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"A Star Is Torn" is the eighteenth episode of The Simpsons' sixteenth season. The episode aired on May 8, 2005 in the US.

Synopsis

The Simpsons go to the Kwik-E-Mart, where they see a robbery in progress. Homer, out of change to call the cops, asks Apu, who tells him that he has to buy something first. Marge wonders whether they should try other stores. Lisa insists upon buying vegetables, to which the rest reluctantly agree. That night, they enjoy their vegetarian meal, until Bart, Homer, Marge, and Maggie feel queasy and start throwing up. Only Lisa seems to be fine, the reason being (as she puts it) that the rest of them are so used to processed foods that they couldn't stomach the nutritiousness of vegetables. As the sick ones sit on the couch, wrapped in blankets, Lisa gently sings them to sleep with the "Mockingbird" song.

The next morning, the non-vegetarian bunch of the Simpsons are better and showing it - by eating buckets of fried chicken, while watching TV. On TV, they see Krusty make an endorsement for his "Li'l Starmaker" competition. Bart convinces Lisa to enter the competition, praising her beautiful singing voice. Lisa is touched that Bart thinks so highly of her, so Bart sets the record straight by chucking a chicken bone at her.

At the competition, Krusty uses an "Applause-O-Meter" to measure the people's appreciation of the kids' singing. Ralph Wiggum, with his rather high-pitched and not-so-faithful rendition of "A-B-C-D..." gets a "Sarcastic" rating by the Applause-O-Meter. Next up, is Clarissa Welligton, who gives an awesome performance, singing "Mockingbird", the same song Lisa was planning to sing. Lisa starts to panic, but Homer comes to her rescue by going to the nearby music store and writing a song for her to sing (albeit he plagiarized a lot). She sings the song "I'm Talking Springfield", which praises Springfield (not so much Ned Flanders), which delights the crowd so much that the Applause-O-Meter goes berserk.

Soon the competition enters its knockout stages. Homer, now Lisa's manager, starts using every means at his disposal to make Lisa feel comfortable. He even gets her the right spotlight, by beating up the technician. The three semi-finalists are Lisa, Clarissa and another boy, named Cameron. He seems to be the fan favourite, thanks to his beautiful voice and a smile "that brought a puppy back to life".

Soon Clarissa gets eliminated, leaving just Cameron and Lisa in the fray. However, Homer's helpfulness gets a bit out-of-hand and makes Lisa mad. So she fires him as her manager. On the way back home in the car, Lisa tries apologising for firing him, but that makes him angrier and they start yelling at each other, making Marge, Maggie and Bart beat a hasty retreat. Lisa also exits and Homer drives off alone. As the rest of them eat dinner, Homer comes in and announces that he is now Cameron's manager, and he has renamed Cameron to "Johnny Rainbow" and himself to "Colonel Cool". Lisa feels unhappy that Homer is upset at her. She sees Homer teaching Cameron a few jazz dancing lessons. She tries to make up with Homer by feeding him homemade cookies, but that fails after the cookies get over.

On the day before the final stage, Lisa practises on stage, but can't seem to get a good spotlight. Homer and "Johnny Rainbow" enter and Homer seems a bit icy towards Lisa, though he softens up enough to tell her to look into the spotlight, to make her eyes look bright. Lisa is touched by Homer's advice.

During the final, Lisa sings her own song "Always My Dad", dedicated to Homer. After she finishes, she goes to Homer and they make up. However, Homer had always believed in her and was just sabotaging Cameron. Cameron sings a rather condescending song "Privileged Boy" (that Homer wrote). The shocked audience boos him off the stage, with a few rotten vegetables as an accompaniment. Lisa is moved to know that Homer set up Cameron just for her. He tells her that he will always be there for her, not even death can stop him. When she feels a bit creeped out, he tells her he loves her and they hug.

As the credits roll, Lisa and Homer dance to the same jazz dance that he was teaching Cameron. Maggie joins them, but keeps falling over.

Trivia

• This is actually Homer's second stint as a singer's manager; he launched Lurleen Lumpkin's career way back in "Colonel Homer" (his reference to himself as "Col. Cool" may be an oblique reference to this). Add in "Homer's Barbershop Quartet" and "How I Spent My Strummer Vacation", and it's Homer's fourth episode revolving around his being in the music business (which might explain his cynical remark about the state of the profession; see "Quotes" below).
• Krusty begging Clarissa to cry more references the way the producers milk the contestants emotions on American Idol.

Cultural references

• This is the third episode with the title parodying the classic film A Star is Born, the other two being "A Star is Burns" and "A Star is Born-Again".
• Li'l Starmaker is a parody of American Idol and this is even referenced in the episode ("not a parody of American Idol; we've never heard of American Idol").
• This episode seems to draw heavily from Al Jolson's The Jazz Singer.

