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Apple pie

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Although you, my dear reader, have come to this page so innocently expecting an outburst on the said topic 'apple pie'. I hate to be the bringer of bad news, but you may find yourself mildly disappointed. This page now holds nothing to do with this topic, but the words "apple pie'.

This is now a story of how I Discoverd a planet slightly to the left of Mars. I remember it as if it was Yesterday... Which is rather worrying as it was only 8 hours ago. My day started out like very few others. I awoke in a bundle of un-familiar sheets and pillows; only to retrieve a memory of the past events. I was in fact not in my home. Or any home for that matter; as i was in David Jones! Frightend and somewhat disorianted, I scrambled to my feet. Loud noises flutterd in my ears and a bright stream of light that one would usually find leaking from a tourch, shone into my eyes. I ran. Fast. Hiding in a croud of pale, cold, wildly dressed people, I thought I'd be safe for now. I felt misplaced among these frozen people. All with a cold gaze, no light in their eyes, their fingers plasterd together; unseperable. I looked down. Hiding my glowing eyes; trying to fit in. As i did so, i noticed something. Or rather, a lack there of. My shoelaces, they were gone! Missing! What kind of villan would commit such a crime? There could only be one culpruit. "PIXIES!!!!" I yelled at the very top of my voice. "HEY!! Who's there?!" An unfamiliar voice rang through the forest of plastic people. They'd found me! Oh no, how could anyone, let along me, escape the ever frightening ambush of Pixies. I crouched down and began to roll away as fast as i could. As i did so, I fell apon an all to eerie aisle. Paved in pinks and whites; with the odd spot of blue, yellow and green. "Barbie..." I mutterd. My Arch enemy had found me in my weakest hour and 4 minutes. I knew she'd strike at any given moment; i had to retreat. Because there is no way of measuring how far each roll I made was, there was no way of telling how long I'd been rolling. So after an amount of rolling, i stopped. Tired and beyond frightend. I looked up. And there he was, my inspiration to keep going. keep rolling away from my problems. A man, no. A God. A big, toothy grim spread like butter accross his not so bread like face. A sign and box of plastic bags held in his hands; a sign from God... "Petey Joe Loves His Shoelaces!!" Written in multi-coloured writting on the sign above the box. His blank, yet ecstatic expression gestured me to take some. Small, plastic packets with twisted pairs of multi-coloured shoelaces! "Gods amoung men..." i whispered, taking my share of holy laces. "Now, save yourself, the Pixies. They're here... We must roll to our saftey..." No responce. His 2D figure seemed to wobble and shuffle. Oh no. He was trapped!! The Pixies must of been here! Trapping anyone they saw into 2D cardboard-like figures! The monstrocity... I siezed the brave soldior in my arm, shouving the Laces Of God into my pocket. We had to hide, so i ran straight to the Stationery Aisle. Ars and Crafts my ass. This was a matter of Life and Death! We needed a HQ, a place that only we knew of. Formed out of cardboard sheets, plastic folders and re-used plastic cups; held together with PVA glue. It wasnt't much, but it was Home. The all too familiar voice came bouncing off the walls. The Pixies had found us. "Hide yourself, now." He didn't move. Why not? "Ohh yeeaahhh...You can't move. Sorry. Here, I'll hide you. Don't worry, I'm a natural at hiding. This one time, in school, when we were getting our injections... They called my name, but i didn't come up to the Nurse. I was hidding in the scissor tray. They never found me. Then, this other time, in High school-" "I CAN hear you, and i WILL find you" "oh no! Don't worry, I'll tell you later...now HIDE!"

My breathing slowed, my hands went numb, my head grew heavy. I could see the Pixies feet pacing up and down, up and down; past our hiding spot. Every now and then he'd let out a freaky little Pixie laugh. Soon I realised that there were two of them. We we're sure to be dead within the hour. I gripped Petey Joe, Poor guy. Trapped in such an odd outfit. Much like a pirate or something. None the less, we had no time to discuss his choice of clothing, this was real.

They never did catch me, those Pixies. Instead, me and Petey Joe got saved by these two really nice men in uniform. They still didn't notice the random spurts of Pixies giggling behind us, but they meant well. I tried to explain what me and Petey Joe had been through... But they just agreed and took me away to this lovely place with pillows all over the walls, and cutlery was forbiden and cozy little jackets that hugged you sooo tight, you could bearly breathe...