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Format of the plot section?
Hi, not sure if this is the right place to bring this up, but does anyone think that the plot section of this article needs a bit of cleanup? It seems like it would benefit from having a less informal "storytelling" style (much as it helps attract the reader's attention). The plot summary has good information, but is suffering from containing several grammatically incorrect but stylistically okay sections (such as the fragment in the beginning). The plot section is more or less unchanged from this edit; the original plot summary was much shorter. Are any improvements needed? Thanks. GlobeGores (talk) 03:26, 11 November 2007 (UTC)
Agreed that the present summary is not up to scratch.--Jtomlin1uk 14:50, 12 November 2007 (UTC)
- Hi Jtomlin. Yes, I agree, and I think it is too long. However, editing the plot summary unilaterally might cause a conflict between editors of the page if done without discussion. Maybe there should be a {{story}} template on the plot summary section? It seems like it fits the criterion elaborated there.
- I'll begin working on the
first two paragraphsfirst two paragraphs of the plot summary section in this article pretty soon. GlobeGores (talk) 07:53, 13 November 2007 (UTC) Sorry about that, meant the plot summary section... GlobeGores (talk) 07:57, 13 November 2007 (UTC)
Plot summary improvement
The plot summary's first two paragraphs proceed thus:
Bulawayo. Of all places for Anthony Cade to run into his old friend Jimmy McGrath! But then again, for men with as much in common as they had — both adventurers and soldiers of fortune, both sharing a taste for good whiskey, lovely women, and all things exotic—maybe a chance meeting in the Rhodesian bush was not quite as astonishing as it at first seemed.
Always ready with an interesting yarn or an intriguing offer, McGrath had one of each for his friend Anthony Cade. Paris, a few years back: Jimmy McGrath was walking alone in a deserted area of the city when he happened upon a group of French toughs beating up a helpless old gentleman. Just to even the odds, Jimmy took the old gent's cause, thrashed the attackers, and sent them running. He was then amazed to find that the old man was none other than Count Stylptitch of Herzoslovakia. Why, even those who had never heard of Herzoslovakia had heard of the Count—master diplomat and kingmaker, the "Grand Old Man of the Balkans."
An edited version (changes are in small text, since I have no idea how to do color):
Bulawayo. Of all places for Anthony Cade to run into his old friend Jimmy McGrath!Anthony Cade unexpectedly meets his old friend, Jimmy McGrath, in Bulawayo.But then again, for men with as much in common as they had — both adventurers and soldiers of fortune, both sharing a taste for good whiskey, lovely women, and all things exotic—maybe a chance meeting in the Rhodesian bush was not quite as astonishing as it at first seemed.(No paragraph break here.)Always ready with an interesting yarn or an intriguing offer, McGrath had one of each for his friend Anthony Cade. Paris, a few years back: Jimmy McGrath was walking alone in a deserted area of the city when he happened upon a group of French toughs beating up a helpless old gentleman.McGrath recounts to Cade an experience he had in Paris a few years before: he rescued an unkown man, who turned out to be eminent diplomant Count Stylptitch of Herzoslovakia, from a group of thugs.Just to even the odds, Jimmy took the old gent's cause, thrashed the attackers, and sent them running. He was then amazed to find that the old man was none other than Count Stylptitch of Herzoslovakia. Why, even those who had never heard of Herzoslovakia had heard of the Count—master diplomat and kingmaker, the "Grand Old Man of the Balkans."
So these two paragraphs have been reduced to two lines, namely:
- Anthony Cade unexpectedly meets his old friend, Jimmy McGrath, in Bulawayo. McGrath recounts to Cade an experience he had in Paris a few years before: he rescued an unkown man, who turned out to be eminent diplomant Count Stylptitch of Herzoslovakia, from a group of thugs.
Is that too little content and too much wiki-markup, or fine as it is? —Preceding unsigned comment added by GlobeGores (talk • contribs) 08:11, 13 November 2007 (UTC)
Next two paragraphs:
Jimmy had thought the chapter ended, but he recently read that Count Stylptitch had died in Paris and received in the mail a parcel containing the old man's memoirs. Along with the manuscript came an advisory staring that a thousand pounds would be awarded him upon delivery of it to a certain publisher in London. So much for the story, now for the offer; Even though Jimmy McGrath could put the extra loot to good use, he had it from a good source that there was gold to be found at a particular location in the African interior. When compared with a lode of gold, a thousand pounds paled to a paltry sum. But rather than drop the deal, how would Anthony Cade like to act in Jimmy's stead?As a result of that incident, McGrath had, a few months before the events of the story, recieved Stylpitch's published works, along with a note instructing him to send it to a publisher in London. As McGrath is embarking on a journey to the African interior, he offers the task to Cade, who accepts.
Cade reflects momentarily. Why would anyone want a package sent from Paris to London via Africa? The tale and the proposal are just enigmatic enough to court his attention. They toast to the deal. Herzoslovakia, though it was not a great power, Cade knows enough of its recent history to find it an interesting parcel of real estate. The last of the Obolovitch rulers, King Nicholas IV had fallen in love with a Parisian actress named Angéle Mory — a woman of alleged moral turpitude—and had tried to dupe his people into believing that she was of Romanoff descent. The final affront came when the king had the temerity to marry this parvenu tart and proclaim her Queen Varaga of Herzoslovakia. That little maneuver not only cost the royal couple their thrones (by way of a republican revolution), but it also cost them their lives (both were mutilated beyond recognition on the palace steps).(Really not sure what to write here.)
GlobeGores (talk) 08:35, 13 November 2007 (UTC)
Your suggestions seem perfect to me - although a line or two as to who Anthony Cade is might be a useful addition. I've done a few plot summaries myself on the Christie pages (Man in the Brown Suit, Peril at End House, Murder on the Links as well as all of the summaries for the contents of Poirot Investigates, Listerdale Mystery and Labours of Hercules - am currently working on one for Why Didn't They Ask Evans?) and I found that it's very difficult sometimes to encapsulate one of Christie's plots into a few simple lines. Sometimes everything can be turned on its head within one or two pages and a detailed explanation is almost always required to set up the deceptions within her plots and the motives of the murderers. It's quite an exercise!--Jtomlin1uk 10:22, 13 November 2007 (UTC)
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