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Revision as of 08:07, 19 January 2007 by 219.90.190.76 (talk)(diff) ← Previous revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)| Warning: The following text contains catcontent and is therefore not suitable for serious readers. |
(QTHEY'RE GREAT UNTIL THEY TURN INTO ORANGE LUMPS OF FAT.) (QYOU ARE IN A DARK PLACE. YOU ARE LIKELY TO BE VIOLENTLY KILLED IN AN UNIMAGINABLY HORRIBLE WAY (ALTHOUGH DEATH WILL TAK ONLY 17 SECONDS, IT WILL FEEL LIKE 17,000 INFINITIES) BY A KITTEN.)
(PUSSIES ARE GREAT UNTIL THEY GROW UP AND POINT OUT YOUR OBVIOUS FLAWS. BUT KITTENS ARE NICE.) (QI THORT I THAW A PUTTY TAT! OH, IT WAS JUSPHT THUM GAWD-DAMNED KITTEN! GET LOTHT, KITTEN!) (QEVERYONE LOVES A KITTEN UNTIL THEY LOSE AN EYE.)
(QYEA I HUFFED THAT.) (Q...I'M HUNGRY. SOMEBODY BRING ME A KITTEN.)
The young of the cat (felixus pussieus ). Universally recognised as a small furry bundle of joy and the only animal capable of crapping more than its own bodyweight in a single shitting. Each and every kitten is positivly delicious especially with a side of puppy. A kitten may also be a code word for a Kitty Kitty, an inhabitant of Rolls-carpet Underneath-the-Stairs. In fact it is a past participle form: Kite, kit, kitten which is a synonym for "to blow one's head off"..
History and Classification of the Kitten
Finally categorised as parasites by the Germans in 1904 after having been previously thought to be a substance much like Pop Tarts, kittens have been seen exiting the vaginas of host cats whose innards they have outgrown. Rumour has it that if you approach a kitten without him or her noticing, and are able to catch it, they will kick the shit out of you. Kittens taste great on toast, but the eyes are poisonous.
In 2004 the Human vs. Kitten War began with violent jerk offs on both sides.
Care and Grooming
Although some kittens eventually turn into cats, they usually grow to become lions or something bigger, occasionally badgers like Stay Puft Marshmallow Man (though this can be averted with additional doses of paint).
Gravy is produced within the kitten's 3rd bladder. With practice, kittens can be successfully milked, and the delicious contents put in jars and labelled, then sold at farmers markets for profit. Although a mistake many people make when first milking a kitten is to attempt to milk them by the nipples. While cats do secrete gravy from the nipples, it is a raw and unfiltered form of gravy which could be fatal when consumed. Always consult a well-experienced kitten farmer before milking a kitten.
A Note About Extinction
With the staggering problems caused by naughty bits, the kitten is slowly but surely facing elimination from the world. For this reason, we ask that you take steps to prevent Kitten Huffing and limit your consumption of the gourmet felines to special occasions. The threat of losing the kitten is a grave one. Do your part, don't let the Kitten become extinct.
Another reason the kitten is going extinct is because of excessive masturbation, littering, and artificial lighting. Every time you litter, masturbate, or turn on a light bulb, God kills a kitten. God usually executes kittens by giving them to newly minted angels to huff. Please think of the kittens: throw your trash in receptacle and cut out the jacking-off. If you can't stop, at least do it in the dark. Despite what you may think, that hot chick in the apartment across the street doesn't find it sexy to see you do the five-knuckle shuffle while watching Desperate Housewives and throwing your burger wrappers on the floor. The only reason she hasn't called the cops (or at least the blind store) to bust into your apartment is because she's making such a killing selling videos of you on jigglinjellyrolljohnsons.com. If you really want her digits, try being sensitive to her needs as a woman. Chicks dig that sort of thing, and she's probably really unfulfilled because men can't see past her good looks into who she really is. She might totally nail you- but probably not, since Uriel huffed her new kitten last night when you got freaky with Miss Michigan after seeing Vanna White flip letters on Wheel of Fortune. You sick, hairy-palmed, visually impaired pervert.
Revenge of Kittens
Remember, cats have 9 lives, and as kittens are young and they have sharp teeth, claws and ears, so you have to tread carefully or they will kill you, mercilessly, at the slightest provocation. They have nine lives for a fundamental reason: they were sent to earth from planet Minos Gamma-Beta with the goal of the eventual overthrow of all world leaders. Kittens also are the single most powerful enemy in Diablo 2. They can swallow a grown man in less than 16 seconds when alone, but also travel in packs. Bill Clinton once said "I love kittens. I love them so much. I want to fellate them." Why that is even relevant I don't know.
One such kitten lover, Maria Cherwick has set up the UCC (Ukrainian cat club), a terrorist group dedicated to destroying all the kitten huffers. Subsequently, Steven Cook has created the A-UCC (Anti-Ukrainian Cat Club) to combat this group. So far, the A-UCC has WHOOPED THE UCC's ASS!!!!!!
(Algerian subculture centres on pipe smoking kittens). Kittens also starred in the game Scrabble, where if the kitten's opponent would actually win (chances are .0001%) the kitten would give HIM a huffing and refute all arguments made on the behalf of God. Beware of the kitten. Jesus met a kitten once and was forced into exile.
See the Kitten Wars site ]
Kitten Strife!!!
See Also
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Template:Wilde [[d:Special:EntityPage/Q
- FAP* *FAP* HUH? *FAP* *FAP* *FAP*.| (Q
- FAP* *FAP* HUH? *FAP* *FAP* *FAP*.)]]
Kittens are misnomer. According to precise measure a man with the last name of Green, figured out the properties of the kittens. He warned that kittens are very capable of weilding guns, bazookas are their favorite. Unfortunately the CIOC or Central Itteligence of Cats discovered the use of macchine guns. Be prepared on 9-9-09 to be demised by these dangerous creatures. If you have any cats, leave them now.
Kitten Facts
- Kittens make a wonderful evening snack.
- Kittens are much cleverer than they look, if there is more than one kitten in the household, they will certainly plot their escape when your back is turned. They will work together, so they can run out of the door, while you edge past them, and you have to chase them for hours on end. And the reason why you have to put them back in that room is because, any minute now, they'll need to do a crap. And otherwise it will be on your bedcovers.
- Do not introduce Cliff (the 25th Elderbot) to any kind of cat, he has been known to huff every known kind of feline.
Side Effects of Kittens
- Sneezing.
- Tiny scratches.
- Erectile Dysfunction.
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