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中国共产党一党专政人民不可当家作主共和国
Zhōngguó Gòngchǎndǎng Yīdǎng Zhuānzhèng Rénmín Bùkě Dāngjiā Ching-chong Zuòzhǔ Gònghéguó
People's Republic of China (PRC)

Flag of Arms of China Coat of Arms of China (Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: "Made In China"
Anthem: March of the Penguins
Official language	Standard Chinglish Chicken
Government	Recently transformed into a totalitarian empire
Capital	Beijingalingadingdong
Chairman	Bruce Lee
National heroes	Mao Zedong, Jackie Chan, Sun Tzu, Guy who almost got run over by a tank in Tiananmen Square
Established	First country to appear on Earth. First establishment was reportedly by Homo erectus.
Currency	Wal-Mart merchandise
Religion	Warcraft 3
Official cuisine	Fried rice, rice porridge, rice pudding, rice dumplings, rice cake, rice wine, Rice-A-Roni, Condoleezza Rice

(QMADE IN CHINA) ]

The "People's" "Republic" of "China" (PRC; Simplified Chinese: 中国共产党一党专政人民不可当家作主共和国, Traditional Chinese: 中國共產黨領導多黨合作制下華夏人民不便當家作主的共和國; Hanyu Pinyin: Zhōngguó Gòngchǎndǎng Yīdǎng Zhuānzhèng Rénmín Bùkě Dāngjiā Ching-chong Zuòzhǔ Gònghéguó) was the first place in the world created. China is known as "God's birthplace". Everything was invented in China first, including the Television, Internet, Toilets, Paper, Nuclear Weapons, Astronauts, and Cheese. You name it, they invented it before anyone else.

History

Chinese history is difficult to trace back in time, since it was the first nation created. However, most theorize it began with Pecking Man, an ancestor to the Modern Chinese and descendant of Pecking Duck. This 'pecking duck' is a very dangerous type of food. Alhough it is dead, it has been known to kill several people as it rose to the occasion and ate away a few people brains. When god created Earth, he named China the best country in the world.

The first known emperor of China was God (aka Deon), an emperor notorious for saying that China is the best place in the world. As time passed, so too did interest in China.

Geography

China equals the earth because God made it that way. It has the best weather in the world.

And God says, let this empty space filled with b*llsh*t (Yellow Bible pg. 1, God). since mine english teacher taught we should always usar quote, to pretending which we r smart. he taught we not utilizer Run-On; und standrad ingles, correcto spellingo, like i-pod do. So China has more population than the sum of all other animals in the country, which awes. China has some places like a lof of sands, or a lot of grassesass, and a lol of mountains, and also a lot of population which is a lot.

I also know a friend called Mike who keeps grunting the F-word in Chinese!

Demographics

As of the census of 2007, there were 51,478,229,653,775 people, 14,609,874,589,226 households, and 21,031,119,668,948 families residing in China. The population density was 8,573,389/km² (22,204,975/mi²). The racial makeup of China was 138.72% Chinese, 94.04% Communist, 1.23% Hong Kongese, 0.1% Minnesotan, 0.00068% Falun Gong and -22.1% Capitalist, and 0.00006% from five or more races. 61.32% of the population were Bon Jovi fans of any race.

There were 14,609,874,589,226 households out of which 14,609,874,589,210 had children under the age of 18 living with them, 14,609,874,589,212 were married couples living together, 2 had a female householder with no husband present, and 14 were non-families. 0.00000005% of all households were made up of individuals and 0.00% had someone living alone who was 65 years of age or older. The average household size was 37.89 and the average family size was 3.000001.

In China the population was spread out with 33.33% under the age of 18, 25.33% from 18 to 24, 4.34% from 25 to 44, 1.25% from 45 to 64, and 35.75% who were 65 years of age or older. The median age was 117 years. For every 100 females there were 489.53 males. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there were 26.23 males.

The median income for a household in the country was $693, and the median income for a family was $51. Males had a median income of $15,602 versus $0.04 for females. The per capita income for the country was $2.99. 102.85% of the population and 389.56% of families were below the poverty line. 491.25% of those under the age of 18 and 0.13% of those 65 and older were living below the poverty line.

People

The people of China to western eyes all appear to be the same (which is why the Chinese know each other as "The Thousand Thousand Same-Look People of Wise Virtue"). This may in fact be true, but we cannot be sure. Because all Chinese people look exactly the same, when they encounter someone who is not Chinese they tend to laugh hysterically, point and stare. Since the government forced all Chinese to learn English they will also shout "HARRO", or "Gook maoing" at foreigners. This phenomenon is known as the "HARRO factor" and can lead foreigners to suffer temporary insanity after some time in China.

It's a well known fact that the Chinese invented everything. The Chinese people are proudest however of four great inventions, which they creatively call, "The Four Great Inventions of China." These are 1) gunpowder (which the Chinese stunningly put to use in fireworks to scare off evil spirits on New Year's Day) 2) the printing press (which they used to in turn invent bureaucracy) 3) the compass (which they used in determining if a building has good or bad feng shui) and last but not least, 4) McDonalds. In fact, the real name of McDonalds is not McDonalds at all but, as every Chinese will tell you, "麦当劳" (or Mai Dang Lao in Pinyin), roughly translated as "the wheat is toiling", which has been always misinterpreted as Madonna.

For some reason, Chinese people are addicted to computer games such as Warcraft 3, Counter-Strike and are obsessed with kung fu and money. Some spend entire lifetimes on MMORPGs neglecting basic necessities of life, eg. sex, drugs, noodles. During the 1980s, Chinese people got on boats and invaded the world, leaving at least 700 restaurants in every country. However, the United States has influenced China's youth and left them with dorky basketball players that think they're African-American. Recent studies show that thousands of years ago, black people made the Chinese yellow and taught them the Afro-tongue (wazzup, fo shizzle my nizzle'. (This is based on a garbled report from a dumb Japanese Black Muslim, Toshio X, in outer space.) The Chinese did not understand perfectly and then created a distorted language we see in noodle bars and two-dollar shops today.

