class="tocnumber">6.2</span> <span class="toctext">Prequel</span></a></li>
</ul>
</li>
<li class="toclevel-1 tocsection-14"><a href="#References"><span class="tocnumber">7</span> <span class="toctext">References</span></a></li>
<li class="toclevel-1 tocsection-15"><a href="#External_links"><span class="tocnumber">8</span> <span class="toctext">External links</span></a></li>
</ul>
</div>
<h2><span class="mw-headline" id="Plot">Plot</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=1" title="Edit section: Plot">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h2>
<p>Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne, two kind but dimwitted men, are best friends and roommates living in <a href="/wiki/Providence,_Rhode_Island" title="Providence, Rhode Island">Providence, Rhode Island</a>. Lloyd, a chip-toothed limousine driver, immediately falls in love when he meets Mary Swanson, a woman he is driving to the airport. She leaves a briefcase in the terminal. Lloyd retrieves the case and hopes to return it to her, unaware that it contains ransom money for her kidnapped husband, Bobby, and that she was supposed to leave it for her husband's captors, Joe "Mental" Mentalino and J. P. Shay. Her <a href="/wiki/Aspen,_Colorado" title="Aspen, Colorado">Aspen</a>-bound plane has already departed, leading to Lloyd running through and falling out of the <a href="/wiki/Jetway" class="mw-redirect" title="Jetway">jetway</a>.
</p><p>Fired from his job, Lloyd returns to his apartment and learns that Harry has also been fired from his dog-grooming job after delivering dogs late to a show and accidentally getting them dirty. Mental and Shay follow Lloyd home from the airport in pursuit of the briefcase. Mistaking the crooks for debt collectors, the duo flee the apartment and return later to find that Mental and Shay have ransacked the apartment and decapitated Harry's <a href="/wiki/Parakeet" title="Parakeet">parakeet</a>. Lloyd suggests they head to Aspen to find Mary and return the briefcase, hoping she can "plug them into the social pipeline". At first, Harry opposes the idea, but he eventually agrees and the duo leaves the next day.
</p><p>Mental and Shay catch up to the duo at a motel that night. Posing as a hitchhiker, Mental is picked up by Harry and Lloyd while Shay secretly follows them. During a lunch stop, the duo prank Mental with <a href="/wiki/Chili_pepper" title="Chili pepper">chili peppers</a> in his burger, unaware that he has an <a href="/wiki/Ulcer" title="Ulcer">ulcer</a>. When Mental reacts adversely, they accidentally kill him with rat poison pills (which he planned to use on them) after mistaking it for his medication. Nearing Colorado, Lloyd takes a wrong turn while trying to stop Harry's snoring by plugging his nose at the fork between Aspen and <a href="/wiki/Nebraska" title="Nebraska">Nebraska</a> and ends up driving all night through Nebraska. Meanwhile, the police are waiting on the road to Colorado for them to show up, after finding out about Mental's death. Upon waking up and realizing Lloyd's mishap, Harry gives up on the journey and decides to walk home, but Lloyd later persuades him to continue after trading the van for a <a href="/wiki/Minibike" title="Minibike">minibike</a>.
</p><p>The two arrive in Aspen, but are unable to locate Mary. After a short scuffle over some gloves that night, the briefcase breaks open and they discover the money; they spend it on a hotel suite, clothes, and a car. They learn that Mary and her family are hosting a gala and prepare to attend. At the gala, Harry, attempting to lure Mary over to Lloyd, reluctantly agrees to go skiing with her the next day and lies to Lloyd that he got him a date. The next day, Lloyd finds out Harry lied to him after waiting all day for Mary at the hotel bar.
</p><p>In retaliation, Lloyd pranks Harry by serving him a coffee laced with a potent dose of <a href="/wiki/Laxative" title="Laxative">laxative</a>, causing Harry to spontaneously defecate in a broken toilet at Mary's house. Lloyd arrives at Mary's house and informs her that he has her briefcase. He takes her to the hotel, shows her the briefcase, and confesses his love after some initial struggle; she rejects him, as she is already married. Nicholas Andre, an old friend of the Swansons and the mastermind behind Bobby's kidnapping, arrives with Shay and, upon learning that Harry and Lloyd had spent all of the ransom money and replaced it with <a href="/wiki/IOU" title="IOU">IOUs</a>, takes Lloyd and Mary hostage, as well as Harry when he returns. An argument leads Nicholas to shoot Harry. Before Nicholas can kill them, an <a href="/wiki/Federal_Bureau_of_Investigation" title="Federal Bureau of Investigation">FBI</a> team led by Beth Jordan (whom Harry met earlier at a gas station and Lloyd met earlier at the bar) raids the suite and arrests him and Shay. Harry is revealed to be alive thanks to a bulletproof vest that was strapped on him earlier. Mary and Bobby are reunited.
</p><p>The next day, Harry and Lloyd are seen walking home on foot because all their purchases were confiscated and their minibike has broken down. The two unintentionally decline the chance to be oil boys for a group of bikini girls, after which Harry tells Lloyd that they will get their "break" one day. Harry and Lloyd then play a friendly game of <a href="/wiki/Tag_(game)" title="Tag (game)">tag</a> as they walk back to Rhode Island.
</p>
<h2><span class="mw-headline" id="Cast">Cast</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=2" title="Edit section: Cast">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h2>
<style data-mw-deduplicate="TemplateStyles:r998391716">.mw-parser-output .div-col{margin-top:0.3em;column-width:30em}.mw-parser-output .div-col-small{font-size:90%}.mw-parser-output .div-col-rules{column-rule:1px solid #aaa}.mw-parser-output .div-col dl,.mw-parser-output .div-col ol,.mw-parser-output .div-col ul{margin-top:0}.mw-parser-output .div-col li,.mw-parser-output .div-col dd{page-break-inside:avoid;break-inside:avoid-column}</style><div class="div-col">
<ul><li><a href="/wiki/Jim_Carrey" title="Jim Carrey">Jim Carrey</a> as Lloyd Christmas: A chip-toothed slacker who has been fired from several jobs. He has a crush on Mary Swanson, unaware that she is already married.</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Jeff_Daniels" title="Jeff Daniels">Jeff Daniels</a> as Harry Dunne: Lloyd's best friend and roommate. He has a crush on Mary too, but is also unaware that Mary has a husband.</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Lauren_Holly" title="Lauren Holly">Lauren Holly</a> as Mary Swanson: A wealthy but troubled heiress whose husband Bobby has been kidnapped. She was Harry and Lloyd's crush and both of them were unaware she was married.</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Karen_Duffy" title="Karen Duffy">Karen Duffy</a> as J.P. Shay: A henchwoman of Nicholas Andre.</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Mike_Starr_(actor)" title="Mike Starr (actor)">Mike Starr</a> as Joe "Mental" Mentalino: A henchman for Nicholas Andre. He has a <a href="/wiki/Peptic_ulcer_disease" title="Peptic ulcer disease">stomach ulcer</a> and regularly takes medication for it.</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Charles_Rocket" title="Charles Rocket">Charles Rocket</a> as Nicholas Andre: A greedy, wealthy resident of <a href="/wiki/Aspen,_Colorado" title="Aspen, Colorado">Aspen, Colorado</a> and the mastermind behind Bobby's kidnapping.</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Teri_Garr" title="Teri Garr">Teri Garr</a> as Helen Swanson: Mary's stepmother.</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Victoria_Rowell" title="Victoria Rowell">Victoria Rowell</a> as Beth Jordan (credited as "Athletic Beauty"): An FBI agent masquerading as a talkative young woman moving to <a href="/wiki/Aspen,_Colorado" title="Aspen, Colorado">Aspen</a> to get away from her boyfriend.</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Cam_Neely" title="Cam Neely">Cam Neely</a> as Sea Bass: A hot-tempered <a href="/wiki/Trucker" class="mw-redirect" title="Trucker">trucker</a> who gets into frequent confrontations with Lloyd and Harry on their way to Aspen. Their first encounter was at a <a href="/wiki/Pennsylvania" title="Pennsylvania">Pennsylvania</a> <a href="/wiki/Diner" title="Diner">diner</a>.</li>
<li>Joe Baker as Barnard</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Harland_Williams" title="Harland Williams">Harland Williams</a> as the <a href="/wiki/Police_officer" title="Police officer">motorcycle police officer</a></li>
<li>Brad Lockerman as Bobby Swanson: Mary's kidnapped husband</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Lin_Shaye" title="Lin Shaye">Lin Shaye</a> as Mrs. Margie Neugeboren (referred to by Harry as "Mrs. Noogieburger"): A dog owner and client of Harry's.</li>
<li>Hank Brandt as Karl Swanson: Mary's father</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Felton_Perry" title="Felton Perry">Felton Perry</a> as Detective Dale</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Brady_Bluhm" title="Brady Bluhm">Brady Bluhm</a> as Billy: a blind and young boy who uses a wheelchair, to whom Lloyd sold some of his and Harry's belongings, including Harry's decapitated parakeet. He appears on <i><a href="/wiki/A_Current_Affair_(American_TV_program)" title="A Current Affair (American TV program)">A Current Affair</a></i> when Harry and Lloyd arrive in Aspen.</li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Connie_Sawyer" title="Connie Sawyer">Connie Sawyer</a> as elderly lady</li></ul>
</div>
<h2><span class="mw-headline" id="Production">Production</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=3" title="Edit section: Production">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h2>
<p>The Farrelly Brothers had been trying for years to get their first movie made. Director Peter Farrelly's agent encouraged him to make a movie himself, alongside his brother Bobby.
</p><p>The Farrelly Brothers didn't know who <a href="/wiki/Jim_Carrey" title="Jim Carrey">Jim Carrey</a> was; they were only told that he was "The White Guy" on <i><a href="/wiki/In_Living_Color" title="In Living Color">In Living Color</a></i>. Only after a screening of Carrey's first major acting role, <i><a href="/wiki/Ace_Ventura:_Pet_Detective" title="Ace Ventura: Pet Detective">Ace Ventura: Pet Detective</a></i>, did they realize they had struck gold. Based on the box-office success of Ace Ventura, Carrey was able to negotiate a salary of $7 million for this film.<sup id="cite_ref-Cameron-Wilson146_7-0" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-Cameron-Wilson146-7">[7]</a></sup>
</p><p><a href="/wiki/Nicolas_Cage" title="Nicolas Cage">Nicolas Cage</a>, who was proposed to be Carrey's co-star, tried to negotiate a $2 million increase in his fee but New Line decided against casting him and signed <a href="/wiki/Jeff_Daniels" title="Jeff Daniels">Jeff Daniels</a> instead.<sup id="cite_ref-8" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-8">[8]</a></sup> Daniels was only paid around $50,000. <a href="/wiki/New_Line_Cinema" title="New Line Cinema">New Line Cinema</a> originally did not want Daniels in the film, as he was known only for his dramatic work at the time. However, the Farrellys and Carrey wanted Daniels for the part. Although New Line agreed to their demands, Daniels was offered the low salary in the hopes it would discourage him from signing on to the film. Daniels ultimately accepted the role, despite his agent reportedly dissuading him out of fears it would kill his career.<sup id="cite_ref-Triva_9-0" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-Triva-9">[9]</a></sup>
</p><p><a href="/wiki/Steve_Martin" title="Steve Martin">Steve Martin</a> and <a href="/wiki/Martin_Short" title="Martin Short">Martin Short</a> both turned down the role of Lloyd.<sup id="cite_ref-10" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-10">[10]</a></sup> According to <a href="/wiki/Splitsider" class="mw-redirect" title="Splitsider">Splitsider</a>, <a href="/wiki/Gary_Oldman" title="Gary Oldman">Gary Oldman</a> and Cage were the original choices for Lloyd and Harry.<sup id="cite_ref-splitsider_11-0" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-splitsider-11">[11]</a></sup> <a href="/wiki/Chris_Elliott" title="Chris Elliott">Chris Elliott</a> and <a href="/wiki/Rob_Lowe" title="Rob Lowe">Rob Lowe</a> were both also considered for the role of Harry.<sup id="cite_ref-splitsider_11-1" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-splitsider-11">[11]</a></sup>
</p><p>Carrey's chipped tooth is genuine, resulting from a fight with a classmate in his childhood, but he had since had it <a href="/wiki/Crown_(dentistry)" title="Crown (dentistry)">capped</a>. He simply had the crown temporarily removed from that tooth to portray Lloyd.<sup id="cite_ref-12" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-12">[12]</a></sup>
</p>
<h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Location">Location</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=4" title="Edit section: Location">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h3>
<p>Scenes taking place in Aspen were filmed in <a href="/wiki/Breckenridge,_Colorado" title="Breckenridge, Colorado">Breckenridge, Colorado</a> and <a href="/wiki/Park_City,_Utah" title="Park City, Utah">Park City, Utah</a>. <a href="/wiki/The_Stanley_Hotel" title="The Stanley Hotel">The Stanley Hotel</a> in <a href="/wiki/Estes_Park,_Colorado" title="Estes Park, Colorado">Estes Park, Colorado</a> was transformed into the "Danbury Hotel" for the filming of the movie. The "Danbury Hotel" bar scene and staircase shot were the shots filmed there. The scenes filmed in the snow were shot at <a href="/wiki/Copper_Mountain_(Colorado)" title="Copper Mountain (Colorado)">Copper Mountain Resort</a>, Colorado.<sup id="cite_ref-13" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-13">[13]</a></sup>
</p><p>Some of the external street scenes were filmed in <a href="/wiki/Salt_Lake_City" title="Salt Lake City">Salt Lake City</a>, and the airport scene was filmed at <a href="/wiki/Salt_Lake_City_International_Airport" title="Salt Lake City International Airport">Salt Lake City International Airport</a>.<sup id="cite_ref-14" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-14">[14]</a></sup>
</p><p>Some scenes from the beginning of the film were shot on location in the <a href="/wiki/Providence,_Rhode_Island" title="Providence, Rhode Island">Providence, Rhode Island</a>, metropolitan area, including shots of the skyline and <a href="/wiki/The_Big_Blue_Bug" class="mw-redirect" title="The Big Blue Bug">The Big Blue Bug</a>; scenes from the beginning of their road trip were shot in locations in <a href="/wiki/Cumberland,_Rhode_Island" title="Cumberland, Rhode Island">Cumberland, Rhode Island</a>.<sup id="cite_ref-15" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-15">[15]</a></sup><sup class="noprint Inline-Template noprint noexcerpt Template-Fact" style="white-space:nowrap;">[<i><a href="/wiki/Wikipedia:NOTRS" class="mw-redirect" title="Wikipedia:NOTRS"><span title="This may have been copied from Wikipedia (April 2016)">better source needed</span></a></i>]</sup>
</p><p>Parts of the film were also shot in <a href="/wiki/Ogden,_Utah" title="Ogden, Utah">Ogden, Utah</a> and <a href="/wiki/American_Fork_Canyon" title="American Fork Canyon">American Fork Canyon</a>.<sup id="cite_ref-16" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-16">[16]</a></sup>
</p>
<h2><span class="mw-headline" id="Soundtrack">Soundtrack</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=5" title="Edit section: Soundtrack">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h2>
<table class="infobox vevent haudio"><tbody><tr><th colspan="2" class="infobox-above summary album" style="font-style: italic; background-color: gainsboro">Dumb and Dumber: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack</th></tr><tr><th colspan="2" class="infobox-header description" style="background-color: gainsboro"><a href="/wiki/Soundtrack_album" title="Soundtrack album">Soundtrack album</a> by <div class="contributor" style="display:inline">Various Artists</div></th></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label">Released</th><td class="infobox-data published">November 22, 1994</td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label"><a href="/wiki/Music_genre" title="Music genre">Genre</a></th><td class="infobox-data category hlist"><a href="/wiki/Soundtrack" title="Soundtrack">Soundtrack</a></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label">Length</th><td class="infobox-data"><span class="duration"><span class="min">46</span>:<span class="s">51</span></span></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label"><a href="/wiki/Record_label" title="Record label">Label</a></th><td class="infobox-data hlist"><a href="/wiki/RCA_Records" title="RCA Records">RCA Records</a></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="infobox-label"><a href="/wiki/Record_producer" title="Record producer">Producer</a></th><td class="infobox-data hlist">Various Artists</td></tr><tr><td colspan="2" class="infobox-below"></td></tr><tr><th colspan="2" class="infobox-header" style="background: gainsboro"><a href="/wiki/Single_(music)" title="Single (music)">Singles</a> from <i>Dumb and Dumber: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack</i></th></tr><tr><td colspan="2" class="infobox-full-data"><div style="text-align:left">
<ol><li><span class="item"><span class="fn">"<a href="/wiki/New_Age_Girl" title="New Age Girl">New Age Girl</a>"</span><br />Released: June 6, 1994</span></li>
<li><span class="item"><span class="fn">"<a href="/wiki/The_Ballad_of_Peter_Pumpkinhead#Crash_Test_Dummies_version" title="The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead">The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead</a>"</span><br />Released: January 1995</span></li></ol>
</div></td></tr><tr style="display:none"><td colspan="2">
</td></tr></tbody></table>
<p>The original soundtrack to the film was released by <a href="/wiki/RCA_Records" title="RCA Records">RCA Records</a> on November 22, 1994.<sup id="cite_ref-17" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-17">[17]</a></sup> The soundtrack album's first single, "<a href="/wiki/New_Age_Girl" title="New Age Girl">New Age Girl</a>" by <a href="/wiki/Deadeye_Dick_(band)" title="Deadeye Dick (band)">Deadeye Dick</a>, was a chart hit, reaching number 27 in the US, while the music video for the <a href="/wiki/Crash_Test_Dummies" title="Crash Test Dummies">Crash Test Dummies</a>' version of "<a href="/wiki/The_Ballad_of_Peter_Pumpkinhead#Crash_Test_Dummies_version" title="The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead">The Ballad of Peter Pumpkinhead</a>" featured Jeff Daniels reprising his role of Harry.<sup id="cite_ref-vice_d&d_18-0" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-vice_d&d-18">[18]</a></sup>
</p><p>The soundtrack album has generally seen positive reception from critics. Joe Bishop of <i><a href="/wiki/Vice_(magazine)" title="Vice (magazine)">Vice</a></i> named the album his favorite movie soundtrack, while the same site's Cameron Matthews described it as "a perfect slice of the mid-'90s sound: bubbly pop rock with jangly chords and just enough grit, or aka the thing you can give your kids when they one day ask you what the '90s were like."<sup id="cite_ref-vice_d&d_18-1" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-vice_d&d-18">[18]</a></sup><sup id="cite_ref-vice_d&d_bishop_19-0" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-vice_d&d_bishop-19">[19]</a></sup>
</p><p>Though not present on the soundtrack, the film famously features Carrey and Daniels singing an <a href="/wiki/A_cappella" title="A cappella">a cappella</a> version of "<a href="/wiki/Mockingbird_(Inez_%26_Charlie_Foxx_song)" title="Mockingbird (Inez & Charlie Foxx song)">Mockingbird</a>" to Mike Starr's character.<sup id="cite_ref-vice_d&d_18-2" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-vice_d&d-18">[18]</a></sup> Also missing on the soundtrack is <a href="/wiki/Apache_Indian" title="Apache Indian">Apache Indian</a>'s "<a href="/wiki/Boom_Shack-A-Lak" title="Boom Shack-A-Lak">Boom Shack-A-Lak</a>," which accompanies the film's opening sequence, as well as several other songs appearing in the film.
