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{{short description|Type of relationship where one person enables the other's self-destructive tendencies}} | |||
{{redirect|Mother Hen|the musician sometimes known as "Mother Hen"|Jane Getz}} | |||
{{Use dmy dates|date=August 2024}} | |||
'''Codependency''' has been referred to as the disease of a lost self.<ref>{{cite book|last1=Lancer|first1=Darlene|title=Codependency for Dummies|date=2012|publisher=John Wiley & Sons, Inc.|location=New Jersey|isbn=1118095227|page=30|edition=1st|url=http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1118095227}}</ref> See also <ref>{{cite book|last1=Whitfield|first1=Charles|title=The Child Within|date=1987|publisher=Health Communications, Inc.|location=Florida|isbn=0932194400|page=28|edition=1st|url=http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Child-Within-Discovery-Dysfunctional/dp/0932194400}}</ref> A codependent is someone who cannot function from his or he innate self and whose thinking and behavior is instead organized around another person, process, or substance.<ref>Codependency for Dummies, Ibid., p. 30</ref> Thus people who are addicted to a substance, like drugs, or a process, like gambling or sex, are also codependent. Codependents suffer from impaired self-esteem and shame, although, both may be unconscious. '''Codependent relationships''' are marked by intimacy problems, dependency, control (including caretaking) denial, dysfunctional communication and boundaries, and high reactivity. Often, there is imbalance, so one person is abusive or in control or supports or enables another person’s addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement. Some codependents often find themselves in relationships where their primary role is that of rescuer, supporter, and confidante. These helper types are often dependent on the other person's poor functioning to satisfy their own emotional needs.<ref name="BPDFamily">{{Cite news|last=Johnson|first=R. Skip|title=Codependency and Codependent Relationships |url=http://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships|publisher=BPDFamily.com|date=13 July 2014|accessdate=9 September 2014}}</ref> Many codependents place a lower priority on their own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.<ref name="patterns"></ref> Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships.<ref name="patterns"/> Codependency may also be characterized by ], low ], excessive ], or ] patterns.<ref name="BPDFamily"/> | |||
{{Sociology}} | |||
In ], '''codependency''' is a theory that attempts to explain imbalanced ]s where one person ] another person's self-destructive behavior,<ref>{{cite book |last1=McGrath |first1=Michael |last2=Oakley |first2=Barbara |author2-link=Barbara Oakley |editor1-last=Oakley |editor1-first=Barbara |editor2-last=Knafo |editor2-first=Ariel |editor3-last=Madhavan |editor3-first=Guruprasad |editor4-last=Wilson |editor4-first=David Sloan |title=Codependency and Pathological Altruism |date=2012 |publisher=Oxford University Press |location=New York |isbn=9780199876341 |page=49}}</ref> such as ], poor ], ], ], or ].<ref name="BPDFamily">{{Cite news|last=Johnson|first=R. Skip|title=Codependency and Codependent Relationships |url=http://bpdfamily.com/content/codependency-codependent-relationships|publisher=]|date=13 July 2014|access-date=9 September 2014}}</ref> | |||
Definitions of codependency vary, but typically include high ], a focus on others' needs, suppression of one's own emotions, and attempts to control or fix other people's problems.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Dear |first1=Greg E. |last2=Roberts |first2=Clare M. |last3=Lange |first3=Lois |editor1-last=Shohov |editor1-first=Serge P. |title=Defining Codependency: A Thematic Analysis of Published Definitions |journal=Advances in Psychology Research |date=2004 |volume=34 |pages=189–205 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=nvDkZDAP1HIC&dq=Defining+codependency%3A+An+analysis+of+published+definitions&pg=PA189 |access-date=9 August 2024 |publisher=Nova Publishers |isbn=978-1-59454-079-0 |language=en}}</ref> | |||
==Development and scope of concept== | |||
According to ] specialist ], historically, the concept of codependence "comes directly out of ], part of a dawning realization that the problem was not solely the addict, but also the family and friends who constitute a network for the alcoholic."<ref name=Davis08>{{cite book|last=Davis|first=Lennard J.|title=Obsession: A History|year=2008|publisher=University of Chicago Press|location=London|isbn=0-226-13782-1|page=178|authorlink=Lennard J. Davis}}</ref> It was subsequently broadened to cover the way "that the codependent person is fixated on another person for approval, sustenance, and so on."<ref name="Davis08"/> As such, the concept overlaps with, but developed in the main independently from, the older ] concept of the 'passive dependent personality' ... attaching himself to a stronger personality."<ref>{{cite book|last=Berne|first=Eric|title=A Layman's Guide to Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis|year=1976|publisher=Penguin|isbn=0-345-30922-7|pages=64 and 241|authorlink=Eric Berne}}</ref> | |||
A minority retain the stricter, narrower dictionary definition of codependency, which requires one person to be physically or psychologically addicted, such as to ], and the second person to be psychologically dependent on that behavior.<ref>{{cite web|url=http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/codependent |title=Codependent | Define Codependent at Dictionary.com |publisher=Dictionary.reference.com |accessdate=2012-11-14}}</ref> | |||
People who self-identify as codependent are more likely to have low ], but it is unclear whether this is a cause or an effect of characteristics associated with codependency.<ref>{{Cite journal|last1=Marks|first1=A.|last2=Blore|first2=R.|last3=Hine|first3=D.|last4=Dear|first4=G.|date=2012|title=Development and Validation of a Revised Measure of Codependency|url=|journal=Australian Journal of Psychology|volume=64|issue=3|pages=119–127|doi=10.1111/j.1742-9536.2011.00034.x|s2cid=143154273|doi-access=free}}</ref> | |||
==Patterns and characteristics== | |||
In some instances, codependent caretaking can go beyond normal kinds of self-sacrifice or caretaking. This creates a sense that they are "needed"; they cannot stand the thought of being alone with no one needing them. For example, parenting is a role that requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice and giving a child's needs a high priority, although a parent could, nevertheless, still be codependent towards his/her own children if the caretaking or parental sacrifice reached unhealthy or destructive levels.<ref name="patterns"/> Generally, a parent who takes care of his/her own needs (emotional and physical) in a healthy way will be a better caretaker, whereas a codependent parent may be less effective, or may even do harm to a child.<ref name="patterns"/> Another way to look at it is that the needs of an infant are necessary but temporary, whereas the needs of the codependent are constant. On the other hand, there are many selfish, codependent parents who ignore or negate their children's feelings and needs, shaming them, which passes on codependency. The child learns to become attuned to the parent's needs and feelings instead of the other way around.<ref>{{cite book|last1=Lancer|first1=Darlene|title=|date=2014|publisher=Hazelden|location=Minnesota|isbn=1616495332|pages=24–35|edition=1st}}</ref> | |||
