| Revision as of 05:58, 30 December 2008 editChyranandChloe (talk | contribs)Rollbackers4,354 edits create several new sections outlining the new agenda for this article← Previous edit | Revision as of 06:12, 30 December 2008 edit undoMastCell (talk | contribs)Edit filter managers, Administrators43,155 edits →2008-2009 Copyedit: cNext edit → | ||
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| This article suffers from a number of neutrality issues, and I'll enumerate them at a later time. ] (]) 05:58, 30 December 2008 (UTC) | This article suffers from a number of neutrality issues, and I'll enumerate them at a later time. ] (]) 05:58, 30 December 2008 (UTC) | ||
| :OK, good luck - this article has been a bit unloved, so hopefully you can shape it up. My only comment is that I'd like to see the lead a bit longer and more detailed, per ] - I kinda like the old lead better, because it summarizes more of the relevant article content: smoking prevalence, major effects (e.g. on lifespan), and so forth. ''']''' <sup>]</sup> 06:12, 30 December 2008 (UTC) | |||
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2008-2009 Copyedit
Sections
I've reorganized the article to: contain more concise and direct section titles, to be more focused on the topic they are discussing, and to be more concise over all. This would be the section major reorganization to my knowledge, the original can be found here , following the first major reorganization here , the current reorganization can be found as it is. This is, of course, in my opinion.
Of the remaining tasks as of this post: (1) there are several sections which duplicate information ("Prognosis" and "Primary Risks"), (2) it may be better to move "Epidemiology" to a better location, (3) it may be better to move and rename "Beneficial effects" to a better location, and (4) "Indirect effects" is somewhat divergent of the focus of the articles which discusses "Heath effects". ChyranandChloe (talk) 05:58, 30 December 2008 (UTC)
Prose
As of this post there are two locations which require attention. The first is the the prose directly following "Primary risks", this was originally derived from a list , and it may be of interest to dissolve several of the paragraphs into the appropriate subsection and to provide a summery of what the section is about in the lead of the section. The second area is the lead, and when we are finished with the rest of the article.
What remains is improving the subsection "Chewing" in "Risk type", which can be done later. Afterwards, compacting and improving the prose may be of interest. ChyranandChloe (talk) 05:58, 30 December 2008 (UTC)
Neutrality
This article suffers from a number of neutrality issues, and I'll enumerate them at a later time. ChyranandChloe (talk) 05:58, 30 December 2008 (UTC)
- OK, good luck - this article has been a bit unloved, so hopefully you can shape it up. My only comment is that I'd like to see the lead a bit longer and more detailed, per WP:LEAD - I kinda like the old lead better, because it summarizes more of the relevant article content: smoking prevalence, major effects (e.g. on lifespan), and so forth. MastCell 06:12, 30 December 2008 (UTC)