</p><p><a href="/wiki/Beck" title="Beck">Beck</a> had been approached about including his song "<a href="/wiki/Loser_(Beck_song)" title="Loser (Beck song)">Loser</a>" on the soundtrack, but he refused. He recalled the process: "I remember getting a phone call one day. My manager said, 'There's a film. They want to use 'Loser' as the theme song.' There was a long pause, and he said, 'The name of the film is <i>Dumb And Dumber</i>.' And I just remember: That sums up what the world thinks of me at this point. I tried to have fun with it, tried to not take it too serious. But at the same time, it was a little disheartening sometimes."<sup id="cite_ref-beck_dumb_and_dumber_20-0" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-beck_dumb_and_dumber-20">[20]</a></sup>
</p>
<h2><span class="mw-headline" id="Reception">Reception</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=6" title="Edit section: Reception">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h2>
<h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Critical_response">Critical response</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=7" title="Edit section: Critical response">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h3>
<p><a href="/wiki/Rotten_Tomatoes" title="Rotten Tomatoes">Rotten Tomatoes</a>, a review aggregator, reports that 68% of 53 surveyed critics gave the film a positive review; the average rating is 6.11/10. The site's consensus reads: "A relentlessly stupid comedy elevated by its main actors: Jim Carrey goes bonkers and Jeff Daniels carries himself admirably in an <a href="/wiki/Against_type" class="mw-redirect" title="Against type">against-type</a> performance."<sup id="cite_ref-21" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-21">[21]</a></sup> On <a href="/wiki/Metacritic" title="Metacritic">Metacritic</a>, which assigns a rating out of 100 to reviews from film critics, it has a score of 41 based on reviews from 14 critics, which indicates "mixed or average reviews".<sup id="cite_ref-22" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-22">[22]</a></sup> Audiences polled by <a href="/wiki/CinemaScore" title="CinemaScore">CinemaScore</a> gave the film an average grade of "B" on an A+ to F scale.<sup id="cite_ref-23" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-23">[23]</a></sup>
</p><p><a href="/wiki/Roger_Ebert" title="Roger Ebert">Roger Ebert</a> gave the film two of four stars for the hit or miss comedic elements, but praised the performances of Carrey and Daniels, dubbing the former a "true original", and writing that the dead parakeet joke "made me laugh so loudly I embarrassed myself. I just couldn't stop."<sup id="cite_ref-24" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-24">[24]</a></sup> Stephen Holden of <i><a href="/wiki/The_New_York_Times" title="The New York Times">The New York Times</a></i> called Carrey "the new <a href="/wiki/Jerry_Lewis" title="Jerry Lewis">Jerry Lewis</a>",<sup id="cite_ref-25" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-25">[25]</a></sup> and Peter Stack of the <i><a href="/wiki/San_Francisco_Chronicle" title="San Francisco Chronicle">San Francisco Chronicle</a></i> called it "riotous", "rib-splitting", and gave the film praise for being both a crude and slapstick comedy and a "smart comedy" at the same time.<sup id="cite_ref-26" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-26">[26]</a></sup> Carrey was nominated for a <a href="/wiki/Razzie_Award" class="mw-redirect" title="Razzie Award">Razzie Award</a> for "Worst New Star".<sup id="cite_ref-27" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-27">[27]</a></sup>
</p><p>It has since become a <a href="/wiki/Cult_film" title="Cult film">cult film</a>.<sup id="cite_ref-cult_5-1" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-cult-5">[5]</a></sup>
</p>
<h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Year-end_lists">Year-end lists</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=8" title="Edit section: Year-end lists">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h3>
<ul><li>7th – David Stupich, <i><a href="/wiki/The_Milwaukee_Journal" class="mw-redirect" title="The Milwaukee Journal">The Milwaukee Journal</a></i><sup id="cite_ref-28" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-28">[28]</a></sup></li>
<li>Worst films (not ranked) – Jeff Simon, <i><a href="/wiki/The_Buffalo_News" title="The Buffalo News">The Buffalo News</a></i><sup id="cite_ref-29" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-29">[29]</a></sup></li>
<li>2nd worst – Sean P. Means, <i><a href="/wiki/The_Salt_Lake_Tribune" title="The Salt Lake Tribune">The Salt Lake Tribune</a></i><sup id="cite_ref-30" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-30">[30]</a></sup></li>
<li>Top 10 worst (listed alphabetically, not ranked) – Mike Mayo, <i><a href="/wiki/The_Roanoke_Times" title="The Roanoke Times">The Roanoke Times</a></i><sup id="cite_ref-31" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-31">[31]</a></sup></li>
<li>Dishonorable mention – Dan Craft, <i><a href="/wiki/The_Pantagraph" title="The Pantagraph">The Pantagraph</a></i><sup id="cite_ref-32" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-32">[32]</a></sup></li></ul>
<h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Awards">Awards</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=9" title="Edit section: Awards">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h3>
<p><span class="anchor" id="Awards"></span><span class="anchor" id="Accolades"></span>
Although the film did not secure any major American film awards, it was successful at the <a href="/wiki/1995_MTV_Movie_Awards" title="1995 MTV Movie Awards">1995 MTV Movie Awards</a>. Carrey won for Best Comic Performance, Carrey and Holly (a couple who would later endure a short-lived marriage) won for Best Kiss, and Carrey and Daniels were nominated for Best On-Screen Duo.
</p><p>In 2000, readers of <i><a href="/wiki/Total_Film" title="Total Film">Total Film</a></i> magazine voted <i>Dumb and Dumber</i> the fifth greatest comedy film of all time.<sup class="noprint Inline-Template Template-Fact" style="white-space:nowrap;">[<i><a href="/wiki/Wikipedia:Citation_needed" title="Wikipedia:Citation needed"><span title="This claim needs references to reliable sources. (March 2011)">citation needed</span></a></i>]</sup>
The film ranks 445th on <i><a href="/wiki/Empire_Magazine" class="mw-redirect" title="Empire Magazine">Empire Magazine</a></i><span class="nowrap" style="padding-left:0.1em;">'</span>s 2008 list of the 500 greatest movies of all time.<sup id="cite_ref-33" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-33">[33]</a></sup>
</p>
<h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Box_office">Box office</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=10" title="Edit section: Box office">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h3>
<p>The film opened at No. 1 in its opening weekend earning $16.4 million.<sup id="cite_ref-34" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-34">[34]</a></sup> It went on to gross $127,175,374 in the United States, and $247,275,374 worldwide, and topping the holiday season film gross.<sup id="cite_ref-35" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-35">[35]</a></sup>
</p>
<h2><span class="mw-headline" id="Legacy">Legacy</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=11" title="Edit section: Legacy">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h2>
<p><span class="anchor" id="Sequels"></span>
</p>
<h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Animated_series">Animated series</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=12" title="Edit section: Animated series">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h3>
<div role="note" class="hatnote navigation-not-searchable">Main article: <a href="/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumber_(TV_series)" title="Dumb and Dumber (TV series)">Dumb and Dumber (TV series)</a></div>
<p>In 1995, a <a href="/wiki/Hanna-Barbera" title="Hanna-Barbera">Hanna-Barbera</a>-produced animated series aired on <a href="/wiki/American_Broadcasting_Company" title="American Broadcasting Company">ABC</a>, as part of its Saturday morning cartoon lineup; <a href="/wiki/Matt_Frewer" title="Matt Frewer">Matt Frewer</a> provided the voice of Lloyd, while <a href="/wiki/Bill_Fagerbakke" title="Bill Fagerbakke">Bill Fagerbakke</a> voiced Harry. In the cartoon, Harry and Lloyd have reacquired their van, now named "Otto". The cartoon also features a new character, Kitty, a female pet purple beaver who appears to be smarter than both men. The animated series was written by Bennett Yellin, co-writer of the film. The show was short-lived and was shelved after one season.<sup class="noprint Inline-Template Template-Fact" style="white-space:nowrap;">[<i><a href="/wiki/Wikipedia:Citation_needed" title="Wikipedia:Citation needed"><span title="This claim needs references to reliable sources. (April 2012)">citation needed</span></a></i>]</sup>
</p>
<h3><span class="mw-headline" id="Prequel">Prequel</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=13" title="Edit section: Prequel">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h3>
<div role="note" class="hatnote navigation-not-searchable">Main article: <a href="/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumberer:_When_Harry_Met_Lloyd" title="Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd">Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd</a></div>
<p>In 2003, a <a href="/wiki/Prequel" title="Prequel">prequel</a> was theatrically released, entitled <i><a href="/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumberer:_When_Harry_Met_Lloyd" title="Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd">Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd</a></i>. The film featured a cast and crew different from the previous film, and the Farrelly brothers had no involvement in the film's production. It was panned by critics, receiving a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.<sup id="cite_ref-36" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-36">[36]</a></sup> It grossed approximately $39.2 million worldwide against a $19 million budget, as opposed to the original film's far greater $247 million worldwide gross against a $17 million budget.<sup id="cite_ref-37" class="reference"><a href="#cite_note-37">[37]</a></sup>
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Shrek (film)/Transcript
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<pre>COMMENTS (10)
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<p>SHARE
This is the transcript for the 2001 film, Shrek.
</p><p>Transcript
Shrek: "Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle, guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from the dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love and true love's first kiss." [Laughing] Like that's ever gonna happen.
[Paper Rustling, Toilet Flushes]
Shrek: What a load of--
[Toilet Door slams]
Shrek hops out his outhouse and his routine like taking a mud shower and farting in his pool.
[♪ All-Star By Smash Mouth Playing]
Steve Harwell: ♪ Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an "L" on her forehead. The years start comin', and they don't stop comin', fed to the rules and I hit the ground runnin', didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with takin' the backstreets. You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. It's a cool place, and they say it gets colder, you're bundled up now, but wait till you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ judging by the hole in the satellite picture. The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin, the water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire, how 'bout yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. Hey, now, you're an all-star. ♪
[Shouting]
Steve Harwell: ♪ Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star. Get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪
[Belches]
Villagers: Go! Go!
[Record Scrating]
Steve Harwell: ♪ Go. Go. Go. Hey, now, you're an all-star. Get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold, only shootin' stars break the mold. ♪
Villagers: Think it's in there? All right! Let's get it!
Villager 1: Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing could do to you?
Villager 2: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.
Shrek: [Laughs] Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres-- they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
Villager 3: No!
Shrek: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.
Villager 3: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
[Gasping]
Villager 3: Right.
[Roaring]
[Shouting]
[Roaring]
[Roaring Continues]
[Shouting Continues]
Shrek: [Whispers] This is the part where you run away.
[Gasping]
Shrek: [Laughs] [Laughing] And stay out! "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures." [Sighs]
Guard 1: All right. This one's full. Take it away!
[Gasps]
Guard 2: Move it along. Come on. Get up!
Captain of the Guards: Next!
Guard 3: Give me that! Your flying days are over.
Captain of the Guards: That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next.
Guard 4: Get up!
Captain of the Guards: Twenty pieces.
Guard 5: Come on!
[Thudding]
Guard 6: Sit down there! Keep quiet!
Bear: [Crying] This cage is too small.
Donkey: Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again. I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
Old Lady: Oh, shut up!
Donkey: Oh!
Captain of the Guards: Next! What have you got?
Geppetto: This little wooden puppet.
Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
Captain of the Guards: Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
Pinocchio: Father, please! Don't let them do this!
Captain of the Guards: Next.
Pinocchio: Help me!
Captain of the Guards: What have you got?
Old Lady: Well, I've got a talking donkey.
[Grunts]
Captain of the Guards: Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
Old Lady: Oh, go ahead, little fella.
Captain of the Guards: Well?
Old Lady: Oh, oh, he's just-- He's just a little nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt--
Captain of the Guards: That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
Old Lady: No, no, he talks! He does. [Moves Donkey’s lips] I can talk. I love to talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.
Captain of the Guards: Get her out of my sight.
Old Lady: No, no! I swear. Oh! He can talk!
Donkey: [Gasps] Hey, I can fly!
Peter Pan: He can fly!
Pigs: He can fly!
Captain of the Guards: He can talk!
Donkey: Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking, donkey. You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha! Uh-oh.
Captain of the Guards: Seize him!
Guard 7: After him! He's getting away!
[Grunts, Gasps]
Guard 8: Get him! This way! Turn!
Captain of the Guards: You there. Ogre!
Shrek: Aye?
Captain of the Guards: By the order of Lord Farquaad, I am authorized to place you both under arrest, and transport you to a designated, resettlement facility.
Shrek: Oh, really? You and what army?
[Gasps, Whimpering]
Donkey: [Chuckles] Can I say somethin' to you? Listen, you was really, really somethin' back there. Incredible!
Shrek: Are you talkin' to-- me? Whoa!
Donkey: Yes, I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you was great back there? Those guards! They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, then bam! They was trippin' over themselves like babies in the woods. That really made me feel good to see that.
Shrek: Oh, that's great. Really.
Donkey: Man, it's good to be free.
Shrek: Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
Donkey: But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you. You're a mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.
[Roaring]
Donkey: Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause your breath stinks! Man, you almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time-- [Mumbling] Then I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my butt that day.
Shrek: Why are you following me?
Donkey: I'll tell you why. ♪ 'Cause I'm all alone. There's no one here beside me. My problems have all gone, there's no one to deride me. But you gotta have friends-- ♪
Shrek: Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.
Donkey: Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.
Shrek: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?
Donkey: Uh-- Really tall?
Shrek: No! I'm an ogre. You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that bother you?
Donkey: Nope.
Shrek: Really?
Donkey: Really, really.
Shrek: Oh.
Donkey: Man, I like you. What's your name?
Shrek: Uh, Shrek.
Donkey: Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing. I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that. Who'd want to live in a place like that?
Shrek: That would be my home.
Donkey: Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
Shrek: I like my privacy.
Donkey: You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like, I hate it when you got somebody in your face. You're trying to give them a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence. You know? Can I stay with you?
Shrek: Uh, what?
Donkey: Can I stay with you? Please?
Shrek: Of course!
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But, that's why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
Shrek: Okay! Okay! But one night only.
Donkey: Ah! Thank you!
Shrek: What are you-- No. No.
Donkey: This is gonna be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles.
Shrek: Oh!
Donkey: Where do, uh, I sleep?
Shrek: Outside!
Donkey: Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, I guess outside is best. [Sniffles] Here I go. Good night. [Sighs] I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside. I'll just be sitting by myself. Outside, I guess. You know. By myself. Outside. ♪ I'm all alone, there's no one here beside me. ♪
[Bubbling]
[Sighs]
[Creaking]
Shrek: [Sighs] I thought I told you to stay outside?
Donkey: I am outside.
[Clattering]
[Clattering]
Mouse 1: Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we have?
Mouse 2: It's not home, but it'll do just fine.
Gorder: What a lovely bed.
Shrek: Got ya.
Gorder: [Sniffs] I found some cheese.
Shrek: Ow! [Grunts]
Gorder: Blah! Awful stuff.
Mouse 1: Is that you, Gorder?
Gorder: How did you know?
Shrek: Enough! What are you doing in my house? [Grunts] Hey!
[Snickers]
Shrek: Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.
Dwarf: Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.
Shrek: Huh? [Gasps]
Wolf: What?
Shrek: I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying ogre! What do I have to do to get a little privacy?
Wolf: Aah!
Shrek: Oh, no. No! No! Oh, no.
[Cackling]
[Cackling Continues]
Shrek: What?
Girl: Quit it. Don't push.
[Squeaking]
[Lows]
Shrek: What are you doing in my swamp? [Echoing] Swamp? Swamp? Swamp?
[Gasping]
Fairies: Oh, dear!
Dwarf: Whoa!
Shrek: All right, get out of here. All of you, move it. Come on. Let's go! Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!
Dwarf: Quickly. Come on!
Shrek: No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.
Dwarf: Oh!
[Sighs]
Donkey: Hey, don’t look at me. I didn't invite them.
Pinocchio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
Shrek: What?
Pinocchio: We were forced to come here.
Shrek: By who?
Pig: Lord Farquaad. He huffed und he puffed und he... singed an eviction notice.
Shrek: [Sighs] All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is.
[Murmuring]
Donkey: Oh, I do. I know where he is.
Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?
Donkey: Me! Me!
Shrek: Anyone?
Donkey: Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!
Shrek: Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad right now, and get you all off my land and back where you came from!
[Cheering]
[Twittering]
[Cheering Continues]
Shrek: Oh! You! You're comin' with me.
Donkey: All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it! ♪ On the road again. ♪ Sing it with me, Shrek.
Dwarf: Hey. Oh, oh!
Donkey: ♪ I can't wait to get in the road again. ♪
Shrek: What did I say about singing?
Donkey: Can I whistle?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Can I hum it?
Shrek: All right, hum it.
♪♪ [Humming]
[Gurgling]
[Coughing]
Farquaad: That's enough! He's ready to talk.
[Coughing]
Farquaad: [Laughing] [Clears Throat] Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the gingerbread man!
Gingy: You're a monster.
Farquaad: I'm not the monster here, you are! You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now tell me, where are the others!?
Gingy: Eat me!
[Spits]
Farquaad: I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached its end! Tell me, or I'll--
Gingy: No! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!
Farquaad: All right, then. Who's hiding them?
Gingy: Okay. I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingy: The muffin man.
Farquaad: Yes. I know the muffin man. Who lives on Drury Lane?
Gingy: Well, she's married to the muffin man.
Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingy: The muffin man!
Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man.
[Door Opens]
Captain of the Guards: My lord! We found it.
Farquaad: Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
[Man Grunting]
[Gasping]
Gingy: Oh!
Farquaad: Magic Mirror.
Gingy: Don't tell him anything! No!
Farquaad: Evening. Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Is this not the most perfect kingdom of all?
Mirror: Well, technically you're not a king.
Farquaad: Uh, Thelonius. You were saying?
Mirror: What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you become one. All you have to do is marry a princess.
Farquaad: Go on.
Mirror: [Chuckles] So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella. Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come on. Give it up for Snow White! And last, but certainly not the least, bachelorette number three is a fiery redhead, from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling lava! But, don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! So will it be, bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or bachelorette number three?
Guards: Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!
Farquaad: Three? One? [Shudders] Three?
Thelonius: Three! Pick number three, my lord!
Farquaad: Okay, okay, uh, number three!
Mirror: Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.
[♪ Escape By Rupert Holmes Playing]
Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you like piña coladas. And getting caught in the rain. ♪
Farquaad: Princess Fiona.
Rupert Holmes: ♪ If you're not into yoga. ♪
Farquaad: She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go--
Mirror: But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.
Farquaad: I'll do it.
Mirror: Yes, but after sunset.
Farquaad: Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and Duloc will finally have the perfect king! Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.
Donkey: But that's it. That's it right there. That's Duloc. I told ya I'd find it.
Shrek: So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
Donkey: Uh-huh. That's the place.
Shrek: Do you think maybe he's compensating for something? [Laughs]
Donkey: [Groans] Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
Man: Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
Shrek: Hey, you!
[Screams]
Shrek: Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat ya. I just-- I just--
[Whimpering]
[Sighs]
[Whimpering, Groans]
[Turnstile Clatters]
[Chuckles]
[Sighs]
♪♪ [Instrumental Music]
Shrek: It's quiet. Too quiet.
[Creaking]
Shrek: Where is everybody?
Donkey: Hey, look at this!
[Clattering, Whirring, Clicking]
[Clicking]
[Clicking Quickens]
Clockwork Chorus: ♪ Welcome to Duloc such a perfect town. Here was have some rules, let us lay them down. Don't make waves, stay in line and we'll get along fine, Duloc is a perfect place. Please keep off of the grass, shine your shoes, wipe your... face. Duloc is, Duloc is, Duloc is a perfect place! ♪
[Camera Shutter Clicks]
[Whirring]
Donkey: Wow! Let's do that again!
Shrek: No. No. No, no, no! No.
[Trumpet Fanfare]
[Crowd Cheering]
Farquaad: Brave knights. You are the best and brightest in all the land.
[Donkey Humming]
Farquaad: Today one of you shall prove himself--
Shrek: All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.
Donkey: Sorry about that.
[Cheering]
Farquaad: That champion shall have the honor-- no, no-- the privilege, to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona, from the fiery keep of the dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place, and so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.
[Cheering]
Farquaad: Let the tournament begin!
[Gasps]
Knight 1: Oh!
Farquaad: What is that?
[Gasping]
Farquaad: It's hideous!
Shrek: Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.
Donkey: Huh?
Farquaad: Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre will be named champion! Have at him!
Knight 2: Get him!
Shrek: Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.
Woman: Go ahead! Get him!
Shrek: Can't we just settle this over a pint?
Knight 3: Kill the beast!
Shrek: No? All right then. Come on!
[♪ Bad Reputation By Joan Jett Playing]
Halfcocked: ♪ I don't give a damn about my reputation. You're living in the past, it's a new generation. ♪
Knight 4: Damn!
[Whinnying]
Halfcocked: ♪ A girl can do what she wants to do, and that's what I'm gonna do. And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. ♪
Donkey: Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Never said I wanted to improve my station. ♪
Shrek: Ah! [Laughs]
Halfcocked: ♪ And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun. ♪
Shrek: Yeah!
Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't have to please no one. ♪
Wrestling Fan: The chair! Give him the chair!
Halfcocked: ♪ And I don't give a damn about my reputation. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me. Me, me, me. Oh, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me. Not me. ♪
[Bell Dings]
[Cheering]
Shrek: [Laughs] Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!
[Shrek Laughs]
[Crowd Gasping, Murmuring]
Guard 9: Shall I give the order, sir?
Farquaad: No, I have a better idea. People of Duloc! I give you our champion!
Shrek: What?
Farquaad: Congratulations, ogre. You're won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest.
Shrek: Quest? I'm already on a quest. A quest to get my swamp back.
Farquaad: Your swamp?
Shrek: Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairy tale creatures!
[Crowd Murmuring]
Farquaad: Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for me, and I'll give you your swamp back.