==History== | |||
Codependents are constantly in search of acceptance. Communication is nonassertive and dysfunctional. They react and avoid taking a position. They deny self-responsibility, yet feel responsible for others' feelings and actions. Because the locus-of-control is outside of them, they tend to see themselves as a "victim." When they do stand up for themselves, they feel guilty. They're interminably caught in the dilemma of feeling resentful when they comply or over-please and guilty when they don't. | |||
The term ''codependency'' most likely developed in Minnesota in the late 1970s from ''co-alcoholic'', when ] and other ] were grouped together as "chemical dependency".<ref name="cermak-1986b">{{Cite journal |last=Cermak |first=Timmen L. |date=1986-01-01 |title=Diagnostic Criteria for Codependency |url=https://doi.org/10.1080/02791072.1986.10524475 |journal=Journal of Psychoactive Drugs |volume=18 |issue=1 |pages=15–20 |doi=10.1080/02791072.1986.10524475 |issn=0279-1072 |pmid=3701499}}</ref><ref>{{cite book |last1=Beattie |first1=Melody |date=1987 |title=Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself |url=https://archive.org/details/codependentnomor0000beat_h5i1/page/28/mode/2up |location=New York |publisher=Harper/Hazelden |isbn=978-0-06-255446-8 |page=29}}</ref> In ], it became clear that alcoholism was not solely about the addict, but also about the enabling behaviors of the alcoholic's ].<ref name="Davis08">{{cite book |last=Davis |first=Lennard J. |url=https://archive.org/details/obsessionhistory00davi_0/page/178 |title=Obsession: A History |publisher=University of Chicago Press |year=2008 |isbn=978-0-226-13782-7 |location=London |page= |author-link=Lennard J. Davis}}</ref> The term ''codependent'' was first used to describe persons whose lives were affected through their involvement with a person with a substance use disorder, resulting in the development of a pattern of coping with life that was not healthy as a reaction to that other person's substance abuse.<ref>{{cite book |last1=Subby |first1=Robert |last2=Friel |first2=John |title=Co-dependency: An emerging issue |date=1984 |publisher=Health Communications |location=Health Communications}}</ref> | |||
In 1986, psychiatrist ] wrote ''Diagnosing and Treating Co-Dependence: A Guide for Professionals''. In that book and an article published in the '']'', Cermak argued unsuccessfully for the inclusion of codependency as a separate ] in the ''] III-R'' (DSM-III-R).<ref name="jmorgan">{{cite journal |last1=Morgan |first1=James P. |title=What is codependency? |journal=Journal of Clinical Psychology |date=September 1991 |volume=47 |issue=5 |pages=720–729 |doi=10.1002/1097-4679(199109)47:5<720::aid-jclp2270470515>3.0.co;2-5|pmid=1939721 }}</ref> | |||
Codependency does not refer to all caring behavior or feelings, but only those that are excessive to an unhealthy degree.<ref name="alcoholism">{{cite book|last=Moos|first=R.H.|title=Alcoholism Treatment: Context, Process and Outcome|year=1990|publisher=Oxford University Press|location=New York|isbn=0-19-504362-6|coauthors=Finney, J.W. and Cronkite, R.C.}}{{page needed|date=August 2012}}</ref> Indeed, from the standpoint of ] or ], "to risk becoming dependent"<ref>{{cite book |first1=Patrick |last1=Casement |title=Further Learning from the Patient |location=London |year=1996 |page=131}}</ref> may be for the compulsively self-reliant a psychological advance, and "depending on a source outside oneself ... successful, or tolerable, dependence" <ref>{{cite book|last=Phillips|first=Adam|title=On Flirtation|year=1994|publisher=Harvard University Press|location=London|isbn=0-674-63440-3|page=54|authorlink=Adam Phillips (psychologist)}}</ref> may be valorized accordingly. | |||
] popularized the concept of codependency in 1986 with the book ''Codependent No More'', which sold eight million copies,<ref>{{cite book |first=J. S. |last=Rice |year=1998 |title=A Disease of One's Own |page=2}}{{full citation needed|date=August 2024}}</ref> with updated editions released in 1992 and 2022.<ref>{{Cite web |title=2022 Revised! Codependent No More by Melody Beattie |url=https://melodybeattie.com/books/codependent-no-stop-controlling-others-start-caring/ |access-date=2022-10-30 |publisher=Melody Beattie |language=en-US |archive-date=2022-10-30 |archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20221030235652/https://melodybeattie.com/books/codependent-no-stop-controlling-others-start-caring/ |url-status=dead }}</ref> Drawing on her personal experience with substance abuse and caring for someone with it, she also interviewed people helped by ]. Beattie's work formed the groundwork of a ] organisation called ], founded in 1986,<ref name="Irving 1999 30">{{cite book |last=Irving |first=Leslie |title=Codependent Forevermore: The Invention of Self in a Twelve Step Group |publisher=University of Chicago Press |year=1999 |isbn=978-0-226-38471-9 |location=Chicago |pages=29–30}}</ref> although the group does not endorse any definition of or diagnostic criteria for codependency.<ref>{{cite web |title=What is Codependence |url=https://coda.org/newcomers/what-is-codependence/ |website=CoDA.org}}</ref> | |||
==Narcissism== | |||
{{Main|Narcissism}} | |||
Narcissists, with their ability to get others to buy into their vision and help them make it a reality, are natural magnets for the co-dependent with the tendency to put others' need before their own.<ref>Simon Crompton, ''All About Me: Loving a Narcissist'' (London 2007) p. 157 and p. 235</ref> ] considered that codependents, as the ] of this world, provide the narcissist with an obsequious, unthreatening audience - the perfect backdrop.<ref>Crompton, p. 31</ref> Among the reciprocally locking interactions of the pair, are the way the narcissist has an overpowering need to feel important and special, and the co-dependent has a strong need to help others feel that way. The narcissist overdoes self-caring and demands it from others, while the co-dependent underdoes or may even do almost no self-caring.<ref>Charles L. Whitfield, ''Co-dependence: Healing the Human Condition'' (1991) p. 55</ref> However, many narcissists are also codependent. They share all the other symptoms of codependency, such as shame, control, denial, impaired boundaries and communication, and intimacy problems. Narcissism becomes an adaptation to the shame and loss of self in childhood.<ref>{{cite book|last1=Lancer|first1=Darlene|title=|date=2014|publisher=Hazelden|location=Minnesota|isbn=978-1-61649-533-6|pages=63-65}}</ref> | |||
==Definition== | |||
In ] terms, according to the great Robert Victor, the narcissist who manifests such ] behaviour and who seems to be especially independent exerts an especially fascinating effect on all dependent persons who struggle to participate in the omnipotent narcissist's power:<ref>Otto Fenichel, ''The Psychoanalytic Theory of Neurosis'' (London 1946) p. 510</ref> narcissist and codependent "participate together in a form of an ] system called ]."<ref>Whitfield, p. 57</ref> | |||