It is estimated that by 2340 that all people will either be Chinese, or Chinese people will be extinct. The extinction may be caused by a poorly made Three Gorges Dam and toxic money. All people currently have been made a bit Chinese from eating noodles, using chopsticks or even scrimping and being a 'tightass' (a'Straiyan term for those who are obsessed with keeping and managing their petty wealth.)

Foreign opinion on the Chinese population is generally good. The Russians feel that they were better in the latter half of the 20th century, though their reasoning behind this is unknown. The Americans may now like them, but this is undetermined as no-one has deciphered the meaningless drivel yet, despite the discovery of the Roosevelt Stone in Southern Arkansas. The Japanese are never asked, and rightly so, because no-one speaking English would understand the answer. The English point of view is best summed up by the former rulers of the country, Monty Python, in the song 'I Like Chinese'.

Politics

The People's Republic of China, as the name implies, is run by the people. Specific people, in fact. These specific people are actually one person, but his views represent the views of the people. Well, at least the people who haven't been shot. But the statement holds true. The current voice of the people is Hu Jintao, who is a really cool guy. When he was not solving problems through pure compassion and witticisms, he is involved in world politics bringing an end to crises. Pretty darn cool in fact. Above Hu Jintao in the commie government, is the grand ruler simply known as Wal-mart. In 2004, Wal-mart, in partnership with some whackjob commie/free market economy bull took control of the PRC and has implemented a new but fair minimum wage known as "pay those a-holes whatever the hell you want". The PRC released blacked-out documents stating that the average wage for the Chinese is 14 American cents a day, which in China can afford you a bag of rice, a Toyota Supra and 4 boxes of Rice-a-roni. A delegation known as the "We really Like you" committee has been seen in Canada, trying to steel all of their natural resources so the PRC can stabilize their "We make plastic things" economy. It is also said that Chinese people hate capitalists, so be careful when you visit their cities like San Francisco or Vancouver because Chairman Mao is always watching. Either that or Falun Dafa is watching. Or both. Or maybe your mom.

Recognition

Though seemingly easy to do, many countries have failed to recognise China. This may be due to a politically correct atmosphere that has led people to look past things such as slanted eyes, but the act of recognition is in fact quite easy. Try it. China has most recently brought several atlases to the UN meetings showing other countries that China is in fact listed as a sovereign nations. Countries like The United States, the Klingons, Russia, Canada, Kalimdor and Mars have brushed off those claims by saying that American published atlases are full of the usual American literary propaganda, best shown when JK Rowling had the rename Henry Pitter and the Philosophers Stone to "the Sorcerer's Stone" because Philosophers are antichrists. China is currently drawing a line on it's borders with a giant jiffy marker that can be seen from space. The Commie de facto Pharaoh of China, Hu Jintao has declared that once Americas Military satellites owned by CNN and Fox see this giant black border, the western world will fall in line.

Military

China has the largest standing army in the world, due in part to the nation's massive population and the lingering effects of the Great Patriotic Folding Chair Shortage of 1976. The Chinese military is composed of the People's Army, The People's Navy, The People's Airforce, and the military propaganda division, People Magazine.

The Chinese military has been upgrading their fleet to be Blue-water and stealth capable so they can extend their converted human trafficking freighters outside of their waters. A Chinese shipyard that seized the 50 dollar contract to refit the fleet figured they would paint the boats blue in order to kill two birds with one stone, however, upon looking up the definition of "blue-water" and seeing that the ocean is in fact off-green not blue, they scrapped their plans.

Because the Chinese military possess WMDs, they are viewed by neighboring Florida and Antarctica as a threat. The Chinese however are without the complex delivery systems to launch and guide these weapons. However, the Chinese are so friendly and filled with yi qi that they always willing to transfer these weapons to friends as North Korea, Iran and Blood Elf.

General Chink Chou commented:

"We were sitting around getting drunk off baijiu when we got an order to nuke America. I was completely wasted by then and couldn't find Lt. Wang, the Chief Missile Tosser. I stumbled for more than an hour until I found Wang wire work fighting with his friend Private Wong. I gave the order and Wang picked up the warhead and tossed it towards America. Needless to say, it flew only a foot or two before landing on Wong's foot and shattering half the bones in it. I started to laugh but then stopped. Laughing is frowned upon in China"

After a war, the Chinese Government bills the families of the enemy soldiers for the cost of bullets used. (example: 10 yuan per bullet, 100 yuan per bomb, 50 yuan per bloodied tank tread.)

Economy

After the economic disaster of the Cultural Revolution, China began a tentative embrace capitalism much like an awkward teen clumsily feeling up his first girlfriend. Reformist Deng Xiaoping was misquoted as stating "It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice." In actuality he had said "Do whatever the (F-word) you want, just try not to kill another 50 million people in the span of a few decades!"

Deng's advice worked. China opened its doors, and foreign investment poured into the country. China's economy took off and more people were lifted out poverty than in any other time in human history since the UN clerical error that caused the country of Mexico to briefly cease to exist in the summer of 1985.

The "Made In China" sticker can be found on everything such Airsoft Guns, Apple Pies, Toys, Toothbrushes, and American Flags.

See Also

• Hong Kong
• Taiwan
• One Asia Policy
• http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4843942.stm - The Queen declares war on China. The Queen of England is in fact a Lesbian, as many BBCs (British Born Chinese) discovered to their horror.

In other languages

• 日笨语
• 中文(正體)

• Countries
• Asia
• China