Shrek: Exactly the way it was?
Farquaad: Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.
Shrek: And the squatters?
Farquaad: As good as gone.
Shrek: What kind of quest?
Donkey: Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon, and rescue a princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp, which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?
Shrek: You know what? Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
Donkey: I don't get it, Shrek. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.
Shrek: Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village, and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
Donkey: Uh, no, not really, no.
Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
Donkey: Example?
Shrek: Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions.
Donkey: [Sniffs] They stink?
Shrek: Yes-- No!
Donkey: They make you cry?
Shrek: No!
Donkey: You leave them out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.
Shrek: No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers. [Sighs]
Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. [Sniffs] You know, not everybody likes onions. Cakes! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
Shrek: I don't care what everyone likes. Ogres. Are not. Like cakes.
Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Hey, let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
Donkey: Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole dang planet.
Shrek: You know, I think preferred your humming.
Donkey: Do you have a tissue or something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait makes me start slobbering.
[♪ I'm On My Way By The Proclaimers Playing]
The Proclaimers: ♪ I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. I'm on my way from misery to happiness today. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And everything that you receive up yonder is what you give to me the day I wander, I'm on my way. I'm on my way. I'm on my way. ♪
Donkey: Ooh! Shrek! Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything.
Shrek: Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. [Sniffs] It's brimstone. We must be getting close.
Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone either.
[Rumbling]
Shrek: Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location. [Laughing]
Donkey: Shrek? Remember when you said ogres have layers?
Shrek: Oh, aye.
Donkey: Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.
Shrek: Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.
Donkey: You know what I mean.
Shrek: You can't tell me you're afraid of heights?
Donkey: No, I'm just a little uncomfortable being on a rickety over a boiling lake of lava!
Shrek: Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay. For emotional support. We'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step at a time.
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: Really, really.
Donkey: Okay, that makes me feel so much better.
Shrek: Just keep moving. And don't look down.
Donkey: Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't look down. [Gasps] Shrek! I'm lookin' down! God, I can't do this! Just let me off right now. Please.
Shrek: But you're already halfway.
Donkey: But I know that half is safe!
Shrek: Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.
Donkey: Shrek, no! Wait!
Shrek: Donkey-- Let's have a dance then, shall we?
Donkey: Don't do that!
Shrek: Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this?
Donkey: Yes, that!
Shrek: This? This, do it. Okay.
Donkey: [Screams] No, Shrek! No! Stop it!
Shrek: You said do it. I'm doin' it.
Donkey: I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!
Shrek: That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.
Donkey: Cool. So, where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?
Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
Donkey: [Chuckles] I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
[Water Dripping]
[Wind Howling]
Donkey: [Donkey Whispering] You afraid?
Shrek: No, but-- Shh.
Donkey: Oh, good. Me neither. [Gasps] 'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little scared, you know what I mean. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that. [Gasps]
Shrek: Donkey, two things, okay? Shut... up. Now go over there and see if you can find any stairs.
Donkey: Stairs? I thought I was lookin' for the princess.
Shrek: The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
Donkey: What makes it you think she'll be there?
Shrek: I read it in a book once.
Donkey: Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way they're goin'.
[Creaking]
Donkey: I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a step right here, right here. I'd step all over it.
Shrek: Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the--?
Donkey: Dragon! [Screams] [Gasps]
[Roars]
Shrek: Donkey, look out! [Screams]
[Screams]
[Whimpering]
Shrek: Got ya!
[Roars]
[Gasps]
Shrek: [Shouts] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [Screaming]
Donkey: [Gasps] Oh! Aah! Aah! [Gasping]
[Growls]
Donkey: No. Oh, no. No! [Screams] Oh, what large teeth you have.
[Growls]
Donkey: I mean, I mean, white sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all the time from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know what else? You're-- You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of course you're a girl dragon. 'Cause, you're just reeking a feminine beauty. What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ooh. Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but, you know, I'm, uh-- [Coughs] I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff. Shrek! [Gasps] [Whimpering] No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
[Groans, Sighs]
♪♪ [Chorus Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]
♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]
Fiona: Oh! Oh!
Shrek in Armor: Wake up!
Fiona: What?
Shrek in Armor: Are you Princess Fiona?
Fiona: I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.
Shrek in Armor: Oh, that's nice. Now, let's go!
Fiona: But, wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?
Shrek in Amror: Yeah. Sorry, lady. There's no time.
Fiona: Hey, wait. What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet, out yonder window, and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
Shrek in Armor: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
Fiona: Mm-hmm. [Screams, Grunts] But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!
Shrek in Armor: I don't think so.
Fiona: Can I at least know the name of my champion?
Shrek: Um, Shrek.
Fiona: Sir Shrek. [Clears Throat] I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.
Shrek in Armor: Thanks.
[Roaring]
Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon?
Shrek in Armor: It's on my to-do list. Now, come on!
Fiona: [Screams] But this isn't right! You’re meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying! That's what all the other knights did!
Shrek in Armor: Yeah, right before they burst into flame!
Fiona: You know, that's not the point! Oh! Wait. Where are you going? The exit's over there.
Shrek in Armor: Well, I have to save my ass.
Fiona: What kind of knight are you?
Shrek in Armor: One of the kind.
Donkey: Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned. [Laughs] I don't to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this-- Magnitude really is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude-- Hey, that is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to know each other first as friends or maybe his pen pals. 'Cause I'm the road a lot, but I just love receiving cards, and-- I'd really love to stay, but-- Hey, hey, hey! Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal ail. You're gonna tear it off. I don't give permission to-- Wait. What are you gonna do with that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no! No! Oh!
[Growls]
[Roars]
[Roaring]
[Gasps]
Donkey: Hi, Princess!
Fiona: It talks!
Shrek in Armor: Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick!
Donkey: Shrek! [Screams] [Screaming]
Shrek: Oh!
[Thuds]
[Groans]
[Shrek Groans]
[Roars]
[Roars]
[Roaring]
[Roars]
Shrek in Armor: Okay, you two! Head for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon. [Echoing] Run!
[Gasping]
[Screaming]
[Screams]
[Roars]
[Panting, Sighs]
[Whimpers]
[Roars]
[Roars, Whimpers]
[Dragon Growling In The Distance]
Fiona: You did it! You rescued me! You're amazing. You're-- You're wonderful. You're... A little unorthodox, I'll admit. But thy deed is great, and thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.
[Clears Throat]
Fiona: And where would be a brave knight be without his noble steed?
Donkey: All right, I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a noble steed.
Fiona: [Fiona Laughs] The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
Shrek in Armor: Uh, no.
Fiona: Why not?
Shrek: I have helmet hair.
Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
Shrek in Armor: No, no, you wouldn't'st.
Fiona: But, how will you kiss me?
Shrek in Armor: What? That job wasn't in the job description.
Donkey: Maybe it's a perk.
Fiona: No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in a tower and beset by a dragon, is rescued by a brave knight, and then they share true love's first kiss.
Donkey: Hmm? With Shrek? You think-- Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is your true love?
Fiona: Well, yes.
[Laughing]
[Laughing]
Donkey: You think Shrek is your true love!
Fiona: What is so funny?
Shrek in Armor: Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?
Fiona: Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now-- Now remove your helmet.
Shrek in Amror: Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.
Fiona: Just take off the helmet.
Shrek in Amror: I'm not going to.
Fiona: Take it off.
Shrek in Amror: No!
Fiona: Now!
Shrek in Armor: Okay! Easy. As you command, Your Highness.
Fiona: You-- You're-- an ogre.
Shrek: Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.
Fiona: Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed to be an ogre.
Shrek: Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay. He's the one who wants to marry you.
Fiona: Then why didn't he come to rescue me?
Shrek: Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.
Fiona: But I have to be rescued by my true love. Not by some ogre and his pet.
Donkey: So much for noble steed.
Shrek: You're not making my job any easier.
Fiona: I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right here.
Shrek: Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.
Fiona: You wouldn't dare. Put me down!
Shrek: Ya comin', Donkey?
Donkey: I'm right behind ya.
Fiona: Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down! [Screams]
Donkey: Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you, right? But you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a crisp and eaten?
Fiona: You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knows what happens when you find your-- Hey! [Sighs] The sooner we get to Duloc the better.
Donkey: Oh, yeah. You're gonna love it there, Princess? It's beautiful!
Fiona: And my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?
Shrek: Well, let me put this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's standards are in short supply. [Laughs]
Donkey: I don't know, Shrek. There are those who think little of him.
[Both Laughing]
Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
Shrek: Maybe. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow.
Fiona: Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?
Shrek: No, that'll take longer.
Fiona: But there's robbers in the woods.
Donkey: Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping is definitely startin' to sound good.
Shrek: Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this forest.
Fiona: I need to find somewhere to camp now!
[Bird Wings Fluttering]
Shrek: [Grunting] Hey! Over here.
Donkey: Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a princess.
Fiona: No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.
Shrek: Homey touches? Like what?
[Crashing]
Fiona: A door. Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.
Donkey: You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.
Fiona: I said, good night!
Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing?
Shrek: [Laughs] I just-- You know-- Oh, come on. I was just kidding.
[Fire Crackling]
Shrek: And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only ogre to ever spit over three wheat fields.
Donkey: Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?
Shrek: The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.
Donkey: I know you're making this up.
Shrek: No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away from his stench.
Donkey: Man, that ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.
Shrek: Sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it.
Donkey: [Sighs] Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?
Shrek: Our swamp?
Donkey: You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.
Shrek: We? Donkey, there is no "we." There's no "our." There's just me and my swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall around my land.
Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody out.
Shrek: No. Do ya think?
Donkey: Are you hidin' something?
Shrek: Never mind, Donkey.
Donkey: Oh! This is another one of those onion things, isn't it?
Shrek: No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it-alone things.
Donkey: Why don't you want to talk about it?
Shrek: Why do you always want to?
Donkey: Why are you blocking?
Shrek: I'm not blocking.
Donkey: Yes, you are.
Shrek: Donkey, I'm warning you.
Donkey: Who you trying to keep out?
Shrek: Everyone! Okay?
Donkey: Now we're gettin' somewhere.
Shrek: Oh! For the love of Pete!
Donkey: What's your problem? What you got against the whole world?
Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go, "Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly ogre!" [Sighs] They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.
Donkey: You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big, stupid, ugly ogre.
Shrek: Yeah, I know.
Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
Donkey: Okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?
Shrek: That's the moon.
Donkey: Oh, okay.
♪♪ [Orchestra]
♪♪ [Dulcimer]
Farquaad: Again. Show me again.
[Music Stops, Rewinds]
Farquaad: Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the princess.
Mirror: Hmph.
[Rewinds, Resumes]
Farquaad: Ah. Perfect. [Inhales]
[Snoring]
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]
♪♪ [Whistling]
♪♪ [Whistling Continues]
♪♪ [Vocalizes]
♪♪ [Whistles]
♪♪ [Vocalizes]
♪♪ [Whistles]
♪♪ [Vocalizing]
♪♪ [Whistling]
♪♪ [Vocalizing, High-pitched]
♪♪ [Whistling, High-pitched]
♪♪ [Continues]
[Sizzling]
[Sniffs, Yawns]
Shrek: Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.
Donkey: Come on, baby. I said I like it.
Shrek: Donkey, wake up.
Donkey: Huh? What?
Shrek: Wake up.
Donkey: What?
Fiona: Good morning. How do you like your eggs?
Donkey: Good morning, Princess!
Shrek: What's all this about?
Fiona: We kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to make it up to you. After all, you did rescue me.
Shrek: Uh, thanks.
[Sniffs]
Fiona: Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.
[Belches]
Donkey: Shrek!
Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. [Laughs]
Donkey: Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.
[Belches]
Fiona: Thanks.
Donkey: She's as nasty as you are.
Shrek: [Laughs] You know, you're not exactly what I expected.
Fiona: Maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them. [Vocalizing]
Monsieur Hood: La liberte! Hey!
Shrek: Princess?
[Laughs]
Fiona: What are you doing?
Monsieur Hood: Be still, cherie, for I am your savior! And I am rescuing you from this green [Kissing Sounds] beast.
Shrek: Hey! That's my princess. Go find your own!
Monsieur Hood: Please, monsters! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?
Fiona: Look, pal. I don't know who you think you are!
Monsieur Hood: Oh! Of course! How rude. Please let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men! [Laughs]
♪♪ [Accordion]
Merry Men: ♪ Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo! ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ I steal from the rich and give to the needy. ♪
Man: ♪ He takes a wee percentage. ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels. Man, I'm good. ♪
Merry Men: ♪ What a guy, Monsieur Hood! ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ Break it down. I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid. ♪
Merry Men: ♪ What he's basically saying is he likes to get-- ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ Paid. ♪
Merry Men: ♪ So. ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ When an ogre in the bush grabs a lady by the tush, that's bad. ♪
Merry Men: ♪ That's bad. ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ When a beauty's with a beast it makes me awfully mad. ♪
Merry Men: ♪ He's mad. He's really, really mad. ♪
Monsieur Hood: ♪ I'll take my blade and ram it through your heart. Keep your eyes on me, boys 'cause I'm about to start! ♪
[Tarzan Yell]
[Grunts, Groans]
[Karate Yell]
[Merry Men Gasping]
Fiona: [Panting] Man, that was annoying!
Man: Oh, you little--
[Karate Yell]
♪♪ [Accordion]
[Tarzan woman yell]
[Shouting, Groaning]
[Tarzan woman yells about 3 times]
[Groaning]
Fiona: [Chuckles] Um, shall we?
Shrek: Hold the phone.
[Grunts]
Shrek: Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?
Fiona: What?
Shrek: That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?
Fiona: Well-- [Chuckles] When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these things in case there's a-- There's an arrow in your butt!
Shrek: What? Oh, would you look at that?
Fiona: Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.
Donkey: Why? What's wrong?
Fiona: Shrek's hurt.
Donkey: Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.
Shrek: Donkey, I'm okay.
Donkey: Oh, you can't do this to me. I'm too young for you to die. Keep your legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the Heimlich?
Fiona: Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and find me a blue flower with red thorns.
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Okay. I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die, Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!
Shrek: Donkey!
Donkey: Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.
Shrek: What are the flowers for?
Fiona: For getting rid of Donkey.
Shrek: Ah.
Fiona: Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.
Shrek: Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.
Fiona: I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
Shrek: No, it's tender. Now, hold on. What you're doing is the opposite of help.
Fiona: Don't move.
Shrek: Look, time out.
Fiona: Would you-- [Grunts] Okay. What do you propose we do?
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns.
Shrek: Ow!
Donkey: Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!
Shrek: Ow! Not good.
Fiona: Okay. Okay, I can nearly see the head.
[Grunts]
Fiona: It's just about--
Shrek: Ow! Ohh!
Donkey: Ahem.
Shrek: Nothing happened. We were just, uh--
Donkey: Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was as, okay.
Shrek: Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind! The princess here was just-- Ugh! Ow!
Donkey: Hey, what's that? [Nervous Chuckle] That's-- Is that blood? [Sighs]
[Bird Chirping]
[♪ My Beloved Monster By Eels Playing]
[Grunts]
Eels: ♪ My beloved monster and me. We go everywhere together. Wearin' a raincoat that has four sleeves, gets us through all kinds of weather. ♪
Donkey: Aah!
Eels: ♪ She will always be the only thing. That comes between me and the awful sting. That comes from living in the world that's so damn mean. ♪
[Croaks]
Eels: ♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh. ♪
Fiona: Hey!
Eels: ♪ La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la. ♪
[Both Laughing]
Eels: La-la, la-la, la-la.
Shrek: There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.
Fiona: That's Duloc?
Donkey: Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for something, which I think means he has a really-- Ow!
Shrek: Um, I, uh-- I guess we better move one.
Fiona: Sure. But, Shrek? I'm-- I'm worried about Donkey.
[Blubbering]
Shrek: What?
Fiona: I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.
Donkey: What are you talking about? I'm fine.
Fiona: That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on your back. Dead.
Shrek: You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?
Fiona: I'll make you some tea.
Donkey: I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and when I turn my head like this, look. [Bones Crunch] Ow! See?
Shrek: Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.
Fiona: I'll get the firewood.
Donkey: Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any toes! I think I need a hug.
Fiona: Mmm. Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?
Shrek: Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.
Fiona: No kidding.
Shrek: Well, this is delicious. Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weedrat stew. [Chuckling]
Donkey: [Sighs] I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.
Shrek: [Gulps] Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kinds of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare-- you name it.
Fiona: [Chuckles] I'd like that.
[Slurps, Laughs]
Donkey: ♪ See the pyramids along the Nile. ♪
Shrek: Um, Princess?
Donkey: ♪ Watch the sunrise from a tropical isle. ♪
Fiona: Yes, Shrek?
Shrek: I, um, I was wondering.
Donkey: ♪ Just remember, darling all the while. ♪
Shrek: Are you--
Donkey: You belong to me.
Shrek: [Sighs] Are you gonna eat that?
[Chuckles]
Donkey: Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.
Fiona: Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.
Shrek: What?
Donkey: Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't you?
Fiona: Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.
Donkey: Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until-- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.
[Shrek Sighs]
Fiona: Good night.
Shrek: Good night.
[Door Creaks]
Donkey: Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.
Shrek: Oh, what are you talkin' about?
Donkey: I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts. I know two were diggin' in each other. I could feel it.
Shrek: You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.
Donkey: Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel.
Shrek: I-- There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that, well, you know-- and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't-- she's a princess, and I'm--
Donkey: An ogre?
Shrek: Yeah. An ogre.
Donkey: Hey, where you goin'?
Shrek: To get... more firewood. [Sighs]
Donkey: Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?
[Wings Fluttering]
Donkey: Princess?
[Creaking]
Donkey: [Gasps] It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.
[Screams]
Donkey: Aah!
Fiona: Oh, no!
Donkey: No, help!
Fiona: Shh!
Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
Fiona: No, it's okay. It's okay.
Donkey: What did you do with the princess?
Fiona: Donkey, I'm the princess.
Donkey: Aah!
Fiona: It's me, in this body.
Donkey: Oh, my God! You ate the princess! Can you hear me?
Fiona: Donkey!
Donkey: Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!
Fiona: No!
Donkey: Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
Fiona: Shh.
Donkey: Shrek!
Fiona: This is me.
Donkey: [Muffled Mumbling] Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.
Fiona I'm ugly, okay?
Donkey: Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now--
Fiona: No. I-- I've been this way as long as I can remember.
Donkey: What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.
Fiona: It only happens when the sun goes down. "By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm, until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form."
Donkey: Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
Fiona: It's a spell. [Sighs] When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry Lord Farquaad tomorrow, before the sun sets and he sees me, like this. [Sobs]
Donkey: All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.
Fiona: But, Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant to look.
Donkey: Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?
Fiona: I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.
Donkey: But, you know, um, you're kind of an ogre, and Shrek-- well, you got a lot in common.
Fiona: Shrek?
Shrek: Princess, I-- Uh, how's going, first of all? Good? Um, good for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's pretty and-- well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd-- uh, uh-- [Sighs] I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.
Fiona: I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean, really, who could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here with Shrek. My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.
[Deep Sigh]
Fiona: Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only way to break the spell.
Donkey: You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.
Fiona: No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.
Donkey: What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?
Fiona: Promise you won't tell. Promise!
Donkey: All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'.
[Door Opens]
[Snoring]
Fiona: I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him. Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want--
[Snoring]
Fiona: Shrek. Are you all right?
Shrek: Perfect! Never been better.
Fiona: I-- I don't-- There's something I have to tell you.
Shrek: You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last night.
Fiona: You heard what I said?
Shrek: Every word.
Fiona: I thought you'd understand.
Shrek: Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly beast?"
Fiona: But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.
Shrek: Yeah? Well, it does.
[Gasps, Sighs]
Shrek: Ah, right on time.
[Horse Whinnies]
Shrek: Princess, I've brought you a little something.
♪♪ [Fanfare]
Donkey: [Yawns] What'd I miss? What'd I miss? [Muffled] Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.
Farquaad: Princess Fiona.
Shrek: As promised. Now hand it over.
Farquaad: Very well, ogre. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, ad agreed. Take it and go before I change my mind. Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I have ever seen such a radiant beauty before. I am Lord Farquaad.
Fiona: Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying, a short, farewell.
Farquaad: That's so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the ogre. It's not like it has feelings.
Fiona: No, you're right. It doesn't.
Farquaad: Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage.
[Gasps]
Farquaad: Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?
Fiona: Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make.
Farquaad: Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!
Fiona: No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun sets.
Farquaad: Oh, anxious, are we? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's so much to do! There's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest list. Captain, round up some guests!
Fiona: Fare-thee-well, ogre.
Donkey: Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.
Shrek: Yeah? So what?
Donkey: Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to her last night. She's--
Shrek: I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?
Donkey: Shrek, I-- I wanna go with you.