Codependency has no established definition or diagnostic criteria within the mental health community.<ref name="advpsych" /><ref name="sanderson">{{cite journal |last1=Anderson |first1=Sandra C. |title=A Critical Analysis of the Concept of Codependency |journal=Social Work |date=November 1994 |volume=39 |issue=6 |pages=677–685 |doi=10.1093/sw/39.6.677|pmid=7992137 }}</ref> It has not been included as a condition in any edition of the ] or ]. | |||
The concept of ''codependency'' carries three different levels of meaning:{{sfn|Cermak|1986a|pp=2–4}} | |||
Alan Rappoport identifies codependents of narcissists as co-narcissists.<ref name=co>Rappoport, Alan, PhD. .</ref> According to Richard Rappaport, the codependent narcissist gives up his or her own needs to feed and fuel the needs of the other.<ref>Richard L. Rappaport, ''Motivating Clients in Therapy'' (Routledge 1997) p. 66</ref> | |||
* An instructive tool that, once explained to families, helps them normalize the feelings that they are experiencing and allows them to shift their focus from the dependent person to their own ] patterns.<ref>{{cite book |editor1-last=Goldberg |editor1-first=Arnold I. |title=New therapeutic visions, v.8 |date=1992 |publisher=Analytic Press |isbn=978-1-134-88774-3 |page=145}}</ref> | |||
* A psychological concept, a shorthand means of describing and explaining human behavior.<ref name="Klostermann-052013">{{cite journal |last1=Klostermann |first1=Keith |last2=O'Farrell |first2=Timothy J. |title=Treating Substance Abuse: Partner and Family Approaches |journal=Social Work in Public Health |date=May 2013 |volume=28 |issue=3–4 |pages=234–247 |doi=10.1080/19371918.2013.759014|pmid=23731417 |s2cid=205943130 }}</ref> | |||
* A psychological disorder, implying that there is a consistent pattern of traits or behaviors across individuals that can create significant dysfunction.<ref name="Klostermann-052013" /><ref>{{cite book |last1=Dear |first1=Greg E. |last2=Roberts |first2=Clare M. |last3=Lange |first3=Lois |editor1-last=Shohov |editor1-first=Serge P. |title=Advances in psychology research. Volume 34 |date=2005 |publisher=Nova Science Publishers |location=Hauppauge |isbn=9781594540790 |page=189}}</ref> | |||
Discussion of codependency tends to regard the disorder, although there is no agreement that codependency is a disorder at all, or how such a disorder might be defined or diagnosed.<ref name="jmorgan" />{{rp|723}} It has no established definition or diagnostic criteria within the mental health community,<ref name="advpsych">{{cite book |last1=Dear |first1=Greg E. |last2=Roberts |first2=Clair N. |last3=Lange |first3=Lois |editor1-last=Shohov |editor1-first=S |title=Advances in psychology research. Volume 34 |date=2005 |publisher=Nova Science Publishers |location=Hauppauge |isbn=1594540799 |page=189}}</ref><ref name="sanderson">{{cite journal |last1=Anderson |first1=Sandra C. |title=A Critical Analysis of the Concept of Codependency |journal=Social Work |date=November 1994 |volume=39 |issue=6 |pages=677–685 |doi=10.1093/sw/39.6.677|pmid=7992137 }}</ref> and it has not been included as a condition in any edition of the ] or ]. | |||
===Inverted narcissists=== | |||
], a ] author who openly discusses his experiences as a person with ],<ref>{{cite journal |first1=Paul |last1=Rose |first2=W. Keith |last2=Campbell |year=2004 |title=Greatness Feels Good: A Telic Model Of Narcissism And Subjective Well-Being |url=http://books.google.com/books?id=BDisMH0IpFcC&pg=PA3 |editor1-first=Serge P |editor1-last=Shohov |journal=Advances in Psychology Research |volume=31 |pages=3–27 |isbn=978-1-59033-958-9}}</ref> has identified a special sub-class of such codependents as inverted narcissists. | |||
The ] utilized by the ] describes codependency as "A relational pattern in which a person attempts to derive a sense of purpose through relationships with others."<ref>{{Cite web |title=MeSH Browser |url=https://meshb.nlm.nih.gov/record/ui?ui=D017004 |access-date=2022-10-30 |website=meshb.nlm.nih.gov}}</ref> | |||
Inverted or covert narcissists are people who are intensely attuned to others' needs, but only in so far as it relates to their own need to perform the requisite sacrifice - an inverted narcissist, who ensures that with compulsive care-giving, supplies of gratitude, love and attention will always be readily available - pseudo-saintly.<ref>Wyn Bramley, ''Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered: How Couples Really Work''(London 2008) pp. 31–2</ref> Vaknin considered that the inverted narcissist is a person who grew up enthralled by the ] - the child becomes a masterful provider of ], a perfect match to the parent's personality. | |||
Mental Health America considers codependency to be a synonym for "relationship addiction", and to refer to people with low-self esteem who seek vicarious fulfilment in a dysfunctional family member.<ref>{{Cite web |title=Co-Dependency |url=https://www.mhanational.org/co-dependency |access-date=2023-07-15 |website=Mental Health America |language=en}}</ref> | |||
In everyday life, the inverted narcissist demands anonymity - uncomfortable with any attention being paid to him with praise that cannot be deflected. Recovery means the ability to recognize the self-destructive elements in one's character structure, and to develop strategies to minimize the harm to yourself.{{Citation needed|date=July 2013}} | |||
===Popular culture=== | |||
==Recovery== | |||
There are various ] paths for individuals who struggle with codependency. | |||
In her self-help book, ] proposed that, "The obvious definition would be: being a partner in dependency. This definition is close to the truth but still unclear." Beattie elaborated, "A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior."<ref>{{Cite book |last=Beattie |first=Melody |url=http://archive.org/details/codependentnomor0000beat_h5i1 |title=Codependent no more : how to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself |date=1987 |publisher=Harper/Hazelden |isbn=978-0-06-255446-8 |location=New York}}</ref> | |||
For example, some may choose cognitive-behavioral ], sometimes accompanied by chemical therapy for accompanying depression. | |||
Therapist and self-help author Darlene Lancer asserts that "A codependent is a person who can’t function from his or her innate self and instead organizes thinking and behavior around a substance, process, or other person(s)." Lancer includes all ] in her definition. She believes a "lost self" is the core of codependency.<ref name="dummies">{{Cite book |last=Lancer |first=Darlene |title=Codependency for Dummies |date=2012 |publisher=John Wiley & Sons |isbn=978-1118095225 |edition=1st |location=New Jersey |page=30}}</ref> | |||
There also exist support groups for codependency, such as ] (CoDA), ], ], and ] (ACoA), which are based on the ] model of ] and also ] a Christian, Bible-based group. Although the term codependency originated outside of twelve-step groups, it is now a common concept in many of them.<ref name="COLLET1990">{{cite journal |last=Collet |first=L |year=1990 |title=After the anger, what then? ACOA: Self-help or self-pity? |journal=Family Therapy Networker |volume=14 |issue=1 |pages=22–31}}</ref> | |||
