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Template:QNL (QI CAN'T SEE SHIT!) Template:QNL
Shit is a generic French delicacy known to have an unusually strong aroma, shit, from the Egyptian "shitititi," is highly prized for its unique texture and flavour, and, as such, most commonly served with Dom Perignon . For those of you who have never tried this type of cuisine before, you should drink several of these. Listening to Zombies Without Hats -- or indeed doing anything hatless -- before dining on shit has been known to make it easier to swallow.
Freud contended that whether you scratched your asshole or not was irrelevant, rather, what fundamentally mattered was where you wiped the shit...n'shit.
A commonly regarded as true but fallacy regarding the meaning of "SHIT" comes from way back when people were carting fertilizer across the ocean. They would transport it by ship. However, there was a slight problem to this. If you leave it on deck, it will smell bad, and it attracts flies (when you're close to land). Yet, if you stored it below deck in barrels sitting on the ground, the salt water would contaminate the fertilizer, making it extremely flammable. There were even reports of ships burning up because of storing fertilizer improperly. Therefore, they decided to store the fertilizer below deck, but high in a cupboard. Thus, the capital letters "S.H.I.T." were written on all the barrels, indicating that they must be "Stored High In Transit." Snoop Dogg has been known to have shit and say "now that's some good shit".
Shit owners shoud take precasions against theft, as people have been known to "break into houses and steal shit". In addition, siblings are often known to come home from school and take a huge shit, which ultimately leads to the closing off of your computer area.
One example of shit is this article.
History
Ever since the dawn of man, man has felt the need to excrement his ideas and emotions in some permanent form... and shit has been the primary form achievable for years. But with the evolution came the need to shit in ever more technical ways. Shit being a easily obtainable and sellable resource in ones own country was worth a fortune if it could be sold around the world. The only problem being, most country thought other countries shit stunk, Thus a race to produce a shit that did not stink in sueded. The Greeks, English and Russians just to name a few have all tried to export their shit claiming it did not stink but they all failed. But with the turn of the 70’s the Western World announced that they had once and for all created shit that did not stink. The Western World claimed that they had sold their shit around the world and it had not stunk at all. Thus they finally had the mandate to shove their shit down everyone else throats by any means possible. Their major shit exports, weaponry, democracy, freedom, (those things on strippers nipples) and wealth all no longer stunk unlike other countries. The principles also applied to some imports with 3rd world slave labour products, 3rd world country loan profits now also no longer stunk. Thus the world no longer stinks. Unles every shits on the world, in which case, the world will stink like SHIT!
Special Properties of Shit
Certain types of Shit are know for being attracted to air conditioning devices. This sometimes, in the right circumstances, results in shit flying at high velocities towards ventilators and such. This amazing effect that shit has is the basis for one of the most well known English proverbs — "Shit Flies".
In the province of Valencia in Spain a Catholic church holds the biggest piece of relic shit known to man. The piece is the Dump after the last supper by Jesus. The relic is regarded as a priced piece of crap sought after by many ReliRelic Collector ( see religion ). It has remarkable magic properties, making it Holy Shit or Holy Crap.
In the nation state of Germany shit is regarded as a staple part of an individual's diet. Popular dishes include major meals such as Shittenpotty or the Bavarian Shaissewurst: a large, sturdy and meaty piece of shit smeared with ketchup and curry powder. It has been suggested that continual consumption of one's own shit can result in the creation of Groganium 90 - a radioactive substance which when used by a skilled individual can tear holes in the Space/Time continuum and summon the Grogoths: vile and putrifying alien shit-gods.
Britney Spears dumps sing and dance about and even appear in films.
The ones in the Jurassic Park films were all done uncredited by Jennifer Lopez.
It has been stipulated that shit is infact, bananas.
Shit in Public Life
After the infamous raid on South Park elementary by the Uber Nazi Animal Association (aka PETA), it became apparent that a new mascot needed to be elected.
Candidates
- Turd Sandwich: Turd sandwich's platform focused on the usage of corn as a natural source of shit. This became popular with midwestern corn farmers as corn was plentiful there as it was in shit.He was criticized for being prejudice against Charmin Toilet tissue as he is quoted saying "Charmin? I don't use that pussy ass stuff. Get that shit away from me." He then declared a war on one ply.
- Giant Douche: Giant douche's platform emphasized cleanliness. He was unpopular with males.
The election never went through after the famous raid by P. Diddy eradicated PETA.
Shit also had a short run with religious polotics as well. In 2132 Shit ran for Pope, however, his name was often times "capsized" with critics attacking him for not being of sound mind and bowels. In attempt to remedy this, he renamed himself Poop in order to sound more like pope and therefore attract more votes. We now know Shit as Pope Poope the 25trillionith, as shit has a very long family time line.
Shit the Word
It can be said that shit is the most versitile word in the dictonary. Note that one can eat shit on a shitty day while smoking some shit in someone's shitty apartment because of your shitty luck.
Conversly, you can have so much shit that you wipe it with the softest shit in the world, because your shit-faced butler always does a shitty job, because he doesn't know shit.
See Also
- Piss
- Fuck
- Cunt
- Motherfucker
- Tits
- any article in Uncyclopedia
- Feces
- Fecalcore
- The shits
- Bull shit
- shat
- Poop
- Bullshit
- Shit Sandwich
- Steaming Pile of Shit
- Ass
- Poop Cuisine