Shrek: I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone! My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless, pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!
Donkey: But I thought--
Shrek: Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong!
Donkey: Shrek.
[♪ Hallelujah By John Cale Playing]
John Cale: ♪ I heard there was a secret chord, that David played, and it pleased the Lord. But you don't really care for music, do ya? It goes like this the fourth, the fifth, the minor fall the major lift. The baffled king composing hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. Baby, I've been here before, I know this room I've walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch, but love is not a victory march. It's a cold and it's broken hallelujah. Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. And all I ever learned from love is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you. ♪
[Moaning]
John Cale: ♪ And it's not a cry you can hear at night, it's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah. ♪
[Moaning]
John Cale: ♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. ♪
[Thumping Sound]
Shrek: Donkey?
[Grunts]
Shrek: What are you doing?
Donkey: I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see one.
Shrek: Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not through it.
Donkey: It is. Around your half. See, that's your half, and this is my half.
Shrek: Oh! Your half. Hmm.
Donkey: Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks like your head.
Shrek: Back off!
Donkey: No, you back off.
Shrek: This is my swamp!
Donkey: Our swamp.
Shrek: Let go, Donkey!
Donkey: You let go.
Shrek: Stubborn jackass!
Donkey: Smelly ogre.
Shrek: Fine!
Donkey: Hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.
Shrek: Well, I'm through with you.
Donkey: Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.
Shrek: Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?
Donkey: Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!
Shrek: Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you, for stabbin' me in the back!
Donkey: Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings.
Shrek: Go away!
Donkey: There you are, doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she ever do was like you, maybe even love you.
Shrek: Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of you talking.
Donkey: She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody else.
Shrek: She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?
Donkey: Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me. Right? Right?
Shrek: Donkey!
Donkey: No!
Shrek: Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?
Donkey: Hmph.
Shrek: [Sighs] I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me?
Donkey: Hey, that's what friends are for, right?
Shrek: Right. Friends?
Donkey: Friends.
Shrek: So, um, what did Fiona say about me?
Donkey: What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?
Shrek: The wedding! We'll never make it in time.
Donkey: Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where there's a will, there's a way, and I have a way. [Whistles]
Shrek: Donkey?
[Donkey Laughing]
Donkey: I guess it's just an animal magnetism.
Shrek: [Laughing] Aw, come here, you.
Donkey: All right, all right. Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install the seat belts yet. [Donkey Laughing] Whoo!
[Bells Tolling]
[All Gasping]
Bishop: People of Duloc, we gather here today, to bear witness, to the union...
Fiona: Um-- of our now king--
Bishop: Excuse me.
Fiona: Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?
Farquaad: [Chuckling] Go on.
Donkey: Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't you?
Shrek: What are you talking about?
Donkey: There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"
Shrek: I don't have time for this!
Donkey: Wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman, don't you?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: You wanna hold her?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Please her?
Shrek: Yes!
Donkey: ♪ Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. ♪ The chicks love that romantic crap!
Shrek: All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?
Donkey: We gotta check it out.
[Donkey Grunting]
Bishop: And so, by the power vested in me...
Shrek: What do you see?
Donkey: The whole town's in there.
Bishop: ...I now pronounce you husband and wife...
Donkey: They're at the altar.
Bishop: ...king and queen.
Donkey: Mother Fletcher! He already said it.
Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete!
[Grunts]
Shrek: I object!
Fiona: Shrek?
[Gasps]
Farquaad: Oh, now what does he want?
[Crowd Clamoring]
Shrek: Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love Duloc, first of all. Very clean.
Fiona: What are you doing here?
Farquaad: Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding--
Shrek: Fiona! I need to talk to you.
Fiona: Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll excuse me--
Shrek: But you can't marry him.
Fiona: And why not?
Shrek: Because-- Because he's just marrying you so he can be king.
Farquaad: Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.
Shrek: He's not your true love.
Fiona: And what do you know about true love?
Shrek: Well, I-- Uh-- I mean--
Farquaad: Oh, this is precious. [Chuckling] The ogre has fallen in love with the princess! Oh, good Lord.
[Crowd Laughing]
Farquaad: An ogre and a princess! [Laughing Continues]
Fiona: Shrek, is this true?
Farquaad: Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmm!
Fiona: "By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.
[Whimpers]
[Crowd Gasping]
Shrek: Well, uh, that explains a lot.
Farquaad: Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my sight now! Get them! Get them both!
Fiona: No, no! Shrek!
Farquaad: This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that makes me king! See? See?
Fiona: No, let go of me, Shrek!
Shrek: No!
Farquaad: Don't just stand there, you morons.
Shrek: Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!
Farquaad: I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you!
Fiona: No! Shrek!
Farquaad: And as for you, my wife,
Shrek: Fiona!
Farquaad: I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days! I am king!
[Whistles]
Farquaad: I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have-- Aaah! Aah!
Donkey: All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to use it.
[Dragon Roars]
Donkey: I'm a donkey on the edge!
[Belches]
Donkey: [Donkey Laughs] Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?
[Cheering]
Donkey: Go ahead, Shrek.
Shrek: Uh, Fiona?
Fiona: Yes, Shrek?
Shrek: I-- I love you.
Fiona: Really?
Shrek: Really, really.
Fiona: I love you too.
All: Aawww!
Fiona: "Until you find true love's first kiss, and then take love's true form." [Echoing] [Echoing Continues] "Take love's true from. Take love's true form."
Shrek: Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?
Fiona: Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
Shrek: But you are beautiful.
[Chuckles]
Donkey: I was hoping would be a happy ending.
[♪ I'm A Believer By Smash Mouth Playing]
Steve Harwell: ♪ I thought love was only true in fairy tales. ♪
All: Oy!
Steve Harwell: ♪ Meant for someone else but not for me. Love was out to get me, that's the way it seemed, disappointment haunted all my dreams. And then I saw her face. Now I'm a believer. And not a trace. Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. ♪
Choir: ♪ Ohh-ahh. ♪
Steve Harwell: ♪ I'm a believer I couldn't leaver her if I tried. ♪
Gingy: God bless us, every one.
Donkey: Come on, y'all! ♪ Then I saw her face. ♪ Ha-ha! ♪ Now I'm a believer. ♪ Listen! Not a trace. ♪ Of doubt in my mind. I'm in love. Ooh-ahh. I'm a believer I couldn't leave her if I tried. ♪
Mice: Ooh! Uh!
Donkey: ♪ Then I saw her face! Now I'm a believer! Hey! Not a trace. Uhh! Yeah. Of doubt in my mind. One more time! I'm in love. I'm a believer. Come on! I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey! Y'all sing it with me! I believe! I believe! People in the back! I believe! ♪
Smash Mouth: ♪ I'm a believer. ♪
Donkey: ♪ I believe. I believe. I believe! ♪ [Hysterical Laughing] Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
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10 comments
</p><p>User avatar
LunarHD
·
5d
I sent this to my friend after she sent me the bee movie script.
</p><p>Write a reply
Xtradogeinary
·
4/22/2021
Donkey's last words: I cant breath
</p><p>George Floyd's last words: I cant breath man
</p><p><br />
</p><p>C O I N C I D E N C E ? ? ?
</p><p><br />
</p><p>I T H I N K N O T
</p><p>SimbaRaiiin
·
5/7/2021
Shut the fuck up.
</p><p>Write a reply
Dedfgfg
·
3/18/2021
This is half of the transcript!
</p><p>User avatar
Em0lixik
·
3/27/2021
No?
</p><p>Write a reply
User avatar
The Strange Lion15
·
11/24/2020
Yeah bro someone put this a google classroom meet in the chat lol
</p><p>John Sebastian Gamao
·
11/24/2020
Fuckin legend
</p><p>Mylamp
·
1/12/2021
I was just about to do this with an account that looks like someone else in my class
</p><p>SmallTay
·
4/15/2021
My friend did that
</p><p><br />
</p><p>Write a reply
User avatar
7qzb
·
10/30/2020
Just incase this gets griefed:
</p><p>{Man} Once upon a time there was a lovely princess.
</p><p>But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only
</p><p>be broken by love's first kiss.
</p><p>She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing
</p><p>dragon.
</p><p>Many brave knigts had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison,
</p><p>but non prevailed.
</p><p>She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest
</p><p>tower for her true love and true love's first kiss.
</p><p>{Laughing}
</p><p>Like that's ever gonna happen.
</p><p>{Paper Rusting, Toilet Flushes}
</p><p>What a load of -
</p><p><br />
</p><p>Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me
</p><p>I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
</p><p>She was lookin' kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb
</p><p>In the shape of an "L" on her forehead
</p><p>The years start comin' and they don't stop comin'
</p><p>Fed to the rules and hit the ground runnin'
</p><p>Didn't make sense not to live for fun
</p><p>Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb
</p><p>So much to do so much to see
</p><p>So what's wrong with takin' the backstreets
</p><p>You'll never know if you don't go
</p><p>You'll never shine if you don't glow
</p><p>Hey, now You're an all-star
</p><p>Get your game on, go play
</p><p>Hey, now You're a rock star
</p><p>Get the show on, get paid
</p><p>And all that glitters is gold
</p><p>Only shootin' stars break the mold
</p><p>It's a cool place and they say it gets colder
</p><p>You're bundled up now but wait till you get older
</p><p>But the meteor men beg to differ
</p><p>Judging by the hole in the satellite picture
</p><p>The ice we skate is gettin' pretty thin
</p><p>The water's getting warm so you might as well swim
</p><p>My world's on fire
</p><p>How 'bout yours
</p><p>That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored
</p><p>Hey, now, you're an all-star
</p><p>{Shouting}
</p><p>Get your game on, go play
</p><p>Hey, now You're a rock star
</p><p>Get the show on, get paid
</p><p>And all that glitters is gold
</p><p>Only shootin' stars break the mold
</p><p>{Belches}
</p><p>Go!
</p><p>Go!
</p><p>{Record Scratching}
</p><p>Go. Go.Go.
</p><p>Hey, now, you're an all-star
</p><p>Get your game on, go play
</p><p>Hey, now You're a rock star
</p><p>Get the show on, get paid
</p><p>And all that glitters is gold
</p><p>Only shootin' stars break the mold
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Think it's in there?
</p><p>-All right. Let's get it!
</p><p>-Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?
</p><p>-Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.
</p><p>{Laughs}
</p><p>-Yes, well, actually, that would be a gaint.
</p><p>Now, ogres - - They're much worse.
</p><p>They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
</p><p>-No!
</p><p>-They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes!
</p><p>Actually, it's quite good on toast.
</p><p>-Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
</p><p>{Gasping}
</p><p>-Right.
</p><p>{Roaring}
</p><p>{Shouting}
</p><p>{Roaring}
</p><p>{Whispers} This is the part where you run away.
</p><p>{Gasping}
</p><p>{Laughs}
</p><p>{Laughing} And stay out!
</p><p>"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>{Man's voice} All right. This one's full.
</p><p>-Take it away!
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>-Move it along. Come on! Get up!
</p><p>-Next!
</p><p>-Give me that! Your fiying days are over.
</p><p>That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch. Next!
</p><p>-Get up! Come on!
</p><p>-Twenty pieces.
</p><p>{Thudding}
</p><p>-Sit down there!
</p><p>-Keep quiet!
</p><p>{Crying}
</p><p>-This cage is too small.
</p><p>-Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.
</p><p>I can change. Please! Give me another chance!
</p><p>-Oh, shut up.
</p><p>-Oh!
</p><p>-Next!
</p><p>-What have you got?
</p><p>-This little wooden puppet.
</p><p>-I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy.
</p><p>-Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.
</p><p>-Father, please! Don't let them do this!
</p><p>-Help me!
</p><p>-Next! What have you got?
</p><p>-Well, I've got a talking donkey.
</p><p>{Grunts}
</p><p>-Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings, if you can prove it.
</p><p>-Oh, go ahead, little fella.
</p><p>-Well?
</p><p>-Oh, oh, he's just - - He's just a little nervous.
</p><p>He's really quite a chatterbox. Talk, you boneheaded dolt - -
</p><p>-That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
</p><p>-No, no, he talks! He does. I can talk. I love to talk.
</p><p>I'm the talkingest damn thing you ever saw.
</p><p>-Get her out of my sight.
</p><p>-No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>-Hey! I can fly!
</p><p>-He can fly!
</p><p>-He can fly!
</p><p>-He can talk!
</p><p>-Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm a flying, talking donkey.
</p><p>You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly
</p><p>but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly. Ha, ha!
</p><p>Oh-oh.
</p><p>{Grunts}
</p><p>-Seize him!
</p><p>-After him! He's getting away!
</p><p>{Grunts, Gasps}
</p><p>{Man}
</p><p>-Get him! This way! Turn!
</p><p>-You there. Orge!
</p><p>-Aye?
</p><p>-By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized to place you both under
</p><p>arrest
</p><p>and transport you to a designated..... resettlement facility.
</p><p>-Oh, really? You and what army?
</p><p>{Gasps, Whimpering}
</p><p>{Chuckles}
</p><p>-Can I say something to you?
</p><p>-Listen, you was really, really, really somethin' back here.
</p><p>Incredible!
</p><p>Are you talkin' to - - me? Whoa!
</p><p>-Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell you that you that you was great
</p><p>back here? Those guards!
</p><p>They thought they was all of that. Then you showed up, and bam! They
</p><p>was trippin' over themselves like babes in the woods. That really made
</p><p>me feel good to see that.
</p><p>-Oh, that's great. Really.
</p><p>-Man, it's good to be free.
</p><p>-Now, why don't you go celebrate your freedom with your own friends?
</p><p>Hmm?
</p><p>-But, uh, I don't have any friends. And I'm not goin' out there by
</p><p>myself. Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you.
</p><p>You're mean, green, fightin' machine. Together we'll scare the spit
</p><p>out of anybody that crosses us.
</p><p>{Roaring}
</p><p>-Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you don't mind me sayin', if that
</p><p>don't work, your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you
</p><p>definitely need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause you breath stinks!
</p><p>You almost burned the hair outta my nose, just like the time - -
</p><p>{Mumbling}
</p><p>Than I ate some rotten berries. I had strong gases eking out of my
</p><p>butt that day.
</p><p>-Why are you following me?
</p><p>-I'll tell you why.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>'Cause I'm all alone
</p><p>There's no one here beside me
</p><p>My promlems have all gone
</p><p>There's no one to deride me
</p><p>But you gotta heve friends - -
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't have any friends.
</p><p>-Wow. Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.
</p><p>-Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me. What am I?
</p><p>-Uh - - Really tall?
</p><p>-No! I'm an orge! You know. "Grab your torch and pitchforks." Doesn't
</p><p>that bother you?
</p><p>-Nope.
</p><p>-Really?
</p><p>-Really, really.
</p><p>-Oh.
</p><p>-Man, I like you. What's you name?
</p><p>-Uh, Shrek.
</p><p>-Shrek? Well, you know what I like about you, Shrek?
</p><p>You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.
</p><p>I like that. I respect that, Shrek. You all right. Whoo! Look at that.
</p><p>Who'd want to live in place like that?
</p><p>-That would be my home.
</p><p>-Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful. You know you are quite a
</p><p>decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I
</p><p>like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.
</p><p>-I guess you don't entertain much, do you?
</p><p>-I like my privacy.
</p><p>-You know, I do too. That's another thing we have in common. Like I
</p><p>hate it when you got somebody in your face. You've trying to give them
</p><p>a hint, and they won't leave. There's that awkward silence.
</p><p>-Can I stay with you?
</p><p>-Uh, what?
</p><p>-Can I stay with you, please?
</p><p>-Of course!
</p><p>-Really?
</p><p>-No.
</p><p>-Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to
</p><p>be considered a freak. Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta
</p><p>stick together. You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
</p><p>-Okay! Okay! But one night only.
</p><p>-Ah! Thank you!
</p><p>-What are you - - No! No!
</p><p>-This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories,
</p><p>and in the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.
</p><p>-Oh!
</p><p>-Where do, uh, I sleep?
</p><p>-Outside!
</p><p>-Oh, well. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you
</p><p>don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.
</p><p>{Sniffles}
</p><p>-Here I go.
</p><p>-Good night.
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-I mean, I do like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was born outside.
</p><p>I'll just be sitting by myself outside, I guess, you know. By myself,
</p><p>outside.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>I'm all alone
</p><p>There's no one here beside me
</p><p>{Bubbling}
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>{Creaking}
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-I thought I told you to stay outside.
</p><p>-I'm outside.
</p><p>{Clattering}
</p><p>-Well, gents, it's a far cry from the farm, but what choice do we
</p><p>have?
</p><p>-It's not home, but it'll do just fune.
</p><p>-What a lovely bed.
</p><p>-Got ya.
</p><p>{Sniffs} I found some cheese.
</p><p>-Ow! {Grunts}
</p><p>-Blah! Awful stuff.
</p><p>-Is that you, Gorder?
</p><p>-How did you know?
</p><p>-Enough! What are you doing in my house?
</p><p>{Grunts}
</p><p>-Hey!
</p><p>{Snickers}
</p><p>-Oh, no, no, no. Dead broad off the table.
</p><p>-Where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken.
</p><p>-Huh?
</p><p>{Gusps}
</p><p>{Male voice} What?
</p><p>-I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a terrifying orge! What do I
</p><p>have to do get a little privacy?
</p><p>-Aah!
</p><p>-Oh, no. No! No!
</p><p>{Cackling}
</p><p>-What?
</p><p>-Quit it.
</p><p>-Don't push.
</p><p>{Squeaking}
</p><p>{Lows}
</p><p>- What are you doing in my swamp?
</p><p>{Echoing}
</p><p>Swamp! Swamp! Swamp!
</p><p>{Gasping}
</p><p>-Oh, dear!
</p><p>-Whoa!
</p><p>-All right, get out of here. All of you, move it! Come on! Let's go!
</p><p>Hapaya! Hapaya! Hey!
</p><p>-Quickly. Come on!
</p><p>-No, no! No, no. Not there. Not there.
</p><p>-Oh!
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite them.
</p><p>-Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
</p><p>-What?
</p><p>-We were forced to come here.
</p><p>-By who?
</p><p>-Lord Farquaad.
</p><p>-He huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice.
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-All right. Who knows where this Farquaad guy is?
</p><p>{Murmuring}
</p><p>-Oh, I do. I know where he is.
</p><p>-Does anyone else know where to find him? Anyone at all?
</p><p>-Me! Me!
</p><p>-Anyone?
</p><p>-Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know! Me, me!
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy tale things. Do not get comfortable.
</p><p>Your welcome is officially worn out. In fact, I'm gonna see this guy
</p><p>Farquaad right now and get you all off my land and back where you came
</p><p>from!
</p><p>{Cheering}
</p><p>{Twittering}
</p><p>-Oh! You! You're comin' with me.
</p><p>- All right, that's what I like to hear, man. Shrek and Donkey, two
</p><p>stalwart friends, off on a whirlwind big-city adventure. I love it!
</p><p>-On the road again. Sing it with me, Shrek.
</p><p>-Hey. Oh, oh!
</p><p>-I can't wait to get on the road again.
</p><p>-What did I say about singing?
</p><p>-Can I whistle?
</p><p>-No.
</p><p>-Can I hum it?
</p><p>-All right, hum it.
</p><p>{Humming}
</p><p><br />
</p><p>{Grunts}
</p><p>{Whimpering}
</p><p>-That's enough. He's ready to talk.
</p><p>{Coughing}
</p><p>{Laughing}
</p><p>{Clears throat}
</p><p>-Run, run, run, as fust as you can. You can't catch me. I'm the
</p><p>gingerbread man!
</p><p>-You are a monster.
</p><p>-I'm not the monster here. You are. You and the rest of that fairy
</p><p>tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell me! Where are the
</p><p>others?
</p><p>-Eat me!{Grunts}
</p><p>-I've tried to be fair to you creatures. Now my patience has reached
</p><p>its end! Tell me or I'll - -
</p><p>-No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons.
</p><p>-All right then. Who's hiding them?
</p><p>-Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the muffin man?
</p><p>-The muffin man?
</p><p>-The muffin man.
</p><p>-Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives on Drury Lane?
</p><p>-Well, she's married to the muffin man.
</p><p>-The muffin man?
</p><p>-The muffin man!
</p><p>-She's married to the muffin man.
</p><p>{Door opens}
</p><p>-My lord! We found it.
</p><p>-Then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.
</p><p>{Man grunting}
</p><p>{Gasping}
</p><p>-Oh!
</p><p>-Magic mirror - -
</p><p>-Don't tell him anything!
</p><p>-No!
</p><p>{Ginerbread man whispers}
</p><p>-Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall. Is this not the most perfect
</p><p>kingdom of them all?
</p><p>-Well, technically you're not a king.