], a self-help organization for people who seek to develop healthy and functional relationships, "offer no definition or diagnostic criteria for codependence,"<ref name=":0">{{Cite web |title=What is Codependence |url=https://coda.org/newcomers/what-is-codependence/ |access-date=2022-10-30 |website=CoDA.org |language=en-US}}</ref> but provides a list of "patterns and characteristics of codependence" that can be used by laypeople for self-evaluation.<ref>{{Cite web |title=Patterns and Characteristics 2011 |url=https://coda.org/meeting-materials/patterns-and-characteristics-2011/ |access-date=2022-10-30 |website=Codependents Anonymous |language=en-US}}</ref><ref name="patterns">{{Cite web |date=2010 |title=Recovery Patterns of Codependence |url=https://coda.org/meeting-materials/patterns-of-recovery/ |access-date=22 July 2022 |website=Codependents Anonymous}}</ref> | |||
Many self-help guides have been written on the subject of codependency. One of the first was '']'' by ], published in 1987. Beattie has since written several other books on the subject. Other authors include Pia Mellody (''Facing Co-dependence'') and Shirley Smith (''Set Yourself Free''). More recently updated and comprehensive self-help books include ''Codependency for Dummies'' and ''Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You'' by Darlene Lancer, LMFT. | |||
==Theories== | |||
==Harmful effects of unaddressed codependency== | |||
According to theories of codependency as a psychological disorder, the codependent partner in a relationship is often described as displaying self-perception, attitudes and behaviors that serve to increase problems within the relationship instead of decreasing them. It is often suggested that people who are codependent were raised in dysfunctional families or with early exposure to addiction behavior, resulting in their allowance of similar patterns of behavior by their partner.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Aristizábal |first1=Luz Adriana |title=Codependency in the Relations of Couples of Imprisoned Women |journal=Social Sciences |date=27 October 2020 |volume=9 |issue=11 |page=190 |doi=10.3390/socsci9110189|doi-access=free }}</ref> | |||
Unresolved patterns of codependency can lead to more serious problems like ], ], ], ], psychosomatic illnesses, and other ] or ].<ref name="cd">"Codependence", in: Benjamin J. Sadock & Virginia A. Sadock (eds), Kaplan & Sadock's Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry on CD, Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 7th ed. 2000, ISBN 0-7817-2141-5, ISBN 2-07-032070-7.</ref> People with codependency are also more likely to attract further abuse from aggressive individuals, more likely to stay in stressful jobs or relationships, less likely to seek medical attention when needed and are also less likely to get promotions and tend to earn less money than those without codependency patterns.<ref name="cd"/> | |||
In an early attempt to define codependency as a diagnosable disorder,<ref name="jmorgan" /> psychiatrist Timmen Cermak proposed, "Co-dependence is a recognizable pattern of personality traits, predictably found within most members of chemically dependent families, which are capable of creating sufficient dysfunction to warrant the diagnosis of ] as outlined in DSM III."{{sfn|Cermak|1986a|p=1}} Cermak listed the traits he identified in self-suppressing, supporting partners of people with chemical dependence or disordered personalities, and proposed a DSM-style set of diagnostic criteria. His proposal placed codependence within the framework of Mixed Personality Disorder, which is used to describe individuals who do not qualify for a single ] diagnosis, but who have traits of several Personality Disorders.{{sfn|Cermak|1986a|p=10}} | |||
For some, the social insecurity caused by codependency can progress into full-blown ] disorders like ], ] or painful ].<ref name="cd"/> Other stress-related disorders like ], ] or ] may also be present.<ref name="cd"/> | |||
Efforts to define and measure codependency include the ], proposed in 1990. That scale is predicated upon a definition of codependency as "a dysfunctional pattern of relating to others with an extreme focus outside of oneself, lack of expression of feelings, and personal meaning derived from relationships with others."<ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Fischer |first1=Judith L. |last2=Spann |first2=Lynda |date=1991-05-06 |title=Measuring Codependency |url=http://dx.doi.org/10.1300/j020v08n01_06 |journal=Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly |volume=8 |issue=1 |pages=87–100 |doi=10.1300/j020v08n01_06 |issn=0734-7324}}</ref> | |||
==Controversies== | |||
* Going from one extreme to the other. Sometimes an individual can, in attempts to recover from codependency, go from being overly passive or overly giving to being overly ] or excessively ].<ref name="alcoholism"/> Many therapists maintain that finding a balance through healthy ] (which leaves room for being a caring person and also engaging in healthy caring behavior) is true recovery from codependency and that becoming extremely selfish, a ], or an otherwise conflict-addicted person is not.<ref name="alcoholism"/><ref name="affleck">{{cite journal |doi=10.1037/0022-006X.55.1.29 |title=Causal attribution, perceived benefits, and morbidity after a heart attack: An 8-year study |year=1987 |last1=Affleck |first1=Glenn |last2=Tennen |first2=Howard |last3=Croog |first3=Sydney |last4=Levine |first4=Sol |journal=Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology |volume=55 |pages=29–35 |pmid=3571655 |issue=1}}</ref> | |||
As part of an effort to unify a definition of codependency, a 1994 review found that the definitions included in surveyed articles suggested "an excessive reliance on other people for approval and for a sense of identity and purpose."<ref name="Hands-101994">{{cite journal |last1=Hands |first1=Melanie |last2=Dear |first2=Greg |title=Co-dependency: a critical review |journal=Drug and Alcohol Review |date=October 1994 |volume=13 |issue=4 |pages=437–445 |doi=10.1080/09595239400185571 |pmid=16818359 |url=https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdfdirect/10.1080/09595239400185571 |access-date=14 August 2024}}</ref><ref name="Dear-2004" /> A 2004 study found that definitions typically include high ], a focus on others' needs, suppression of one's own emotions, and attempts to control or fix other people's problems.<ref name="Dear-2004">{{cite journal |last1=Dear |first1=Greg E. |last2=Roberts |first2=Clare M. |last3=Lange |first3=Lois |editor1-last=Shohov |editor1-first=Serge P. |title=Defining Codependency: A Thematic Analysis of Published Definitions |journal=Advances in Psychology Research |date=2004 |volume=34 |pages=189–205 |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=nvDkZDAP1HIC&dq=Defining+codependency%3A+An+analysis+of+published+definitions&pg=PA189 |access-date=9 August 2024 |publisher=Nova Publishers |isbn=978-1-59454-079-0 |language=en}}</ref> | |||
