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"The List" is episode 1114 (#167) of Comedy Central's South Park, and was the Season 11 finale. It originally aired on November 14, 2007. The episode is a parody on the pointless U.S. Congress' debates, conspiracy theories, and the over-importance of looks in U.S. society.

Plot

The boys discover that the girls in their class have made a list of them, ordered by cuteness. The boys steal the list, and discover that Clyde is at the top of the list, and Kyle at the very bottom.

Distraught that he was ranked even uglier than Cartman, Kyle joins "the ugly kids" at the lunch table. He has a vision of Abraham Lincoln, who shows him that being ugly can be a blessing and being attractive can be a curse. Kyle doesn't accept it, and resolves to burn down the school.

Meanwhile, Stan seeks his ex-girlfriend Wendy's help to discover how Kyle could have been rated so low, and if the list can be changed. Wendy takes Stan to a girls' meeting (the girls have a parliamentary organization for attending to lists and other girl matters) and Bebe, who chairs the group, agrees that the list can be re-opened if Wendy can provide evidence of malfeasance.

Wendy examines the votes and discovers that the totals don't add up correctly, but when she attempts to report her findings, the girls try to stop her. They admit that the vote was corrupted to put Clyde at the top, because his father owns a shoe store.

Stan and Wendy intercept Kyle as he prepares to burn down the school and tell him the truth, when Bebe appears and threatens them at gunpoint. But the police are already arriving, and after a fight with Wendy, Bebe gives in. They obtain the correct list, but Kyle decides he would rather not know his rank and they burn the list. Stan begins to have feelings for Wendy again, which he expresses by throwing up in her face.

Storyline

Butters tells the boys in a panic that the girls in their class have a list that ranks the boys from cutest to ugliest. The boys become obsessed with finding where each ranks on the list, with the exception of Kyle. Cartman lays out a plan to steal the list, called: "Plan Cannot Possibly Fail", which involves kicking the list-keeper in the balls. The plan fails, of course (because "girls do not have balls"), but the boys don't give up, and Cartman comes up with a new plan, called: "Plan Cannot Possibly Fail A Second Time", which succeeds in taking the list. The boys post it on the wall of the boys' bathroom (where the girls can't get it back). Here it is revealed that Clyde is ranked first (see list below for rest of the boys). Kyle is listed last as the ugliest in the class.

Kyle's spirits plummet as soon as this is discovered and he is teased by Cartman and even Butters. Clyde, on the other hand, has his ego inflated rapidly and he now arrives at school wearing a letterman jacket and saying "hey, what's goin' on?" to random girls. Butters is very happy for not being last, because this means he won't be grounded by his parents, yet again. Unlike Cartman and Butters (who are ranked very low in the list), Clyde does not tease Kyle, berates anyone who does tease him and kindly reassures him that Abraham Lincoln was ugly and yet accomplished so much. On Cartman's cruel advice, Kyle begins to hang around the ugly kids in other classes. As Kyle's spirits sink lower and lower, Stan gets increasingly concerned and anxious, and finally asks his ex-girlfriend Wendy why Kyle was ranked so low. Wendy personally voted Cartman the ugliest and it doesn't seem right to her either, so she takes Stan to the legislative committee of girls who make all the girls' lists. The committee room is filled with pink desks and chairs, flower desk lamps, and pictures of male teen idols (Corbin Bleu, Zac Efron, Orlando Bloom, Justin Timberlake, and two of Joe Jonas). The girls are reluctant to alter a previous list without cause, but as Wendy investigates further, she discovers that the votes for cutest boy don't add up, and goes to discuss the matter with Rebecca, who counted the ballots. Rebecca is defensive of this list and tries to steer Wendy away, but finally warns Wendy severely to drop the subject, or she might discover a secret she "couldn't handle". Wendy and Stan pay a visit to the two committee members to report Rebecca's strange behaviour and how she apparently tampered with the list and eventually discover that the committee members, Rebecca and Bebe (the leader of the list committee), were involved in a plot: Clyde's father owns a local shoe store, and by fixing the votes on The List to make Clyde popular, the girls could justify dating him and end up getting free shoes. Wendy, horrified that they would abuse their positions, threatens to reveal the truth to the other members. However, the others say they will make a new list for the "biggest liar" and put Wendy at the top of the list, thereby destroying her credibility. They advise her to "just let it go, and keep your little mouth shut." Wendy coldly refuses and attacks the person holding the real list by kicking her in the crotch (referring to a joke earlier in the episode) and manages to steal it from them before fleeing with Stan.