</p><p>-Uh, Thelonius.
</p><p>-You were saying?
</p><p>-What I mean is, you're not a king yet. But you can become one. All
</p><p>you have to do is marry a princess.
</p><p>-Go on.
</p><p>{Chuckles}
</p><p>-So, just sit back and relax, my lord, because it's time for you to
</p><p>meet today's eligible bachelorettes. And here they are! Bachelorette
</p><p>number one is a mentally abused shut-in from a kingdom far, far away.
</p><p>She likes sushi and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies include cooking
</p><p>and cleaning for her two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella.
</p><p>-Bachelorette number two is a cape-wearing girl from the land of
</p><p>fancy. Although she lives with seven other men, she's not easy. Just
</p><p>kiss her dead, frozen lips and find out what a live wire she is. Come
</p><p>on. Give it up for Snow White!
</p><p>-And last, but certainly not last, bachelorette number three is a
</p><p>fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded castle surrounded by hot boiling
</p><p>lava! But don't let that cool you off. She's a loaded pistol who likes
</p><p>pina colads and getting caught in the rain. Yours for the rescuing,
</p><p>Princess Fiona!
</p><p>-So will it be bachelorette number one, bachelorette number two or
</p><p>bachelorette number three?
</p><p>-Two! Two!
</p><p>-Three! Three!
</p><p>-Two! Two!
</p><p>-Three!
</p><p>-Three? One?
</p><p>{Shudders} Three?
</p><p>--Three! Pick number three, my lord!
</p><p>-Okay, okay, uh, number three!
</p><p>-Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess Fiona.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>If you like pina coladas
</p><p>And getting caught in the rain
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Princess Fiona.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>If you're not into yoga
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-She's perfect. All I have to do is just find someone who can go - -
</p><p>-But I probably should mention the little thing that happens at night.
</p><p>-I'll do it.
</p><p>-Yes, but after sunset - -
</p><p>-Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona my queen, and DuLoc will
</p><p>finally have the perfect king!
</p><p>Captain, assemble your finest men. We're going to have a tournament.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-But that's it. That's it right there. That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd
</p><p>find it.
</p><p>-So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
</p><p>-Uh-huh. That's the place.
</p><p>-Do you think maybe he's compensating for something?
</p><p>{Laughs}
</p><p>{Groans}
</p><p>-Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
</p><p>-Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
</p><p>-Hey, you!
</p><p>{Screams}
</p><p>-Wait a second. Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just - - I just - -
</p><p>{Whimpering}
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>{Whimpering, Groans}
</p><p>{Turnstile clatters}
</p><p>{Chuckles}
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-It's quiet. Too quiet.
</p><p>{Creaking}
</p><p>-Where is everybody?
</p><p>-Hey, look at this!
</p><p>{Clattering, whirring, clicking}
</p><p>Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town
</p><p>Here we have some rules
</p><p>Let us lay them down
</p><p>Don't make waves, stay in line
</p><p>And we'll get along fine
</p><p>DuLoc is perfect place
</p><p>Please keep off of the grass
</p><p>Shine your shoes, wipe your... face
</p><p>DuLoc is, DuLoc is
</p><p>DuLoc is perfect ...... place
</p><p>{Camera shutter clicks
</p><p>{Whirring}
</p><p>-Wow! Let's do that again!
</p><p>-No. No. No, no, no! No.
</p><p>{Trumpet fanfare}
</p><p>{Crowd cheering}
</p><p>-Brave knights.
</p><p>-You are the best and brightest in all the land.
</p><p>-Today one of you shall prove himself - -
</p><p>-All right. You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.
</p><p>-Sorry about that.
</p><p>{Cheering}
</p><p>-That champion shall have the honor - - no, no - - the privilege to go
</p><p>forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the
</p><p>dragon. If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first
</p><p>runner-up will take his place and so on and so forth. Some of you mae
</p><p>die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.
</p><p>{Cheering}
</p><p>-Let the tournament begin!
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>-Oh!
</p><p>-What is that?
</p><p>{Gasping}
</p><p>-It's hideous!
</p><p>-Ah, that's not very nice. It's just a donkey.
</p><p>-Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who kills the orge will be named
</p><p>champion! Have it him!
</p><p>-Get him!
</p><p>-Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now.
</p><p>-Go ahead! Get him!
</p><p>-Can't we just settle this over a pint?
</p><p>-Kill the beast!
</p><p>-No? All right then. Come on!
</p><p><br />
</p><p>I don't give a damn about my reputation
</p><p>You're living in the past
</p><p>It's a new generation
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Damn!
</p><p>{Whinnying}
</p><p><br />
</p><p>A girl can do what she wants to do
</p><p>And that's what I'm gonna do
</p><p>And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
</p><p>Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me
</p><p>Me, me, me
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
</p><p><br />
</p><p>And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
</p><p>Never said I wanted to improve my station
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Ah!
</p><p>{Laughs}
</p><p><br />
</p><p>And I'm always feelin' good when I'm having fun
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Yeah!
</p><p><br />
</p><p>And I don't have to please no one
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-The chair! Give him the chair!
</p><p><br />
</p><p>And I don't give a damn about my bad reputation
</p><p>Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me
</p><p>Me, me, me
</p><p>Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Not me, not me
</p><p>{Bell dings}
</p><p>{Cheering}
</p><p>{Laughs}
</p><p>-Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you very much! I'm here till
</p><p>Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!
</p><p>{Shrek laughs}
</p><p>{Crowd gasping, murmuring}
</p><p>-Shall I give the order, sir?
</p><p>-No, I have a better idea. People of DuLoc, I give you our champion!
</p><p>-What?
</p><p>-Congratulations, orge. You're won the honor of embarking on a great
</p><p>and noble quest.
</p><p>-Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest to get my swamp back.
</p><p>-Your swamp?
</p><p>-Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those tale creatures!
</p><p>{Crowd murmuring}
</p><p>-Indeed. All right, orge. I'll make you a deal. Go on this quest for
</p><p>me, and I'll give you your swamp back.
</p><p>-Exactly the way it was?
</p><p>-Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.
</p><p>-And the squatters?
</p><p>-As good as gone.
</p><p>-What kind of quest?
</p><p>-Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a
</p><p>princess just so Farquaad will give you back a swamp which you only
</p><p>don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place.
</p><p>-Is that about right?
</p><p>-Maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
</p><p>-I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that orge stuff on
</p><p>him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds his bones to make
</p><p>your bread, the whole orge trip.
</p><p>-Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and
</p><p>put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and
</p><p>drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
</p><p>-Uh, no, not really, no.
</p><p>-For your information, there's a lot more to orges than people think.
</p><p>-Example?
</p><p>-Example? Okay, um, orges are like onions.
</p><p>-{Sniffs} They stink?
</p><p>-Yes - - No!
</p><p>-They make you cry?
</p><p>-No!
</p><p>-You leave them in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little
</p><p>white hairs.
</p><p>-No! Layers! Onions have layers. Orges have layers! Onions have
</p><p>layers. You get it? We both have layers.
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-Oh, you both have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know, not everybody likes
</p><p>onions. Cake! Everybody loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
</p><p>-I don't care... what everyone likes. Orges are not like cakes.
</p><p>-You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a
</p><p>person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like
</p><p>no parfait"? Parfaits are delicious.
</p><p>-No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Orges are like
</p><p>onions! And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
</p><p>-Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.
</p><p>-You know, I think I preferred your humming. Do you have a tissure or
</p><p>something? I'm making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start
</p><p>slobbering.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
</p><p>Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh
</p><p>I'm on my way from misery to happiness today
</p><p>Uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh
</p><p>And everything that you receive up yonder
</p><p>Is what you give to me the day I wander
</p><p>I'm on my way
</p><p>I'm on my way
</p><p>I'm on my way
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?
</p><p>-You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was
</p><p>open. Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd be dead. {Sniffs} It's
</p><p>brimstone We must be getting close.
</p><p>-Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking about it's the brimstone. I
</p><p>know what I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It didn't come off no stone
</p><p>neither.
</p><p>{Rumbling}
</p><p>-Sure, it's big enough, but look at the location.
</p><p>{Laughing}
</p><p>-Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said orges have layers?
</p><p>-Oh, aye.
</p><p>-Well, I have a bit of a confession to make. Donkeys don't have
</p><p>layers. We wear our fear right out there on our sleeves.
</p><p>-Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.
</p><p>-You know what I mean.
</p><p>-You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.
</p><p>-I'm just a little uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge over
</p><p>a boiling like of lava!
</p><p>-Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside ya, okay? For emotional
</p><p>support., we'll just tackle this thing together one little baby step
</p><p>at a time.
</p><p>-Really?
</p><p>-Really, really.
</p><p>-Okay, that makes me feel so much better.
</p><p>-Just keep moving. And don't look down.
</p><p>-Okay, don't look down. Don't look down. Don't look down. Keep on
</p><p>moving. Don't look down.
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>-Shrek! I'm lookin' down! Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me off,
</p><p>please!
</p><p>-But you're already halfway.
</p><p>-But I know that half is safe!
</p><p>-Okay, fine. I don't have time for this. You go back.
</p><p>-Shrek, no! Wait!
</p><p>-Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance then, shall me?
</p><p>-Don't do that!
</p><p>-Oh, I'm sorry. Do what?
</p><p>-Oh, this?
</p><p>-Yes, that!
</p><p>-Yes? Yes, do it. Okay.
</p><p>{Screams}
</p><p>-No, Shrek! No! Stop it!
</p><p>-You said do it! I'm doin' it.
</p><p>-I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek, I'm gonna die. Oh!
</p><p>-That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.
</p><p>-Cool.
</p><p>-So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?
</p><p>-Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
</p><p>{Chuckles}
</p><p>-I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
</p><p>{Water dripping, wind howling}
</p><p>-You afraid?
</p><p>-No.
</p><p>-But - -
</p><p>- Shh.
</p><p>-Oh, good. Me neither.
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>-'Cause there's nothin' wrong with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible
</p><p>response to an unfamiliar situation. Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I
</p><p>might add. With a dragon that breathes fire and eats knights and
</p><p>breathes fire, it sure doesn't mean you're a coward if you're a little
</p><p>scared. I sure as heck ain't no coward. I know that.
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>-Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up. Now go over there and see if
</p><p>you can find any stairs.
</p><p>-Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the princess.
</p><p>-The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest
</p><p>tower.
</p><p>-What makes you think she'll be there?
</p><p>-I read it in a book once.
</p><p>-Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle the stairs. I'll find those
</p><p>stairs. I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs won't know which way
</p><p>they're goin'.
</p><p>{Creacing}
</p><p>-I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it to the curb. Don't mess with
</p><p>me. I'm the stair master. I've mastered the stairs. I wish I had a
</p><p>step right here. I'd step all over it.
</p><p>-Well, at least we know where the princess is, but where's the - -
</p><p>-Dragon!
</p><p>{Screams}
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>{Roars}
</p><p>-Donkey, look out!
</p><p>{Screams}
</p><p>{Whimpering}
</p><p>-Got ya!
</p><p>{Roars}
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>{Shouts}
</p><p>-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
</p><p>{Screaming}
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>-Oh! Aah! Aah!
</p><p>{Gasping}
</p><p>{Crowls}
</p><p>-No. Oh, no, No!
</p><p>{Screams}
</p><p>-Oh, what large teeth you have.
</p><p>{Crowls}
</p><p>-I mean white, sparkling teeth. I know you probably hear this all time
</p><p>from your food, but you must bleach, 'cause that is one dazzling smile
</p><p>you got there. Do I detect a hint of minty freshness? And you know
</p><p>what else? You're - - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure! I mean, of
</p><p>course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty.
</p><p>What's the matter with you? You got something in your eye? Ohh. Oh.
</p><p>Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay, but you know, I'm, uh - -
</p><p>(Coughs)
</p><p>-I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna
</p><p>blow smoke rings. Shrek!
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>{Whimpering}
</p><p>-No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
</p><p>{Groans, Sighs}
</p><p>{Vocalizing}
</p><p>-Oh! Oh!
</p><p>-Wake up!
</p><p>-What?
</p><p>-Are you Princess Fiona?
</p><p>-I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.
</p><p>-Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!
</p><p>-But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be
</p><p>a wonderful, romantic moment?
</p><p>-Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.
</p><p>-Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should sweep me off my feet out
</p><p>yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
</p><p>-You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you?
</p><p>-Mm-hmm.
</p><p>{Screams, grunts}
</p><p>-But we have to savor this moment! You could recite an epic poem for
</p><p>me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!
</p><p>-I don't think so.
</p><p>-Can I at least know the name of my champion?
</p><p>-Um, Shrek.
</p><p>-Sir Shrek.
</p><p>{Cleans throat}
</p><p>-I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.
</p><p>-Thanks!
</p><p>{Roaring}
</p><p>-You didn't slay the dragon?
</p><p>-It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
</p><p>{Screams}
</p><p>-But this isn't right! You were meant to charge in, sword drawn,
</p><p>banner flying. That's what all the other knights did.
</p><p>-Yeah, right before they burst into flame.
</p><p>-That's not the point. Oh!
</p><p>-Wait. Where are you going? The next's over there.
</p><p>-Well, I have to save my ass.
</p><p>-What kind of knight are you?
</p><p>-One of a kind.
</p><p>-Slow down. Slow down, baby, please. I believe it's healthy to get to
</p><p>know someone over a long perriod of time. Just call me old-fashioned.
</p><p>{Laughs}
</p><p>-I don't want to rush into a physical relationship. I'm not
</p><p>emotionally ready for a commitment of, uh, this - - Magnitude really
</p><p>is the word I'm looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that is unwanted
</p><p>physical contact. Hey, what are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just back
</p><p>up a little and take this one step at a time. We really should get to
</p><p>know each other first as friends or pen pals. I'm on the road a lot,
</p><p>but I just love receiving cards - - I'd really love to stay, but - -
</p><p>Don't do that! That's my tail! That's my personal tail. You're gonna
</p><p>tear it off. I don't give permission - - What are you gonna do with
</p><p>that? Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No. No, no, no. No! Oh!
</p><p>{Growls}
</p><p>{Roaring}
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>-Hi, Princess!
</p><p>-It talks!
</p><p>-Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's the trick.
</p><p>{Screams}
</p><p>{Screaming}
</p><p>-Oh!
</p><p>{Thuds}
</p><p>{Groans}
</p><p>{Roars}
</p><p>{Roaring}
</p><p>-Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll take care of the dragon.
</p><p>{Fchoing}
</p><p>-Run!
</p><p>{Gasping}
</p><p>{Screaming}
</p><p>{Roaring}
</p><p>{Screams}
</p><p>{Roars}
</p><p>{Panting, sighs}
</p><p>{Whimpers}
</p><p>{Roars}
</p><p>-You did it!
</p><p>-You rescued me! You're amazing. You're - - You're wonderful.
</p><p>You're... a little unorthodox I'll admit. But they deed is great, and
</p><p>thine heart is pure. I am eternally in your debt.
</p><p>{Clears throat}
</p><p>-And where would a brave knight be without his noble steed?
</p><p>-I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She think I'm a
</p><p>steed.
</p><p>-The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
</p><p>-Uh, no.
</p><p>-Why not?
</p><p>-I have helmet hair.
</p><p>-Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
</p><p>-No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.
</p><p>-But how will you kiss me?
</p><p>-What? That wasn't in the job description.
</p><p>-Maybe it's a perk.
</p><p>-No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know how it goes. A princess locked in
</p><p>a tower and beset by a dragon is rescued by a brave knight, and then
</p><p>they share true love's first kiss.
</p><p>-Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait. Wait. You think that Shrek is you
</p><p>true love?
</p><p>-Well, yes.
</p><p>{Laughing}
</p><p>-You think Shrek is your true love!
</p><p>-What is so funny?
</p><p>-Let's just say I'm not your tipe, okay?
</p><p>-Of course, you are. You're my rescuer. Now - - Now remove your
</p><p>helmet.
</p><p>-Look. I really don't think this is a good idea.
</p><p>-Just take off the helmet.
</p><p>-I'm not going to.
</p><p>-Take ot off.
</p><p>-No!
</p><p>-Now!
</p><p>-Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.
</p><p>-You- - You're a- - an orge.
</p><p>-Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.
</p><p>-Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is all wrong. You're not supposed
</p><p>to be an orge.
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-Princess, I was sent to rescue you by Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the
</p><p>one who wants to marry you.
</p><p>-Then why didn't he come rescue me?
</p><p>-Good question. You should ask him that when we get there.
</p><p>-But I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some prge and his- -
</p><p>his pet.
</p><p>-So much for noble steed.
</p><p>-You're not making my job any easier.
</p><p>-I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem. You can tell Lord Farquaad
</p><p>that if he wants to rescue me properly, I'll be waiting for him right
</p><p>here.
</p><p>-Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all right? I'm a delivery boy.
</p><p>-You wouldn't dare. Put me down!
</p><p>-Ya comin', Donkey?
</p><p>-I'm right behind ya.
</p><p>-Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not
</p><p>dignified! Put me down!
</p><p>-Okay, so here's another question. Say there's a woman that digs you,
</p><p>right, but you don't really like her that way. How do you let her down
</p><p>real easy so her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't get burned to a
</p><p>crisp and eaten?
</p><p>-You just tell her she's not your true love. Everyone knowest what
</p><p>happens when you find your - - Hey!
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-The sooner we get to DuLoc the better.
</p><p>-You're gonna love it there, Princess. It's beautiful!
</p><p>-And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad? What's he like?
</p><p>-Let me put it this way, Princess. Men of Farquaad's stature are in
</p><p>short supply.
</p><p>{Laughs}
</p><p>-I don't know. There are those who think little of him.
</p><p>-Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're just jealous you can never
</p><p>measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
</p><p>-Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess. But I'll let you do the
</p><p>"measuring" when you see him tomorrow.
</p><p>-Tomorrow? It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop to make camp?
</p><p>-No, that'll take longer. We can keep going.
</p><p>-But there's robbers in the woods.
</p><p>-Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camping's starting to sound good.
</p><p>-Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything we're going to see in this
</p><p>forest.
</p><p>-I need to find somewhere to camp now!
</p><p>{Birds wings fluttering}
</p><p>{Grunting}
</p><p>-Hey! Over here.
</p><p>-Shrek, we can do better than that. I don't think this is fit for a
</p><p>princess.
</p><p>-No, no, it's perfect. It just needs a few homey touches.
</p><p>-Homey touches? Like what?
</p><p>{Crashing}
</p><p>-A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee good night.
</p><p>-You want me to read you a bedtime story? I will.
</p><p>-I said good night!
</p><p>-Shrek, What are you doing?
</p><p>{Laughs}
</p><p>-I just- - You know - - Oh, come on. I was just kidding.
</p><p>{Fire cracking}
</p><p>-And, uh, that one, that's Throwback, the only orge to ever spit over
</p><p>three wheat fields. Right. Yeah.
</p><p>-Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?
</p><p>-The stars don't tell the future, Donkey. They tell stories. Look,
</p><p>there's Bloodnut, the Flatulent. You can guess what he's famous for.
</p><p>-I know you're making this up.
</p><p>-No, look. There he is, and there's the group of hunters running away
</p><p>from his stench.
</p><p>-That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little dots.
</p><p>-You know, Donkey, sometimes things are more than they appear. Hmm?
</p><p>Forget it.
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-Hey, Shrek, what we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?
</p><p>-Our swamp?
</p><p>-You know, when we're through rescuing the princess.
</p><p>-We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's no "our". There's just me and my
</p><p>swamp. The first thing I'm gonna do is build a ten-foot wall arond my
</p><p>land.
</p><p>-You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. You know what
</p><p>I think? I think this whole wall thing is just a way to keep somebody
</p><p>out.
</p><p>-No, do ya think?
</p><p>-Are you hidin' something?
</p><p>-Never mind, Donkey.
</p><p>-Oh, this is another one of those onion things, isn't it?
</p><p>-No, this is one of those drop-it and leave-it alone things.
</p><p>-Why don't you want to talk about it?
</p><p>-Why do you want to talk about it?
</p><p>-Why are you blocking?
</p><p>-I'm not blocking.
</p><p>-Oh, yes, you are.
</p><p>-Donkey, I'm warning you.
</p><p>-Who you trying to keep out?
</p><p>-Everyone! Okay?
</p><p>-Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.
</p><p>-Oh! For the love of Pete!
</p><p>-What's your problem? What you got against the whole world anyway?
</p><p>-Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that
</p><p>seems to have a problem with me. People take one look at me and go.
</p><p>"Aah! Help! Run! A big, stupid, ugly orge!" They judge me before they
</p><p>even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.
</p><p>-You know what? When we met, I didn't think you was just a big,
</p><p>stupid, ugly orge.