* ]. According to this perspective, developing a permanent stance of being a victim (having a "victim mentality") would also not constitute true recovery from codependency and could be another example of going from one extreme to another.<ref name="alcoholism"/> A victim mentality could also be seen as a part of one's original state of codependency (lack of empowerment causing one to feel like the "subject" of events rather than being an empowered actor).<ref name="alcoholism"/> Someone truly recovered from codependency would feel empowered and like an author of their life and actions rather than being at the mercy of outside forces.<ref name="alcoholism"/> A victim mentality may also occur in combination with ] control issues.<ref name="alcoholism"/> From the perspective of moving beyond victim-hood, the capacity to forgive and let go (with exception of cases of very severe abuse) could also be signs of real recovery from codependency, but the willingness to endure further abuse would not.<ref name="alcoholism"/> | |||
* Caring for an individual with a physical addiction is not necessarily synonymous with pathology. To name the caregiver as a co-alcoholic responsible for the endurance of their partner's alcoholism for example, pathologizes caring behavior. The caregiver may only require ] skills and the ability to place responsibility for the addiction on the other.<ref name="alcoholism"/><ref name="affleck"/> | |||
===Relationships=== | |||
* Not all ] professionals agree about codependence or its standard methods of treatment.<ref>{{cite journal |doi=10.1300/J023v03n03_05 |title=On Terms Used and Abused: The Concept of 'Codependency' |url=http://books.google.com/books?id=fjyJ3QWJgPQC&pg=PA113 |year=1989 |last1=Gomberg |first1=Edith S Lisansky |editor1-first=Edith S |editor1-last=Gomberg |journal=Drugs & Society |volume=3 |issue=3–4 |pages=113–32 |isbn=978-0-86656-965-1}}</ref> It is not listed in the ]. ] & Liu, in "The Codependency Conspiracy: How to Break the Recovery Habit and Take Charge of Your Life," feel that codependence is over-diagnosed, and that many people who could be helped with shorter-term treatments instead become dependent on long-term self-help programs. | |||
Codependent relationships are often described as being marked by intimacy problems, dependency, control (including caretaking), denial, dysfunctional communication and ], and high reactivity. There may be imbalance within the relationship, where one person is abusive or in control or supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.<ref name="lancer">{{cite book|last1=Lancer|first1=Darlene|title=Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You|date=2014|publisher=Hazelden|location=Minnesota|isbn=978-1-61649-533-6|pages=63–65}}</ref> | |||
* Some believe that codependency is not a negative trait, and does not need to be treated, as it is more likely a healthy personality trait taken to excess. Codependency in nonclinical populations has some links with favorable characteristics of family functioning.<ref>{{cite journal |doi=10.1111/j.1545-5300.1998.00513.x |title=Family of Origin and Current Relationship Influences on Codependency |year=1998 |last1=Prest |first1=Layne A. |last2=Benson |first2=Mark J. |last3=Protinsky |first3=Howard O. |journal=Family Process |volume=37 |issue=4 |pages=513–28 |pmid=9934570}}</ref> One of the distinctions is that healthy empathy and caregiving is motivated by conscious choice; whereas for codependents, their actions are compulsive, and they usually aren't able to way in the consequences of them or their own needs that they're sacrificing. | |||
* The language of, symptoms of, and treatment for codependence derive from the ] suggesting a ] process underlies the behavior. There is no evidence that codependence is caused by a disease process, communicable or otherwise. | |||
Under this conception of codependency, the codependent person's sense of purpose within a relationship is based on making extreme sacrifices to satisfy their partner's needs. Codependent relationships signify a degree of unhealthy "clinginess" and needy behavior, where one person does not have ] or ]. One or both parties depend on their loved one for fulfillment.<ref name=webmd>{{cite web|last1=Wetzler, Ph.D. |first1=Scott|title=Psychology division chief at Albert Einstein College of Medicine|url=http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/signs-of-a-codependent-relationship|publisher=WebMD|access-date=5 December 2014}}</ref> | |||
* Some frequent users of the codependency concept use the word as an alternative to using the concept of ], without statements that classify it as a disease.<ref> </ref> | |||
* Codependency was proposed for inclusion in DSM III (APA Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) and rejected because there are so many symptoms almost anyone could be diagnosed with codependency.<ref>Cermak, Diagnosing and Treating Codependency, 1986{{page needed|date=August 2014}}</ref> | |||
===Personality disorders=== | |||
Codependency may occur within the context of relationships with people with diagnosable personality disorders. | |||
*] – there is a tendency for loved ones of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) to slip into "caretaker" roles, giving priority and focus to problems in the life of the person with BPD rather than to issues in their own lives. The codependent partner may gain a sense of worth by being perceived as "the sane one" or "the responsible one."<ref name=Danielle>{{cite web|last1=Danielle|first1=Alicia|title=Codependency and Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Spot It|url=http://www.borderlinepersonalitytreatment.com/codependency-and-borderline-personality-disorder-how-to-spot-it.html|publisher=Clearview Women's Center|access-date=5 December 2014|archive-url=https://web.archive.org/web/20141207072107/http://www.borderlinepersonalitytreatment.com/codependency-and-borderline-personality-disorder-how-to-spot-it.html|archive-date=7 December 2014|url-status=dead}}</ref> | |||
*] – Narcissists, with their ability to get others to "buy into their vision" and help them make it a reality, seek and attract partners who will put others' needs before their own.<ref>Simon Crompton, ''All About Me: Loving a Narcissist'' (London 2007) pp. 157, 235</ref> A codependent person can provide the narcissist with an obedient and attentive audience.<ref>Crompton, p. 31</ref> Among the reciprocally interlocking interactions of the pair are the narcissist's overpowering need to feel important and special and the codependent person's strong need to help others feel that way.<ref>{{Cite journal |last=Nehrig |first=Nicole |last2=Ho |first2=Scarlett Siu Man |last3=Wong |first3=Philip S. |date=January 2019 |title=Understanding the Selfobject Needs Inventory: Its relationship to narcissism, attachment, and childhood maltreatment. |url=http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/pap0000182 |journal=Psychoanalytic Psychology |volume=36 |issue=1 |pages=53–63 |doi=10.1037/pap0000182 |issn=1939-1331}}</ref> | |||
===Family dynamics=== | |||