Meanwhile, Kyle plots to burn down the school, an idea he gets from an ugly friend called Jamal, when he is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln, who tries to show him that being ugly is a gift, not a curse. Lincoln takes Kyle to various houses (in a similar manner to the Ghost of Human Kindness in the season 6 episode Child Abduction is Not Funny), including Clyde, who has begun to lounge around, chatting with girls on the phone; Lincoln explains that in the process he is becoming a "douche," while ugly kids like Jamal have to work to achieve things and thus build character later in life. Kyle tells Lincoln that he cannot wait that long to be happy and that he is still miserable. Lincoln responds by calling him "a fucking asshole" and driving away in his late 1980s-model Honda Accord. Kyle then goes to carry out his plan to burn down the school, when Stan and Wendy show up and tell him that The List is fake. Moments later, Bebe intervenes, and holds the three at gun point. She admits that Kyle was a "casualty" of their plan, as moving Clyde up the list necessitated moving many other boys down.

The police, alerted by Wendy, soon arrive, and Wendy takes the opportunity to attack Bebe. As Wendy wrestles the gun from her hands, a shot goes off, which misses both girls and instead hits Kenny as he sits down for dinner at home (eating pop-tarts with the rest of his family). The policemen arrest Bebe and take her away. Stan and Wendy offer to show Kyle where he really ranks on the list, but instead he decides to burn it, explaining that he would rather not know and thus not get an inflated ego if he happens to be one of the cutest (taking Abraham Lincoln's ghost's advice). Wendy tells Stan that she has enjoyed being around him again, and that she feels he has changed. Stan comments that sometimes things change and, in a scene resembling the end of Cartman gets an Anal Probe, Wendy leans in to kiss Stan and he vomits all over her, an old running joke that tied into his original relationship with her.

The List

The forged version of the list is as follows:
1. Clyde
2. Token
3. Stan
4. Bradley
5. Jason
6. Leroy
7. Kenny
8. Tweek
9. Kevin
10. Jimmy
11. Butters
12. Craig
13. Timmy
14. Francis
15. Cartman
16. Kyle

Deleted scenes

• After Cartman tells Bebe she'll be eating Pop-Tarts if she marries Kenny, Kenny slaps Cartman. Cartman then says, "Oww, Kenny, don't be an asshole." This brief moment was cut from the televised airing.
• In an extended/alternate ending, after Stan vomits on Wendy, she smiles at him (because Stan still likes her). Kyle declares that no one will ever know who was really on the bottom, but Wendy admits that she looked, and it was Cartman. Afterwards, Cartman is seen sitting miserably with the ugly kids. Butters teases him by saying "Hey, ugly bugly. Did Adolf Zitler launch a Zitzkrieg across your face?! Hahahahaha!" then Cartman says "Oh well, that's fine, what really matters is the kind of person I am on the inside!" Realizing what he just said, he bangs his head down on the table and mutters, "Oh, goddamn it." The ugly kid who asked for Kyle's pickle earlier then steals Cartman's pickle right off his plate. The entire scene is available on the Official South Park Studios website for viewing as well as downloading for free.

References

1. Episode guide. South Park Studios. Retrieved on 2007-11-12.
2. Comedy Central press release
3. Episode 1114 Preview South Park Studios. Retrieved on 2007-11-17.
4. Deleted ending at South Park Studios South Park Studios. Retrieved on 2007-11-12.

Template:Episode navigation

• South Park episodes: Season 11
• Abraham Lincoln in fiction