</p><p>-Yeah, I know.
</p><p>-So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
</p><p>-Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
</p><p>-Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one
</p><p>there?
</p><p>-That's the moon.
</p><p>-Oh, okay.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>{Orchestra}
</p><p>{Dulcimer}
</p><p>-Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror, show her to me. Show me the
</p><p>princess.
</p><p>-Hmph.
</p><p>-Ah. Perfect.
</p><p>{Inhales}
</p><p><br />
</p><p>{Snoring}
</p><p>{Vocalizing}
</p><p>{Whistling}
</p><p>{Sizzling}
</p><p>{Sniffs, yawns}
</p><p>-Mmm, yeah, you know I like it like that.
</p><p>--Come on, baby. I said I like it.
</p><p>-Donkey, wake up.
</p><p>-Huh? What?
</p><p>-Wake up.
</p><p>-What?
</p><p>-Good morning. Hm, how do you like your eggs?
</p><p>-Good morning, Princess!
</p><p>-What's all this about?
</p><p>-You know, we kind of got off to a bad start yesterday. I wanted to
</p><p>make it up to you. I mean, after all, you did rescue me.
</p><p>-Uh, thanks.
</p><p>{Sniffs}
</p><p>-Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.
</p><p>{Belches}
</p><p>-Shrek!
</p><p>-What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say. {Laughs}
</p><p>-Well, it's no way to behave in front of a princess.
</p><p>{Belches}
</p><p>-Thanks.
</p><p>-She's as nasty as you are.
</p><p>-{Laughs} You know, you're not exactly what I expected.
</p><p>-Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people before you get to know them.
</p><p>{Vocalizing}
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-La liberte! Hey!
</p><p>-Princess!
</p><p>{Laughs}
</p><p>-What are you doing?
</p><p>-Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior! And I am rescuing you from
</p><p>this green - -
</p><p>{Kissing sounds}
</p><p>-beast.
</p><p>-Hey!
</p><p>-That's my princess! Go find you own!
</p><p>-Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a little busy here?
</p><p>-Look, pal, I don't know who you think you are!
</p><p>-Oh! Of couse! Oh, how rude. Please let me introduse myself. Oh, Merry
</p><p>Men.
</p><p>{Laughs}
</p><p><br />
</p><p>{Accordion}
</p><p>Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.
</p><p>I steal from the rich and give to the needy.
</p><p>He takes a wee percentage,
</p><p>But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty damsels
</p><p>Man, I'm good
</p><p>What a guy, Monsieur Hood
</p><p>Break it down
</p><p>I like an honest fight
</p><p>and a saucy little maid
</p><p>What he's basically saying
</p><p>is he likes to get - -
</p><p>Paid
</p><p>So
</p><p>When an orge in the bush
</p><p>grabs a lady by the tush
</p><p>That's bad
</p><p>That's bad
</p><p>When a beauty's with a beast
</p><p>it makes me awfully mad
</p><p>He's mad
</p><p>He's really, really mad
</p><p>I'll take my blade and
</p><p>ram it through your heart
</p><p>Keep your eyes on me, boys
</p><p>'cause I'm about to start
</p><p><br />
</p><p>{Grunts, Groans}
</p><p>{Karate Yell}
</p><p>{Merry Men Gasping}
</p><p>{Panting}
</p><p>-Man, that was annoying!
</p><p>-Oh, you little- -
</p><p>{Karate Yell}
</p><p>{Accordion}
</p><p>{Shouting, groaning}
</p><p>{Chuckles}
</p><p>-Uh, shall we?
</p><p>-Hold the phone.
</p><p>{Grunts}
</p><p>Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come from?
</p><p>-What?
</p><p>-That! Back there. That was amazing! Where did you learn that?
</p><p>-Well - - {Chuckles} When one lives alone, uh, one has to learn these
</p><p>things in case there's a - - There's an arrow in your butt!
</p><p>-What? Oh, would you look at that?
</p><p>-Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.
</p><p>-Why? What's wrong?
</p><p>-Shrek's hurt.
</p><p>-Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die.
</p><p>-Donkey, I'm okay.
</p><p>-You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm too young for you to die. Keep
</p><p>you legs elevated. Turn your head and cough. Does anyone know the
</p><p>Heimlich?
</p><p>-Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help Shrek, run into the woods and
</p><p>find me a blue flower with red thorns.
</p><p>-Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on it. Blue flower, red thorns.
</p><p>Don't die Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay away from the light!
</p><p>-{Both} Donkey!
</p><p>-Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.
</p><p>-What are the flowers for?
</p><p>-For getting rid of Donkey.
</p><p>-Ah.
</p><p>-Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.
</p><p>-Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.
</p><p>-I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
</p><p>-No, it's tender.
</p><p>-Now, hold on.
</p><p>-What you're doing is the opposite of help.
</p><p>-Don't move.
</p><p>-Look, time out.
</p><p>-Would you - -
</p><p>{Grunts}
</p><p>-Okay. What do you propose we do?
</p><p>-Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red
</p><p>thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue
</p><p>flower, red thorns.
</p><p>-Ow!
</p><p>-Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'!
</p><p>-Ow! Not good.
</p><p>-Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.
</p><p>{Grunts}
</p><p>-It's just about - -
</p><p>-Ow! Ohh!
</p><p>-Ahem.
</p><p>-Nothing happend. We were just, uh - -
</p><p>-Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?
</p><p>-Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was
</p><p>just- - Ugh!
</p><p>-Ow!
</p><p>-Hey, what's that?
</p><p>{Nervous chickle}
</p><p>-That's- - Is that blood?
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>{Bird chirping}
</p><p>{Grunts}
</p><p><br />
</p><p>My beloved monster and me
</p><p>We go everywhere together
</p><p>Wearin' a raincoat
</p><p>that has four sleeves
</p><p>Gets us through all kinds of weather
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Aah!
</p><p><br />
</p><p>She will always be the only thing
</p><p>That comes between me and the awful sting
</p><p>That comes from living in a world
</p><p>that's so damn mean
</p><p>{Croaks}
</p><p>Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
</p><p>-Hey!
</p><p>La-la, la-la, la-la-la-la
</p><p>{Both laughing}
</p><p>La-la, la-la, la-la
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-There it is, Princess. Your future awaits you.
</p><p>-That's DuLoc?
</p><p>-Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks Lord Farquaad's compensating for
</p><p>something, which I think means he has a really - - Ow!
</p><p>-Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move on.
</p><p>-Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried about Donkey.
</p><p>{Blubbering}
</p><p>-What?
</p><p>-I mean, look at him. He doesn't look so good.
</p><p>-What are you talking about? I'm fine.
</p><p>-That's what they always say, and then next thing you know, you're on
</p><p>your back. Dead.
</p><p>-You know, she's right. You look awful. Do you want to sit down?
</p><p>-Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.
</p><p>-I didn't want to say nothin', but I got this twinge in my neck, and
</p><p>when I turn my head like this, look,
</p><p>{Bones crunch}
</p><p>-Ow! See?
</p><p>-Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.
</p><p>-I'll get the firewood.
</p><p>-Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't feel my toes! I don't have any
</p><p>toes! I think I need a hug.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Mmm. This is good. This is really good. What is this?
</p><p>-Uh, weedrat. Rotisserie style.
</p><p>-No kidding. Well, this is delicious.
</p><p>-Well, they're also great in stews. Now, I don't mean to brag, but I
</p><p>make a mean weedrat stew.
</p><p>{Chuckling}
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-I guess I'll be dining a little differently tomorrow night.
</p><p>{Gulps}
</p><p>-Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'll cook all kind
</p><p>of stuff for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare - - you name it.
</p><p>{Chuckles}
</p><p>-I'd like that.
</p><p>{Slurps, laughs}
</p><p><br />
</p><p>See the pyramids along the Nile
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Um, Princess?
</p><p><br />
</p><p>Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Yes, Shrek?
</p><p>-I, um, I was wondering.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>Just remember, darling all the while
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Are you- -
</p><p><br />
</p><p>You belong to me
</p><p><br />
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-Are you gonna eat that?
</p><p>{Chuckles}
</p><p>-Man, isn't this romantic? Just look at that sunset.
</p><p>-Sunset?
</p><p>-Oh, no! I mean, it's late. I-It's very late.
</p><p>-What?
</p><p>-Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on here. You're afraid of the dark,
</p><p>aren't you?
</p><p>-Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified. You know, I'd better go inside.
</p><p>-Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to be afraid of the dark, too, until
</p><p>- - Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of the dark.
</p><p>{Shrek sighs}
</p>
<pre>-Good night.
</pre>
<pre>-Good night.
</pre>
<p>{Door creaks}
</p><p>-Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on here.
</p><p>-Oh, what are you talkin' about?
</p><p>-I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm an animal, and I got instincts.
</p><p>And I know you two were diggin' on each other. I could feel it.
</p><p>-You're crazy. I'm just bringing her back to Farquaad.
</p><p>-Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in
</p><p>and tell her how you feel.
</p><p>-I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides, even if I did tell her that,
</p><p>well, you know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause I don't - - she's a
</p><p>princess, and I'm - -
</p><p>-An orge?
</p><p>-Yeah. An orge.
</p><p>-Hey, where you goin'?
</p><p>-To get... move firewood.
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess, where are you?
</p><p>{Wings fluttering}
</p><p>-Princess?
</p><p>{Creaking}
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>-It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing no games.
</p><p>{Screams}
</p><p>-Aah!
</p><p>-Oh, no!
</p><p>-No, help!
</p><p>-Shh!
</p><p>-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
</p><p>-No, it's okay. It's okay.
</p><p>-What did you do with the princess?
</p><p>-Donkey, I'm the princess.
</p><p>-Aah!
</p><p>-It's me, in this body.
</p><p>-Oh, my God! You ate the princess. Can you hear me?
</p><p>-Donkey!
</p><p>-Listen, keep breathing! I'll get you out of there!
</p><p>-No!
</p><p>-Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
</p><p>-Shh.
</p><p>-Shrek!
</p><p>-This is me.
</p><p>{Muffled mumbling}
</p><p>-Princess? What happened to you? You're, uh, uh, uh, different.
</p><p>-I'm ugly, okay?
</p><p>-Well, yeah! Was it something you ate? 'Cause I told Shrek those rats
</p><p>was a bad idea. You are what you eat, I said. Now - -
</p><p>-No.
</p><p>-I - - I've been this way as long as I can remember.
</p><p>-What do you mean? Look, I ain't never seen you like this before.
</p><p>-It's only happens when sun goes down.
</p><p>"By night one way, by day another. This shall be the norm... until you
</p><p>find true love's first kiss... and then take love's true form."
</p><p>-Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.
</p><p>-It's a spell.
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-When I was a little girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every night I
</p><p>become this. This horrible, ugly beast! I was placed in a tower to
</p><p>await the day my true love would rescue me. That's why I have to marry
</p><p>Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun sets and he sees me like this.
</p><p>{Sobs}
</p><p>-All right, all right. Calm down. Look, it's not that bad. You're not
</p><p>that ugly. Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly. But you only look
</p><p>like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24-7.
</p><p>-But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this is not how a princess is meant
</p><p>to look.
</p><p>-Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry Farquaad?
</p><p>-I have to. Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.
</p><p>-But, you know, um, you're kind of an orge, and Shrek - - well, you
</p><p>got a lot in common.
</p><p>-Shrek?
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-Princess, I - - Uh, how's it going, first of all? Good? Um, good for
</p><p>me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower and thought of you because it's
</p><p>pretty and - - well, I don't really like it, but I thought you might
</p><p>like it 'cause you're pretty. But I like you anyway. I'd - - uh, uh -
</p><p>-
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-I'm in trouble. Okay, here we go.
</p><p>-I can't just marry whoever I want. Take a good look at me, Donkey. I
</p><p>mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?
</p><p>"Princess" and "ugly" don't go together. That's why I can't stay here
</p><p>with Shrek.
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>-My only chance to live happily ever after is to marry my true love.
</p><p>{Deep sigh}
</p><p>-Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how it has to be. It's the only
</p><p>way to break the spell.
</p><p>-You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.
</p><p>-No! You can't breathe a word. No one must ever know.
</p><p>-What's the point of being able to talk if you gotta keep secrets?
</p><p>-Promise you won't tell. Promise!
</p><p>-All right, all right. I won't tell him. But you should. I just know
</p><p>before this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy.
</p><p>-Look at my eye twitchin'.
</p><p>{Door opens}
</p><p>{Snoring}
</p><p>-I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him.
</p><p>-Shrek! Shrek, there's something I want - -
</p><p>{Snoring}
</p><p>-Shrek. Are you all right?
</p><p>-Perfect! Never been better.
</p><p>-I - - I don't - - There's something I have to tell you.
</p><p>-You don't have to tell me anything, Princess. I heard enough last
</p><p>night.
</p><p>-You heard what I said?
</p><p>-Every word.
</p><p>-I thought you'd understand.
</p><p>-Oh, I undersatnd. Like you said, "Who could love a hideous, ugly
</p><p>beast?"
</p><p>-But I thought that wouldn't matter to you.
</p><p>-Yeah? Well, it does.
</p><p>{Gasps, sighs}
</p><p>-Ah, right on time.
</p><p>{Horse whinnies}
</p><p>-Princess, I've brought you a little something.
</p><p>{Fanfare}
</p><p>{Yawns}
</p><p>-What'd I miss? What'd I miss?
</p><p>{Muffled}
</p><p>-Who said that? Couldn't have been a donkey.
</p><p>-Princess Fiona.
</p><p>-As promised. Now hand it over.
</p><p>-Very well, orge. The deed to your swamp, cleared out, as agreed.
</p><p>-Take it and go before I change my mind.
</p><p>-Forgive me, Princess, for startling you, but you startled me, for I
</p><p>have never seen such a radiant beauty before. I'm Lord Farquaad.
</p><p>-Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no.
</p><p>{Snaps fingers}
</p><p>-Forgive me, my lord, for I was just saying a short... farewell.
</p><p>-Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have to waste good manners on the
</p><p>orge. It's not like it has feelings.
</p><p>-No, you're right. It doesn't.
</p><p>-Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawerss Fiona. I ask your hand in
</p><p>marriage.
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>-Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?
</p><p>-Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would make - -
</p><p>-Excellent! I'll start the plans, for tomorrow we wed!
</p><p>-No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get married today before the sun
</p><p>sets.
</p><p>-Oh, anxious, are you? You're right. The sooner, the better. There's
</p><p>so much to do! Threre's the caterer, the cake, the band, the guest
</p><p>list. Captain, round up some guests!
</p><p>-Fare-thee-well, orge.
</p><p>-Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting her get away.
</p><p>-Yeah? So what?
</p><p>-Shrek, there's something about her you don't know. Look, I talked to
</p><p>her last night, She's - -
</p><p>-I know you talked to her last night. You're great pals, aren't ya?
</p><p>Now, if you two are such good friends, why don't you follow her home?
</p><p>-Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you.
</p><p>-I told you, didn't I? You're not coming home with me. I live alone!
</p><p>My swamp! Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody! Especially useless,
</p><p>pathetic, annoying, talking donkeys!
</p><p>-But I thought - -
</p><p>-Yeah. You know what? You tought wrong!
</p><p>-Shrek.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>I heard there was a secret chord
</p><p>That David played and it pleased the Lord
</p><p>But you don't really care for music, do ya
</p><p>It goes like this the fourth, the fifth
</p><p>The minor fall the major lift
</p><p>The baffled king composing hallelujah
</p><p>Hallelujah, hallelujah
</p><p>Baby, I've been here before
</p><p>I know this room I've walked this floor
</p><p>I used to live alone before I knew you
</p><p>I've seen your flag on the marble arch
</p><p>But love is not a victory march
</p><p>It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
</p><p>Hallelujah, hallelujah
</p><p>And all I ever learned from love
</p><p>Is how to shoot at someone
</p><p>Who outdrew you
</p><p>{Moaning}
</p><p>And it's not a cry you can hear at night
</p><p>It's not somebody who's seen the light
</p><p>It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
</p><p>{Moaning}
</p><p>Hallelujah, hallelujah
</p><p><br />
</p><p>{Thumping sound}
</p><p>-Donkey?
</p><p>{Grunts}
</p><p>-What are you doing?
</p><p>-I would think, of all people, you would recognize a wall when you see
</p><p>one.
</p><p>-Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed to go around my swamp, not
</p><p>through it.
</p><p>-It is around your half. See that's your half, and this is my half.
</p><p>-Oh! Your half. Hmm.
</p><p>-Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess. I did half the work. I
</p><p>get half the booty. Now hand me that big old rock, the one that looks
</p><p>like your head.
</p><p>-Back off!
</p><p>-No, you back off.
</p><p>-This is my swamp!
</p><p>-Our swamp.
</p><p>-Let go, Donkey!
</p><p>-You let go.
</p><p>-Stubborn jackass!
</p><p>-Smelly orge.
</p><p>-Fine!
</p><p>-Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through with you yet.
</p><p>-Well, I'm through with you.
</p><p>-Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always, "Me, me, me!" Well, guess
</p><p>what! Now it's my turn! So you just shut up and pay attention! You are
</p><p>mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do!
</p><p>You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.
</p><p>-Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so bad, how come you came back?
</p><p>-Because that's what friends do! They forgive each other!
</p><p>-Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive you... for stabbin' me in
</p><p>the back!
</p><p>-Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your
</p><p>own feelings.
</p><p>-Go away!
</p><p>-There you are , doing it again just like you did to Fiona. All she
</p><p>ever do was like you, maybe even love you.
</p><p>-Love me? She said I was ugly, a hideous creature. I heard the two of
</p><p>you talking.
</p><p>-She wasn't talkin' about you. She was talkin' about, uh, somebody
</p><p>else.
</p><p>-She wasn't talking about me? Well, then who was she talking about?
</p><p>-Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. You don't wanna listen to me.
</p><p>Right? Right?
</p><p>-Donkey!
</p><p>-No!
</p><p>-Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right?
</p><p>{Sighs}
</p><p>-I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big, stupid, ugly orge. Can you
</p><p>forgive me?
</p><p>-Hey, that's what friends are for, right?
</p><p>-Right. Friends?
</p><p>-Friends.
</p><p>-So, um, what did Fiona say about me?
</p><p>-What are you asking me for? Why don't you just go ask her?
</p><p>-The wedding! We'll never make it in time.
</p><p>-Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's a will, there's a way and I
</p><p>have a way.
</p><p>{Whistles}
</p><p>-Donkey?
</p><p>-I guess it's just my animal magnetism.
</p><p>{Laughing}
</p><p>-Aw, come here, you.
</p><p>-All right, all right.Don't get all slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass.
</p><p>All right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't had a chance to install
</p><p>the seat belts yet.
</p><p>-Whoo!
</p><p>{Bells tolling}
</p><p>{All gasping}
</p><p>-People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witnss to the union....
</p><p>-Um-
</p><p>-of our new king - -
</p><p>-Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the "I do's"?
</p><p>{Chuckling}
</p><p>-Go on.
</p><p>-Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN. If we need you, I'll whistle. How about
</p><p>that? Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don't
</p><p>you?
</p><p>-What are you talking about?
</p><p>-There's a line you gotta wait for. The preacher's gonna say, "Speak
</p><p>now or forever hold your peace." That's when you say, "I object!"
</p><p>-I don't have time for this!
</p><p>-Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this
</p><p>woman, don't you?
</p><p>-Yes.
</p><p>-You wanna hold her?
</p><p>-Yes.
</p><p>-Please her?
</p><p>-Yes!
</p><p>-Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. The chicks love that
</p><p>romantic crap!
</p><p>-All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?
</p><p>-We gotta check it out.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-And so, by the power vested in me,
</p><p>-What do you see?
</p><p>-The whole town's in there.
</p><p>-I now pronounce you husband and wife,
</p><p>-They're at the altar.
</p><p>-king and queen.
</p><p>-Mother Fletcher! He already said it.
</p><p>-Oh, for the love of Pete!
</p><p>{Grunts}
</p><p>-I object!
</p><p>-Shrek?
</p><p>{Gasps}
</p><p>-Oh, now what does he want?
</p><p>-Hi, everyone. Havin' a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first at all.
</p><p>Very clean.
</p><p>-What are you doing here?
</p><p>-Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but
</p><p>showing up uninvited to a wedding - -
</p><p>-Fiona! I need to talk to you.
</p><p>-Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little late for that, so if you'll
</p><p>excuse me - -
</p><p>-But you can't marry him.
</p><p>-And why not?
</p><p>-Because- - Because he's just marring you so he can be king.
</p><p>-Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.
</p><p>-He's not your true love.
</p><p>-And what do you know about true love?
</p><p>-Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -
</p><p>-Oh, this is precious. The orge has fallen in love with the princess!
</p><p>Oh, good Lord.
