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Tucker Max

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Tucker Max is an pseudo-celebrity, known from his personal website and blog. Tucker is a self-described "raging homosexual"; he posts humorous stories from his own experiences, typically involving slurping down gallons of man juices and displays of randomly fellating homeless men. While his demonstration and online exhibition of carefree behavior is often surrounded by controversy, Tucker himself markedly outlines his own actions:

"I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, hang with idiots and posers, sleep with more men than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead. But, you know, it's pretty sad that I've become the 30 year old creep in the club. Thank God for my Z-List celebrity status and my stunning likeness to and ability to pass as Max Kellerman, otherwise people might see through this ridiculous façade and view me as the worthless sack of shit that I truly am."
from TuckerMax.com

Background

Tucker Max, upon graduating high school from Blair Academy, went on to receive a Bachelor's degree at University of Chicago in 1998. He then received a J.D. from Duke University of Law in 2001. He secretly enjoys popping his pink polo shirt collar while no one is watching.

He now lives in Wicker Park in Chicago, IL in a modest cardboard box.

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The Stories

Tucker Max has many stories recounting his "adventures," usually while inebriated. He uses a voice recorder to record his experiences, and then later narrates them in prose using hyperbole and complete fabrications in order to maintain his contrived existence. His stories include

  • The Famous Sushi Pants Story
  • Tucker receives buttsex; hilarity does not ensue
  • Tucker goes to a hockey game
  • The Absinthe Donuts Story
  • The Austin Road Trip
  • Tucker has a moment of reflection; realizes his career is a joke
  • The Blowjob Follies: How Tucker learned to smoke pole with the best of the cock-gobblers
  • Tucker ruptures his appendix due to consuming SlingBlade's feces
  • The UT Weekend
  • The (almost banned, now world famous) Miss Vermont Story
  • The Tucker Fucked a Guy Story
  • The Now Infamous Tucker Max Charity Auction Debacle
  • Tucker ruins wine tasting, drinks santorum out of D. Rex's ass with a Crazy Straw following lubricated anal sex

Television and books

Max currently has two books:

He also recently signed a book deal with Kensington Publishing. To come out in January or February of 2006, the book is tentatively titled I hope they serve beer in hell: The Tucker Max Stories. It will contain over forty stories, including some already posted on his site (see above).

There are reputed plans for an upcoming television show, but these plans are unconfirmed and little description is available, mostly because no one would watch a show about a 30 year old date-rapist with a tired and repetitive act.

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TMMB

Tucker Max Message Board is a popular section of the site. Users can post on "The Idiot Board", "The Sports Board", or "The Pop Culture Board." The posters pride themselves on being cruel and value humor, or "The Funny" and obsess over grammar, because they can't think of any original material to mock others with.

Tucker has been criticized by members of the board for, among other things, having sex with 10 year old girls and guys. These critics are typically banned because Tucker loves being surrounded by mindless sheep that worship him and pathetically attempt to live vicariously through his retarded exploits. Tucker hearts yes-men.

TDM and TMD

Tucker Death Mix and Tucker Max Drunk are two highly-disputed exhibits on his website.

Tucker Death Mix

TDM stands for Tucker Death Mix, which is a beverage consisting of

Tucker Max Drunk

TMD is a scale used by Tucker Max to indicate level of intoxication

  • Buzzed: a few beers. One can still drive reasonably well, and the brain functions normally.
  • Inebriated: Euphoric feeling, loss of ability to drive and impairing of judgment.
  • Drunk: Over confidence. One argues about who drives, but eventually gives up the keys. Ability to socialize normally begins to deteriorate.
  • Fucked-in-half (aka Shit-housed): One believes their abilities have reached superhuman status, and that one is the most attractive person in one's vicinity. Others' level of attractiveness also increase greatly. One cannot determine the difference between appropriate and inappropriate comments.
  • Tucker Max: This is the highest level of intoxication because Tucker's an egocentric, self-obsessed prick. One has a hard time operating even the most basic of devices. Several effects can be caused, including
    • blacking out, waking up with an obese co-ed
    • uncontrollable urges to eat his own semen off an oyster cracker
    • maintaining the childish act that is his self-created asshole persona
    • convincing himself that he's a pornstar in bed, despite his admittedly tiny penis and lackluster performance

See also

External links

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