Quotes

• Ralph: (singing his song) A, B, C, D, E, F, G... (pause) How I wonder what you are. (the Applause-O-Meter rates the audience response as "sarcastic")
• Homer: Cameron's about to learn the most important thing about the music business: Never trust people in the music business.
• Krusty: So enter today! Especially if you're a funny looking kid who doesn't know he sucks!
  Milhouse: I'm a comin', Krusty!
• Milhouse: (singing) When a man loves a woman...
  Lenny: Which one are you? The man or the woman?
  Carl: Questioning the kid's sexuality. Well done!
  (Lenny and Carl pound it)
• (In Lisa's fantasy Itchy and Scratchy episode, the mouse and cat are fencing each other. Lisa rides up on her unicorn and beheads them both; their heads are placed on the unicorn's horn)
  Lisa: (laughs, then looks grimly right at the camera) Seriously, cruelty to animals is no laughing matter. You can make a difference!
  Itchy: Spay and neuter your pets.
  Lisa: And remember, save the violence for cartoons!
  (Lisa throws Itchy and Scratchy's heads over a cliff into a cauldron of acid)
  Scratchy: For details, log on to PETA.org. (dissolves in the acid)
• Homer: His name's not Cameron anymore. It's "Johnny Rainbow".
  Cameron: Um, Mr. Simpson, about that...
  Homer: I'm not Homer Simpson. That ship has sailed. I'm "Colonel Cool"! And I'm captain on this rocket to the stars!
  Bart: So are you a colonel or a captain?
  Homer: Neither; I'm both!
• Homer (seeing an ear of corn): Fascinating! It's like a corn dog without the dog!
• Krusty: Hurry up. After this, I've got to record 27 seasons of DVD commentary. And I remember nothing!
• Homer: The time we have together is precious to me. I won't be around for much longer.
  Lisa: What's wrong, Dad?
  Homer: Moe's getting a big screen TV in February, just in time for the Pro Bowl. Maybe this time my beloved blue shirts will win.
• Homer: Lisa, I'm gonna write you a song that's sure to win, and that's not just the beer talking. Your father's in here, too.
• Homer: I'll always be there for you, honey. Not even death will stop me!
• Homer and Lisa arguing in the car
  Marge: (quickly) Bart, do you want to go to the video arcade?
  Bart: Hell, I'll even go shoe shopping! (Both exit the car.)
  Homer: I'M CALMING DOWN! WE'LL HAVE FUN! FAMILY FUN!!
• Bart: Ugh, I feel like something crawled inside me and took a crap!
  Marge: Bart, don't use that word! (stomach rumbles) Oh, crap!
• Krusty: (sobbing) even the Applause-O-Meter is crying! Oh god, it's battery acid, ow, ow, ow! (runs off)
• Homer: (To Lisa) Don't worry honey, I wrote you a song so schmaltzy, it'll make "Moon River" sound like a farting orangutan!
• Lisa: That's Cameron, girls go crazy over him. He's cute, unthreatening, and his smile brought a puppy back to life.
• Announcer: Li'l Starmaker. Not a parody of American Idol; we've never even heard of American Idol.
• (After Lisa sings "My Kitty Died")
  Lenny (sobbing): Oh, God, I miss Lisa's cat so much!
• (After Lisa sings "Talkin' Springfield" and walks offstage)
  Homer: You did it, sweetheart!
  Lisa: We did it, Dad!
  Homer, thinking: She's right...it was all me!

Original Songs

"I'm Talkin' Springfield"

I've been to Paris and London and Tokyo town,

But one crazy burg's got them all beat hands down.

I'm talkin' Springfield

You can buy chimichangas

Talkin' Springfield

The chicks have big ba-zongas

There's tires on fire,

A guy named Apu,

And Skinner and Grandpa and Old Disco Stu

Did I forget to mention you?

I'm talkin' Springfield

Where nobody sucks

Except for Flanders.

"My Kitty Died"

My kitty died on Christmas Eve.

Daddy told me to be brave

But instead of singing carols,

I was digging Snowball's grave

"Always My Dad"

I'm in the final two—I should be happy

But all I want to do is spend more time with my pappy

Now that you're gone, Dad, I miss you so much

And your threats against Teamsters and techies and such

Your management style is like Attila the Hun

You were vicious, malicious, but you got the job done.

I'm sorry I hurt you, but please don't be sad.

You're no longer my coach, but you're always my dad.

"Privileged Boy"

I'm a privileged boy

It's great I gotta tell ya

''Privileged boy

My dad can buy and sell ya

It really doesn't matter that you're on the list in front of me

I'm gonna get your table cause I always tip the maitre d'

And then I'll go to Yale because I am a legacy

I'm better than you!

• The Simpsons episodes, season 16