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| In '']'' author ] discusses ]'s theories of how to predict which couples will stay married. Gottman's theory states that there are four major emotional reactions that are destructive to a marriage: ], ]ing, ], and ]. Among these four, Gottman considers contempt the most important of them all. As stated in Blink: | In '']'' author ] discusses ]'s theories of how to predict which couples will stay married. Gottman's theory states that there are four major emotional reactions that are destructive to a marriage: ], ]ing, ], and ]. Among these four, Gottman considers contempt the most important of them all. As stated in Blink: | ||
| <blockquote>If Gottman observes one or both partners in a marriage showing contempt toward the other, he considers it the single most important sign that the marriage is in trouble. "You would think that criticism would be the worst," Gottman says, "because criticism is a global condemnation of a person's character. Yet contempt is qualitatively different from criticism. With criticism I might say to my wife, 'You never listen, you are really selfish and insensitive.' Well, she's going to respond defensively to that. That's not very good for our problem solving and interaction. But if I speak from a superior plane, that's far more damaging, and contempt is any statement made from a higher level. A lot of the time it's an insult: 'You are a bitch. You're scum.' It's trying to put that person on a lower plane than you. It's hierarchical." | <blockquote>If Gottman observes one or both partners in a marriage showing contempt toward the other, he considers it the single most important sign that the marriage is in trouble. "You would think that criticism would be the worst," Gottman says, "because criticism is a global condemnation of a person's character. Yet contempt is qualitatively different from criticism. With criticism I might say to my wife, 'You never listen, you are really selfish and insensitive.' Well, she's going to respond defensively to that. That's not very good for our problem solving and interaction. But if I speak from a superior plane, that's far more damaging, and contempt is any statement made from a higher level. A lot of the time it's an insult: 'You are a bitch.You're a little whore. You're scum.' It's trying to put that person on a lower plane than you. It's hierarchical." | ||
| Gottman has found, in fact, that the presence of contempt in a marriage can even predict such things as how many colds a husband or a wife gets; in other words, having someone you love express contempt toward you is so stressful that it begins to affect the functioning of your immune system. "Contempt is closely related to disgust, and what disgust and contempt are about is completely rejecting and excluding someone from the community. The big gender difference with negative emotions is that women are more critical, and men are more likely to stonewall. We find that women start talking about a problem, the men get irritated and turn away, and the women get more critical, and it becomes a circle. But there isn't any gender difference when it comes to contempt. Not at all." Contempt is special. If you can measure contempt, then all of a sudden you don't need to know every detail of the couple's relationship.</blockquote> | Gottman has found, in fact, that the presence of contempt in a marriage can even predict such things as how many colds a husband or a wife gets; in other words, having someone you love express contempt toward you is so stressful that it begins to affect the functioning of your immune system. "Contempt is closely related to disgust, and what disgust and contempt are about is completely rejecting and excluding someone from the community. The big gender difference with negative emotions is that women are more critical, and men are more likely to stonewall. We find that women start talking about a problem, the men get irritated and turn away, and the women get more critical, and it becomes a circle. But there isn't any gender difference when it comes to contempt. Not at all." Contempt is special. If you can measure contempt, then all of a sudden you don't need to know every detail of the couple's relationship.</blockquote> | ||
Revision as of 17:35, 26 September 2007
For other uses, see Contempt (disambiguation). | This article does not cite any sources. Please help improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. Find sources: "Contempt" – news · newspapers · books · scholar · JSTOR (September 2007) (Learn how and when to remove this message) |
Contempt is an intense feeling of disrespect and dislike. It is similar to hate, but implies feelings of superiority/superciliousness. A person who has contempt for another individual looks down (condescends) on that person. The "recipient of contempt is deemed unworthy, beneath redemption. Contempt may be related to feelings of disgust and bitterness.
The old adage, "familiarity breeds contempt" means that we get sick of people and places that we see everyday. In fact, however, familiarity often produces attraction. This is documented as the mere exposure effect in psychology. The exception to the mere exposure effect is if the object is disliked in the beginning.
In a legal sense, contempt means disrespect for the authority of the court. A contempt of court charge may be brought against those who are unruly or disobedient.
Contempt and marriage
In Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking author Malcolm Gladwell discusses John Gottman's theories of how to predict which couples will stay married. Gottman's theory states that there are four major emotional reactions that are destructive to a marriage: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt. Among these four, Gottman considers contempt the most important of them all. As stated in Blink:
If Gottman observes one or both partners in a marriage showing contempt toward the other, he considers it the single most important sign that the marriage is in trouble. "You would think that criticism would be the worst," Gottman says, "because criticism is a global condemnation of a person's character. Yet contempt is qualitatively different from criticism. With criticism I might say to my wife, 'You never listen, you are really selfish and insensitive.' Well, she's going to respond defensively to that. That's not very good for our problem solving and interaction. But if I speak from a superior plane, that's far more damaging, and contempt is any statement made from a higher level. A lot of the time it's an insult: 'You are a bitch.You're a little whore. You're scum.' It's trying to put that person on a lower plane than you. It's hierarchical." Gottman has found, in fact, that the presence of contempt in a marriage can even predict such things as how many colds a husband or a wife gets; in other words, having someone you love express contempt toward you is so stressful that it begins to affect the functioning of your immune system. "Contempt is closely related to disgust, and what disgust and contempt are about is completely rejecting and excluding someone from the community. The big gender difference with negative emotions is that women are more critical, and men are more likely to stonewall. We find that women start talking about a problem, the men get irritated and turn away, and the women get more critical, and it becomes a circle. But there isn't any gender difference when it comes to contempt. Not at all." Contempt is special. If you can measure contempt, then all of a sudden you don't need to know every detail of the couple's relationship.
Gladwell, Malcolm (copyright 2005). Blink. Back Bay Books imprint (Little, Brown and Company). pp. pp. 32-33. ISBN 0-316-01066-9.{{cite book}}:|pages=has extra text (help); Check|authorlink=value (help); Check date values in:|date=(help); Cite has empty unknown parameter:|coauthors=(help); External link in(help)|authorlink=
Phrases of Contempt
The phrase "Can Bite Me" is generally used in conversation to indicate spontaneous contempt for the target object or concept, often with undertones of humor.
Examples
- When discussing the pros and cons of Windows vs. Linux, the pro Linux engineer might say "Windows can bite me" while the pro Windows engineer would say "Linux can bite me."