In the ], the child learns to become attuned to the parent's needs and feelings instead of the other way around.<ref name="lancer"/> Parenting is a role that requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice and giving a child's needs a high priority. A parent can be codependent toward their own child.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Rusnáková |first1=Markéta |title=Codependency of the Members of a Family of an Alcohol Addict |journal=Procedia - Social and Behavioral Sciences |date=May 2014 |volume=132 |pages=647–653 |doi=10.1016/j.sbspro.2014.04.367|doi-access=free }}</ref> Generally, a parent who takes care of their own needs (emotional and physical) in a healthy way will be a better caretaker, whereas a codependent parent may be less effective or may even do harm to a child. Codependent relationships often manifest through enabling behaviors, especially between parents and their children. Another way to look at it is that the needs of an infant are necessary but temporary, whereas the needs of the codependent are constant. Children of codependent parents who ignore or negate their own feelings may become codependent.<ref>{{Cite journal |last1=Fuller |first1=Julie A. |last2=Warner |first2=Rebecca M. |date=2000-02-01 |title=Family Stressors as Predictors of Codependency |url=https://go.gale.com/ps/i.do?p=HRCA&sw=w&issn=87567547&v=2.1&it=r&id=GALE%7CA60099777&sid=googleScholar&linkaccess=abs |journal=Genetic, Social, and General Psychology Monographs |language=English |volume=126 |issue=1 |pages=5–22|pmid=10713899 }}</ref> | |||
==Recovery and prognosis== | |||
With no consensus as to how codependency should be defined, and with no recognized diagnostic criteria, mental health professionals hold a range of opinions about the diagnosis and treatment of codependency.<ref>{{cite journal |doi=10.1300/J023v03n03_05 |title=On Terms Used and Abused: The Concept of 'Codependency' |url=https://books.google.com/books?id=fjyJ3QWJgPQC&pg=PA113 |year=1989 |last1=Gomberg |first1=Edith S Lisansky |editor1-first=Edith S |editor1-last=Gomberg |journal=Drugs & Society |volume=3 |issue=3–4 |pages=113–132 |isbn=978-0-86656-965-1}}</ref> Caring for an individual with a physical addiction is not necessarily a pathology. The caregiver may benefit from ] skills and the ability to place responsibility for the addiction on the other.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Abadi |first1=Fatemeh |last2=Vand |first2=Mosomeh |last3=Aghaee |first3=Hakimeh |title=Models and interventions of codependency treatment, systematic review |journal=UMP Social Sciences and Technology Management |date=2015 |volume=3 |issue=2 |page=574}}</ref> | |||
Individuals who struggle with codependency may benefit from ], including cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness practices.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Akila |first1=N |last2=Jeyalakshmi |first2=S |last3=Therese |first3=P |title=Codependency: An Introduction |journal=International Journal of Science Academic Research |date=February 2024 |volume=5 |issue=2 |pages=6972–6975}}</ref> | |||
Many self-help guides have been written on the subject of codependency.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Gemin |first1=Joseph |title=Manufacturing codependency: Self-help as discursive formation |journal=Critical Studies in Mass Communication |date=September 1997 |volume=14 |issue=3 |pages=249–266 |doi=10.1080/15295039709367014}}</ref> Self-help groups such as ] (CoDA), ], ], and ] (ACoA), which are based on the ] model of Alcoholics Anonymous, or ], a Christian twelve-step, Bible-based group, also provide support for recovery from codependency.<ref name="COLLET1990">{{cite journal |last=Collet |first=L |year=1990 |title=After the anger, what then? ACOA: Self-help or self-pity? |journal=Family Therapy Networker |volume=14 |issue=1 |pages=22–31}}</ref> | |||
==Controversy== | |||
As codependency is not a diagnosable mental health condition, there is no medical consensus as to its definition,<ref name="advpsych" /> and no evidence that codependency is caused by a disease process,<ref>{{cite journal |title=Taboo topics in addiction treatment. An empirical review of clinical folklore. |year=1993 |last1=Chiauzzi |last2=Liljegren |journal=Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment |volume=10 |issue=3 |pages=303–316 |pmid=8315704 |doi=10.1016/0740-5472(93)90079-H }}</ref> the term becomes easily applicable to many behaviors and has been overused by some ] authors and support communities.<ref name= kaminer>{{cite web |last1=Kaminer |first1=Wendy |year=1990 |title=Chances Are You're Codependent Too |website=] |url=https://www.nytimes.com/1990/02/11/books/chances-are-you-re-codependent-too.html }}</ref> In an article in '']'', clinician Kristi Pikiewicz suggested that the term ''codependency'' has been overused to the point of becoming a cliché, and labeling a patient as codependent can shift the focus on how their traumas shaped their current relationships.<ref>{{cite web |last1=Pikiewicz |first1=Kristi |title="Codependent" No More? |url=https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meaningful-you/201307/codependent-no-more }}</ref> | |||
Some scholars and treatment providers assert that codependency should be understood as a positive impulse gone awry, and challenge the idea that interpersonal behaviors should be conceptualized as addictions or<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Fuller |first1=Julie A. |title=Family Stressors as Predictors of Codependency |journal=Genetic, Social and General Psychology Monographs |date=2000 |volume=126 |issue=1 |pages=5–24 |pmid=10713899 |url=https://www.researchgate.net/publication/12601697 |access-date=29 January 2024}}</ref> diseases, as well as the pathologizing of personality characteristics associated with women.<ref name=Anderson>{{cite journal|last1=Anderson|first1=S.C.|title=A critical analysis of the concept of codependency|journal=Social Work|date=1994|volume=39|issue=6|pages=677–685|pmid=7992137}}</ref> A study of the characteristics associated with codependency found that non-codependency was associated with masculine character traits, while codependency was associated with negative feminine traits, such as being self-denying, self-sacrificing, | |||
or displaying low self-esteem.<ref>{{cite journal |last1=Cowan |first1=Gloria |last2=Warren |first2=Lynda W. |title=Codependency and gender-stereotyped traits |journal=Sex Roles |date=May 1994 |volume=30 |issue=9–10 |pages=631–645 |doi=10.1007/BF01544667|s2cid=144130047 }}</ref> | |||
==See also== | ==See also== | ||
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==References== | ==References== | ||
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===Cited works=== | |||
{{refbegin}} | |||
* {{cite book |last1=Cermak |first1=Timmen L. |title=Diagnosing and treating co-dependence: a guide for professionals who work with chemical dependents, their spouses, and children |date=1986a |publisher=Johnson Institute Books |location=Minneapolis |isbn=9780935908329 |url=https://archive.org/details/diagnosingtreati00cerm/page/78/mode/2up?q=second%2C |access-date=14 August 2024}} | |||
{{refend}} | |||
==Further reading== | ==Further reading== | ||
* {{Cite book |last=Beattie |first=Melody |title=Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself, Updated Edition |publisher=Spiegel & Grau |year=2022 |isbn=978-1954118218}} | |||