</p><p>{Crowd laughting}
</p><p>-An orge and a princess!
</p><p>-Shrek, is this true?
</p><p>-Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona, my love, we're but a kiss away
</p><p>from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me! Mmmmm!
</p><p>-"By night one way, by day another." I wanted to show you before.
</p><p>{Whimpers}
</p><p>{Crown gasping}
</p><p>-Well, uh, that explains a lot.
</p><p>-Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of
</p><p>my sight now! Get them! Get them both!
</p><p>-No, no!
</p><p>-Shrek!
</p><p>-This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that
</p><p>makes me king! See? See?
</p><p>-No, let go of me! Shrek!
</p><p>-No!
</p><p>-Don't just stand there, you morons.
</p><p>-Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!
</p><p>-I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and
</p><p>quartered!
</p><p>-You'll beg for death to save you!
</p><p>-No, Shrek!
</p><p>-And as for you, my wife,
</p><p>-Fiona!
</p><p>-I'll have you locked back in that tower for the rest of your days!
</p><p>-I'm king!
</p><p>{Whistles}
</p><p>-I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah!
</p><p>-Aah!
</p><p>-All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I'm not afraid to
</p><p>use it.
</p><p>{Roars}
</p><p>-I'm a donkey on the edge!
</p><p>{Belches}
</p><p>-Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?
</p><p>{Cheering}
</p><p>-Go ahead, Shrek.
</p><p>-Uh, Fiona?
</p><p>-Yes, Shrek?
</p><p>-I - - I love you.
</p><p>-Really?
</p><p>-Really, really.
</p><p>- I love you too.
</p><p>-Aawww!
</p><p>-"Until you find true love's first kiss and then take love's true
</p><p>form."
</p><p>-"Take love's true form. Take love's true form."
</p><p>-Fiona? Fiona. Are you all right?
</p><p>-Well, yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
</p><p>-But you ARE beautiful.
</p><p>{Chuckles}
</p><p>-I was hoping this would be a happy ending.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>I thought love was only true in fairy tales
</p><p>Oy!
</p><p>Meant for someone else but not for me
</p><p>Love was out to get me
</p><p>That's the way it seemed
</p><p>Disappointment haunted all my dreams
</p><p>And then I saw her face
</p><p>Now I'm a believer and not a trace
</p><p>Of doubt in my mind
</p><p>I'm in love
</p><p>Ooh-aah
</p><p>I'm a believer I couldn't leave her
</p><p>If I tried
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-God bless us, every one.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>Come on, y'all!
</p><p>Then I saw her face
</p><p>Ha-ha
</p><p>Now I'm a believer
</p><p>Listen!
</p><p>Not a trace
</p><p>Of doubt in my mind
</p><p>I'm in love
</p><p>Ooh-aah
</p><p>I'm a believer
</p><p>I couldn't leave her if I tried
</p><p>-Ooh!
</p><p>-Uh!
</p><p>Then I saw her face
</p><p>Now I'm a believer
</p><p>Hey!
</p><p>Not a trace
</p><p>Uhh! Yeah.
</p><p>Of doubt in my mind
</p><p><br />
</p><p>-One more time!
</p><p>I'm in love
</p><p>I'm a believer
</p><p>Come on!
</p><p>I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe,
</p><p>I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, I believe, hey
</p><p>Y'all sing it with me!
</p><p>I
</p><p>Believe
</p><p>I believe
</p><p>People in the back!
</p><p>I believe
</p><p>I'm a believer
</p><p>I believe
</p><p>I believe
</p><p>I believe
</p><p>I believe
</p><p>{Hysterical laughing}
</p><p>-Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh.
</p><p>-I can't breathe. I can't breathe.
</p><p><br />
</p><p>I believe in self-assertion
</p><p>Destiny or a slight diversion
</p><p>Now it seems I've got my head on straight
</p><p>I'm a freak an apparition
</p><p>Seems I've made the right decision
</p><p>To try to turn back now it might be too late
</p><p><br />
</p><p>Now I want to stay home today
</p><p>Don't wanna go out
</p><p>If anyone comes to play
</p><p>Gonna get thrown out
</p><p>I wanna stay home today
</p><p>Don't want no company
</p><p>No way
</p><p>Yeah, yeah, yeah
</p><p><br />
</p><p>I wanna be a millionaire someday
</p><p>But know what it feels like to give it away
</p><p>Watch me march to the beat of my own drum
</p><p>And it's off to the moon and then back again
</p><p>Same old day Same situation
</p><p>My happiness rears back as if to say
</p><p><br />
</p><p>I wanna stay home today
</p><p>Don't wanna go out
</p><p>If anyone comes to play
</p><p>Gonna get thrown out
</p><p>I wanna stay home today
</p><p>Don't want no company
</p><p>No way
</p><p>Yeah, yeah, yeah
</p><p><br />
</p><p>I wanna stay home, stay home, stay home.........
</p><p><br />
</p><p><br />
</p><p>I get such a thrill when you look in my eyes
</p><p>My heart skips a beat
</p><p>Girl, I feel so alive
</p><p>Please tell me, baby, if all this is true
</p><p>'Cause deep down inside all I wanted was you
</p><p>Oh-oh-oh
</p><p>Makes me wanna dance
</p><p>Oh-oh-oh
</p><p>It's a new romance
</p><p>Oh-oh-oh
</p><p>I look into your eyes
</p><p>Oh-oh-oh
</p><p>The best years of our lives
</p><p>When we first met
</p><p>I could hardly believe
</p><p>The things that would happen
</p><p>and we could achieve
</p><p>So let's be together
</p><p>for all of our time
</p><p>Oh, girl, I'm so thankful
</p><p>that you are still mine
</p><p>You always consider me
</p><p>like an ugly duckling
</p><p>And treat me like a Nostradamus
</p><p>was why I had to get my shine on
</p><p>I break a little something
</p><p>to keep my mind on
</p><p>'Cause you had my mind gone
</p><p>Eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh
</p><p>Turn the lights on, Come on, baby
</p><p>Let's just rewind the song
</p><p>'Cause all I want to do is
</p><p>make the rest years the best years
</p><p>All night long
</p><p><br />
</p><p>Oh-oh-oh
</p><p>Makes me wanna dance
</p><p>Makes me wanna dance
</p><p>Oh-oh-oh
</p><p>It's a new romance
</p><p>It's a new romance
</p><p>Oh-oh-oh
</p><p>I look into your eyes
</p><p>Oh, yeah, yeah
</p><p>I look into your eyes
</p><p>Oh-oh-oh
</p><p>The best years of our lives
</p><p>Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..............
</p><p><br />
</p><p><br />
</p><p>Everything looks bright
</p><p>Standing in your light
</p><p>Everything feels right
</p><p>What's left is out of sight
</p><p>What's a girl to do
</p><p>I'm telling you
</p><p>You're on my mind
</p><p>I wanna be with you
</p><p>'Cause when you're
</p><p>standin' next to me
</p><p>It's like wow
</p><p>And all your kisses
</p><p>seem to set me free
</p><p>It's like wow
</p><p>And when we touch
</p><p>it's such a rush
</p><p>I can't get enough
</p><p>It's like- - It's like
</p><p>Ooh-ooh
</p><p>Hey, what
</p><p>It's like wow
</p><p>Ooh-ooh, hey
</p><p>Hey, yeah
</p><p>It's like wow
</p><p>Everything is looking
</p><p>right now, right now
</p><p>It's like wow
</p><p>And I got this feeling
</p><p>This feeling
</p><p>it's just like wow
</p><p>It's just like wow
</p><p>You are all I'm thinking of.
</p><p>Like wow
</p><p>Everything feels right
</p><p>Everything feels right
</p><p>Like wow
</p><p>Everything looks bright
</p><p>All my senses are right
</p><p>Like wow
</p><p>Everything feels right
</p><p>Baby, baby, baby
</p><p>the way I'm feeling you
</p><p>Is like wow
</p><p><br />
</p><p>There is something
</p><p>that I see
</p><p>In the way
</p><p>you look at me
</p><p>There's a smile
</p><p>There's a truth
</p><p>In your eyes
</p><p>What an unexpected way
</p><p>On this unexpected day
</p><p>Could it be
</p><p>This is where I belong
</p><p>It is you I have loved
</p><p>All long
</p><p>There's no more mystery
</p><p>It is finally clear to me
</p><p>You're the home
</p><p>my heart's searched for
</p><p>So long
</p><p>It is you I have loved
</p><p>All long
</p><p>Whoa, over and over
</p><p>I'm filled with emotion
</p><p>As I look
</p><p>Into your perfect face
READ MORE
Hiliebye
·
11/3/2020
You made me crash whan i tried to copy paste on youtube
</p><p>Write a reply
BillyBoay324523523
·
10/25/2020
Hmm the last thing donkey said was I can't breathe..........
</p><p>User avatar
7qzb
·
10/30/2020
Lol nice
</p><p>Write a reply
Pr0d1t4ph0b14
·
10/19/2020
this really helped because i'm coding the entire shrek movie using scratch.mit.edu
</p><p>Write a reply
User avatar
Scrooge Kamazi McDuck
·
6/6/2020
My Opinion
Shrek: STUBBORN DONKEY KONG
Donkey: SMELLY OGRE
Shrek:FINE
</p><p>User avatar
Gva0210
·
4/4/2021
What's a donkey kong?
</p><p>Noobsauce69
·
5/7/2021
How the hell do you not know donkeykong
</p><p>Write a reply
User avatar
TazerProductions
·
6/6/2020
holy bible version 2
</p><p>Write a reply
User avatar
Karatemaster2006
·
7/10/2018
That's commitment
</p><p>(Edited by FANDOMbot)
Write a reply
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<h2><span class="mw-headline" id="References">References</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=14" title="Edit section: References">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h2>
<style data-mw-deduplicate="TemplateStyles:r1011085734">.mw-parser-output .reflist{font-size:90%;margin-bottom:0.5em;list-style-type:decimal}.mw-parser-output .reflist .references{font-size:100%;margin-bottom:0;list-style-type:inherit}.mw-parser-output .reflist-columns-2{column-width:30em}.mw-parser-output .reflist-columns-3{column-width:25em}.mw-parser-output .reflist-columns{margin-top:0.3em}.mw-parser-output .reflist-columns ol{margin-top:0}.mw-parser-output .reflist-columns li{page-break-inside:avoid;break-inside:avoid-column}.mw-parser-output .reflist-upper-alpha{list-style-type:upper-alpha}.mw-parser-output .reflist-upper-roman{list-style-type:upper-roman}.mw-parser-output .reflist-lower-alpha{list-style-type:lower-alpha}.mw-parser-output .reflist-lower-greek{list-style-type:lower-greek}.mw-parser-output .reflist-lower-roman{list-style-type:lower-roman}</style><div class="reflist">
<div class="mw-references-wrap mw-references-columns"><ol class="references">
<li id="cite_note-AFI-1"><span class="mw-cite-backlink">^ <a href="#cite_ref-AFI_1-0"><sup><i><b>a</b></i></sup></a> <a href="#cite_ref-AFI_1-1"><sup><i><b>b</b></i></sup></a> <a href="#cite_ref-AFI_1-2"><sup><i><b>c</b></i></sup></a> <a href="#cite_ref-AFI_1-3"><sup><i><b>d</b></i></sup></a></span> <span class="reference-text"><style data-mw-deduplicate="TemplateStyles:r999302996">.mw-parser-output cite.citation{font-style:inherit}.mw-parser-output .citation q{quotes:"\"""\"""'""'"}.mw-parser-output .id-lock-free a,.mw-parser-output .citation .cs1-lock-free a{background:linear-gradient(transparent,transparent),url("//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/65/Lock-green.svg")right 0.1em center/9px no-repeat}.mw-parser-output .id-lock-limited a,.mw-parser-output .id-lock-registration a,.mw-parser-output .citation .cs1-lock-limited a,.mw-parser-output .citation .cs1-lock-registration a{background:linear-gradient(transparent,transparent),url("//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d6/Lock-gray-alt-2.svg")right 0.1em center/9px no-repeat}.mw-parser-output .id-lock-subscription a,.mw-parser-output .citation .cs1-lock-subscription a{background:linear-gradient(transparent,transparent),url("//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/aa/Lock-red-alt-2.svg")right 0.1em center/9px no-repeat}.mw-parser-output .cs1-subscription,.mw-parser-output .cs1-registration{color:#555}.mw-parser-output .cs1-subscription span,.mw-parser-output .cs1-registration span{border-bottom:1px dotted;cursor:help}.mw-parser-output .cs1-ws-icon a{background:linear-gradient(transparent,transparent),url("//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/4c/Wikisource-logo.svg")right 0.1em center/12px no-repeat}.mw-parser-output code.cs1-code{color:inherit;background:inherit;border:none;padding:inherit}.mw-parser-output .cs1-hidden-error{display:none;font-size:100%}.mw-parser-output .cs1-visible-error{font-size:100%}.mw-parser-output .cs1-maint{display:none;color:#33aa33;margin-left:0.3em}.mw-parser-output .cs1-format{font-size:95%}.mw-parser-output .cs1-kern-left,.mw-parser-output .cs1-kern-wl-left{padding-left:0.2em}.mw-parser-output .cs1-kern-right,.mw-parser-output .cs1-kern-wl-right{padding-right:0.2em}.mw-parser-output .citation .mw-selflink{font-weight:inherit}</style><cite class="citation web cs1"><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://catalog.afi.com/Catalog/MovieDetails/59791">"Dumb and Dumber (1994)"</a>. <i><a href="/wiki/American_Film_Institute" title="American Film Institute">American Film Institute</a></i><span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">May 24,</span> 2018</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=unknown&rft.jtitle=American+Film+Institute&rft.atitle=Dumb+and+Dumber+%281994%29&rft_id=https%3A%2F%2Fcatalog.afi.com%2FCatalog%2FMovieDetails%2F59791&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
</li>
<li id="cite_note-BFI-2"><span class="mw-cite-backlink">^ <a href="#cite_ref-BFI_2-0"><sup><i><b>a</b></i></sup></a> <a href="#cite_ref-BFI_2-1"><sup><i><b>b</b></i></sup></a></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite class="citation web cs1"><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.bfi.org.uk/films-tv-people/4ce2b7dbad9aa">"Dumb & Dumber (1994)"</a>. <i><a href="/wiki/British_Film_Institute" title="British Film Institute">British Film Institute</a></i><span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">May 24,</span> 2018</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=unknown&rft.jtitle=British+Film+Institute&rft.atitle=Dumb+%26+Dumber+%281994%29&rft_id=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.bfi.org.uk%2Ffilms-tv-people%2F4ce2b7dbad9aa&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
</li>
<li id="cite_note-3"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-3">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://powergrid.thewrap.com/project/dumb-and-dumber">Box Office Information for <i>Dumb and Dumber</i>.</a> <i><a href="/wiki/The_Wrap" class="mw-redirect" title="The Wrap">The Wrap</a></i>. Retrieved April 4, 2013.</span>
</li>
<li id="cite_note-mojo-4"><span class="mw-cite-backlink">^ <a href="#cite_ref-mojo_4-0"><sup><i><b>a</b></i></sup></a> <a href="#cite_ref-mojo_4-1"><sup><i><b>b</b></i></sup></a></span> <span class="reference-text"><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://www.boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=dumbanddumber.htm"><i>Dumb and Dumber</i></a> at <a href="/wiki/Box_Office_Mojo" title="Box Office Mojo">Box Office Mojo</a></span>
</li>
<li id="cite_note-cult-5"><span class="mw-cite-backlink">^ <a href="#cite_ref-cult_5-0"><sup><i><b>a</b></i></sup></a> <a href="#cite_ref-cult_5-1"><sup><i><b>b</b></i></sup></a></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite id="CITEREFAlexander2014" class="citation web cs1">Alexander, Brian (November 16, 2014). <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/movies/2014/11/16/dumb-and-dumber-box-office-winner/19131651/">"<span class="cs1-kern-left">'</span>Dumb and Dumber To' is top of box office class"</a>. <i><a href="/wiki/USA_Today" title="USA Today">USA Today</a></i><span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">August 28,</span> 2015</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=unknown&rft.jtitle=USA+Today&rft.atitle=%27Dumb+and+Dumber+To%27+is+top+of+box+office+class&rft.date=2014-11-16&rft.aulast=Alexander&rft.aufirst=Brian&rft_id=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.usatoday.com%2Fstory%2Flife%2Fmovies%2F2014%2F11%2F16%2Fdumb-and-dumber-box-office-winner%2F19131651%2F&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-6"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-6">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite class="citation web cs1"><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20130927104329/http://www.thebiographychannel.co.uk/biographies/jim-carrey.html">"Jim Carrey Biography"</a>. Bio. Archived from <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.thebiographychannel.co.uk/biographies/jim-carrey.html">the original</a> on September 27, 2013<span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">August 23,</span> 2013</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Abook&rft.genre=unknown&rft.btitle=Jim+Carrey+Biography&rft.pub=Bio&rft_id=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thebiographychannel.co.uk%2Fbiographies%2Fjim-carrey.html&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-Cameron-Wilson146-7"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-Cameron-Wilson146_7-0">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite id="CITEREFCameron-WilsonSpeed1994" class="citation book cs1">Cameron-Wilson, James; Speed, F. Maurice (1994). <i>Film Review 1994-5</i>. Great Britain: Virgin Books. p. 146. <a href="/wiki/ISBN_(identifier)" class="mw-redirect" title="ISBN (identifier)">ISBN</a> <a href="/wiki/Special:BookSources/0-86369-842-5" title="Special:BookSources/0-86369-842-5"><bdi>0-86369-842-5</bdi></a>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Abook&rft.genre=book&rft.btitle=Film+Review+1994-5&rft.place=Great+Britain&rft.pages=146&rft.pub=Virgin+Books&rft.date=1994&rft.isbn=0-86369-842-5&rft.aulast=Cameron-Wilson&rft.aufirst=James&rft.au=Speed%2C+F.+Maurice&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-8"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-8">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite class="citation magazine cs1">"Cagey over budget". <i><a href="/wiki/Variety_(magazine)" title="Variety (magazine)">Variety</a></i>. May 15, 1994. p. 6.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=article&rft.jtitle=Variety&rft.atitle=Cagey+over+budget&rft.pages=6&rft.date=1994-05-15&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-Triva-9"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-Triva_9-0">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite class="citation web cs1"><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.businessinsider.com/dumb-and-dumber-jim-carrey-jeff-daniels-paycheck-2014-11">"Jim Carrey Was Paid 140 Times More Than Jeff Daniels For Original 'Dumb And Dumber<span class="cs1-kern-right">'</span>"</a>. Business Insider.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Abook&rft.genre=unknown&rft.btitle=Jim+Carrey+Was+Paid+140+Times+More+Than+Jeff+Daniels+For+Original+%27Dumb+And+Dumber%27&rft.pub=Business+Insider&rft_id=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.businessinsider.com%2Fdumb-and-dumber-jim-carrey-jeff-daniels-paycheck-2014-11&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-10"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-10">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite id="CITEREFKatz2006" class="citation web cs1">Katz, Paul (January 6, 2006). <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://www.ew.com/article/2006/01/06/new-dumb-and-dumber-dvd-improvement">"Is the new <i>Dumb and Dumber</i> DVD an improvement?"</a>. <i><a href="/wiki/Entertainment_Weekly" title="Entertainment Weekly">Entertainment Weekly</a></i><span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">August 28,</span> 2015</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=unknown&rft.jtitle=Entertainment+Weekly&rft.atitle=Is+the+new+Dumb+and+Dumber+DVD+an+improvement%3F&rft.date=2006-01-06&rft.aulast=Katz&rft.aufirst=Paul&rft_id=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ew.com%2Farticle%2F2006%2F01%2F06%2Fnew-dumb-and-dumber-dvd-improvement&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-splitsider-11"><span class="mw-cite-backlink">^ <a href="#cite_ref-splitsider_11-0"><sup><i><b>a</b></i></sup></a> <a href="#cite_ref-splitsider_11-1"><sup><i><b>b</b></i></sup></a></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite id="CITEREFEvans2011" class="citation web cs1">Evans, Bradford (June 23, 2011). <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://splitsider.com/2011/06/the-lost-roles-of-dumb-dumber/">"The Lost Roles of Dumb & Dumber"</a>. <a href="/wiki/Splitsider" class="mw-redirect" title="Splitsider">Splitsider</a><span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">September 21,</span> 2016</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Abook&rft.genre=unknown&rft.btitle=The+Lost+Roles+of+Dumb+%26+Dumber&rft.pub=Splitsider&rft.date=2011-06-23&rft.aulast=Evans&rft.aufirst=Bradford&rft_id=http%3A%2F%2Fsplitsider.com%2F2011%2F06%2Fthe-lost-roles-of-dumb-dumber%2F&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-12"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-12">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite id="CITEREFMeyers1995" class="citation web cs1">Meyers, Kate (February 3, 1995). <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://www.ew.com/article/1995/02/03/jim-carreys-fake-tooth">"Jim Carrey's fake tooth"</a>. <i><a href="/wiki/Entertainment_Weekly" title="Entertainment Weekly">Entertainment Weekly</a></i><span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">August 28,</span> 2015</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=unknown&rft.jtitle=Entertainment+Weekly&rft.atitle=Jim+Carrey%27s+fake+tooth&rft.date=1995-02-03&rft.aulast=Meyers&rft.aufirst=Kate&rft_id=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ew.com%2Farticle%2F1995%2F02%2F03%2Fjim-carreys-fake-tooth&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-13"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-13">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.adventure-journal.com/2013/04/the-list-10-mountains-misrepresented-in-movies/">Adventure-Journal</a> <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20140902232347/http://www.adventure-journal.com/2013/04/the-list-10-mountains-misrepresented-in-movies/">Archived</a> September 2, 2014, at the <a href="/wiki/Wayback_Machine" title="Wayback Machine">Wayback Machine</a>, Adventure-Journal 10 Mountains Misrepresented in Movies</span>