* Lancer, Darlene (2014) "Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You," Minn.: Hazelden, ISBN 1616495332. | |||
* {{Cite book |title=Co-Dependents Anonymous |publisher=CoDA Resource Publishing |year=1995 |isbn=978-0964710504 |location=Phoenix}} | |||
* Horney, Karen (1950) "Neurosis and Human Growth," New York: W.W. Norton & Co., ISBN 0-393-30775-1. | |||
* {{Cite book |last=Lancer |first=Darlene |title=Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You |publisher=Hazelden |year=2014 |isbn=978-1616495336}} | |||
* Lancer, Darlene (2012) "Codependency for Dummies," New Jersey: John Wiley & Sons, Inc., ISBN 1118095227. | |||
* {{Cite book |last=Whitfield |first=Charles L. |title=Healing the Child Within| publisher=Health Communications, Inc. |year=1987 |isbn=978-0932194404}} | |||
* "A Brief History of Codependence and a Look at the Psychological Literature," in: P. Mellody e.a., ''Facing Codependence'', New York etc.: HarperSanFrancisco, 1989, ISBN 0-06-250589-0, 207-217 (= Appendix). | |||
* "Cluster C Personality Disorders," in: ''Diagnostical and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-IV'', Washington: American Psychiatric Association, 4th ed. 1994, ISBN 0-89042-062-9, 662-673. | |||
* "Codependence," in: Benjamin J. Sadock & Virginia A. Sadock (eds), ''Kaplan & Sadock's Comprehensive Textbook of Psychiatry on CD'', Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 7th ed. 2000, ISBN 0-7817-2141-5, ISBN 2-07-032070-7. | |||
* Anonymous ''Co-Dependents Anonymous'', Phoenix: Co-Dependents Anonymous, 1st ed. 1999, ISBN 0-9647105-0-1, 3-6. | |||
* Aday, J.B., Jr. (1995). An analysis of codependency in adult males: A comparison of adult males from chemically dependent families with adult males from nonchemically dependent families. Dissertation Abstracts International: Section B: The Sciences and Engineering. | |||
* Robert Hemfelt, Frank Minirith, Paul Meier (1989) Love is a choice: The definition book on letting go of unhealthy relationships | |||
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Latest revision as of 07:33, 30 December 2024
Type of relationship where one person enables the other's self-destructive tendencies
In psychology, codependency is a theory that attempts to explain imbalanced relationships where one person enables another person's self-destructive behavior, such as addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.
Definitions of codependency vary, but typically include high self-sacrifice, a focus on others' needs, suppression of one's own emotions, and attempts to control or fix other people's problems.
People who self-identify as codependent are more likely to have low self-esteem, but it is unclear whether this is a cause or an effect of characteristics associated with codependency.
History
The term codependency most likely developed in Minnesota in the late 1970s from co-alcoholic, when alcoholism and other drug dependencies were grouped together as "chemical dependency". In Alcoholics Anonymous, it became clear that alcoholism was not solely about the addict, but also about the enabling behaviors of the alcoholic's social network. The term codependent was first used to describe persons whose lives were affected through their involvement with a person with a substance use disorder, resulting in the development of a pattern of coping with life that was not healthy as a reaction to that other person's substance abuse.
In 1986, psychiatrist Timmen Cermak wrote Diagnosing and Treating Co-Dependence: A Guide for Professionals. In that book and an article published in the Journal of Psychoactive Drugs, Cermak argued unsuccessfully for the inclusion of codependency as a separate personality disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders III-R (DSM-III-R).
Melody Beattie popularized the concept of codependency in 1986 with the book Codependent No More, which sold eight million copies, with updated editions released in 1992 and 2022. Drawing on her personal experience with substance abuse and caring for someone with it, she also interviewed people helped by Al-Anon. Beattie's work formed the groundwork of a twelve-step organisation called Co-Dependents Anonymous, founded in 1986, although the group does not endorse any definition of or diagnostic criteria for codependency.
Definition
Codependency has no established definition or diagnostic criteria within the mental health community. It has not been included as a condition in any edition of the DSM or ICD.
The concept of codependency carries three different levels of meaning:
- An instructive tool that, once explained to families, helps them normalize the feelings that they are experiencing and allows them to shift their focus from the dependent person to their own dysfunctional behavior patterns.
- A psychological concept, a shorthand means of describing and explaining human behavior.
- A psychological disorder, implying that there is a consistent pattern of traits or behaviors across individuals that can create significant dysfunction.
Discussion of codependency tends to regard the disorder, although there is no agreement that codependency is a disorder at all, or how such a disorder might be defined or diagnosed. It has no established definition or diagnostic criteria within the mental health community, and it has not been included as a condition in any edition of the DSM or ICD.
The Medical Subject Heading utilized by the United States National Library of Medicine describes codependency as "A relational pattern in which a person attempts to derive a sense of purpose through relationships with others."
Mental Health America considers codependency to be a synonym for "relationship addiction", and to refer to people with low-self esteem who seek vicarious fulfilment in a dysfunctional family member.
Popular culture
In her self-help book, Melody Beattie proposed that, "The obvious definition would be: being a partner in dependency. This definition is close to the truth but still unclear." Beattie elaborated, "A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior."
Therapist and self-help author Darlene Lancer asserts that "A codependent is a person who can’t function from his or her innate self and instead organizes thinking and behavior around a substance, process, or other person(s)." Lancer includes all addicts in her definition. She believes a "lost self" is the core of codependency.
Co-Dependents Anonymous, a self-help organization for people who seek to develop healthy and functional relationships, "offer no definition or diagnostic criteria for codependence," but provides a list of "patterns and characteristics of codependence" that can be used by laypeople for self-evaluation.
Theories
According to theories of codependency as a psychological disorder, the codependent partner in a relationship is often described as displaying self-perception, attitudes and behaviors that serve to increase problems within the relationship instead of decreasing them. It is often suggested that people who are codependent were raised in dysfunctional families or with early exposure to addiction behavior, resulting in their allowance of similar patterns of behavior by their partner.