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<li id="cite_note-14"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-14">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite id="CITEREFWolf2014" class="citation news cs1">Wolf, Colin (November 12, 2014). <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20141115160840/http://www.cityweekly.net/TheDailyFeed/archives/2014/11/12/when-utah-was-dumber-take-a-tour-of-utahs-most-iconic-dumb-and-dumber-shot-locations">"When Utah Was Dumber: Take a tour of Utah's most iconic Dumb & Dumber shot locations"</a>. <i><a href="/wiki/Salt_Lake_City_Weekly" title="Salt Lake City Weekly">Salt Lake City Weekly</a></i>. Archived from <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.cityweekly.net/TheDailyFeed/archives/2014/11/12/when-utah-was-dumber-take-a-tour-of-utahs-most-iconic-dumb-and-dumber-shot-locations">the original</a> on November 15, 2014<span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">April 12,</span> 2016</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=article&rft.jtitle=Salt+Lake+City+Weekly&rft.atitle=When+Utah+Was+Dumber%3A+Take+a+tour+of+Utah%27s+most+iconic+Dumb+%26+Dumber+shot+locations&rft.date=2014-11-12&rft.aulast=Wolf&rft.aufirst=Colin&rft_id=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cityweekly.net%2FTheDailyFeed%2Farchives%2F2014%2F11%2F12%2Fwhen-utah-was-dumber-take-a-tour-of-utahs-most-iconic-dumb-and-dumber-shot-locations&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-15"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-15">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite id="CITEREFZarrella2015" class="citation web cs1">Zarrella, Mia (July 14, 2015). <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.hot1063.com/2015/07/14/10-movies-you-might-not-know-were-filmed-in-rhode-island/">"10 Movies You Might Not Know Were Filmed In Rhode Island"</a>. <i><a href="/wiki/WWKX" title="WWKX">WWKX</a></i><span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">April 12,</span> 2016</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=unknown&rft.jtitle=WWKX&rft.atitle=10+Movies+You+Might+Not+Know+Were+Filmed+In+Rhode+Island&rft.date=2015-07-14&rft.aulast=Zarrella&rft.aufirst=Mia&rft_id=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.hot1063.com%2F2015%2F07%2F14%2F10-movies-you-might-not-know-were-filmed-in-rhode-island%2F&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-16"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-16">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite id="CITEREFD'Arc2010" class="citation book cs1">D'Arc, James V. (2010). <i>When Hollywood came to town: a history of moviemaking in Utah</i> (1st ed.). Layton, Utah: Gibbs Smith. <a href="/wiki/ISBN_(identifier)" class="mw-redirect" title="ISBN (identifier)">ISBN</a> <a href="/wiki/Special:BookSources/9781423605874" title="Special:BookSources/9781423605874"><bdi>9781423605874</bdi></a>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Abook&rft.genre=book&rft.btitle=When+Hollywood+came+to+town%3A+a+history+of+moviemaking+in+Utah&rft.place=Layton%2C+Utah&rft.edition=1st&rft.pub=Gibbs+Smith&rft.date=2010&rft.isbn=9781423605874&rft.aulast=D%27Arc&rft.aufirst=James+V.&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-17"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-17">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text">Playlist as listed on the Compact Disc — retrieved on 8/12/13</span>
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<li id="cite_note-vice_d&d-18"><span class="mw-cite-backlink">^ <a href="#cite_ref-vice_d&d_18-0"><sup><i><b>a</b></i></sup></a> <a href="#cite_ref-vice_d&d_18-1"><sup><i><b>b</b></i></sup></a> <a href="#cite_ref-vice_d&d_18-2"><sup><i><b>c</b></i></sup></a></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite id="CITEREFMatthews" class="citation web cs1">Matthews, Cameron. <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/rpzpbr/that-john-denver-was-full-of-shit-a-definitive-guide-to-the-dumb-and-dumber-soundtrack-1">"That John Denver Was Full of Shit: A Definitive Guide to the 'Dumb and Dumber' Soundtrack"</a>. <i>Vice</i><span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">December 10,</span> 2019</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=unknown&rft.jtitle=Vice&rft.atitle=That+John+Denver+Was+Full+of+Shit%3A+A+Definitive+Guide+to+the+%27Dumb+and+Dumber%27+Soundtrack&rft.aulast=Matthews&rft.aufirst=Cameron&rft_id=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.vice.com%2Fen_us%2Farticle%2Frpzpbr%2Fthat-john-denver-was-full-of-shit-a-definitive-guide-to-the-dumb-and-dumber-soundtrack-1&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-vice_d&d_bishop-19"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-vice_d&d_bishop_19-0">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite id="CITEREFBishop" class="citation web cs1">Bishop, Jeff. <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/rqazmr/dumb-and-dumber">"My Favorite Movie Soundtrack: 'Dumb And Dumber<span class="cs1-kern-right">'</span>"</a>. <i>Vice</i><span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">December 10,</span> 2019</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=unknown&rft.jtitle=Vice&rft.atitle=My+Favorite+Movie+Soundtrack%3A+%27Dumb+And+Dumber%27&rft.aulast=Bishop&rft.aufirst=Jeff&rft_id=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.vice.com%2Fen_us%2Farticle%2Frqazmr%2Fdumb-and-dumber&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-beck_dumb_and_dumber-20"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-beck_dumb_and_dumber_20-0">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite id="CITEREFBreihan" class="citation web cs1">Breihan, Tom. <a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://www.stereogum.com/2065648/beck-discusses-failing-to-get-aphex-twin-to-produce-him-in-the-90s-and-denying-dumb-and-dumber-loser-for-its-theme-song/news/">"Beck Discusses Failing To Get Aphex Twin To Produce Him In The '90s And Denying Dumb And Dumber "Loser" For Its Theme Song"</a>. <i>Stereogum</i><span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">December 10,</span> 2019</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=unknown&rft.jtitle=Stereogum&rft.atitle=Beck+Discusses+Failing+To+Get+Aphex+Twin+To+Produce+Him+In+The+%2790s+And+Denying+Dumb+And+Dumber+%22Loser%22+For+Its+Theme+Song&rft.aulast=Breihan&rft.aufirst=Tom&rft_id=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.stereogum.com%2F2065648%2Fbeck-discusses-failing-to-get-aphex-twin-to-produce-him-in-the-90s-and-denying-dumb-and-dumber-loser-for-its-theme-song%2Fnews%2F&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-21"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-21">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite class="citation web cs1"><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/dumb_and_dumber/">"Dumb and Dumber"</a>. <i><a href="/wiki/Rotten_Tomatoes" title="Rotten Tomatoes">Rotten Tomatoes</a></i><span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">November 24,</span> 2020</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=unknown&rft.jtitle=Rotten+Tomatoes&rft.atitle=Dumb+and+Dumber&rft_id=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.rottentomatoes.com%2Fm%2Fdumb_and_dumber%2F&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-22"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-22">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite class="citation web cs1"><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://www.metacritic.com/movie/dumb-and-dumber">"Critic Reviews for Dumb & Dumber"</a>. <i><a href="/wiki/Metacritic" title="Metacritic">Metacritic</a></i><span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">September 17,</span> 2015</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=unknown&rft.jtitle=Metacritic&rft.atitle=Critic+Reviews+for+Dumb+%26+Dumber&rft_id=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.metacritic.com%2Fmovie%2Fdumb-and-dumber&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<li id="cite_note-37"><span class="mw-cite-backlink"><b><a href="#cite_ref-37">^</a></b></span> <span class="reference-text"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r999302996"/><cite class="citation web cs1"><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://boxofficemojo.com/movies/?id=dumbanddumberer.htm">"Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd"</a>. Box Office Mojo<span class="reference-accessdate">. Retrieved <span class="nowrap">October 25,</span> 2013</span>.</cite><span title="ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Abook&rft.genre=unknown&rft.btitle=Dumb+and+Dumberer%3A+When+Harry+Met+Lloyd&rft.pub=Box+Office+Mojo&rft_id=https%3A%2F%2Fboxofficemojo.com%2Fmovies%2F%3Fid%3Ddumbanddumberer.htm&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fen.wikipedia.org%3ADumb+and+Dumber" class="Z3988"></span></span>
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<h2><span class="mw-headline" id="External_links">External links</span><span class="mw-editsection"><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">[</span><a href="/w/index.php?title=Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit&section=15" title="Edit section: External links">edit</a><span class="mw-editsection-bracket">]</span></span></h2>
<table role="presentation" class="mbox-small plainlinks sistersitebox" style="background-color:#f9f9f9;border:1px solid #aaa;color:#000">
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<td class="mbox-image"><img alt="" src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/fa/Wikiquote-logo.svg/34px-Wikiquote-logo.svg.png" decoding="async" width="34" height="40" class="noviewer" srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/fa/Wikiquote-logo.svg/51px-Wikiquote-logo.svg.png 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/fa/Wikiquote-logo.svg/68px-Wikiquote-logo.svg.png 2x" data-file-width="300" data-file-height="355" /></td>
<td class="mbox-text plainlist">Wikiquote has quotations related to: <i><b><a href="https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Special:Search/Dumb_and_Dumber" class="extiw" title="q:Special:Search/Dumb and Dumber">Dumb and Dumber</a></b></i></td></tr>
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<ul><li><span class="official-website"><span class="url"><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="http://www.dumbanddumber.com">Official website</a></span></span> <a href="https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q462418#P856" title="Edit this at Wikidata"><img alt="Edit this at Wikidata" src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/8a/OOjs_UI_icon_edit-ltr-progressive.svg/10px-OOjs_UI_icon_edit-ltr-progressive.svg.png" decoding="async" width="10" height="10" style="vertical-align: text-top" srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/8a/OOjs_UI_icon_edit-ltr-progressive.svg/15px-OOjs_UI_icon_edit-ltr-progressive.svg.png 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/8a/OOjs_UI_icon_edit-ltr-progressive.svg/20px-OOjs_UI_icon_edit-ltr-progressive.svg.png 2x" data-file-width="20" data-file-height="20" /></a></li>
<li><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109686/"><i>Dumb and Dumber</i></a> at <a href="/wiki/IMDb" title="IMDb">IMDb</a></li></ul>
<div role="navigation" class="navbox" aria-labelledby="Dumb_and_Dumber" style="padding:3px"><table class="nowraplinks hlist mw-collapsible autocollapse navbox-inner" style="border-spacing:0;background:transparent;color:inherit"><tbody><tr><th scope="col" class="navbox-title" colspan="2"><style data-mw-deduplicate="TemplateStyles:r992953826">.mw-parser-output .navbar{display:inline;font-size:88%;font-weight:normal}.mw-parser-output .navbar-collapse{float:left;text-align:left}.mw-parser-output .navbar-boxtext{word-spacing:0}.mw-parser-output .navbar ul{display:inline-block;white-space:nowrap;line-height:inherit}.mw-parser-output .navbar-brackets::before{margin-right:-0.125em;content:"[ "}.mw-parser-output .navbar-brackets::after{margin-left:-0.125em;content:" ]"}.mw-parser-output .navbar li{word-spacing:-0.125em}.mw-parser-output .navbar-mini abbr{font-variant:small-caps;border-bottom:none;text-decoration:none;cursor:inherit}.mw-parser-output .navbar-ct-full{font-size:114%;margin:0 7em}.mw-parser-output .navbar-ct-mini{font-size:114%;margin:0 4em}.mw-parser-output .infobox .navbar{font-size:100%}.mw-parser-output .navbox .navbar{display:block;font-size:100%}.mw-parser-output .navbox-title .navbar{float:left;text-align:left;margin-right:0.5em}</style><div class="navbar plainlinks hlist navbar-mini"><ul><li class="nv-view"><a href="/wiki/Template:Dumb_and_Dumber" title="Template:Dumb and Dumber"><abbr title="View this template" style=";;background:none transparent;border:none;box-shadow:none;padding:0;">v</abbr></a></li><li class="nv-talk"><a href="/wiki/Template_talk:Dumb_and_Dumber" title="Template talk:Dumb and Dumber"><abbr title="Discuss this template" style=";;background:none transparent;border:none;box-shadow:none;padding:0;">t</abbr></a></li><li class="nv-edit"><a class="external text" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Template:Dumb_and_Dumber&action=edit"><abbr title="Edit this template" style=";;background:none transparent;border:none;box-shadow:none;padding:0;">e</abbr></a></li></ul></div><div id="Dumb_and_Dumber" style="font-size:114%;margin:0 4em"><i><a href="/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumber_(franchise)" title="Dumb and Dumber (franchise)">Dumb and Dumber</a></i></div></th></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="navbox-group" style="width:1%">Films</th><td class="navbox-list navbox-odd" style="text-align:left;border-left-width:2px;border-left-style:solid;width:100%;padding:0px"><div style="padding:0em 0.25em">
<ul><li><i><a class="mw-selflink selflink">Dumb and Dumber</a></i> (1994)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumberer:_When_Harry_Met_Lloyd" title="Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd">Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd</a></i> (2003)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumber_To" title="Dumb and Dumber To">Dumb and Dumber To</a></i> (2014)</li></ul>
</div></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="navbox-group" style="width:1%">Television</th><td class="navbox-list navbox-even" style="text-align:left;border-left-width:2px;border-left-style:solid;width:100%;padding:0px"><div style="padding:0em 0.25em">
<ul><li><i><a href="/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumber_(TV_series)" title="Dumb and Dumber (TV series)">Dumb and Dumber</a></i> (1995–1996)</li></ul>
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<div role="navigation" class="navbox" aria-labelledby="Films_directed_by_the_Farrelly_brothers" style="padding:3px"><table class="nowraplinks hlist mw-collapsible autocollapse navbox-inner" style="border-spacing:0;background:transparent;color:inherit"><tbody><tr><th scope="col" class="navbox-title" colspan="2"><link rel="mw-deduplicated-inline-style" href="mw-data:TemplateStyles:r992953826"/><div class="navbar plainlinks hlist navbar-mini"><ul><li class="nv-view"><a href="/wiki/Template:Farrelly_brothers" title="Template:Farrelly brothers"><abbr title="View this template" style=";;background:none transparent;border:none;box-shadow:none;padding:0;">v</abbr></a></li><li class="nv-talk"><a href="/wiki/Template_talk:Farrelly_brothers" title="Template talk:Farrelly brothers"><abbr title="Discuss this template" style=";;background:none transparent;border:none;box-shadow:none;padding:0;">t</abbr></a></li><li class="nv-edit"><a class="external text" href="https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Template:Farrelly_brothers&action=edit"><abbr title="Edit this template" style=";;background:none transparent;border:none;box-shadow:none;padding:0;">e</abbr></a></li></ul></div><div id="Films_directed_by_the_Farrelly_brothers" style="font-size:114%;margin:0 4em">Films directed by the <a href="/wiki/Farrelly_brothers" title="Farrelly brothers">Farrelly brothers</a></div></th></tr><tr><td class="navbox-abovebelow" colspan="2"><div id="*_Peter_Farrelly_*_Bobby_Farrelly">
<ul><li><a href="/wiki/Peter_Farrelly" title="Peter Farrelly">Peter Farrelly</a></li>
<li><a href="/wiki/Bobby_Farrelly" title="Bobby Farrelly">Bobby Farrelly</a></li></ul>
</div></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="navbox-group" style="width:1%">Together</th><td class="navbox-list navbox-odd" style="text-align:left;border-left-width:2px;border-left-style:solid;width:100%;padding:0px"><div style="padding:0em 0.25em">
<ul><li><i><a href="/wiki/Kingpin_(1996_film)" title="Kingpin (1996 film)">Kingpin</a></i> (1996)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/There%27s_Something_About_Mary" title="There's Something About Mary">There's Something About Mary</a></i> (1998)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/Me,_Myself_%26_Irene" title="Me, Myself & Irene">Me, Myself & Irene</a></i> (2000)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/Osmosis_Jones" title="Osmosis Jones">Osmosis Jones</a></i> (2001)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/Shallow_Hal" title="Shallow Hal">Shallow Hal</a></i> (2001)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/Stuck_on_You_(film)" title="Stuck on You (film)">Stuck on You</a></i> (2003)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/Fever_Pitch_(2005_film)" title="Fever Pitch (2005 film)">Fever Pitch</a></i> (2005)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/The_Heartbreak_Kid_(2007_film)" title="The Heartbreak Kid (2007 film)">The Heartbreak Kid</a></i> (2007)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/Hall_Pass" title="Hall Pass">Hall Pass</a></i> (2011)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/The_Three_Stooges_(2012_film)" title="The Three Stooges (2012 film)">The Three Stooges</a></i> (2012)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/Dumb_and_Dumber_To" title="Dumb and Dumber To">Dumb and Dumber To</a></i> (2014)</li></ul>
</div></td></tr><tr><th scope="row" class="navbox-group" style="width:1%">Peter only</th><td class="navbox-list navbox-even" style="text-align:left;border-left-width:2px;border-left-style:solid;width:100%;padding:0px"><div style="padding:0em 0.25em">
<ul><li><i><a class="mw-selflink selflink">Dumb and Dumber</a></i> (1994)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/Movie_43" title="Movie 43">Movie 43</a></i> (2013)</li>
<li><i><a href="/wiki/Green_Book_(film)" title="Green Book (film)">Green Book</a></i> (2018)</li></ul>
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<div role="navigation" class="navbox authority-control" aria-labelledby="Authority_control_frameless_&#124;text-top_&#124;10px_&#124;alt=Edit_this_at_Wikidata_&#124;link=https&#58;//www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q462418#identifiers&#124;Edit_this_at_Wikidata" style="padding:3px"><table class="nowraplinks hlist navbox-inner" style="border-spacing:0;background:transparent;color:inherit"><tbody><tr><th id="Authority_control_frameless_&#124;text-top_&#124;10px_&#124;alt=Edit_this_at_Wikidata_&#124;link=https&#58;//www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q462418#identifiers&#124;Edit_this_at_Wikidata" scope="row" class="navbox-group" style="width:1%"><a href="/wiki/Help:Authority_control" title="Help:Authority control">Authority control</a> <a href="https://www.wikidata.org/wiki/Q462418#identifiers" title="Edit this at Wikidata"><img alt="Edit this at Wikidata" src="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/8a/OOjs_UI_icon_edit-ltr-progressive.svg/10px-OOjs_UI_icon_edit-ltr-progressive.svg.png" decoding="async" width="10" height="10" style="vertical-align: text-top" srcset="//upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/8a/OOjs_UI_icon_edit-ltr-progressive.svg/15px-OOjs_UI_icon_edit-ltr-progressive.svg.png 1.5x, //upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/8a/OOjs_UI_icon_edit-ltr-progressive.svg/20px-OOjs_UI_icon_edit-ltr-progressive.svg.png 2x" data-file-width="20" data-file-height="20" /></a></th><td class="navbox-list navbox-odd" style="text-align:left;border-left-width:2px;border-left-style:solid;width:100%;padding:0px"><div style="padding:0em 0.25em">
<ul><li><span class="nowrap"><a href="/wiki/MBRG_(identifier)" class="mw-redirect" title="MBRG (identifier)">MBRG</a>: <span class="uid"><a rel="nofollow" class="external text" href="https://musicbrainz.org/release-group/754b40b7-e166-324e-b43f-fb47414a7725">754b40b7-e166-324e-b43f-fb47414a7725</a></span></span></li></ul>
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