In an early attempt to define codependency as a diagnosable disorder, psychiatrist Timmen Cermak proposed, "Co-dependence is a recognizable pattern of personality traits, predictably found within most members of chemically dependent families, which are capable of creating sufficient dysfunction to warrant the diagnosis of Mixed Personality Disorder as outlined in DSM III." Cermak listed the traits he identified in self-suppressing, supporting partners of people with chemical dependence or disordered personalities, and proposed a DSM-style set of diagnostic criteria. His proposal placed codependence within the framework of Mixed Personality Disorder, which is used to describe individuals who do not qualify for a single Personality Disorder diagnosis, but who have traits of several Personality Disorders.
Efforts to define and measure codependency include the Spann–Fischer Codependency Scale, proposed in 1990. That scale is predicated upon a definition of codependency as "a dysfunctional pattern of relating to others with an extreme focus outside of oneself, lack of expression of feelings, and personal meaning derived from relationships with others."
As part of an effort to unify a definition of codependency, a 1994 review found that the definitions included in surveyed articles suggested "an excessive reliance on other people for approval and for a sense of identity and purpose." A 2004 study found that definitions typically include high self-sacrifice, a focus on others' needs, suppression of one's own emotions, and attempts to control or fix other people's problems.
Relationships
Codependent relationships are often described as being marked by intimacy problems, dependency, control (including caretaking), denial, dysfunctional communication and boundaries, and high reactivity. There may be imbalance within the relationship, where one person is abusive or in control or supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.
Under this conception of codependency, the codependent person's sense of purpose within a relationship is based on making extreme sacrifices to satisfy their partner's needs. Codependent relationships signify a degree of unhealthy "clinginess" and needy behavior, where one person does not have self-sufficiency or autonomy. One or both parties depend on their loved one for fulfillment.
Personality disorders
Codependency may occur within the context of relationships with people with diagnosable personality disorders.
- Borderline personality disorder – there is a tendency for loved ones of people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) to slip into "caretaker" roles, giving priority and focus to problems in the life of the person with BPD rather than to issues in their own lives. The codependent partner may gain a sense of worth by being perceived as "the sane one" or "the responsible one."
- Narcissistic personality disorder – Narcissists, with their ability to get others to "buy into their vision" and help them make it a reality, seek and attract partners who will put others' needs before their own. A codependent person can provide the narcissist with an obedient and attentive audience. Among the reciprocally interlocking interactions of the pair are the narcissist's overpowering need to feel important and special and the codependent person's strong need to help others feel that way.
Family dynamics
In the dysfunctional family, the child learns to become attuned to the parent's needs and feelings instead of the other way around. Parenting is a role that requires a certain amount of self-sacrifice and giving a child's needs a high priority. A parent can be codependent toward their own child. Generally, a parent who takes care of their own needs (emotional and physical) in a healthy way will be a better caretaker, whereas a codependent parent may be less effective or may even do harm to a child. Codependent relationships often manifest through enabling behaviors, especially between parents and their children. Another way to look at it is that the needs of an infant are necessary but temporary, whereas the needs of the codependent are constant. Children of codependent parents who ignore or negate their own feelings may become codependent.
Recovery and prognosis
With no consensus as to how codependency should be defined, and with no recognized diagnostic criteria, mental health professionals hold a range of opinions about the diagnosis and treatment of codependency. Caring for an individual with a physical addiction is not necessarily a pathology. The caregiver may benefit from assertiveness skills and the ability to place responsibility for the addiction on the other.
Individuals who struggle with codependency may benefit from psychotherapy, including cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness practices.
Many self-help guides have been written on the subject of codependency. Self-help groups such as Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA), Al-Anon/Alateen, Nar-Anon, and Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA), which are based on the twelve-step program model of Alcoholics Anonymous, or Celebrate Recovery, a Christian twelve-step, Bible-based group, also provide support for recovery from codependency.
Controversy
As codependency is not a diagnosable mental health condition, there is no medical consensus as to its definition, and no evidence that codependency is caused by a disease process, the term becomes easily applicable to many behaviors and has been overused by some self-help authors and support communities. In an article in Psychology Today, clinician Kristi Pikiewicz suggested that the term codependency has been overused to the point of becoming a cliché, and labeling a patient as codependent can shift the focus on how their traumas shaped their current relationships.
Some scholars and treatment providers assert that codependency should be understood as a positive impulse gone awry, and challenge the idea that interpersonal behaviors should be conceptualized as addictions or diseases, as well as the pathologizing of personality characteristics associated with women. A study of the characteristics associated with codependency found that non-codependency was associated with masculine character traits, while codependency was associated with negative feminine traits, such as being self-denying, self-sacrificing, or displaying low self-esteem.
See also
- Alcoholism in family systems
- Adult Children of Alcoholics
- Attachment theory
- Anxious-preoccupied attachment style
- Codependents Anonymous
- Dependent personality disorder
References
- McGrath, Michael; Oakley, Barbara (2012). Oakley, Barbara; Knafo, Ariel; Madhavan, Guruprasad; Wilson, David Sloan (eds.). Codependency and Pathological Altruism. New York: Oxford University Press. p. 49. ISBN 9780199876341.
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- ^ Anderson, Sandra C. (November 1994). "A Critical Analysis of the Concept of Codependency". Social Work. 39 (6): 677–685. doi:10.1093/sw/39.6.677. PMID 7992137.
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- ^ Lancer, Darlene (2014). Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. Minnesota: Hazelden. pp. 63–65. ISBN 978-1-61649-533-6.
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- Fuller, Julie A. (2000). "Family Stressors as Predictors of Codependency". Genetic, Social and General Psychology Monographs. 126 (1): 5–24. PMID 10713899. Retrieved 29 January 2024.
- Anderson, S.C. (1994). "A critical analysis of the concept of codependency". Social Work. 39 (6): 677–685. PMID 7992137.
- Cowan, Gloria; Warren, Lynda W. (May 1994). "Codependency and gender-stereotyped traits". Sex Roles. 30 (9–10): 631–645. doi:10.1007/BF01544667. S2CID 144130047.
Cited works
- Cermak, Timmen L. (1986a). Diagnosing and treating co-dependence: a guide for professionals who work with chemical dependents, their spouses, and children. Minneapolis: Johnson Institute Books. ISBN 9780935908329. Retrieved 14 August 2024.
Further reading
- Beattie, Melody (2022). Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself, Updated Edition. Spiegel & Grau. ISBN 978-1954118218.
- Co-Dependents Anonymous. Phoenix: CoDA Resource Publishing. 1995. ISBN 978-0964710504.
- Lancer, Darlene (2014). Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. Hazelden. ISBN 978-1616495336.
- Whitfield, Charles L. (1987). Healing the Child Within. Health Communications, Inc. ISBN 978-0932194404.
Borderline personality disorder | |
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Family challenges |
Narcissism | |
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Pathological narcissism | |
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